Hard As Rock (43 page)

I smudged the tears out of my eyes with the back of my hand. “Of course I’m serious!”

Derek looked back at Ryan. Something unsaid passed between them – and then Ryan turned to me. “Come back. We need to talk.”

I broke down. I couldn’t go back in there again. It had taken all of my strength just to walk away.

“I can’t… I meant what I said…”

“I know. Just come back and sit down and wait. Derek and I need to talk, but we can’t do that if we think you’re going to walk away and we can never see you again. Okay?”

My chest heaved violently, and I gave in. “…okay.”

Derek led me back gently to the room and set me down on the sofa. Ryan got me some wine and bottled water from the mini-bar.

“I don’t want that,” I said, looking at the tiny bottle of chardonnay.

“Then don’t worry about it,” Ryan said, but he left it there on the table beside me. Then he and Derek walked into one of the adjoining bedrooms.

Both of them looked back at me before they closed the door.

“Don’t go anywhere,” Derek said.

“I won’t,” I said, exhausted.

“Promise?” Ryan asked.

“I promise.”

He nodded soberly and shut the door.

A couple of times there was some angry shouting from the bedroom, but most of the talk was in hushed whispers. Under ordinary circumstances I might have been interested in eavesdropping, but I was so drained, I really couldn’t work up the enthusiasm. Besides, I knew what they were talking about: me.

And they talked for a looooong time.

After about ten minutes, I gave in and opened the wine. Like the classy lady I am, I swigged it right out of the bottle.

Twenty minutes later I was finished with the wine and had a nice buzz going – probably due to my exhaustion as much as the alcohol – when they finally walked out.

The stood in front of me, and this time it was me who waited anxiously.

“Well?” I finally asked.

“…okay,” Derek said.

My eyes almost bugged out of my head.

“What?!”

“I said okay.”

“I know what you said, but – ” I turned to Ryan. “You’re okay with this?”

He looked unhappy. “I wouldn’t call it ‘okay,’ but… I can’t lose you. I
won’t
lose you.”

“Same goes for me,” Derek agreed.

I sat there, mouth agape – and then I burst into tears.

“Are you alright?” Ryan asked, concerned. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

“It is, it is,” I sobbed, and got up and launched myself at both of them, putting an arm around each of their necks as I buried myself between them. “I’m just so happy…”

Derek laughed and pulled back so he could look me in the eyes. “Okay, so… how does this work?”

I sniffled and wiped the tears out of my eyes. “I… don’t know… I hadn’t gotten that far.” I tried to think out the details, but my brain wasn’t exactly working like normal. It was too overcome with relief and happiness – not to mention this was a really,
really
weird subject to be discussing. “Maybe Ryan and I will be together five nights a week, and you and I could be together two?”

Derek’s face immediately fell. “Two?! Why do I get two and he gets five?!”

“Because he’ll commit.”

“
I’ll
commit!”

I gave him a look like
Come ON.

“I
will!”
he insisted. “I can, and I will!”

I sighed and didn’t say anything.

“So because I fucked up once, I never, ever get another chance again?” he scowled. “There’s no chance to ever redeem myself, because you’re never going to forgive me?”

“I forgave you,” I said.

“Sure doesn’t
seem
like it.”

Ouch.

Shades of my conversation with my mother echoed in my ears.

It had taken me twelve years to fully forgive my mother.

It had only been a few months since Derek hurt me even worse than she did.

Could I forgive him?

I wanted to…

But could I?

I had thought of him as the scorpion for so long that, to be honest… I just didn’t know.

“I’ll try,” I said. “But… I need time. And I need to see from you that… that you really
have
changed.”

“Take all the time you need,” he said, then smiled playfully. “Well, maybe not
all
the time. But… I’ll do whatever I have to do, just as long as you really give me a chance.”

“…I’ll try,” I promised – and I meant it.

Ryan looked down, then back up shyly. “But… what about…”

He trailed off.

“What about what?” I asked.

“…what about the threesome part?”

I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly.

In fact, between the wine and the emotional overload I’d been through, I was pretty sure I had just hallucinated that.

“…what?”

Derek half-smiled, half-frowned. “Isn’t that what you meant by you want us both at the same time?”

I could feel my cheeks immediately go to four-alarm fire status.

“WHAT?! NO! Oh my God, NO! I didn’t mean it like THAT! I meant – emotionally – like, relationship-wise – oh my God! NO!”

Both Derek and Ryan gave each other a funny look, like
Okay, didn’t expect to hear THAT.

“…really?” Derek asked with a grin.

“NO!”

“It never entered your mind, not once?”

“NO!”

Ryan’s eyebrows raised. “Oh.”

Okay,
that
floored me: Mr. Nice Guy had apparently been under the impression I wanted a threesome with him and his romantic rival.

And that he’d apparently been willing to go along with it.

Which was starting to turn me on.

I pointed at myself. “You thought… we were… I wanted…”

“Yeah.”

“NO!”

Derek laughed. “Because we had decided we would do that… here… tonight… if that was the only way to get you to stay.”

“OH MY GOD, NO!”

Ryan smiled. “You keep saying ‘no’ a lot.”

“Because that’s CRAZY!”

Derek cocked his head. “Is it?”

“YES!”

“So… you’re not even curious what it would be like?”

I was about to say ‘no’ – but I could tell by how wet I was getting that I was actually
very
curious.

But after a second’s hesitation I said “No!” anyway.

Ryan crossed his arms. “That wasn’t as loud as last time.”

I shook my head. “We’re not doing that.”

“Why not?” Derek asked.

“Because… because…”

I was struggling for reasons.

Because good girls don’t do that! HOLY SHIT!

I was so turned on it wasn’t funny.

But I still couldn’t admit that.

“Because you two can’t handle it,” I said, throwing up a smokescreen. “You’re so competitive, you’ll be measuring dicks in five seconds and that’s all it will be.”

Ryan sighed. “No we won’t.”

“He already knows mine is bigger,” Derek joked.

“Since you
are
a dick, yeah, I’d have to agree,” Ryan said.

“See? You’re doing it already!” I yelled.

“It was a joke,” Derek groaned and Ryan agreed at the same time.

I turned to my boyfriend. “Well – why would
you
want to do it, since you don’t have to?”

“I don’t
want
to do it – but I guess I’d come to terms with it,” Ryan said. “Plus, I guess there’s a certain amount of morbid curiosity. If I don’t see him with you, I’ll always imagine what he does to you, and it’s going to drive me crazy not knowing.”

“Same here,” Derek agreed. “There’s got to be some reason you wouldn’t just run off with me, so… I wanna know.”

Okay, at that point I was so turned on, my panties were soaked.

But…

“If we do it and it doesn’t go well, you’ll be all jealous, and then everything blows up.”

Ryan shrugged. “Actually, I’m going to be insanely jealous anyway, wondering what you two are doing behind my back. At least this way I’ll know.”

Derek looked at me quizzically. “What I want to know is, why are
you
so hesitant?”

“I just told you!”

He shook his head. “I think it has more to do with what you said Shanna told you… that you’re afraid to try things. Why are you so afraid?”

“Why are you so hot and bothered to do it?” I demanded. “It’s almost like you
want
to get naked with Ryan.”

Derek laughed. “We spent fifteen minutes negotiating exactly what was going to happen, who was going to do what, what we were going to say if anything – you know – got
touched
– we’re pretty secure in our plan.
And
our manhood.”

“And our heterosexuality,” Ryan added.

“Yeah. You know that SNL song?” Derek laughed. “About how it’s not gay if it’s a threeway? With a woman in between you there’s some leeway?”

I got pissed. “You are
not
going to – to – ”

“To what?”

Aggravated, I stuck out both my pointer fingers and jabbed them at each other. “ – to do
that
with me in the middle.”

Derek doubled over and howled with laughter.

Ryan grinned. “No… this’ll be all about
you,
about giving
you
pleasure. That’s what we decided.”

My panties were
so
soaking wet.

Derek stopped laughing and straightened back up. “So… are you in, or out?”

I started crying. I couldn’t help myself.

“I don’t want to lose you,” I sobbed.

Ryan hugged me, held me close to his body. “You just walked out the door. You were going to
choose
to lose us.”

“But… I just got you back…”

“We already decided to do it,” Derek pointed out. “We don’t
have
to – but we already said yes in our heads, so we’re just giving you the option.”

Ryan looked down at me. “Be honest… is this something you want?”

“What if it turns out bad?”

“That’s not what I asked. Forget the fear – is this something you want?”

I held my breath.

I could feel my cheeks radiating heat as I blushed scalding red.

And I nodded ‘yes.’

It all happened naturally from there.

If you ever get the chance to make love to two gorgeous men at the same time, both of whom are hopelessly in love with you, I would highly recommend you take them up on the offer.

It is, as Ferriss Beuller would say,
SO choice.

Ryan was the first to move. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned over and kissed me, slowly… sensually.

As I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the kiss, another pair of hands slowly touched my waist.

Derek.

He brushed aside my hair, and I felt his warm lips on the back of my neck.

I shivered, and a jumble of emotions surged through me all at once: fear. Excitement. Desire. Shame. Love. Longing. Uncertainty.

Were we really going to do this?

Was this
really
going to happen?

As Ryan continued to kiss me, one of Derek’s hands tugged at my blouse, pulled it up out of my skirt, and brushed across my bare skin.

Holy SHIT, this really WAS going to happen.

I parted lips with Ryan, then felt a gentle tug at my hair. I turned my head slowly, as though in a trance – and Derek’s lips were there to meet mine.

With Ryan’s taste still in my mouth, now I had Derek’s, as well – the slightly darker, smokier taste of his lips, his tongue.

It felt wrong.

But it was sooooo
hot.

Ryan began to nuzzle my neck at the same time, and I sighed out loud, my eyes rolling back in my head. Ryan’s lips were hot against my skin, slightly sticky pulls of friction with little wet caresses of his tongue.

I sighed again, not quite believing this was real. Maybe this was all a fantasy in my head. Maybe they had both rejected me and I’d snapped. Maybe I had gone crazy, and none of this was really happening.

Derek kissed me deeper, and I felt his right hand trace up under my blouse, slowly move over my bra, and cup the weight of my breast in his palm.

At the same time, Ryan’s hand moved down to the curve of my ass and slowly caressed me.

Nope, this was happening, all right.

But it was soooo slow… hypnotic… like a dream. The best dream possible.

I broke away from Derek’s kiss and turned my head. Ryan sensed the movement, and slowly kissed his way up my neck, to my jaw, to my lips.

Derek’s taste lingered in my mouth as I kissed Ryan again, and was flooded with the sweetness of his mouth.

Derek began unfastening my skirt.

“Wait,” I whispered.

Derek stopped. So did Ryan.

“Turn out the lights first,” I breathed.

Five seconds later, the lights were out, with our bodies barely illuminated by the city lights of Austin outside.

Derek started on my skirt again, and I felt it drop away to the floor.

Now two hands – one belonging to each man – began to caress my thighs, my ass, my naked skin.

My panties were absolutely soaked.

I felt Derek’s fingers pass over them, slipping over the wet material, gliding over the shape of my swollen clit.

I gasped, my mouth raised to the ceiling – and I felt both of them kiss me, first on either side of my face, then either ear, then down my neck on opposing sides.

Each of them grabbed one of my breasts – Ryan gently, Derek rougher and more urgent. Ryan began to circle my left nipple, making it harder and firmer; Derek tweaked my right nipple between his fingers, sending a delicious spike of almost-pain through my body, heightening my pleasure.

I hesitated to do it… part of me thought I shouldn’t… that I was a slut if I did… a bad,
bad
girl… but I wanted it too much, so I let my hands find each of their bodies and trace from their thighs to the front of their pants – Derek’s jeans, Ryan’s slacks.

And I found exactly what I was looking for.

A firm, hard pressure in each hand.

I cupped my fingers around the hardness in each of my palms, letting their girth fill my fingers, rubbing up and down.