Haven from the Storm (Storms of Life #1) (16 page)

“What does that mean?” I yelled as I jumped from my chair, sending it crashing to the ground. “Are you saying someone did this to her?” The expression on his face immediately softened and Lily reached for me again, but I roughly pushed her away.

“That’s not exactly what I’m saying. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m saying that right now we aren’t completely sure. I’ve been in contact with Chief Andy in Kolby and he’s assured me that there doesn’t appear to be any signs of a struggle. I’m simply stating that the severity of the injury suggests something more than a simple fall to me.”

“So we don’t know anything. Her brain is injured. That’s
all
the useful information you can give?” I snapped.

“Unfortunately that’s all I know for certain. We’re doing our best to help her improve, but right now we just have to give her time to heal and then we’ll make our decision based off of her progress. I’m truly sorry and I promise I’ll do everything I can for your grandmother.” He looked at Lily and nodded before leaving the room.

Lily reached for the chair I’d knocked to the ground. “No. I can do it myself,” I said through clenched teeth. I picked up the chair and threw myself into it, letting out a load groan. She quietly moved behind my chair and gently started to rub my shoulders, but I pulled away from her hands. “Please stop. I can’t handle this right now. I don’t need you right now.” I didn’t wait for her reaction; I just turned away. I needed some distance from her. I wanted to escape this tragedy and her touch would only anchor me further.

We sat with Grandma Violet for a long time, neither of us saying a word. She was no longer sitting in the chair next to me. She’d moved completely across the room, as far away from me as possible in this tiny hospital room. She had her legs tucked under her in the chair and her arms wrapped around herself. Her eyebrows were pulled tightly as she stared a hole through the floor. I knew Lily was probably trying to understand why I was being so cruel to her, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about what conclusion she would reach. She needed to understand that my true nature never really left; it was merely sitting under the surface, waiting for the right opportunity to appear. It would have happened sooner or later, and now was as good a time as any other.

I heard Lily’s cell phone vibrate. She pulled it out of her pocket, glanced at the screen, and left. Without her in the room I felt like I could actually breathe and I hated myself for feeling that way. I no longer felt the weight of someone else’s expectations weighing on me. She returned a few minutes later, but only came a couple feet into the room and didn’t shut the door behind her.

“That was Adley. I told her what we know right now. She’s staying at Derek’s tonight and he’s going to bring her here tomorrow. Derek’s mom got us both rooms at the hotel across the street. Your room’s under your name. I’m leaving.”

She walked to Grandma Violet and kissed her forehead, lingering for several seconds. She looked at me and I knew she was offering me one last chance to give her some reassurance that everything between us would be okay, but that was something I couldn’t do. She pursed her lips and nodded her head just once before leaving.

Even after the door closed behind her, I felt nothing that I should. Nothing missing, nothing breaking, nothing aching. I just felt pure relief. I couldn’t do this to Lily again. I wouldn’t continue to play an active role in her emotional destruction.

I thought things had changed, I thought
I
had changed, but I was still the same man that wanted to run at the first sign of losing my tight grasp of control. Not dealing with life’s problems was simpler then facing them head on. It was all I’d ever known.

It was in my blood.

Lily wasn’t like me, she didn’t run. She handled whatever shit life threw her way. She didn’t merely weather the storm, she actively ruled it. Her strength was what made my instinct of avoidance so hard for her to comprehend. She didn’t know how to retreat, she simply overcame. She deserved much more than what I had to offer her and she’d been hurt too many times to fall back into my trap.

It was after 6 a.m. when I finally walked out of the front doors of the hospital. I forced myself to stay there, in case something changed with Grandma Violet. The nurses needed to run some tests and told me to come back in a few hours, but I hadn’t decided yet if I could make myself return. I could see the sun peeking from behind the horizon, coloring the sky in varying tones of gold. It looked like the gates of heaven had opened, allowing a small bit of forgiveness to rain down on me.

I entered the hotel where I knew Lily was sleeping. I hoped her dreams were peaceful. After avoiding the breakfast crowd that was fighting for the single Belgian waffle maker, I made my way up the elevator to my floor. I had no bags, nothing to carry to my room.

I entered and looked around. The dull room had a single bed pushed against the wall with a huge brown headboard attached. The blanket on the bed was an ugly mix of brown and red flowers and the first thing I did was remove it, wad it into a ball, and throw it in the corner. The room itself was clean, though I couldn’t help but think of all the people who had stayed there while their loved ones were across the street dying. How much despair had these four walls seen? How many had paced these floors, praying to God for a healing hand, only to leave still searching for closure? I needed sleep.

After a quick shower I fell onto the bed wearing nothing but my towel. My whole body was begging for sleep, but the clock clicked away as I tossed and turned with my mind racing from Lily to Grandma Violet and back again. Just as I was falling asleep, the hotel phone rang on the table next to the bed. My frustration took over and I grabbed the phone, ripped it from the wall, and threw it across the room. It landed near the bathroom door in a broken mess. I lay in bed with my head buried in my pillow, trying to calm myself. My pulse was racing and I wanted nothing more than to punch something. I was in desperate need of an outlet for my anger, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen so I pulled the covers high over my head to hide from the outside. Here, where no one could touch me, I felt harmless.

I heard a door click and peeked out of the covers. The room was completely dark, but I saw a small figure standing across the room and I smelled coconut.

I knew who it was.

Quietly and timidly she neared my bed. I stayed hidden under the covers, not sure whether I was curious about what she would do or if I was trying to hide from her. I could barely see her in the darkness, but it looked like she was taking her clothes off. She lifted the covers and slowly slid next to me. Her face was on the pillow nearest me and I could feel her breath on my neck. Her scent ran over every inch of my body, leaving chills behind. She moved closer until the front of her naked body was pressed against mine.

It wasn’t like we had never touched before. She had touched me and I had touched her. Just not like this, not skin to skin everywhere all at once. She laid her arm across my body, placing it in the middle of my back to pull me tighter against her. I could no longer hide my desire since it was firmly pressed against her stomach. She trailed kisses down my neck to my chest, slowly swirling her tongue along my skin. Her warm breathe sizzled the wetness left behind. I twitched against her stomach and heard her softly moan in return. I frantically found her lips in the darkness and kissed her with every ounce of love that I could find within me.

She draped her leg across my hips and suddenly I didn’t know if I could let this happen. Could I let her give a piece of herself to me when I didn’t know if I could stay and be who she deserved? I felt like I owed her the chance to see that the love we had between us wasn’t a fraction of what she truly deserved. I thought she needed to survive her father’s abuse and heal from that damage before she would stop looking to me for salvation I couldn’t offer. I wasn’t capable of saving her.

I tried to pull away from her and roll onto my back, but she quickly pushed herself on top of me and straddled my hips. I could see her eyes in the sliver of light coming from the window. They weren’t the translucent blue color they should have been, instead they were dark and stormy. I placed my hands on her hips to lift her off me, but she grabbed my hands and led them to the pillow. I was about to tell her this was a mistake, but she captured my mouth with hers before I could speak.

Her long hair cascaded over my face completely enveloping me and my resolve to be honorable started to fade. She began to slowly rock herself back and forth on me. I’d been here before, I’d done this before, but never had it felt this perfect. The sensation of her all over me made everything else fade away. My fears about our future began to disappear and I knew I was exactly where I belonged. That was all that mattered. We were the only thing that was real. I may never be the man that could save her from the world, but would I find a way to be the man that could help her pick up the broken pieces of herself?

I let her enjoy the ride for several minutes before rolling her onto her back and taking control. I kneeled between her thighs and spent a few moments enjoying the sight of her before leaning in to kiss every inch of her body. Not only did she smell of coconuts, but I quickly learned every inch of her tasted like them. She captured my hair, trying to lead me back up her body, but I took my time on her stomach and chest as I passed over them. While I kissed her, she reached between us and guided me to her center. I slowly entered her, taking my time to be gentle, but still felt her innocence as it was torn away. She briefly gasped, but it was soon replaced with her soft moans. Our bodies moved in sync as if we’d done this dance our entire lives. The sounds she made in response to my movements told me exactly what to do and where to focus the most attention. She was quickly reaching her peak and she was taking me with her. It didn’t take long before we both trembled with our release and a feeling I’d never felt grew in my heart. I inhaled as the warmth spreads throughout my body. The feeling of hope overwhelmed me - hope for Lily, hope for our future.

I woke late in the afternoon and reached for Lily. I didn’t feel the heat of her body; she was gone. I turned on the lamp next to the bed and saw a sheet of paper on her pillow:

Dean,

I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known what love was. I thought we’d come a long way since you left Kolby, but obviously I was wrong. I refuse to stand by and watch you leave me again. I won’t chase after you while you slowly disappear into the horizon. We’ve been here before and I won’t be abandoned by you again. I deserve love, trust, and commitment, not someone that pulls away the minute life gets stormy.

I thought we were ready to move forward, but you proved me wrong. Yesterday I could see the fear in your eyes when I touched you and your desire to get away from me was clear. I’ll be the stronger person and give you want you want.

Take time to be with Violet and decide if sticking by me during the good and the bad is something you can do. I won’t accept less, I won’t accept your partial love. If you decide that you can always stand by my side then come back to me.

I don’t expect you to be flawless. I just need you to be my safe place…my Haven in the storm.

Lily