Hard Core (Hard As Nails Book 3) (15 page)

She’s a goddamn angel.

She’s mine, and I think she’s finally starting to realize it.

* * *

I drag both knuckles against my eyes as I awake from a deep sleep. My face and body are drenched in sweat, so I push the covers off before reaching for Alyssa.

Only she’s not there.

I force my eyes open to find an empty room. The bathroom door is open, and she’s not in there either.

“Alyssa,” I call out as I swing my feet off the bed and jump into the same pair of jeans as last night. I throw my arms over my head and let out a loud yawn as I exit the bedroom.

She’s not in the kitchen or living room either.

I check the door, and she’d taken the time to lock it behind her. I reach into the pocket of my jeans and retrieve my cell phone, dial her number, and put the phone to my ear. It rings once, and then twice. I soon realize her phone is on the kitchen counter, vibrating against the laminate countertop.

“Shit,” I sigh as I hang up the phone.

I step to the window of the living room and peel a blue curtain back. My eyes scan over the parking lot. Her car is missing.

Should I wait for her to come back? Or should I go look for her?

I drop down onto the old, but comfortable, sofa and decide to wait. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to do so, but I’m hoping she’ll come back soon with a cup of coffee.

Deep inside myself, though, I don’t think she will.

I think she felt what I’d felt last night—that she was becoming mine.

And I think that scared her so much she ran.

From her own home.

From me.

And if that’s the case, I have to accept facts.

As much as it hurts. As much as I’m not one to throw in the towel.

I have to accept it.

She’s never going to let me in.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Alyssa

When I enter Sugar Bare and see Axel, I feel a sense of relief go through me. I’d gotten a call in the middle of the night from my father and had to rush out to go to him. I’d planned to call Axel from the road at a more decent time, then cursed when I’d realized I must have left my phone at home.

By the time I’d gotten to the hospital, my dad had been feeling better. It turned out his friend Beth had snuck in some Mexican food the night before and he’d gotten a horrible case of food poisoning. Food poisoning! Okay, so my dad had looked horrible and I’d felt bad for him, but I’d read him the riot act for scaring me. Then I’d hugged him, kissed him, chatted with him, and finally left him to rest. Without my phone, which had Axel’s number, I didn’t know how to reach him. But by then, I’d figured I’d see Axel at the club anyway and I’d headed back in plenty of time to get there for my shift. Only I got caught in traffic. I’d pulled into the parking lot forty minutes late. And I’d been freaking out a little, imagining how worried Axel must have been. And how angry.

I’m right. He doesn’t look happy. Not one little bit. And my relief at seeing him quickly turns into panic and fear.

He ignores me completely, turning on his heel and heading into the back. I go after him. By the time I get to the hallway, however, it’s only in enough time to see his back heading out the door.

I rush after him. “Axel!”

He freezes, then starts walking again. He calls over his shoulder, “I left your phone in the dressing room.”

“Axel, wait.”

I run up to him but he won’t stop walking, so I grab his arm, but he shakes me off.

I do it again and this time hang on tighter.

He whirls to face me, his face suffused with anger.

“I’m sorry. I know I worried you. I didn’t mean to! I got an emergency phone call. I had to leave, but I didn’t want to wake you because you’d been so tired. I was going to call you from the road, only I forgot my phone, and—”

His expression had cleared slightly, but then his eyes narrowed. “Who called?”

I hesitate, then say, “My father.”

“Why?”

I hesitate again.

He closes his eyes, rips his arm away from me and then starts heading to his bike again.

“Stop! Where are you going?”

“Even now? Even now, Alyssa, you’re hesitating to tell me why your father called you with such an emergency that you rushed out of your own home without waking me? Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I—I—You were sleeping. You needed your rest.”

He shakes his head. “No. You didn’t want to depend on me. You didn’t want to share that part of your life with me. Well, I’m done trying to get you to.”

“What does that mean?”

“I can’t do this anymore, Alyssa. I can’t get close to you, thinking you’re finally going to let me in, only to have you constantly pulling back. Take care of yourself, baby.”

Baby. Not Angel.

I watch him get on his bike. Listen to him start the engine. But before he drives off, I run up to him.

“I’m sorry,” I say, trying to stop myself from shaking, but I can’t stop the tears from overflowing. “Please don’t leave. I want to let you in. I do. I just don’t know how.”

He hesitates now. Turns off the engine. Says, “Begin with why you left this morning.” He crosses his arms and stares at me with a frown on his face. I feel the heat of his anger and disappointment burning a hole into me. What was once passion has now disintegrated into contempt and mistrust.

I need to figure out where to begin, where to kick off this story so that it makes sense, and so that he’ll understand. Instead, I settle on the worst possible jumping off point. “I’m going to start stripping tomorrow,” I say.

“We’ll get to that issue in a minute, but that has nothing to do with why you left, so stop delaying.”

I take a deep breath then say, “It has everything to do with everything. I wish I could make you understand.”

“You can,” he says dryly. “It’s as simple as letting the words—the truth—roll from your lips.”

“It’s my dad. He’s sick.”

He takes a rough, visible gulp. Slowly, he swings himself off his bike to stand in front of me. He doesn’t take me in his arms, though, and I feel his distance like sharp knives, so I wrap my arms around myself in self-protection.

“He’s had cancer twice before, and he’s beaten it both times, but it’s back again, and we’ve tried every doctor his insurance will accept, but it’s not enough.”

Axel raises a hand and places it on my shoulder, sorrow etched into his face, his eyes sunken and his skin pale.

“I was supposed to be a big actress, but I’ve pretty much failed on that front. And this place is the only thing keeping my father alive, because Mr. Prince is paying me a lot more than a waitress should earn. He’s paying enough to pay my father’s bills.” My tears come like a storm now, drenching my cheeks. I drag the backs of my palms against my face to erase the tears. “In exchange, I said I’d take the stage after a couple of months.”

“I understand,” he says. “But I still don’t understand why you didn’t wake me when your father called.”

There’s a light breeze of relief coursing through my veins, but it’s met with a heavy pushback, because now I really want to fucking run. “For so long, it’s just been the two of us. I’m used to it just being the two of us.”

“It’s not just the two of you anymore. Not if you want to be part of my life. I need you to accept that. If you can’t, let me go. Because the way I felt after you left this morning… When I couldn’t find you…”

I raise my eyes to meet his, my vision blurry from tears.

“It ripped me apart from the inside,” he says softly. “I felt like there was a hole in me or something, like you fled because you saw the real me and you didn’t like him.”

“No.” I shake my head adamantly. “That’s not true. I see the real you, Axel. And you’re amazing. Wonderful.” I comb my fingers through my hair and begin to pace nervously across the parking lot with my hands placed at my hips. “The problem is me. I’m the one who flees instead of being the one left behind. I have abandonment issues because of my mom. She left my father and me when I was just a kid. She left us for a man and all for most of my life, I’ve hated her. I know that’s no excuse though. It’s not fair to put all the blame on how fucked I am on her. My actions are my own.”

“Yes, they are, but we all have someone who’s left a mark on us, for better or worse.”

He stops my pacing by putting his arms around me.

“I know you won’t accept my money,” he whispers.

“I can’t.”

There’s a brief moment where all we do is stare into each other’s eyes, and it’s not the worst thing in the world. The tension and the passion flows back and forth between us, and then he lowers his head to plant a smooth kiss against my lips. It’s soft and sweet, but is weighted down with adoration.

“I know you don’t want to strip, but if you’re really going to do it? You’re going to kick ass at it.”

“Oh?” I tilt my head and take a measured step. “You really think that?”

“Absolutely.” He winks at me, and there’s something irresistible in the smile that hitches across his face. I feel absolutely safe here with him. I bared my soul to him, but I’m not overcome with sadness, I’m overcome with a foreign ticking in my heart.

A poet might call that ticking love, and I know it doesn’t make sense, so I’ll keep it to myself because the world isn’t prepared to hear it. Especially because I’m not even sure I’m prepared to recognize it as something that could potentially be real.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Alyssa

It took a lot of courage to work up to this point. I downed a glass of wine first, and then a few shots of Fireball. The bartender tried making me pay for them, so I told him flippantly to put them on Harvey Prince’s tab.

There’s a bit of a fire brewing in my gut, from a combustible combination of nerves and liquor. I stand in the wings of the stage, waiting for Axel to show.

After our shift last night, we went home and fucked like the animals we are. After that, I cuddled up next to him and fell asleep within minutes.

When we awoke, we went to get a quick bite to eat and then I was off to the studio. I first noticed something odd when he exclaimed that he didn’t want to go to the studio today, saying something about how he had other plans.

It was even odder when he didn’t pick me up, but I didn’t want to question him. Now, I’m forced to, as I stand here alone. I peek around the curtain of the stage and eye the crowd, looking for him. I don’t spot him. He’s always close, sometimes too close, keeping a watchful eye on me, but in my hour of need, he’s nowhere to be seen.

I could use his pick-me-ups right now.

I head deeper backstage, but when I get to the end of the curtain, I run into Rhett, one of the regular bouncers. He’s a bulky man, with a long red beard.

I try and maneuver around him, but he intentionally blocks my path. I move to the other side; he does it again.

“What are you doing?”

He folds his arms against each other. “I’m supposed to keep my eye on you while you strip.”

“Excuse me?” I clear my throat. “I think you’re mistaken.”

“Not mistaken.” He stands towering above me, his bulky frame blocking my view. When he speaks, he doesn’t look at me, he looks over my head and past me. “I’m under orders.”

“Whose orders?” I question, growing frustrated.

“Axel’s.”

I shake my head and push my tongue against my cheek. “Un-fucking-believable.”

“I don’t know anything about nothing.”

“Right. I’m sure you’re telling the complete truth there,” I scoff sarcastically. “Is there a reason you’re blocking me from leaving the stage?”

He nods, with no apparent intention of answering my inquiry with a verbal response.

“Which is?” I question, growing even more frustrated and annoyed than I was before, and that’s saying something. “Axel wouldn’t approve of you doing this.”

“Axel gave me the orders,” he huffs, “but I work for Mr. Prince, and I know he’s expecting you to strip tonight. Wouldn’t want to disappoint him.”

“But I need to go to the bathroom,” I say.

He shrugs, which is not the response I was hoping for.

“Do you want me to go out there and have an accident on stage?”

“Nobody wants that, ma’am,” he says in the same dry tone as everything else that’s come out of his lips. And then, “You have five minutes, or I’m going to come find you, and drag you out.”

“This will only take a minute.” I pat him on the chest and race past him.

After searching the entirety of the club, I throw open the back door.

Wearing nothing but my bra, panties, and six-inch hooker heels, I step onto the cool gravel. Rocks crunch under my heels as I narrow my eyes on Axel, sitting coolly on his bike.

“Hey,” he says as if nothing is wrong.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Axel