Haven from the Storm (Storms of Life #1) (19 page)

His smile made my stomach do flips.

I’d been locked in that room with Lily's note haunting me for days. I’d barely moved from the bed; the pillow still smelled like coconuts. I kept running through our time together the last few months and then our night together, trying to figure out where things went wrong. I was staring at the hotel ceiling, begging for it to provide me with an answer.

Truthfully, I could play this blame game all I wanted and I’d still end up where I was…the person to blame. I knew exactly when things took a turn for the worse. I’d made a conscious decision to cut her off emotionally and I had obviously succeeded. I didn’t blame her for being pissed, I blamed myself for turning my back on her again.

I was shaken from my thoughts by my phone buzzing. I jumped from the bed and ran across the room to where my phone was. I hoped it might be Lily - it wasn’t. It was just Adley letting me know there hadn’t been any changes with Grandma Violet. It was the same text I got from her every single day. I hadn’t been back to the hospital since that first day. Adley thought if I visited that my voice might help bring Grandma Violet around. I did not feel the same way, but I knew I needed to see her before it was too late.

After a quick shower and food, I made my way to Grandma Violet's hospital room. The ache in the pit of my stomach was just as intense as the first time I stepped foot in this place. I could feel my anxiety rising the closer I got to her room. I focused on breathing in and out while placing one foot in front of the other, but my feet felt heavier with each step I took.

I slowly pushed open the heavy door. I scanned the room to see if I was lucky enough to be here alone, but all I saw was a hand just before it hit my face.

“You asshole! How could you be so cold? Especially right now!” Adley yelled into my face. “You need to grow a backbone and stop punishing yourself and Lily.” The door closed just in time for her to slam me into it. Man, who knew such a little girl could be so strong. I heard a smothered laugh come from across the room and saw Derek smiling from ear to ear.

“So I guess you talked to Lily?” I asked as I rubbed my cheek that I was sure had to be bright red.

“Hmm, you think? You bet your ass I talked to her. You better be glad she isn’t here right now because she’s even more pissed at you than I am. There’d probably be a Dean sized hole in that door if she was here. Come to think of it, that’s a good idea. I’m sure Lily would appreciate that,” Adley said as she started to come toward me again. I held my hands up to stop her, but planted my feet firmly just in case.

“Okay, okay. I get the picture, no need for violence. I know I was wrong, trust me. You can’t hurt me anymore than I already am.”

Adley stopped and glared at me. “I don’t believe you, but Violet would be mad if I ruined a perfectly good door.” She turned to look at Grandma Violet and shook her head. “I’m gonna go get some air since you’re here now. Call me the second anything changes.”

After Adley finally made her way out of the room, I apprehensively made my way to my grandmother’s side. I brushed her white hair off her forehead and lightly kissed her frail skin. Her face, that had given me so much strength over the years, now looked tired and fragile.

“Adley’s been waiting for you to show back up so she could kick your ass. Since it took you so long, I really thought there’d be more of a show. I’m disappointed,” Derek groaned. I reached across the bed and slapped him on the side of his head, making myself instantly feel better.

“So they don’t know anything new?” I asked him, refusing to further acknowledge his comment. He shook his head. “Has her doctor been back?”

“The nurse said he came this morning before we got here, but he didn’t have anything new to tell us. She said he’d probably be back this evening, depending on how Violet does today.”

The time was ticking away on the clock above her bed. I hadn’t been here longer than ten minutes and I already wanted to rip the clock off the wall and smash it on the ground. The wait was excruciating. Just waiting, for good or bad, not knowing which one it would be. Time passed slowly…

“Dude, seriously. You gotta settle down and stop the knee bouncing. I know you’re nervous, but you’re about to drive me insane.” Derek kicked my leg to stop my movement.

“Sorry, I didn’t even know I was doing it. I can’t stand just sitting here with nothing happening.” I paused to take a deep breath. “I know that nothing happening is good
and
bad. I can’t decide if I want something to happen or not. If it does, what if it’s bad? But if nothing happens, then she’ll be stuck like this forever.”

“I know what you mean, even though you sound kinda crazy when you say it all fast like that.” He gave me his widest grin and slapped me on the back of the head; I rolled my eyes at him. “But Adley feels pretty much the same way. I think her anger after talking to Lily actually helped take her mind off of it.” He shrugged his shoulders. “So you know you royally screwed up, right? I mean, seriously. What the hell were you thinking?”

I put my head in my hands. “I wasn’t thinking, that’s the problem. I was following my shitty instincts again. I know she deserves better, but when something happens my first thought is always to just leave. Run away as fast as I can. I’m sure you know my track record, so you know my running shoes are pretty worn.”

“Then stop running. I don’t think your problem is that hard to solve, man. Stop running and be who you know she deserves.”

“Since when are you a love expert?” I questioned.

“I’m not. You just seem to think your problems are hard to solve and they aren’t. If you’d stop feeling sorry for yourself and take a step back, you’d realize that too.”

This little twit was starting to piss me off. “What makes you think you know anything about me or my problems?”

“All I know is that you need to get your shit together before she decides you aren’t worth the trouble. I think she’s pretty close to figuring that out anyway and there is always another guy who can-” He stopped talking and shook his head. “Never mind.”

What the hell was he talking about? “No! Not never mind. What are you trying to hint at?”

“I’m just trying to say that if you aren’t willing to treat her right, I think there are other guys out there that would. From what I understand she’s already got one guy after her, so you’ve got competition. That’s all I’m saying.”

“It’s only been a few days. How can I already have competition?”

“Some guys are always in the right place at the right time and you can’t expect Lily to not draw attention. From what I’ve heard, you’re safe for right now, but you might want to show her that she isn’t waiting around for nothing or she might change her mind.” He shrugged his shoulders and I could tell this wasn’t the most comfortable conversation he’d ever tried to have with me.

Even though I knew he was right, I couldn’t sit in this room with a teenager and have him attempt to enlighten me about my love life…or lack thereof. I stood to storm out of the room and Derek laughed. I glared at him which only made him laugh more.

“Do you even realize you’re doing it right now? I knew you would - if I pushed hard enough – you’d leave.”

He was right. This little punk was right. Not only did I avoid the tough situations that life threw in my path, but I couldn’t even deal with talking about them. Oh hell! Even though he was right, I still headed for the door.

“You can’t leave people and expect them to still be there when you decide to come back. You can’t treat people like shit and expect them to still love you!” Derek yelled after me as I exited the room and headed straight to the elevators.

“Shit!” I yelled as I punched my reflection in the mirrors lining the walls of the elevator. I heard someone gasp. There was a woman standing in the corner near the buttons for each floor. I hadn’t even seen her standing there. I didn’t bother to apologize; I simply sank to the floor and put my head on my knees. The poor lady gave me a sympathetic glance and then hurried from the elevators at her first opportunity.

I was really starting to lose it and apparently everyone around me was becoming Dr. Phil. When did I become such a loser? Changing what comes naturally to me was much easier said than done. I couldn’t just flip a switch and change. I didn’t know how to be anyone else and I knew I would lose her. Someone that had his shit together was going to swoop in and steal her away. Not that she was mine to steal. Did she even need me anymore?

I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting in the elevator when a security guard approached me.

“Son, are you okay?” he asked with a calm tone to his voice.

I continued to stare at the ground and didn’t answer him. He placed his hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention up. His eyes reflected the pity I knew he felt for me.

“I don’t know what’s weighing on you, son, but whatever it is, just trust in yourself to find the strength you need.”

I shook my head and felt my throat tighten. “Actually, that’s what got me into this mess to start with. My instincts suck, yet I keep listening to them.”

“No, those aren’t your instincts you’re listening to. It’s your fears leading you astray, not your instincts. Maybe you just gotta learn to tell the difference.” He pushed the button on the elevator, taking us to the bottom floor. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to a table in the cafeteria. “Sit, I’ll be right back.” I laid my head on the table to shield my eyes from all the nosy stares around me. Thankfully it wasn’t meal time so there weren’t many people around.

He came back several minutes later with two cups of coffee and held one out for me to take, then sat in the chair across from me. I noticed the small tag on his shirt said Rufus. I gladly let my mind wander while we sat in silence. Rufus appeared relaxed, but would stop to look me over every few minutes before returning to his coffee. I didn’t even bother to touch the cup he brought me.

“So who are you here to see?” he finally asked.

“My grandmother.”

“She gonna be okay?”

“Don’t know yet. Nothings really changed with her since she got here a few days ago.” Why do the advice givers always find me?

“So is that what’s got you all worked up?”

“Partly. That, and the fact that I’m an idiot.” I sadly laughed at myself.

“Yeah, being stupid can really put a damper on things,” Rufus added with a soft chuckle.

“Thanks for the advice and the coffee, but I think I’m going to head out now and get some rest.”

“What’s your name, young man? I’ll pray you find your way outta that hole you’ve found yourself in.”

“It’s Dean, sir. But don’t waste your prayers on me. There are more deserving souls that you should be praying for. I’ve made my own mistakes and I don’t deserve any favors from you.”

“Well, Dean, a short prayer for you won’t take away from everyone else that needs ‘em just as bad. But you know what it will do? It might just help you learn to stop being stubborn and accept help when it’s offered.” He picked up my cup of coffee and handed it to me. “Sometimes you gotta get outta your own way before you can find your path.”