Hard to Hold (10 page)

The kiss was scorching.

Isabella leaned into it, unable to resist Logan's seduction. Her body, starved for the feel of him, pressed up against his, and she felt his heat as he possessed her mouth fully. His tongue met hers and he stroked it, skillfully arousing her.

She responded fully and without inhibition. She wanted him too much to hold back now. Her nipples, rock-hard from desire, grazed against his chest, and she moaned with desire as he pressed hot sweet kisses along her throat and collarbone. It seemed like every cell in her body was vividly alive with need and wanting, and she ached for him to touch her, take her to the next level.

But he continued to arouse her, taking his time. He was kissing the sensitive spot behind her ear, gently biting her lobe as he pulled her closer into his embrace. He was going nowhere fast.

“Logan,” she whispered, her long pent-up need threatening to burn out of control. “Please. Now.”

“No fucking way,” he said firmly, slipping his arm beneath her knees and hoisting her up. “I've waited too long for this. I'm taking it slow if it kills me.”

He carried her into his room, and then he laid her across his bed. She had a quick sensation of cool, crisp sheets beneath her, then she couldn't think at all as Logan took off his jersey.

Her mouth went dry. She remembered that day when she'd first started working for him, when he wandered around the house in his PJ bottoms. She was right to have stopped that. Gazing at him now, she realized he was entirely too hot, with that golden tan, those biceps, washboard abs, and broad shoulders. What the hell was it with soccer players?

When he approached her, she saw the scars. Slowly, she traced her finger along a white line that ran from his chest to the bottom of his rib cage, and was surprised when he grabbed her hand abruptly.

“Don't,” he warned, his eyes smoldering. “I want to make this good for you, but if you keep touching me like that…”

His voice was almost a growl, and Isabella felt a rush of primal pleasure, knowing she had the ability to excite him so much. “But you were injured?”

He joined her on the bed, lying between her legs. The pressure between them was delicious, and she gasped as he gave her even more. “Got caught with a side kick. Doesn't matter. Happens all the time.” Lifting his head, he gave her a grin even as he began to undo the buttons on her blouse. “You really want to talk about this now?”

“No,” she responded as his lips pressed the exposed skin just above her nipple, then his tongue sucked her, making her writhe beneath him.

Roughly, he yanked up her skirt and tore her panties aside. Isabella came off the bed as he kissed her there, where she was hot and wet and aching for him, and from somewhere far away she heard his voice.

“Come for me, Bella,” he whispered, his voice seductive.

Pure sexual energy shot through her at his words, and when he began to tease her, tracing intricate patterns across her clitoris with his tongue, she was begging.

“Oh, my God…yes!”

She shattered beneath him even as her hips arched involuntarily, her body wanting every delicious moment of this experience. Breathing hard, she sunk back onto the bed, and when her eyes opened, it took her several moments to focus.

But before she could recover, he flipped her over, put on a condom, and slammed hard inside her. Isabella gasped with pleasure, sinful and delicious, as the intensity came rushing back. She felt full, and hot and wet, and when he withdrew and then thrust hard inside her again, she fell over the edge once more.

At the sound of her cry, Logan finally gave in to his own release. Thrusting once more deep inside her, he groaned, holding her waist as he reached his own climax. Isabella's body still convulsed around him as he arched his back, burying himself deep inside her.

But then, when she thought it couldn't get any better, he pulled her into his arms and spooned her. Isabella was stunned. She hadn't taken Logan for a tender kind of guy; he was too ruggedly male and athletic for that. But there it was. He held her close against his warm body and cradled her in a way that made her feel sexy, and confident, and…

Treasured.

It was an odd word to pop into her brain, but it was the right one. And while he didn't say anything, he didn't have to. There was no need for him to ask if it was good for her; they both knew it was fabulous. And somehow it was more intimate with the quiet and soft way he stroked her arm, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he was perfectly happy in that moment.

And so was she. Tomorrow would bring its own problems and reality.

But for now, they had the night.

Logan woke first to the sound of Cinnamon crying. He lay still for a moment, feeling the softness of Isabella beside him, and inhaling her scent.

The events of the previous day rushed back to him: the court proceeding. No Desiree. Coming home to Isabella and falling into her warm, inviting body.

He waited for any next-day regrets, but there were none. If anything, it felt exactly right. Something about this woman pulled at his heart, and now that he had her in his arms, he had no intention of letting her go. With Bella, he not only had a relationship but a partner, someone he could share his life with, his baby, someone he could…love.

That thought stopped him cold. He hadn't meant to go this fast, this deep. He wasn't a total asshole when it came to women. He usually treated them well, enjoyed the hell out of the sex part, and then got out before anyone got hurt.

That strategy had worked for him for a long time. But now he was in a situation where he couldn't move on quickly. His nanny was here as long as he had the baby. He also couldn't shift gears and move backward, not when it came to Isabella.

But he calmed as he realized these were just his thoughts. Bella didn't strike him as the kind of woman to fall for a guy just because of good sex. Even great sex. He sensed it would take a lot more than that to win her heart, and she'd given him no indication she was looking for anything more than the physical.

Now
.

He knew it wouldn't last forever; eventually they all wanted more. And he didn't want to let her go. In spite of the mess with Desiree, he'd found a quality woman.

Even if he wasn't ready for this emotional shit.

Rising carefully from the bed, he pulled the covers over her, pausing to admire her while she slept. Isabella was so insanely beautiful. The blond hair spilled over his pillow, and black lashes lay like fans across her sculpted cheeks. Her heart-shaped face emphasized her full red lips, and even now he was enticed to give her a kiss.

But he didn't want to wake her; the previous day had been stressful for them both. He'd take care of the little one and give Isabella the gift of a few more hours' sleep.

It was the least he could do.

“Whoa, baby girl,” Logan whispered as Cinnamon let out another wail. He picked her up, aware that she immediately stopped crying and looked at him in recognition and delight. Logan's heartstrings tugged.
Shit
. If he didn't watch his ass, he would be lost to another female, this one cradled in the crook of his arms.

“Let's get you some grub.” He carried her down to the kitchen, opened the fridge with his free hand, and popped the bottle into the warmer. He was an expert now: Isabella had taught him the drill. Putting a clean towel over his shoulder, he positioned the baby so that when the buzzer sounded, he was ready for the feeding.

Cinnamon latched onto the nipple and pulled hungrily as Logan sank into a chair. This, he admitted, was a benefit he hadn't anticipated. Holding the little girl in his arms and providing her food filled him with a sense of peace. He almost looked forward to being awakened, with the stars twinkling outside his window, the baby watching him with utter adoration as she fed.

Surprisingly, he realized he felt better. Lighter, since he'd shared his secret with Isabella. That was something he hadn't anticipated; he'd merely thought to explain his thinking. Yet the relief was so great, it was as if he'd been cleansed of something dark and dirty.

Whatever else happened, he'd done the right thing making sure this baby was safe and well cared for.

He'd worry about the rest of the shit later.

Isabella awoke sometime later when she heard the door close. Glancing at the clock, she was startled to realize the time.

Had she missed a feeding? But Cinnamon would be screaming bloody murder by now if that was the case. She got up on her elbow and saw a scrap of paper:

Baby fed. Sleep.

Logan must have taken care of feeding her before heading off to the gym.

A smile came to her face as she settled down into his bed and thought of the events of the previous night. Logan was an amazing lover; that was something she'd suspected, but the reality surpassed anything she could have imagined. He was not only skillful, but there was something about the way he focused on her, as if she were the only woman in the world.

And then there was that chemistry…

That was something there on its own, fanning the flames between them, bringing each kiss and touch to another level until it finally culminated in an explosive release that made her blush to recall it. Logan had taken her to a point where nothing else mattered except that climax.

It was unbelievably hot.

She thought about the memory he'd shared with her, and it all made perfect sense. His need to protect the baby. My God, he'd learned what it was like to be young and helpless, depending on adults who didn't think about the repercussions of their actions.

What a horrible secret for Logan to keep to himself all these years. Her heart bled for him as she considered what that must have been like, and for a moment, she was angry with his parents. But then she realized they only knew what they'd been told. Logan didn't correct their assumptions. He'd never had the opportunity. And they probably thought they were sparing him embarrassment.

The road to hell
…

Cinnamon was starting to coo, and she smiled, picturing big, handsome Logan feeding her in the night.

He would make an excellent father.

That thought stopped her short, and her hand drifted to her flat tummy…

What was happening between them? Yes, they'd made love, had given in to the unbearable tension between them. They'd connected intimately and on so many levels. She had no regrets, nor would she trade the experience for anything. But now what? Could they manage some kind of romantic relationship and still remain in their respective roles as nanny and athlete?

She thought long-term. Did she and Logan have the basis for something real? Something lasting? Seeing him with Cinnamon made her certain he would want more children…

An old ache awoke within her, one she'd thought long buried. She couldn't give him that. The doctor had assured her that the damage was too widespread, her fallopian tubes were blocked. Bitterly she thought of how effortless it was for women like Desiree to conceive and give birth, experiences that would never be hers.

But she calmed as she reminded herself that she was jumping the gun. Logan hadn't mentioned anything of the sort, and he had enough on his plate at present without thinking about a serious relationship. And she wasn't sure of her own feelings. Being involved romantically with Logan was too fresh, too new for her to fully wrap her brain around it.

So she wouldn't.

“Thanks for meeting me.” Logan shared a beer with his father at PJ's, the same bar where Desiree had dropped off the baby and disappeared. It seemed an appropriate place to discuss his plans for Cinnamon, even though he'd been reluctant to share the details with anyone, especially with his family, and his father in particular.

Even though he was just a teenager when he came home from England, his parents didn't have his back then when he'd been accused of touching Addison White.
Fuck them
, Logan had decided, outraged that they assumed him guilty. He had filed away that bit of information, that they couldn't be trusted when it mattered most.

But he didn't have that luxury now. He needed help.

“She just gave you the baby and left?” His father glanced at him incredulously.

“Yeah. Put her on the table like she was an oversize pocketbook and split. I couldn't believe it myself. She filed a paternity suit, and I thought I'd talk some sense into her at the courthouse. But she was a no-show.”

“Jesus.” Frank Hart shook his head as he sipped his beer, trying to digest the situation. “Did you know this girl long?”

“No. That's a big part of the problem. We only got together the one time, so I don't really know who her friends are, where she might have gone.”

“Right.”

Logan braced himself for what he knew was coming as his father looked at him closely. “So how do you know the baby is yours? Did you take a DNA test?”

Logan's stomach knotted, but he managed to easily reply. “No. I don't know what will happen to Cinnamon if I go that route and she isn't. I'd have no rights.”

“But you can't keep her if that's the case. There are legalities involved. This woman may have family, someone who might want the child. Then there is the biological father, if it isn't you.”

Logan stared coldly at his father. “Desiree gave me the baby in front of witnesses,” he said slowly. “It's not like I fucking kidnapped her. I think it would be best to find her without getting the police involved. At that point then, yeah, it would make sense for me to know the truth so that I can make my own plans.”

“I think you need to do that sooner than later. You aren't responsible for someone else's mistake.”

Anger flared through him, and he gritted his teeth. “I don't think of Cinnamon as a mistake. She's a baby and, of everyone, innocent in all this.”

“That's not what I meant.” His father appeared frustrated and drank half the bottle of beer. “I just think you need to know the truth, so you know where you stand. If she's yours, then yes, you need to step up. You have family and support; you wouldn't be alone in this.”

“Thanks.” Logan was uncomfortably moved by the offer. “My other concern is that with testing it's creating a record. Right now, Des said the child is mine, and I'm acting that way. But once it's there in black and white, I don't know what would happen. I could lose control of the situation.”

His father nodded thoughtfully. “So your plan sounds like the right one for now. Hopefully you can find this Desiree soon. She sounds like a fruitcake.”

“I need to hire a detective,” Logan admitted, taking another swig of his beer and getting to the reason for this meeting. “I don't have the time with my travel schedule to keep trying to find her on my own. But I'm not sure how to go about this and find someone trustworthy.”

“I might be able to help you there.” His father gestured to the bartender for another round. “An old friend of mine used to work as a detective for Evesham Township. He went out on his own when he retired and handles personal matters like this. He's a good guy. I can get you his number.”

“Perfect.” Logan felt his body relax for the first time all day. “Once I get a hold of Desiree, we can get a decent plan in place for Cinnamon.”

“How have you been managing? That must be a lot of work, taking care of a child along with playing soccer.”

“I found a great nanny,” Logan said, a grin breaking out on his face as he thought of her. “Isabella's incredible. She knows exactly what to do and is teaching me how to take care of Cinnamon. Did you know babies are the only primates who smile at their parents? She knows all this crap. I got so damned lucky when the agency sent her.”

His father sat back on the barstool, giving his son an appraising look. “Sounds like she's more than an employee.”

“Yeah,” Logan admitted. “I didn't intend that, but the attraction was there on both sides. She is an incredible woman.”

“Work and relationships don't always mesh well,” his father commented. “Let's just hope things don't get too complicated since you need her help.”

“It's a little late for that,” Logan admitted, hiding the flash of anger he felt at his father's words. Like it wasn't something he had told himself a million times already. “I care about her. I don't know what the future holds at this point, but I plan to do the best I can where Isabella and the baby are concerned.”

He was pleased to see his father surprised once more. “Sounds serious.”

“I don't want to see either of them hurt.” He was surprised at how easily the words came from his mouth, but he felt them where it counted. In his heart.

Even though it scared the shit out of him.

“Sometimes that's hard to avoid. I have to admit, when I met your mother, I didn't give a damn about the conventions.” He smiled dryly at the memory. “I was working for Con Ed back then, drawing a decent salary, while her family had real money. Her father was a radiologist, and they had plans for her, sent her to Bryn Mawr. You know, where Katharine Hepburn went?”

Logan shrugged. “I guess.”
Whoever the hell that was.

“Anyway, I took one look at Diana, and that was it. I had to work for it, but I got the best woman in the world to say yes to me. So if this nanny, Isabella, does that for you, I say forget the rules.”

“I haven't figured it all out yet,” Logan admitted. “I couldn't keep away from her. I don't know where it will go, but right now I'd like to find out.”

“Sounds like an interesting woman.”

Logan nodded, but he had no intention of continuing this conversation. It wasn't any of the old man's business, and he'd given up confiding in him a long time ago. “So on to another subject. How about those Sonics?”

His father grinned and seemed relieved about the change in topic. “Gavin is killing it this year. Jess is on him like a mother hen about his injury, but he ignores that crap and plays his heart out. He's batting .309. Hope you picked him for your fantasy team.”

“Hell yeah.” Logan smirked.

Isabella was surprised to hear a knock. Frowning, she glanced at the baby settled in the stroller parked nearby. She'd just been getting Cinnamon ready for a walk in the park and wasn't expecting anyone.

When she opened the door, she saw her employer outside. “Patty? What are you doing here?”

“Did you get my text?” Patty asked, stepping inside the condo. When Isabella shook her head, she explained. “I was going to be in the neighborhood this morning and thought I'd stop by to see how you were getting on. Hey there!”

Spotting the baby in the stroller, she squatted down and began making cooing sounds. “Wow, she's so cute! She's gotten so big!”

“Yes, she is.” Isabella grinned as her starched employer turned into mush at the sight of the little girl. “I was just going to take her for a walk. Want to come, or do you need to get back?”

She was silently hoping that Patty couldn't stay, especially after she'd just spent the night in bed with Cinnamon's father. While the agency had never declared any strict rules about such things, she couldn't imagine her boss condoning an affair with a client.

Particularly with a hot soccer player like Logan.

And her feelings were too new, too fragile to risk any judgment or skepticism from any third party.

But to her dismay, Patty agreed immediately. “A walk sounds great. I feel like I've been cooped up in the office for ages. I finally got out today to do some interviews.”

“Any good?” Isabella hoisted the stroller outside while Patty held the door.

“The older woman I met this morning seems okay. Retired schoolteacher, looking for something part-time. She doesn't want infants or overnights, but I do have some couples looking for after-school care, so that might work out. But the young girl I saw after her was a disaster. Certs weren't what she'd said, poor work record, and just seemed totally irresponsible. I wouldn't be comfortable letting her watch my dog.”

Isabella laughed. Patty had a poodle that was spoiled beyond words, so she wasn't surprised she thought in those terms.

“The baby looks great,” Patty commented as they got to the little park around the condominium complex.

“She's doing well. I'm starting her on solids. She seems a little hungry after the feedings, so I think she's ready. And her doctor agrees.”

“Good idea. Cereal?” Patty asked as they stopped at a bench.

“No, I like to go with fruit first.” Isabella unstrapped Cinnamon and then picked her up, handing her over to Patty, who had taken a seat. “They always like the taste of that, and I think it makes them open to trying other foods. Then I'll add cereal. What?”

She frowned at the look of admiration the other woman gave her even as she played with the baby.

“I don't know. I guess after interviewing all morning, it makes me appreciate you even more. This soccer player got damned lucky you were available.”

She wasn't about to comment, but she couldn't stop the thought that followed:
Available in more ways than one.

When Isabella didn't reply, Patty continued. “How is that working out?” She shook a rattle and Cinnamon beamed with pleasure, taking the toy from her hand. “I don't imagine he's helping much. Must be a lot of work for you.”

“No, he's actually pitching right in,” Isabella said, reaching for the baby as Cinnamon stretched her arms out toward her. “He's been great. He's feeding her, changing her. He's like an old pro now.”

She couldn't keep the admiration and affection she felt for Logan from her tone, and her employer looked at her curiously. “Really?”

“Yes, really. He handed over his credit card so I could stock the nursery. It looks so cute; I'll show you when we get back. We went on the road with him to New York, and he had no problem getting an extra hotel room for me and the baby. I think he's started to see that she can fit into his life, even with him playing soccer. And just last night he did the two a.m. feeding so I could sleep…”

Right after we had red-hot sex.

The memory of her night with Logan rushed back to her, and she felt her face get hot. Leaning toward the stroller, she fumbled inside the diaper bag, more as a distraction than anything else. Retrieving the binky, she offered it to Cinnamon, aware that Patty was watching her closely.

“Oh, no. Don't tell me you're falling for this guy.”

Isabella dropped the pacifier.