Hardpressed (21 page)

“I’m sure we can pull something together.”

“Great, just let me know and I’ll make the arrangements.”

“That might be the type of event that I would attend, you know.”

I tried not to be offended at her surprised look.

“I didn’t realize that. You seem really distracted lately. I didn’t want to bother you with it. I know you have other things you could be doing, and the networking thing is my job. Sorry, I guess I should have asked you about it.”

“It’s fine. I’ve had a lot going on.”

“Did you want to come? I can call Max and try to get an extra ticket.”

I considered the offer for a moment. I hadn’t been beyond Marie’s or the office in a while. The idea of mingling with people when I was still feeling so fucked up was a little petrifying, but I could use the distraction. If nothing else, networking was better than being alone with my thoughts.

“I think I would, actually. Might be a nice change of pace.”

“All right. I’ll see what I can do.” She gave me a tight smile and left briskly.

I sighed inwardly, thankful that we’d talked a little. She was pissed, but I didn’t want tension between us to affect work. And heaven knew I’d been a walking disaster for the past couple weeks. I only knew what it felt like on the inside. I couldn’t imagine how I was being perceived on the outside, and most of the time I didn’t really care. So much was up in the air right now. Tiptoeing around people’s feelings at work wasn’t something I had energy for.

The rest of the day went along quickly. I ignored the marketing plan that Daniel had given me. I cared enough about my work to know I’d take a genuine interest in the contents of the document. That was exactly what he wanted, and I couldn’t handle the idea of catering to his wants right now. He’d ruined my relationship with Blake, and I was determined to delay becoming part of the Fitzgerald political machine as long as possible.

I stopped in at the apartment to find something suitable to wear for the event. I hadn’t packed formalwear in my mad dash to leave, and Marie and I couldn’t really share clothes with our body types.

Being in the apartment again seemed strange. I hadn’t made any effort to find a new place, though. Not as if I’d had much time, but deep down I also couldn’t imagine being anywhere else yet. Marie’s spare room was fine. A place to try to sleep, and at least I wasn’t alone there. I couldn’t bring myself to think about starting over someplace new though.

I put my rent check on the counter for Sid. Out of habit, I started to clean up the small messes that had accumulated.

“You don’t need to do that.”

Cady walked out of Sid’s room in a long T-shirt that seemed to swallow her up. She looked tired and content as she padded into the kitchen to help me. Her spiky frosted blond hair was pushed every which way.

I turned to put some dishes in the sink, hiding a grin. Sid was making a girl tired and content. Go him.

“I don’t mind,” I said.

“I’m not sure how Sid would survive without someone taking care of him.” She laughed.

“No kidding. Guys…”

We made quick work of it and she picked up the rent check, glancing up at me.

“You plan on coming back sometime?”

I hesitated. Sure, she was Sid’s girlfriend, but she was also Blake’s assistant. I could almost guarantee that anything I said to her would make its way back to him.

“No plans to, but I haven’t found a new place yet.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “That’s too bad. I’m sure Sid will miss having you around.”

“Maybe. He has you now though.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think he’s the only one who misses you.”

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and drank some of it down, not acknowledging those last words.

“I know it’s not my place to say anything. Whatever happens with you and Blake is between you two, but for what it’s worth, I thought you two were great together. He seemed really happy. And I’ve known him a long time.”

“How’s he doing?”

I’m not sure why I asked. As if knowing more about Blake’s state of mind would make me feel any better about things.

She gave me a sympathetic look. “You should talk to him, Erica.”

*

I settled on a simple black strapless cocktail dress that hugged my curves and fell just below my knees. I pulled my hair into a loose twist and slipped on some black strappy heels and a light shawl in case the venue was cool.

When I arrived at the event, I found Risa and Max talking among a small group. Max flashed me his award-winning smile. The couple they were speaking to waved their goodbyes and walked off, leaving us alone.

“You look beautiful, Erica. Thanks for coming tonight.”

“Thanks, I’m glad I did. Risa told me a little bit, but how are you involved with the charity?”

“Angelcom has been a supporter for several years. We sponsor this event once a year to attract new donors and bring visibility to the cause.”

“That’s wonderful.”

I still hadn’t quite forgiven Max for pushing me into that last dance with Mark, but I couldn’t argue that he’d been incredibly helpful to the business since then. I wasn’t giving him the benefit of the doubt, but with Blake out of the picture now, I wasn’t going to write him off completely either. Times like these, I had a hard time believing the terrible things Blake assured me were true of him.

“We should probably find our table. They’ll be serving dinner shortly,” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

I followed Risa and Max to the table and quickly recognized the faces of the others who joined us. Heath rose when he saw me, but my gaze went immediately to Blake and the woman by his side.

Sophia.

I stopped short, frozen with the prospect of facing any of them right now. The man I loved next to a woman I despised. The pain of our separation became exponentially potent. The regret of every moment we’d spent apart hit me with full force, seizing my lungs. My breath left me in a rush.

As much as I’d hated Sophia and what she meant to his past, I wasn’t remotely prepared to see them together tonight, or ever for that matter. She looked impeccable in a silky red dress that contrasted beautifully with her sleek black hair falling over her shoulders. With Blake in his suit, the dark gray one that I loved, the two made a beautiful couple. The billionaire and the model. What a match.

“It’s good to see you, Erica.” Heath broke the silence and gave me a quick hug.

Blake held my gaze, as if he were waiting for me to react. But I couldn’t move. I literally couldn’t take a single step toward the table.

Risa found her seat next to Max, leaving one unoccupied place between her and Heath. I eyed it warily, uncertain how I could possibly survive this dinner with Blake and Sophia across from us. Maybe I could leave before the event really got underway—feign illness or something.

As if reading my thoughts, Sophia gave me a knowing smile that had me grinding with rage. “So glad you could come, Erica. Join us.”

Her words somehow broke the trance, and I needed to move. In the opposite direction.

“Risa, I’m going to grab a drink. Do you want anything?”

She shook her head. “I’m fine, thanks.”

Blake rose as I started to leave. I ignored him and carried on toward the bar, reminding myself that I couldn’t really sprint in my heels.

“Jack on the rocks,” I said to the bartender.

Blake came up next to me. “Same.”

We weren’t touching but we were close, inches apart. I remembered our first few weeks together when I tried in vain to ignore the palpable energy that pulsed between us, an undeniable attraction that had quickly turned into an addiction, an obsession.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” His voice was quiet, laced with regret.

Or what? You wouldn’t have brought her?

I took in a slow breath, trying to get a handle on my emotions. He was being nice, and I should at least make an attempt at normal post-break up communications. But the silence that hung in the air between us seemed to be answer enough. I was miserable, work-obsessed, and had no idea how to reason with my power-crazed murdering father so that I could end all this.

Maybe it was too late for that anyway. Sophia had probably picked up right where I’d left off as soon as she realized I was out of the picture. She’d have been a fool not to, and I couldn’t blame Blake. I’d told him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t want to see him anymore. To let me go.

“How is Risa working out?” he finally asked in another attempt to get me talking.

“She’s very motivated. Closing a ton of accounts for us.”

“Seems like she’s warmed right up to Max.”

I glanced back at the table. Risa appeared to be her usual animated self, and Max’s attention was fixed on whatever she was saying. I hadn’t paid too much attention to how their connection had been evolving over the past few weeks. As she’d aptly noted, I had too many other things on my mind to care as long as she was doing her job and moving us forward.

“He’s been helping her connect with advertisers. Seems to be working out well. Revenues are up.” My focus shifted to Sophia, who caught me staring. I turned back, catching my reflection in the mirror behind the bar. “Sophia looks beautiful, as usual.”

Blake took a sip of his drink. “She’s in town for business.”

“You don’t need to make excuses to me, Blake. I’m…happy for you.” My jaw tightened at the complete lie that I’d just uttered in the name of being polite and allowing us to both move on. Then I let half the drink slide down my throat.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

*

I made my way back to the table and Blake followed without a word. I was grateful to be sitting next to Heath. Somehow at this table of colleagues and ex-lovers, he felt like an ally. We made small talk about the event and how work was going.

“Have you talked to Alli about moving yet?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Any particular reason why?”

“I guess I’m a little scared of what she’ll say. I’m almost done with the program though, so I need to figure it out soon.”

“You should talk to her, Heath.”

“So should you.”

I nodded and made the mistake of looking at Sophia, who was taking every opportunity to touch Blake. Small touches, tracing the angles of his suit over his shoulder. Leaning into him as she spoke, her perky little tits brushing against him. I gritted my teeth.

“She’s really worried about you.”

I looked back to Heath, unable to relax. “I’ll call her soon. I’ve been really busy with work, you know. Haven’t had much time for anything else.”

“She’s not the only one who’s worried.”

My gaze darted back to Blake, who was leaning back in his chair, looking bored as he scanned the room. Sophia was murmuring in his ear and laughing quietly, as if they were sharing some private joke. When her hand disappeared under the table, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I pushed away from the table and made a beeline to the ladies’ room. I regretted eating anything when a wave of nausea hit me. Pushing Blake away had been less devastating when he still wanted me. I could entertain the fantasy that he’d wait for me until I figured things out with Daniel. But that moment had passed. Sophia had moved right in, picked up where I’d left off, and was very likely giving him everything he’d been craving during the time we’d been together.

If my heart hadn’t already been broken, seeing him with her had mashed it into an unrecognizable pulp.

I found the ladies’ room mercifully abandoned. I looked at myself in the mirror. Despite being an epic emotional wreck, I looked okay. Makeup hid the dark circles under my eyes, at least. I was no runway model, but I’d been good enough for Blake. Once upon a time, I had been the one he wanted. I scolded myself for caring. I could get through this, somehow. I’d been through worse, right?

Before I could answer myself, the door swung open and I caught Sophia’s reflection walking toward me. Her lithe runway-ready body sauntered up to the vanity counter where I was trying to pull myself together.

“Everything okay? You seem upset, Erica.”

Her voice was the usual sultry laced with bitch that I’d remembered from our first meeting in New York.

I turned to face her. “What do you want?”

She leaned back against the wall casually, crossing her arms in front of her. “I thought we could catch up. I was sorry to hear things didn’t work out with you and Blake.”

My lips pulled into a tight line. I wouldn’t take her bait. “I bet.”

“Wasn’t a good fit, I guess.”

“How would you know?”

“I’m a friend, Erica. He talks to me. I’m sure it was all pretty overwhelming for you, being with him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The sex, of course. Let’s not pretend we don’t know that he likes it rough.” She gave me a full smile and leaned her hip on the counter, cocking her head as if she were sizing me up. “You never struck me as the kind of girl who could get whipped.”

I struggled for a breath, unable to hide my reaction. “You don’t know a fucking thing about me, Sophia.”

She laughed. The sound stung, as if she’d slapped me in the face.

“Oh, I think I know plenty.”

I fisted my hands by my sides. What I wouldn’t do to smack that look off her face. And Blake. A sickness spread through me. He’d told her personal things about us. Jealousy and betrayal was a lethal cocktail of emotions, and I’d had about all I could take.

“Laugh all you want, Sophia, but I’m not the one pining after a man who wrote me off years ago. Then again, maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll take you back. Either way, I couldn’t care less.”

I pushed through the doors and returned to the table to grab my shawl. Feigning illness wasn’t too difficult, because I literally felt sick. I said some quick goodbyes to Risa and Heath, ignoring Blake, even though I could feel the heat of his gaze on me. I couldn’t face him now. That our memories meant so little to him that he’d share them with Sophia cut me far deeper than I’d ever thought possible.

The city lights flew by as the cab headed back to Marie’s. The sparsely lit towers disappeared behind me, along with any hope I’d held for being with Blake again. Something felt devastatingly final about all this. The urge to cry and the gut-wrenching despair was replaced by a cold, emotionless finality. Blake was gone. I’d finally lost him.