Heart Breaths (18 page)

A knock on the door startled me.

Gabe stood on the other side, holding a small bunch of flowers, wearing a T-shirt, jeans, and a brilliant smile. “Hi,” he said. Reaching out, he handed me the flowers. “For you.”

Leaning down to inhale their sweet, summery scent, I smiled. “Thanks,” I said. “Let me just put these in some water.”

Walking toward the living room, I found a vase on the shelf and headed to the kitchen to fill it. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked Gabe, my hands shaking a little as I filled the vase and arranged the flowers.

“No, but thanks.”

Why was I so nervous? It was just Gabe.

Just Gabe.

That was why I was so nervous.

“You ready?” he asked.

Breathe with your heart, I could hear Salena say.

Nodding, I followed Gabe out the door.

“I thought you might want a change of scenery,” Gabe said as he drove out of Eno.

“Well, all of this is a little bit of a change of scenery,” I said, watching the coastline flow by. “I’ve never lived this close to the beach.”

“I thought you lived in New York,” he teased. “Don’t they have lots of beaches in New York City?”

“Yeah, Manhattan is surrounded by sand—it’s almost like the Caribbean,” I replied, laughing a little.

“See? I was right!” he said, turning on to the highway.

“So smart,” I teased, relaxing a little. “No wonder the people at your firm love you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I think they love me too much,” he admitted as he turned the radio on low. “They definitely love me more than I love them.”

“Do you?” I asked.

“Do I what?”

“Love them?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “Sometimes. More often than not, I don’t.”

“What would you be doing if you could do anything?” I asked, tapping my fingers to the rhythm of the song.

“Construction,” he said. “And contracting. I like that end of work a lot more. Maybe once I finish up school I can branch out and work for myself.”

I looked at his well-muscled arms, and could imagine him building houses. “So, why are you working there?” I asked. Pausing for a minute, I looked at him. “If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to,” I added hastily.

He smiled. “You ask things like that, I’m going to ask them back to you,” he replied, turning off the highway. “So as long as you’re willing to answer any question you ask me.”

I thought for a second. “This one, I’m okay with,” I said.

“Architecture seemed to be a better job for a single dad,” he replied. “Construction is great, but you don’t get health benefits that you need when you have a little baby girl.”

The car slowed down in front of a brightly lit restaurant. DeFiarino’s. “Italian?” I asked, delighted.

“Noie informed me that you like macaroni and cheese,” he said, his Southern drawl thickening. “So, I figured I should take you to get some of the best mac and cheese in the state of North Carolina.”

I was laughing as we walked into the restaurant and were led to our table. “That was quite an educated guess,” I said as we slid into the little booth in the corner.

“How did I do?” he asked, flashing me a smile.

“Excellently,” I said as the waiter came with a basket of bread and the menus.

“So, what did you want to do, besides work in a café?” Gabe asked after we finished ordering.

“A lot of things, I think,” I said.

“Such as…”

I shrugged. “Sing. Play music. Teach.”

“I heard that you have the voice of an angel,” he said, his voice growing raspy.

“Whoever told you that exaggerated,” I said, my mouth dry.

Packaged, Gabe would probably be illegal in most states.

“I doubt it,” he replied. “None of them are the type to exaggerate.” Tilting his head, he looked at me for a minute. “Teach?”

I nodded. “That’s what I went to school for,” I said. “Education.”

“Bachelor’s?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Master’s.”

“Wait, how old are you?” he asked, confused.

“Twenty-one,” I replied.

“And how do you have a Master’s?”

“I started college early, and after the accident, I tripled my workload. I finished my Master’s a few months ago,” I said, thinking back to the past few years—one class after the other.

“Well, the public schools in Roanoke are always looking for teachers,” Gabe said.

I looked down at my plate, uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I’m going to be here in September.”

“You going back to New York?” he asked, his voice strangely calm.

I shrugged. “I don’t know yet.” I said. “Probably not New York. I just don’t know if I’m going to stay here, or keep going.”

“Well, it’s not September yet,” Gabe said. “You won’t have to worry about it for another couple of months, anyway.”

Swallowing, I flashed him a smile. “It’s only April,” I said. “I’ve got time.”

“You also have food now,” the waiter said, holding our steaming plates of pasta, making the two of us laugh.

The rest of dinner flew by in a haze of easy conversation.

It was so easy, to just sit there and talk to Gabe. To talk about whatever floated through either of our heads, letting the conversation twist and turn its way through everything from art to goofy kid’s TV shows to the best way to make pancakes. “Dessert?” he asked.

I shook my head. “You should have asked five minutes ago, before I finished the pasta,” I said, rubbing my stomach, slightly amazed that I had managed to finish off the entire plate.

Apparently, sea air was excellent for my appetite.

“We’ll take the chocolate mousse to go,” Gabe asked the waiter. “And the check please.”

Reaching for my wallet, I stopped at Gabe’s scowl. “Don’t even think about it,” he said, pulling out his wallet.

“We’re friends, Gabe,” I protested.

He stared at me. “Don’t, Maddie,” he rasped. “Don’t.”

Putting away my wallet, I swallowed and looked down at my hands, twisting them nervously. The waiter returned with dessert packaged, and we left the restaurant. “There’s a park in the back,” Gabe said. “Do you want to walk for a bit?”

I nodded as we headed for the park in the back of the restaurant. Reaching over, he threaded his hand into mine as we began to walk through the darkened park. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m scared,” I admitted.

“Of what?”

“That this is just a rebound relationship for both of us,” I said. “That we’re just going to end up hurting each other because neither of us is ready for this.”

“Or it could be that it will work because we both know the emotional baggage that’s coming along,” he countered.

“But do we? I don’t know,” I said, confused and upset. I wanted this. I knew I did. I just didn’t know how it could possibly work.

“You can’t possibly know everything about someone else,” he said. “But you can try, and work with what you have.”

“I don’t want anyone to get hurt though,” I said as we reached a park bench and sat down.

Gabe turned to me and took my face in his hands. I shivered at the contact. “Maddie, when there are hearts involved, there’s always the risk of getting hurt. That’s just what happens.”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to leave myself open like that,” I whispered, his face inches from mine.

“I’m not either,” he said. “I’m not running and proposing marriage, Maddie. Just asking for the chance to admit that there is something here that goes beyond just being friends.”

“You know there is,” I whispered, unable to lie to him anymore. Unable to lie to myself. “You know this isn’t just friends.”

The smile that lit across his face warmed parts of me that had been cold for years. Reaching over, he pulled me into his arms, surrounding me. Let your heart breathe, Maddie.

Breathing in the scent of sawdust and sunshine and something so essentially Gabe, I smiled. I could hear my heart taking small breaths. Small, but sure.

“Thank you for tonight,” I said as we stood in front of the door leading to my apartment. “I had a really good time.”

“So did I,” Gabe replied.

We stood there, letting the silence whisper around us. It was scary, to start again. To open up to someone new. The terror of vulnerability never got easier. But somehow? I felt a little braver tonight. “I should go in,” I said, gesturing pointlessly toward the door.

Leaning over, he gathered me into his arms. My heart picked up speed like it was a teenaged boy with a car and no sense. His eyes darkened and he lowered his head toward mine. “I’m going to kiss you now, Madeline,” he rasped. “Is that okay?”

Nodding slightly, my eyelids fluttered shut as his lips brushed against mine.

And suddenly, it was like I had stuck my finger into an electric socket of emotions. Connection. Want. Oh, God, the want. It roared over me, drowning me in him.

Gabe.

Threading my hands through his hair, I pulled him closer, wanting to disappear in him. We weren’t close enough—it wasn’t enough. His hands ran over my body, leaving explosions of want in their wake. It was so easy to get lost in him- in the feelings of being overwhelmed by need.

I moaned against his mouth, pulling him closer. Letting my hands leave his hair, I hung onto his arms as he pulled back for a second, breathing hard, his eyes burning. Changing angles, he leaned back down, and I was sucked in to him again.

And too soon, it was over. Pulling back, Gabe took a few steps back, breathing hard.

“Where’d you go?” I panted, bewildered.

“I can’t, Maddie,” he said, still breathless. “Go upstairs. Go up before we both end up naked against the wall.”

My eyes widened and my heart began to pound again at the thought.

“Damn it, Maddie, you need to go upstairs now.” I could feel the sound of his voice race up and down my spine.

Silent, I turned and walked on unsteady feet up the stairs toward my apartment. Touching my trembling fingers to my mouth, I watched Gabe drive away and wondered just what I had gotten myself into.

Chapter · Eighteen

“So, how was your evening last night?” Sam asked, her eyes twinkling.

I blushed. “It was fine, thanks,” I said. “How was yours?”

“Oh, mine was more than fun,” she drawled. “Chris agreed with your lingerie choices.”

“Gah! Don’t want to hear about it!” I yelped, clapping my hands over my ears.

Sam laughed, looking smugly satisfied. “You know you do,” she teased. “And I want to brag.”

“Brag to someone else,” I said, waving my hands. “I don’t want to hear about your sexual escapades, Sam.”

“Liar,” she drawled.

“Who’s lying?” Grandma Evelyn walked by.

I groaned and covered my face.

“Maddie is pretending she isn’t dying to hear the details of my very sexy night last night,” Sam said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Very sexy, Samantha Jo?” Grandma repeated.

Sam nodded, nearly purring. “So, so sexy,” she repeated.

“I’m sure it was,” I said, thinking about the sexy moments from my own night.

“Let’s just say it’s a good thing I’m on the pill,” Sam said, practically purring in contentment. “Because we probably would have run out of condoms last night.”

“La, la, la, not listening!” I sang.

“Not listening to what?” It was Hannah.

“My sexy times last night,” Sam said, smiling and picking up her coffee. “Poor, repressed Maddie.”

“That’s actually part of the reason I’m here,” Hannah said, leaning against the counter and smiling smugly.

“Why do I give off the vibe that I want to hear everyone’s sex stories?” I wailed, covering my face. “What did I do?”

“Oh, honey, if you wanted to hang out with repressed Southern virgins, you’re in the wrong neighborhood,” Grandma Evelyn laughed.

“Well, I wanted to tell you that you and Mary Elizabeth were right about the green,” Hannah said, her eyes sparkling.

“I’m glad,” I said. “You can discuss it with Sam if you want now.”

Hannah laughed. “Nah, I’m good,” she said. “Listen, Mary Elizabeth and Sam are coming over tonight—Mary Elizabeth’s guitar was at Farley’s being repaired, but now it’s back. Want to come?”

A smile spread across my face, remembering the thrill of singing again. “Sure,” I replied. “I’d love to.”

“Awesome,” Hannah said, shooting me a grin. “Off to last day on rotation. Wooo!”

“Have fun,” I said, laughing at her exuberance.

“You’re a regular social butterfly,” Petey said, creaking down into his regular seat.

“That I am,” I agreed, trying to figure out how that happened. “The usual?”

He nodded, drumming his fingers on the counter.

Dancing to the music piped through the café, I fixed Petey’s sandwich and refilled the coffee pots.

“Well, you look rather cheerful this morning,” came a deep voice that I felt run down my back.

“I am cheerful this morning,” I replied, flashing him a smile. “Hey, Gabe.”

“Hey, Maddie,” he replied, smiling back. God, that smile. That mouth.

I tore my eyes away before I did something embarrassing, like tackle him in the middle of the café. “Any reason you’re so cheerful this morning?” he asked cheekily.

“Well, it’s a beautiful day, and even though I was nearly traumatized by your sister’s sexual escapades this morning, I have yet to let it ruin my day. And I had some really good mac and cheese last night, so there’s that, too,” I said, fixing his cup of coffee for him.

“Whoa, don’t want to hear about Sam’s sexual escapades,” he said, waving his hands. “Let’s talk about your mac and cheese instead, shall we?”

Gabriel Mendez, are you flirting with me? I looked at his mischievous smile. That would be a yes. “Don’t worry, I started screaming before she went into too many specifics,” I replied. “But yeah, we can talk about my mac and cheese. It was particularly delectable. Some may even say it was the best mac and cheese in the whole North Carolina.”

“Is that some new euphemism for sex?” asked Grandma as she came out from the kitchen.

“Grandma!” I protested, feeling my face turn crimson. “No!”

“Calm down, little nun,” she laughed, patting my arm. “No need to hyperventilate at the s-word, dear.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

Gabe was laughing as I handed him the cup of coffee. “Will I be seeing you later?” he asked.

“I told Hannah I would go over to her place tonight,” I said. “Tomorrow?”

He flashed me a grin. “Sure,” he said.

Turning to leave, he looked at me. “Hey, Maddie,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Get a cell phone.”

“Why?”

Leaning back over the counter toward me, he stopped when his face was inches away. “So I can text you all sorts of things that will make you blush.”

As if on cue, I felt my face begin to turn red. “You don’t need a phone to do that, Gabe.”

He smiled. “I know, but it’s just an added bonus of you having a phone,” he said. “But it’s safer if you get one. And plus, you can do all your sudokus on a phone, and then you wouldn’t have to lug your book everywhere.”

“So I should get a phone so you can send me dirty texts and so I can play Sudoku,” I repeated. “What excellent logic.”

He laughed. “I know—I am just the Prince of Logic.” Sobering, he reached over and squeezed my hand. “Think about getting a phone, okay? Safety reasons. Really.”

“I’ll think about it,” I replied.

Gabe’s smile flashed again. “Have a great day,” he said, turning to leave.

“You, too,” I said, smiling as he left.

“So, you and Gabe?” Grandma asked, as usual, seeing and hearing too much.

“Have you no tact?” I asked, only slightly exasperated.

“None,” she said grinning, unrepentant. “Not even the slightest.”

“You’re impossible,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“That I am,” she agreed. Reaching over, she gave me a hug. “I’m glad, Maddie,” she said. “I’m glad.”

“Well, I’m scared,” I admitted.

“That makes me even happier,” she said.

“I will never understand you, Grandma,” I said, shaking my head.

“Makes perfect sense, darling. If you’re scared, you’re more cautious and less likely to treat the relationship callously. Or think only with your hormones.”

“I’m not thinking with my hormones!” I protested. Well, mostly not, anyway.

“Honey, if I was you, I would be,” Grandma said, grinning wickedly.

“Okay, stop with the sex!” I said, tossing a rag at her.

“Why? It’s a perfectly natural thing to do,” she replied.

“So is pooping, and you don’t see us talking about that all the time,” I shot back.

“Well, maybe we should,” she said.

Turning to grab Petey’s sandwich for him, I plated and served it. “Why I took this job I’ll never know,” I said as he clucked in sympathy.

Grandma beamed at me. “Because you knew you needed me, darling,” she said, reaching over and patting my cheek.

I smiled, knowing for all the joking, she was right.

“You came!” bounced Mary Elizabeth as I walked into the den.

“I told Hannah I would,” I said.

“Yeah, but I thought you’d get scared off at the possibility of more Sam and Chris sex stories,” she said, plugging in her guitar.

I mock glared at her. “If she starts again because of you, I’ll cut your guitar strings,” I said, trying to keep a straight face while I threatened her.

“Not my baby!” Mary Elizabeth wailed, clutching her guitar. “You ruin it, Farley will hunt you down.”

“What are you two threatening each other about?” asked Sam as she walked in, holding a bag of potato chips and a pitcher of lemonade.

“Nothing,” I said, grinning innocently.

“Hmmm,” she hummed. “You know, I’m in too good of a mood to even yell at you for being a crappy liar.”

“There’s no way to get around her,” Mary Elizabeth snickered, giving her guitar a strum.

“What are we playing tonight?” asked Hannah sliding into the seat by her drum set.

Mary Elizabeth shrugged. “Any requests, Maddie?” she asked.

“You guys know Gym Class Heroes?” I asked.

“’Stereo Hearts’?” Hannah asked, beginning to drum softly.

“No, ‘The Fighter’,” I said.

Mary Elizabeth began to strum the opening chords. “Chorus or full?” she asked.

Hannah began to play along, and the beat filled the room.

“Full,” I said. “Going to get my groove on.”

“You overcliché, you,” teased Sam.

I began, nodding along with the beat. After a line or two, Sam started to sing along, bopping to the rhythm.

I sang, feeling pieces of me slide back into place. Ones I hadn’t realized I let them go missing. There was magic that was made when a group of friends got together with a bunch of instruments, and it was a magic I had missed for years.

“Guess that song?” Sam said.

“Yeahhhh,” Mary Elizabeth drawled, her eyes taking on an unholy gleam. “Let’s test her musical boundaries.”

“Guess that song?” I said, feeling a grin spread across my face. “Bring it.”

Mary Elizabeth began to strum. I gaped at her. “Really? Really? You’re going there?”

She laughed and kept playing. “Doesn’t count until you sing along,” she said.

“Disney Channel,” I muttered. “I never would have guessed… ”

“The seven things I hate about you!” Hannah joined me, adding in the drums.

“Point for the new chick,” Mary Elizabeth teased. “And, switch!”

“Just a Dream.” I knew that one. I started singing along.

“Damn, she’s good,” Sam whistled.

“Switch!”

It sounded like some sort of country song, but I had never heard it. “Come on, aren’t you going to sing along?” Sam asked.

“I have no idea what this is,” I admitted.

Sam wiggled her eyebrows and started singing about receptacles and tailgates and testicles.

“What the hell is that?” I asked.

“‘Red Solo Cup’,” she said.

“That’s not really a song!” I protested.

“So is,” she argued.

“You cheated,” Hannah said. “You’re not allowed to sing the songs for her, Sam.”

“Look at her poor, bewildered Yankee face,” Sam giggled. “She needs all the help she can get with country songs,”

“Did you know that song?” I asked Hannah.

“She only knew it after Sam made her watch the Glee version,” Mary Elizabeth tattled.

“Glee? Really?”

Sam laughed. “I have no shame.”

“You should!” Mary Elizabeth laughed.

“Chord Overstreet? Nope. No shame.”

Mary Elizabeth pursed her lips. “He’s not my type,” she said.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Hannah drawled, and we all burst into laughter.

Sam’s phone ran, breaking through the giggles. “Hello? Hey, baby.”

“Hi, Chris!” the rest of us chorused as Sam batted us away from her phone.

“No, just at Hannah’s now,” she said. “Yeah, she’s here. Sure, I’ll tell her.”

Turning to me, she waggled her eyebrows. “Gabe said get a phone.”

“Tell him that I can play Sudoku on paper, thanks,” I replied, smiling in spite of myself.

“You and Gabe?” Hannah asked as Sam turned to relay the message back to Chris.

I shrugged, still unsure.

“We are never, ever, ever...” Someone’s phone was playing Taylor Swift.

“Again? Mary Elizabeth, what the hell?” Hannah burst out, any thoughts of a possible relationship between Gabe and I forgotten.

“Chris, I’ll call you back in a few, okay?” Sam said, disconnecting. Reaching over, she grabbed a phone out of Mary Elizabeth’s hand. “Why is she calling you? Again? Seriously, Mary Liz?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m calling her,” she responded. “I have no idea why she’s calling me!”

“Old girlfriend?”

“One who does not understand words like, ‘No, we’re not going out anymore because you’ve turned into a crazy stalker’,” replied Mary Elizabeth. “Sam, keep my phone tonight, please, she’s going to call another twelve times.”

“Change your number,” I said.

Hannah’s eyes lit up. “Wait, Maddie, don’t you need a phone?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Kind of, I guess.”

“So, Mary Elizabeth will get a new one, and you take her number.”

“So her crazy ex can stalk me instead?” I asked skeptically.

“Well, if she harasses you, you can just threaten her with the police,” Sam said, lowering the volume on the phone.

“I guess so. But if I change the voicemail, won’t she just stop calling?”

“Hopefully,” Mary Elizabeth said.

“Well, you’ve just made a few people very happy,” Sam said, handing me the phone.

“Like who?”

“My brother, for one,” she said, smirking.

“Oh, please,” I scoffed. “Nothing’s happening, Sam. Really.”

She smiled. “I know you’re lying. But don’t worry. It’s okay.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said. “There’s a lot of emotional baggage there.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Diane?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, no!” I said. “My emotional baggage.”

“Your emotional baggage?” she asked.

I swallowed. I had to tell them. “It’s a mood killer.”

Mary Elizabeth smiled. “Honey, Claudia the crazy ex has already killed the mood,” she said.

“Worse than that,” I said.

“Do we need ice cream?” Hannah asked, scrambling up from the couch.

“Maybe,” I said. But I didn’t think there was enough ice cream in the state of North Carolina to combat what I was going to tell them.