Hard Choices (25 page)

“Exactly. Lyssa sounds like just what your dad needs, and he sounds really happy. I want you to promise me you will give her a chance. I mean it, Dree-dree,” Kathy didn’t deliberately slip into using Audrey’s childhood nickname, but she hoped it helped.

Audrey sighed dramatically. “You don’t think she’s after Dad’s money?”

“I think your dad has excellent radar for gold-diggers. Also, she works for, and is friends with, your dad’s college buddy, Robert.”

“Oh, I remember him,” Audrey said absently.

“So do you promise? To give her a chance?”

She was silent for a moment before finally saying, “Yeah, I can promise that. I just want my dad to be happy. And not lonely.”

“Me, too, honey. Thank you for being such an adult about this.”

“Well, she can’t be worse than the string of losers my mother has made me meet,” Kathy immediately bit her lip. Not knocking Amanda took physical effort on her part. Audrey laughed at her grandmother’s silence. “It’s OK, Nana! I
am
an adult, you don’t have to do that tight-lipped thing with me anymore, where my mom’s concerned. I love her, part of me will always be mad at her for being such a flake, I think. But I am really, really trying to accept her for who she is. Besides, I’ve always had you and Dad.”

“And you always will, honey. No matter who else is in your dad’s life, he will always be there for you.”

“I know, Nana,” she said quietly.

After she hung up with her granddaughter, Kathy felt a lot better about the impending holiday… but she was still crossing her fingers.

The “everything” that Molly and Alan arranged for our triple-date turned out to be a get-together at Alan’s and Robert’s on a Sunday afternoon, which involved a football game, beer and pizza. It was very casual, very relaxing, and gave everyone the chance to get to know one another better with no added pressure.

Matthew and I finally headed out around six. As I hugged Molly and Alan goodbye, I whispered, “Thank you, this was perfect!” to each of them, knowing they would understand what I meant.

As Matthew and I got into his car to head back to his house, Matthew said, “That was one of the best afternoons I’ve had with friends in a while. I really like Molly and J.J.,” Matthew said, and I sighed with relief. With every new experience, it felt like Matthew and I just fit together.

“I am lucky to have such a great group of friends,” I nodded, yawning. “Beer always makes me tired,” I explained.

“Do you want to swing by your place and grab some clothes?” he asked.

“Yeah, I probably should,” I answered.

“Lyssa, this is just getting silly, don’t you think?”

“What is?”

“Well, you’ve been bouncing back and forth between my house and yours for almost a month now. Why don’t you just bring your clothes over to my house?”

I froze. I wasn’t sure what he was asking. Did he want me to move in with him?

Matthew misinterpreted my silence and glanced over at me as he drove. “I’m sorry,” he said, “that was presumptuous of me. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable – ”

“You didn’t,” I lied. “I just, I mean, I’m not sure what we’re talking about here,” I trailed off just as Matthew pulled up in front of my house. I opened my door and dug around for my keys. Matthew followed me into my house silently.

As soon as he’d closed the door behind him, he spoke again. “I’m not sure, either, Lyssa,” he said quietly. I started up the stairs to the living room, where I plopped down on my couch, feeling like this was a conversation where we actually needed to look each other in the eye. Matthew sat down, too, facing me.

“OK, look, I’m just going to be honest here. I’m just going to go for it,” he took a deep breath and looked like he was steeling himself. “Lyssa, I have never felt this way about anyone before. I know this is soon, I know this is weird, but I,” he trailed off and looked away, and I was afraid he was losing his nerve to say whatever it was he wanted to say.

I took his hand, and said, “Matthew,” he looked at me again, “Molly said something to me a few weeks ago, and I poo-poo’d her at first, but I think… I think she was right.”

“What did she say?” he asked, a little alarmed.

I smiled shyly and looked down. “She said that I was obviously in love,” Matthew sort of gasped, and I jerked my head back up to look at him, afraid of what I’d see. But his expression wasn’t appalled – it was full of joy and wonder, so I plunged on ahead. “She was right. I was. I am. I love you, Matthew,” I said quietly.

Instead of saying it back, Matthew leaned in and kissed me, gently on the lips, then kissed his way across my cheek to my ear. Then he whispered in my ear, “I love you, too, Lyssa.”

I threw my arms around his neck and pulled myself into his arms. He kissed me again, then pulled back and smiled into my eyes. “I love you, Lyssa, and right now I really want to take you home.”

My heart felt so full, I didn’t trust myself to speak. I hopped up and ran down the hall, then suddenly stopped and turned around and darted down the stairs.

“Where are you going?” he called after me.

“To get a suitcase! You’re right! I hate running home all the time!”

We packed most of my clothes, and I grabbed the hair products I’d been missing, and the rest of my toiletries.

As we headed out the door, I glanced back toward the kitchen. “What?” Matthew asked anxiously. “Second thoughts?”

“No,” I said emphatically. “God, no! I just realized – I have to clean out my fridge! It must be disgusting!”

Matthew chuckled. “Good thing you don’t have a cat!” At the idea of a long-neglected cat and litter box, I started giggling, too. Matthew said, “Can we leave that for another day? I really want to get you home,” he leered at me, but his hands were too full of my bags to do anything about it.

So I pressed my body up against his and said, “Yeah, let’s go home.”

We made love slowly and tenderly that night. Still with all the same fire and passion, but it felt deeper somehow, like we were even more connected. I fell asleep very, very contented, feeling like everything was right in the world, and like I was right where I was supposed to be.

“Well, sure looks like Lyssa has gotten comfortable here,” Audrey said tartly to Kathy as she came out of Matthew’s bedroom.

Kathy gave her granddaughter a warning look. Matthew had stepped out on the back deck to get some wood, and Audrey had taken the opportunity to do a little snooping.

“We’ve been here less than an hour, missy,” Kathy said sternly. “Do not pick a fight with your dad.”

They both jumped as the back door opened and Matthew came back inside. He looked at them suspiciously. “Why do you both look so guilty?” Matthew asked darkly as he walked to the fire place with his arms full.

Audrey decided to go on the offensive. “Is she living here?”

“Who? Lyssa? Do you mean, is
Lyssa
living here? She has a name, Audrey,” Matthew said angrily as he stacked the wood.

Kathy groaned inwardly. It suddenly felt like Audrey was sixteen again, and her son and granddaughter were about to do battle. She knew better than to interfere, though. Every attempt she’d ever made at mediating had just made things worse when they were like this.

“Yes,
Dad
, I mean Lyssa,” Audrey said sharply.

“Wait a minute, were you in our room? Going through her things?”

Kathy immediately noted Matthew’s use of “our room” rather than “my room.” From how quickly Audrey’s face blanched, she realized Audrey had noted it, too.

But Matthew misread his daughter’s expression: he thought she was upset at being “caught snooping.”

He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. Kathy knew he was counting to ten; it was a trick she had taught him, to keep him from losing his temper with his daughter.

“Audrey, I am going to explain this once, and only once. Yes, Lyssa lives here with me now. I love her. She loves me. We are together. We are a couple. I will expect you to show her respect and consideration. She has three grown kids of her own; she has no interest in trying to be your mother. She is hoping for a friendly relationship with you,” Matthew stopped abruptly, seeing the tears rolling down his daughter’s face.

He silently cursed himself for being so harsh with her. “Audrey,” he said much more gently. “I am really happy with Lyssa,” he walked over to his daughter and took her upper arms in his hands, “but that has nothing to do with my relationship with you. You’re still my little girl,” he put his finger under his chin and pulled her face up to see him. “You always will be.”

Audrey swallowed and nodded. “It’s just,” she hiccupped. “It’s so fast! You just sold our house, Nana moved to Arizona, and now you’re here with someone I’ve never even met, and it’s like you just started this new life and left ours behind!”

Kathy nodded, suddenly understanding. She and Matthew, and the family home, had been Audrey’s anchor her whole life. Now everything was changing.

“Oh, baby,” Matthew pulled Audrey into a hug and rested his chin on top of her head. “I’m sorry this is all hard for you. Life is change. Things are different now. That’s hard. But it’s not necessarily bad.” He pulled away and looked at her. “And Lyssa is part of my life now. And really, if I love her so much, can you imagine any way that you wouldn’t like her?”

Audrey smiled through her tears. “Probably not,” she allowed. “She’s probably awesome.”

“She’s amazing, Audrey. You will love her, if you just give her a chance.”

Audrey nodded, and Kathy breathed a sigh of relief.
Crisis averted,
she thought to herself. But she still kept her fingers crossed.

***

“Will you quit fussing over everything?” Matthew swatted my hand away from the Christmas tree where I’d been straightening an ornament.

“I’m sorry! I’m nervous!”

“They’re going to love you,” Matthew reassured me, “as much as I do,” he said dropping a kiss on my forehead.

His mother and daughter had arrived the day before. I’d worked that day, then gone home to sleep. Alone. For the first time in weeks. I’d hated it.

Matthew had wanted me here, but I had insisted. “You told them Christmas Eve dinner. You need some time alone with them,” I told him.

Audrey and Kathy had ducked out to do some very-last minute shopping on Christmas Eve, and I had come over to help Matthew finish getting dinner ready. Now I was just pacing, waiting for Kathy and Audrey to arrive.

With my nerves on overdrive, I didn’t hear their car. Suddenly, the front door swung open to reveal two women loaded down with parcels.

“Mom!” Matthew shook his head. “Didn’t you do any shopping before today?”

“I couldn’t resist the deals,” Matthew’s mother dropped her bags inside the front door. When she noticed me, she got a huge smile on her face and came over to me. “You must be Lyssa! It’s so nice to meet you!” I started to hold out my hand, but before I could, Kathy had pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad we get Christmas Eve together!”

“Uh, thanks! It’s great to meet you, too, Kathy,” I said nervously as I pulled away.

Audrey looked decidedly less enthusiastic to meet me.

“You must be Audrey,” I smiled encouragingly. “I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you.”

“Me… me, too,” Audrey said a little shyly as she put her arms around me in an awkward hug. “My dad has said such nice things about you,” she nodded, almost to herself, “it is really nice to meet you.”

There a heartbeat of awkward silence, then Matthew announced, “Mulled wine is ready, if you need to warm up!”

The conversation quickly turned to a weather discussion, and how Kathy coming from Arizona and Audrey coming from Portland were adjusting to our crisp, dry, cold mountain air.

We spent a lovely dinner and evening chatting, and Audrey loosened up more and more as the evening went on. At one point, as we sat around the fire, I darted into the kitchen to grab more mulled wine for everyone (everyone but me. I was driving home), and I heard Audrey whisper – louder than she meant to, probably – “You’re right, Dad. She’s great. And she obviously makes you happy.”

“Thanks, honey,” Matthew whispered back, probably aware that I could hear them, “you’re right, and you’re right.”

We did our gift exchange and I was relieved that my gifts for Kathy and Audrey were well-received: a coffee table book on the architectural history of Portland for Audrey, and a deluxe edition of Scrabble for Kathy.

Kathy looked amazed. “How in the world did you know I needed this?”

I shrugged. “Matthew mentioned that you and your sister love to play board games to keep busy while she’s been laid up. I figured everybody can use a version of Scrabble where the board doubles as the box.”

“It’s absolutely beautiful,” Kathy shook her head as she ran her hands along the mahogany board. “It’s perfect, thank you,” she stood up and planted a kiss on my cheek.

“Open mine, Lyssa,” Audrey said eagerly. I took the gift bag from her hands, reached in and pulled out a bottle of
my favorite perfume. I looked up at Audrey, shocked.

“OK, I snooped a little,” she confessed. “I saw your bottle in my dad’s – I mean, in
your
bathroom – and I noticed it was almost empty,” she shrugged.

I was dumbfounded. “Thank you, honey,” I said slowly. I stood up to lean over and give her a quick hug, but she jumped up and gave me a real hug, rather than the awkward introductory embrace we’d shared. I glanced over at Matthew and thought his eyes looked suspiciously bright.

“Dad, where’s your present for Lyssa?” Audrey demanded. “I want to see! I want to see!”

Matthew laughed. “Calm down, would you? I’ll give it to her tomorrow night, OK?”

I groaned. “Matthew, you’re going to make me wait?”

“Yes! I thought your kids might want to see you open it, all right?”

“Fine! But I want you to open yours now,” I shoved a box into his lap and bit my lip nervously. I had taken Molly’s advice and gone to the Wine Cave. The sommelier had helped me find two Portuguese wines that he assured me were new to the U.S., so there was a good chance Matthew hadn’t tried them yet.

Matthew unwrapped the box with me practically bouncing on my corner of the sofa. I had never been so nervous having someone unwrap one of my gifts before. He pulled the first bottle of Port out, read the label, and looked totally surprised. “I’ve never even
heard
of this viny – ”

“Look at the other one!” I practically shrieked, and Kathy and Audrey laughed.

Matthew pulled the
Alvarinho out and his jaw dropped. “Where did you get these, Lyssa? You found
two
wines I’ve never heard of!”

“Well, you have to look on the
bottom
shelf sometimes, Matthew,” I joked.

He laughed and planted a kiss on my lips. “These are definitely top-shelf,” he said wonderingly. “Which one should we open?”

“Dad! Save them!” Audrey shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. “And well done, Lyssa. I can’t believe you actually surprised him!”

“Seriously, where did you get them?” Matthew asked again.

“I’ll never tell,” I pretended to zip my lips. “Where do you think I’ll shop
next
Christmas?”

We finished tidying up after ripping open our presents. It was after nine, so I decided to head home and let the Bowens hang out. I said my goodnights, gave good night hugs, and headed out the door.

“Hey, Lyssa?” Audrey called after me. “It was really good to meet you,” she smiled shyly.

“It was good to meet you, too, Audrey. And you, Kathy,” I smiled at Matthew’s family. “I’ll see you soon!”

***

Matthew grabbed his coat to walk Lyssa to her car. “Sorry you had to park in the driveway,” he apologized. “I like my mom to use the garage. I get paranoid about her slip – “ Lyssa cut Matthew off by pulling him in for a hungry kiss.

“I am so glad that went so well!” she sounded almost giddy.

“Me too, Lyssa. I knew they’d love you. I’m glad it’s mutual,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in. Matthew decided Lyssa did not need to know how wrong it had almost gone. No need to mar the perfect night.

Lyssa sighed and tilted her head back. “What a clear night! Look at all those starts!”

“I’d rather enjoy
this
view,” he said, nuzzling her neck.

“Don’t. Start. Last time we made love was yesterday morning. I am
dying,
” the only days they’d missed had been when Lyssa was on her cycle, even then, they’d been able to cuddle all night.

“I missed you last night Lyssa,” he was surprised how much he’d missed her, actually.

“Me, too,” she looked deep into his eyes. “It’s amazing how used to it I am – how used to you in bed next to me.”

They smiled into each other’s eyes for a moment. Then Matthew said, “I love, Lyssa.”

She smiled that brilliant smile that he found irresistible. “I love you, too, Matthew.”

They kissed one more time and she got into the car and drove away, with Matthew hoping tomorrow went as well as this had.

***

After such an amazing Christmas Eve with Matthew’s family, I had high hopes for Christmas Night with mine.

Too high, as it turned out.

Danny, who was usually friendly and laid-back, stared at Matthew, openly suspicious. Kyle was such a thundercloud, Claudia actually elbowed him in the ribs at one point when Kyle ignored a question from Matthew.

After a tortuous half hour, Becca jumped up and announced she needed her brothers’ help in the garage. Now.

The three of them disappeared downstairs, leaving me, Claudia and Matthew to make conversation. It was the first moment
not
fraught with tension all night.

Then the yelling started. My eyes got as big as saucers and I flushed with embarrassment as three voices came up the stairs. We couldn’t make out their words, but it was definitely a heated discussion. Claudia, bless her heart, whipped out her phone and said, “I’m in the mood for Christmas music!” and put the music on as loud as her phone would go.

After a few minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore, and got up. Matthew looked uncomfortable and rubbed his hands on his slacks.

“Hey, Lyssa?” I looked down at Claudia, sipping her wine. “Unsolicited advice from a child of divorce: let them figure it out. Sounds like Becca is giving them the dressing-down they deserve.”

I looked at Matthew for support, and he held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me down next to him on the couch – the first time I’d even
touched
him all night – and put my head on his shoulder. He kissed my forehead.

“Your family didn’t do this,” I knew I sounded pouty.

“Actually,” I sat bolt upright and stared at him as he admitted, “I had to have a ‘come-to-Jesus’ talk with my daughter the night she got here. She didn’t take well to the idea that
my
bedroom is now
our
bedroom.”