Having Her: Lies We Tell, Book 2 (29 page)

Of course it would be. It always was with him.

He shifted lower between her thighs, spreading her open. Then his head bent and his mouth covered her.

She let out a strangled cry.

His tongue flicked over her clit lightly before pushing inside her. Tasting her. She lifted her hips but his hands gripped her hard, holding her down onto the bed as he began to explore her, taking his time like she was a landscape he wanted to map and had to do so slowly and carefully in case he missed something.

She closed her eyes as the pleasure wound tighter and tighter. And it felt like she was leaving herself behind. Not just shedding her skin but erupting out of it. Becoming something else.

Something without the self-doubt and the anguish. The guilt and the worthlessness. Something better. More truly herself than she’d ever been.

She reached down, threaded her fingers in the softness of his hair, tangled them tight. Gasped his name, giving herself up to him totally.

He murmured against her skin, encouraging words, erotic words. Words that added to the fire. “Fuck, you taste good. Like honey.” He slid his hands behind her knees, lifting them up and over his shoulders, teasing her clit with short, hard licks while he slid his fingers inside her. “God, I could eat you forever, baby, and never get tired of it.”

“Oh, Jesus…Vin…” Her hands twisted in the sheets, the pleasure building to levels she couldn’t contain. Couldn’t keep inside. But then she didn’t want to. She wanted to break out of the cocoon she’d been in. Break out of her whole goddamned life.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he murmured in a dark, hungry voice. “Give it to me, baby girl. Give it all to me.”

Kara put her head back and cried out in ecstasy as Vin drove her over the edge, feeling herself fly free. Weightless. And when she came back down to earth, she knew that nothing would ever be the same again. She was different. Changed.

She lay there still shivering with the aftershocks as he turned her on her side, sliding up behind her, one arm pushing underneath her to wrap around her waist, holding her against him. His other hand gently coaxed her knee up, hooking it behind his. Then he shifted his knee out, easing her leg wide, positioning himself. And slid into her, deep and slow.

Kara groaned, still far too sensitive for the hard length of him. But his arms circled her, holding her tight until her breathing had slowed and she could manage. Then he reached for her chin, turned her head, leaned forward and took her mouth in a shattering kiss. She could taste herself on him, a small electric thrill of arousal shocking her.

Vin began to move, slowly, carefully, and she didn’t think she could do it again, the last orgasm had been so intense. But somehow she was there once more, in the middle of a current, surrounded by his body, by his heat, by the taste and feel of him.

For the first time in her life, she felt totally protected. Totally safe.

For the first time in her life she felt she was home.

She twined around him like a vine, kissing, moving restlessly, the sensation building and building until he took them both over again, until they were shaking and panting and breathless.

And when it was over, Vin pulled her in close, keeping a tight hold of her as if he couldn’t let her go.

Neither of them said anything for long moments.

“Why didn’t you stay in the car yesterday?” he said at last.

“I told you, I wanted to help. Was that so bad?”

“It is when your pregnant partner is close to your violent, schizophrenic mother in the middle of a psychotic episode.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

She felt his head turn, his breathing warm on the back of her neck. “I did tell you stay in the car for a reason.”

“When have I ever done what you told me? Apart from the slave stuff, naturally.”

His arm tightened around her. “You should have.”

“I know. But…you have to deal with so much stuff on your own, Vin. And it’s not fair.”

“It’s not about fairness.”

“Yeah, yeah, life’s not fair, right? I just think…you shouldn’t have to do it all by yourself. You’re helping me with the baby. Why shouldn’t I help you with your mum?”

Silence behind her. Just the sound of his breathing.

Then he said bleakly, “You can’t help. She’s not ever going to get better.”

Kara put her hands over his where they rested on her stomach. “No. Maybe I can’t help her. But I can help you.”

“Why?” His voice was a whisper. “Why would you want to help me?”

“Because I know what’s it like to feel you’re alone.”

He said nothing and she wondered if she’d perhaps overstepped the mark or gone too far somehow. But it was too late to take it back and besides, she didn’t want to. Things had changed.

“She tied herself to the towel rail. Do you know why?” he said at last.

“No. Why?”

“Because she has a demon in her head that tells her to kill. And she’s terrified she’ll obey so she ties herself up so she can’t. That’s also why you couldn’t find a knife in her apartment. I took them all away. She can’t have them, not even an ordinary butter knife.”

Kara went very still, afraid even to breathe in case he stopped talking.

“She was okay when Dad left,” Vin went on. “At least for the first year. But then her episodes got progressively worse. She drank and wouldn’t take her meds, which didn’t help. And then, when I was seventeen, I caught her outside Ellie’s room with a knife in her hand. The demon told her to kill her daughter so that’s what she was going to do.”

“Oh my God,” Kara whispered, the breath freezing in her chest.

“I knew I couldn’t leave her alone with Ellie after that,” Vin said, his voice going flat. “I had to lock away the kitchen knives in a safe too, just to be sure.”

He had to deal with that. At fifteen. God, that was too young to be responsible for his own parent. Too young to be a parent to his own little sister. And she should know—she too had been made to take responsibility far too young.

He’d always seemed such a control-freak. Now she knew why.

She blinked fiercely, her eyes prickling with tears. “You never got help?”

“Help?” A bitter laugh. “What help? Social services? The medical profession?”

“What about your dad? Did you ever try and get in touch—”

“Fuck no. He ditched all responsibility the moment he walked out that door. And there was only one other person who cared enough to protect Ellie and save Lillian from herself and that person was me. I had no help and I didn’t need it.”

God, no wonder he was hard. No wonder he took everything so damn seriously. He’d had to shoulder such a tremendous burden. “Ellie doesn’t know, does she? I mean about how sick your mother is?”

“No. She doesn’t. And she never will.”

Kara couldn’t argue with that. Knowing your own mother wanted to kill you—even if she was sick—would be a pretty terrible thing.

“I won’t tell her,” she said thickly. “I promise.”

Vin said nothing. Just held her. But she could feel the weight of his anger and frustration and grief pushing against her like a tide.

She couldn’t let this stand. She couldn’t let him do this alone.

Pushing at his arms, Kara wriggled out of his grip.

“Hey,” Vin protested, “where are you going?”

She didn’t answer, slipping from the bed and going over to the chest of drawers near the door.

“Kara?”

Ignoring him, she knelt and pulled open the bottom drawer. The collar was there where she’d left it, wrapped in an old T-shirt. She got it out, unwrapped it, then stood and went over to her dresser, taking the little key from an old metal tin she used as a jewelry box.

Finally she turned to face him.

He was sitting up, staring at her in puzzlement, the white sheets a perfect foil to his tanned skin.

Kara crossed to the bed then sat on the edge of it, her back to him. “Help me do this up,” she said as she slid the cool metal of the collar around her neck.

Behind her she could almost feel his surprise. There was a moment of hesitation then his fingers brushing her skin and the snap of the padlock shutting.

Mine.
Yes.
He
was hers.

She turned, met his dark blue gaze. “Any time you need vodka. Or me. I’m here for you. Understand?” Then she held out the key. “This is yours.”

His eyes widened, a look of shock crossing his face. “Kara—”

“I will never be anyone else’s slave, Vin. Only yours. So take it. And then take me.”

He was immobile so long she thought he’d refuse, but she didn’t let herself be afraid. Neither did she look away. She’d accepted she needed him, now he had to accept he needed her. And he would. Because like he was the only one who could give her what she needed, she was the only one who could do the same for him.

He didn’t say word, just took the key, long fingers closing around it, accepting her gift to him. Then he took her mouth in a kiss that tasted of grief and longing and possession and desire all rolled into one.

Then, pushing her back on the bed, he took her.

“You better not do anything to hurt her.” There was a fierce note in Ellie’s voice. “She may look tough but she’s not. Not really.”

Vin stood in the doorway to his nearly-completed house, watching as Kara gingerly made her way through the newly installed French doors that led out to a huge wooden deck. From the deck he could see down through the thick bush, over the roofs of other houses, right down to Piha Beach at the bottom of the hill. The ocean was blue and wide, and on quiet days he could hear the surf. He’d always liked it out here. On the days when he had some very rare spare time, he’d often come out with a board, catch some waves. Or just sit on the beach and imagine the things he would do when Ellie grew up. When he didn’t have so many responsibilities.

He leaned against the doorframe, still holding the phone. “No, of course I won’t.”

“But what exactly are you two doing then? I mean, you’re really marrying her?”

“Are you questioning my intentions, Ell?”

“Well, if you put it like that, yes. I am. She’s kind and caring and my best friend, and she deserves everything, Vin. And if you’re not going to give her that, then you need to know I will hunt you down and kill you.”

“Hey, this is me you’re talking to, don’t forget. She’s having my kid. She’ll be looked after.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

She deserves everything…

Unease clenched in his gut as he watched Kara wander over to the edge of the deck, looking out at the view. She wore a simple loose summer dress today, blue cotton that reached just to mid-thigh, and Docs patterned with Union Jacks. The purple was still in a long streak through her hair like amethyst through a seam of gold and he was starting to kind of like it, though he hadn’t admitted that to her yet.

His gaze dropped to the piece of jewelry she wore around her neck—the collar he’d given her. His collar. With the key he kept on his key ring in the pocket of his jeans.

Shit, he probably shouldn’t have accepted it—he’d never meant his ownership of her to be quite so real. But she’d taken that choice from him when she’d offered that key back to him. Offering herself. And as screwed up as it was, he couldn’t refuse her. Because he wanted her. Wanted what she had to give. Wanted her wearing that collar of his. Wanted the key in his pocket, the symbol of her trust in him.

His chest felt tight. Fuck, she looked so beautiful. Hell, she
was
beautiful. Kind and caring, like Ellie said. Kara had a big heart. A heart well hidden under snark and sarcasm and weird clothes.

A vulnerable heart.

He shifted against the doorframe, realizing he’d been silent a long time. “So what did you mean then?”

“She’ll give you everything, Vin, that’s just what she’s like. Don’t leave her with nothing in return.”

“I won’t. We’re going to the registry office to make it legal next week. After the twelve-week scan.”

“But you’re not in love with her, are you?”

The tightness in his chest gripped harder, prompting a completely inexplicable surge of anger. “This isn’t about love, Ellie. It’s about responsibility. It’s about doing what’s right for my kid.”

“And what about what’s right for Kara?”

“She’s not in this for love either. She told me so.”

You sure about that?

He scowled at the ground, trying to ignore the thought as Ellie said, “She hides stuff, Vin. Don’t forget. She’ll give you everything and you’ll never know.”

“Yeah, well thanks for the update, but I’ve been living with her for three weeks now and I think I know her pretty well.”

After the first week of sleeping with her every night, it was Kara who’d suggested he move his stuff into her apartment. It was such a better arrangement than crashing in his office that he hadn’t thought twice about agreeing. It meant he could keep an eye out for her much more easily too.

But there were other bonuses. Such as having someone to come home to. Having someone smile when you walked in the door and open their arms to you. Or even just having someone ask you about your day and be interested in the answer.