Harder (2 page)

“No, I’m fine.” I swat his hand away. He’s ruining my mojo right now, treating me like a girl. I hate being treated like a girl. Nothing good comes from being treated like a girl.

I look over to see Ryan is watching me. His hair is neatly back in its usual ponytail, a few loose pieces at the sides of his face. His eyes are really devastating when his hair is back. So green. He and Knight are some of the only guys that can make me feel small at 5’11”.

The other is a huge tank of a guy, but Knight and Ryan look like they’ve walked off magazine spreads. Tall lean, swimmer bodies, pretty boy faces. Knight’s dark hair and tats make him look edgier than Ryan, who has a softer look to him, despite being just as cut. Maybe it’s his face. Maybe it’s how little he says, or his soft stare and softer lips. He’s a weird mash of contradictions, hard and soft, unassuming and unavoidable at the same time.

Looking at him now, as he patently avoids my eyes, I can’t believe what happened the other day actually happened. For some reason it annoys me, this shy, good guy act when I know he can be bold and aggressive when he wants to be.

“Ryan, you have the plans for training?”

He looks at me blankly, and then shakes his head.

“For all the-“

Then he grins, and pulls a rolled up piece of paper out of his pocket, covered in his neat script. “Just kidding.” His voice is low and beautiful, and I honestly don’t get why he doesn’t use it more often.

I give him a light punch on his rock hard arm and take the plans out of his hands. He stares down at the place I hit as if he doesn’t know what to make of it.

I open the paper and read over it. Basic, but it’ll work. And it gave me time to play Call of Duty instead of slaving over guard work last night, so I’m grateful. I hand it back to him.

“You want to do the five hundred with them, or you want me to do it?” I ask.

He blinks and looks over at the pool. Then over at the break room where the guards are filing out towards us, ready and in swimsuits. He shrugs, but looks troubled about it. It’s like working with a mime sometimes.

“Let’s both do it, then.”

He nods, and I think he’s somewhat relieved not to be splitting up. I heard he didn’t really want to be a senior guard and Knight pushed him into it out of obligation to the park putting up with him for four years. At least that was his excuse, since from what I’ve heard Ryan is a stellar guard, and my main competition for promotions. Unless he’s going to use his smarty pants brain and do something with college. All the better for me if he does.

People like me, who have to make their living in a physical way to feel alive, deserve these jobs. Bookies should just stick to libraries.

I pull on a swim cap and swing my arms to warm up. He comes up beside me.

“No cap?” I ask.

He shakes his head. I’m not going to ask him about the talking thing again, because of what happened last time, but it still drives me crazy. All of the gestures in place of words. I like the way his hair moves when he shakes his head though. It catches the light and I can see bits of gold.

When the guards get over to us, all they have to do is see Ryan and me stretching to know what’s coming. I can hear a few cat calls from some of the less mature guys.

Dane, a gay dude with a fauxhauk that varies in color from week to week but is green today, raises his hand, and I point at him, allowing him to speak.

“Why don’t you two race? Battle of the senior guards!”

“Battle of the sexes!” Amy calls from behind him.

I grin. I doubt anyone here can beat me in the water. I swam all through high school, and until I started getting injured, I probably could have made something of it. It’s a nice skill to have tucked away in my utility belt for times like this, times when I need to get my masculine pride back.

Ryan is shaking his head at them and frowning. Doesn’t want to lose, hm? I hop from foot to foot to warm up my feet, and roll my shoulders one more time. Then I dive in. Early bird gets the worm, and he’s not the only one who can communicate non-verbally.

I cut through the water, feeling like a fish, or a dolphin, confident I can beat him. Though I haven’t swum competitively in a year, my lungs are still strong from workouts here and at the gym. I’ll never let my body be weak. I don’t even notice kick turns anymore, and the laps blur past me.

Swimming isn’t fun like it used to be before I gave it up. I’m aware of my own animal power, but I no longer feel free here. I no longer want to escape here. I don’t relish the feel of the water caressing my body as I swim. I simply relish the feel of being strong, of overcoming, and the knowledge that despite whatever else was taken from me, I can still swim like hell.

I’m one lap from the end of my five hundred, wondering if I should throw it and let Ryan at least close to tie me, when I happen to notice on a breath that he’s not in the lane next to me. Did he ever even start?

I hurry to finish my lap and when I come up, gasping and yanking off my swim cap, I’m annoyed to see him standing at the head of my lane, fielding questions from admiring guards on his swimming ability.

I shake my head, frustrated beyond belief, and haul myself out of the pool. I sit on the bench next to them and empty my cap. Then Dane comes over to sit next to me and says the worst thing possible.

“It’s okay Ally, you did pretty great for a girl.”

He couldn’t have hit me harder if he used a sledgehammer. I bite my bottom lip hard, drawing blood.

I don’t like being beaten, and I don’t want to be good for a
girl
. I just want to be good. I want to be as good as any man, as strong as any man.

And stronger than Ryan, who’s looking at me now with concern on his handsome face.

I don’t want his pity. I don’t want his kisses either. He’s humiliated me in front of the guards, and that means war. He walks over to me, toweling off his perfect body and face and his hair. I scowl up at him, then realize it’ll be better if I pretend I don’t even care.

“Sorry, Ally. I wasn’t thinking.”

So now he’s a friggin’ wordsmith? I swear he just does this to torture me into never knowing if he’s going to talk or stay silent. “No big. I was trying to stall so I didn’t beat you too badly anyway.”

“Poor form, Ally,” Knight says, coming up beside us. “Ryan’s a great swimmer, the best on our high school team. No need to get nasty just because he’s better than you.”

But I am getting nasty because he’s better than me. I can’t help it. “He’s not better. We’ll have a rematch later.”

“Is something wrong, Ally?” Knight puts a hand on my shoulder and moves me out of Ryan’s concerned gaze as the guards trickle away from us back to the break room like the little sheeple they are.

I push his hand away. “Nothing’s wrong.” I pick up my towel and run it over my hair, telling myself to calm down. No one else cares that I lost. I haven’t lost anything. The words steady me in my mind, as does running my hair through the towel. I love short hair. It’ll be nice and dry while Ryan’s is still dripping in a nasty ponytail.

“Ryan, you want to start the next activity without us?” Knight asks, sitting next to me.

Oh no, now he’s thinking I can’t even handle running training. He’s giving it over to Ryan. I’m so not doing this.

“You know Knight, actually, something is bothering me.” I point to Ryan. “That douchebag kissed me. Yesterday.”

Knight’s eyes widen, and he turns to Ryan, who simply glares over at me, like I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe I shouldn’t, if I want him to kiss me again. But I don’t want to be the girl he kisses in the break room and overpowers during training.

I don’t want to be weak to him one moment and be seen as weak at work the next. Right now we’re enemies, and competitors, and if it helps my case to rat him out, I’mma do it.

“Is that true, Ryan?” Knight looks at him, then frowns, then laughs and slaps his knee and throws an arm around me like I’ve just told an awesome joke. “Nah, that’s not Ryan. That would never happen.”

I wait for Ryan to correct him, but he simply folds his arms and studies one of the moles on his bicep as he flexes it.

Oh, I’m going to get him for this.

After a moment of Knight chuckling, Ryan looks up at him and shrugs apologetically, as if he’s apologizing for being so predictable, rather than for violating my personal space. Even if I liked him violating my personal space at the moment, it’s very different now that he’s emasculated me in front of everyone.

“Hilarious, Ally. You always know how to throw me off.” He stands, his hand using my shoulder to push up. “I mean, seriously, Ryan, and you?” He walks off shaking his head. “Hilarious.”

Then it’s just me, Ryan and a couple guards that have witnessed the whole thing. I’m sure I’m turning bright red, and I just wish someone would give me a way to redeem myself. I hate Ryan more than ever. Somehow, the thought propels me up and out of my funk. Now it’s just about beating him.

Chapter 2

She’s so beautiful, and so angry, and I don’t even know what I’ve done to upset her. She’s like a flame, just lighting up and burning all around me. She narrows her gorgeous, huge, quicksilver eyes at me, and storms off to change.

I know I probably shouldn’t have beaten her in the lap race, but I thought she’d be more offended if I lost on purpose. Maybe it’s because all I did was shrug when Knight asked me if it was true that I kissed her. I can’t believe she told him. That’s private. Even if it’s kind of offensive that Knight doesn’t think I’m capable of kissing someone like her.

I don’t know why she’s mad about it. If she didn’t want me to kiss her, why did she keep staring at my mouth? I may not be a big talker, but I’m an expert at body language, and I was sure she wanted me. And then her cute little outburst about the fact that I don’t talk much. I thought I’d
show
her how I feel instead. I guess that didn’t go over well.

I can usually read everything about a person. I don’t need them to talk, and I don’t really see why they need me to speak to understand me either. I know people think I’m stupid, but they don’t realize how stupid they look when they can’t keep their mouths closed even when they have nothing worthwhile to say.

I could watch her walk away all day. Legs for miles, tight butt, like a runway model.

I even love the way she dresses like a guy. For me it just enhances how feminine she looks. Her face is so beautiful, her skin is so flawless…

I have a serious schoolboy crush.

Still, I thought she would be happy when I kissed her, and that doesn’t seem to be the case. Should I apologize? I don’t even know where to go from here.

I’ve had my eye on her since I first saw her in class. I’m a TA and it wouldn’t have been appropriate to approach her, but luckily she applied here and the rest is history. Except that she didn’t give me a second look. She’s talkative and explosive and the other guards love her. Why would she bother with a wallflower like me?

Then she was made senior guard. Knight’s been bugging me about it for months. Suddenly it became clear. If I was a senior guard, maybe then she’d notice me. Not just as a guy she occasionally teases, but as guy she could like.

I can handle her. I know she probably thinks I’m all innocent and untouched, which may be true, but I can handle her and then some. The thought makes my ears burn.

She turns around and glares at me again, and it’s funny, because I know she’s expecting it to scare me off, but it’s moments like this when I find her the most adorable. It’s like the more worked up she is the more I want to kiss her until she forgets any other way to use her mouth.

Someone taps my shoulder and I turn around to see Knight, still smiling from Ally’s funny ‘joke’. “Dude, can you believe that?”

I shrug again. Let people think what they want.

“I mean. As if anyone could do anything to Ally that she didn’t want them to do.” He scratches the back of his head. “Watch your back though, man. She’s pissed as hell about you winning that race.”

“I know.” I didn’t even want to race. She’s the one who started it by diving in. I wasn’t going to just stand there and look stupid. Besides, I thought maybe it would impress her. There’s a part of me that wants her to recognize that I’m strong too. Like her. I’m not trying to beat her, just trying to be right for her.

“Maybe you should let her save face somehow.”

“How?” I ask.

Knight frowns. “I’m not sure. Let her demonstrate the next drill? You figure it out.”

I don’t think I will. If she needs her pride back she’s going to have to do it herself. Trying to help her just seems like a good way to get chewed up and spat back out. I look down at my plan for training, wet from swimming, though the Bic scrawl remains unsmeared.

I look down the list. River drills. CPR. In-water Heimlich, followed by a timed backboarding competition. The guards love those. Maybe I could set one of those up and put her on a good team and me on a bad one?

No, she has to get her pride back on her own. I already decided that and I’m sticking to it. I pull a pen out of my board shorts and scratch out the last item on the list. Free swim. I’d been planning to use that time to talk to Ally, but now I’m worried that if I give her any free time, she’ll challenge me to another inane competition or yell at me.

I don’t know why she even wants to compete with me. We should be teammates.

By the time I reach the guard room, Ally is walking out, followed by several guards. They’re always around her, and they seem to be teasing her, so I keep an eye on that and follow behind them.

People like to tease her, she’s really funny when she gets worked up and starts threatening you and punching your arm.

I got my first arm punch today. Can’t say how many times I’ve seen her do it to someone else and wished it was me getting even that kind of attention from her.

Oh man, when did I get so messed up that I’d be pleased with any attention from a girl, including hitting me?

“Oh come on Ally,” Sam, one of the newer guards, says. “If you’re so desperate for a kiss, I’ll give you one.” I glare at Sam’s dopey face, but he’s not looking at me.