Happy Hour (21 page)

The
uncertainty of life got me thinking about the importance of constants in our
lives. Constants can be anything from the bills in the mailbox, to needing gas
for the car, to loving family members and caring for good friends. The not-so-fun
things like the bills and the gas—the givens—can be annoyances at best and
utterly depressing at worst. However, they are there. There’s no surprises when
it comes to these things. We know that we need money in the bank to acquire
even basic needs and when money isn’t easy to come by, then we have to figure
out if we need to change our lifestyle to keep up with the basic constants in
life.

Loved
ones and friends are what I consider the joyful constants in life. There are
times when even the most wonderful of constants can cause pain and heartache,
but that overall feeling of love and warmth given and gotten from these
constants makes the bad times tolerable. Loved ones, including pets, cause us
to have the best types of emotion. Without these constants, we would never
understand love and humor, or pain and sorrow.

The bottom line about constants is that they are dependable. They are
there—always. I’m happy at the end of the day (even when I open up the bills)
knowing that I have three constants in my life who make me laugh, who bring out
the worst and the best in me, and who make me a better woman. They are my
friends. So, this week, take some time to call the constants in your life and
toast to them, whether they are your friends, siblings, parents, or pets…give
your dog a hug and toast him for being your best friend!

And since good food and wine should be a constant in your life, try
Alyssa’s shrimp salad with a glass of crisp sauvignon blanc.

It was Monday afternoon and Shannon still hadn’t returned from the city.
Nor had she answered any of her mother’s calls. Danielle was beside herself and
instead of going to the lab or the winery to work, she cleaned the house. She
didn’t just pick up. She took an old toothbrush and scrubbed grout. She waxed
and polished the hardwoods while on her knees, she organized the bathroom and
kitchen cupboards, and then, after eating a quick tuna fish sandwich, braved
Cassie’s room.

Danielle had a rule where Cassie’s room was concerned—never go in. The
reason for that is that she might not ever find her way out. It was a maze of
clothes, cups and plates, books, CDs, DVDs, papers, and empty junk food
wrappers. She should’ve made the child clean, but the energy required for that
argument was actually greater than what it took to live with it. She did have
to give the kid props for doing a great job gardening with her on Saturday.

However, a cloud of guilt hung over Danielle as her youngest daughter had
tried hard to make conversation with her, telling her about the movie from the
night before. Through it all, Danielle feigned interest, wanting so badly to be
present. It was rare that Cassie shared with her on that level any longer. Then
she asked her about her date with Mark and all Danielle could tell her was that
it was fine. Soon thereafter, Cassie put her earphones back in her ears and did
what she normally did—shut her mother out.

Danielle had been relieved. All she could do was play out in her mind
what she wanted to say to Shannon. The conversation they needed to have was
coming and as soon as her daughter came through the door it would have to
happen. In the meantime, she would organize Cassie’s room and hopefully
alleviate the guilt she felt for not paying proper attention to her on
Saturday.

After determining what were clean and what were dirty clothes she began
folding the clean pile. But when she opened the drawers of Cassie’s dresser to
put them away, she realized she would first have to sort through
that
clothing,
fold it and then make room for the other clothing. Some of this stuff had to be
too small.

Halfway through cleaning out the middle drawer, her hand found something
non-clothing
.
It was round and plastic and she pulled it out, already with an idea as to what
she’d found. She closed her eyes and sat back with a big sigh. In her hands she
held a packet of birth control pills.

***

Danielle heard the back door slam and set the baby photo of Shannon back
on the mantelpiece. She’d been standing there for at least twenty minutes
looking at baby pictures of both girls. How easy it was then. If only she could
go back, hold them in her arms. Now she wasn’t even certain she knew the two
young women living in her home. They were virtual strangers to her.

“Hi, Mom,” Cassie said and headed for the kitchen.

“Hi, Cass. How was your day?”
Keep cool and don’t lose it.

“Fine. I think I got a job at In-N-Out Burger, which is, like, so
humiliating because if my friends see me I’m gonna die, but no one is hiring,
and you and this job thing. Anyway, so my day basically sucked.”

Danielle started in for the kitchen. “Cassandra, there is something I
need to talk to you about.” She cringed.
Never use her full name like that
.
The cat was now out of the bag that this was one of those conversations that
would not exactly be fun.

Cassie stood there, her mouth full of chocolate chip cookie and placed a
hand on her hip. “Sure, Danielle, but can I go change first? I’m going swimming
at Hannah’s house.”

“Don’t call me Danielle, and, no. You can have a seat.”

Cass rolled her eyes and plopped down on a barstool at the kitchen aisle,
twisting it from side to side. “What’s on your mind,
Mom
?” she asked
between mouthfuls of cookie. “I already know what you’re gonna say, cause,
like, you’ve already said it before. I got a job, okay? We good? Or do I have
to go plant more stupid flowers with you? That was fun.”

Amazing how one moment (especially when the kid needed money) she could
be sweet as honey and the next, surly and truculent. “I found something that
belongs to you today.” Danielle stood on the opposite side of the kitchen
aisle.

“Okay.” Cassie sighed and looked out the window. “What did you find?”

Danielle reached into her shorts’ pocket and pulled out the birth control
pills. “I think these are yours.”

Cassie’s eyes grew big and her face red. She stood up and crossed her
arms. “You were looking in my stuff! I can’t believe you were looking in my
stuff!”

“Wait a minute. How old are you? The last time I checked you were still
living under my roof and you’re a minor.”

“That’s beside the point. You can’t go through my things.”

“You know what? I can. But it’s not like that. I didn’t go snooping in
your things, Cass!” Danielle’s stomach swirled. She tried hard to push the
emotion aside and not get wound up.

“Whatever! God!” She shook her head and started to walk away.

“Cassandra Rose Bastillia, don’t walk away from me!”

Cassie stopped and turned to face her mother. Danielle still knew the
right tone to hit to get her youngest daughter’s attention.

“What!”

“Sit down.” Cassie slunk back and sat down. “I was not snooping. I got
tired of seeing your room in a state of disaster. Looked like a hurricane
plowed through it. Since I know your idea of cleaning your room is shoving your
crap under the bed or stuffing it in the closet, I decided to do it for you. By
the way, I expect it to stay exactly how it is. We can discuss that later.” She
sighed and reached for her daughter’s hand. Cassie didn’t pull away but she
kept her hand limp and didn’t respond by squeezing her mom’s hand back like she
would have when she was a little girl. “I found the pills in your underwear
drawer when I was putting clean pairs away.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” The next part of the conversation was about to get tricky and
Danielle wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. Very delicately because one of her
kids was already knocked up. “I take it you’re having sex then.”

“I don’t want to talk about this with you.” Cassie looked down.

“I got a news flash for you, kid. This isn’t exactly a conversation I
want to be having either.”

“Good. Then I can go.” She fidgeted in her chair.

“No. Just because we don’t want to have it, doesn’t mean we don’t need to
have it. Are you having sex, Cass?”

“Duh.”

“Okay.” Danielle’s stomach dropped. “Since when?”

“I don’t know, Mom.”

“You don’t know?”

“No, and I don’t know why that matters.”

“You’re my daughter and it matters because I love you and having sex
isn’t something to be taken lightly. It should be a mutual decision between two
adults
and hopefully
adults
that are in a loving relationship.”

“God, Mom, when did you leave planet Earth? Get real. Everyone
does
it.
I don’t see the big deal and I’d think, considering Shannon’s situation, that
you would at least be happy I was responsible enough to get on the pill.”

This wasn’t going how Danielle wanted. Cassie had her there. And she knew
she was being a hypocrite. She herself had had sex with Mark at sixteen. But
she’d been in love with him, or at least thought she was. “Is there someone?
Someone special?”

“No.”

Danielle blew out a bunch of air and leaned back in the chair. “Honey,
you do know that birth control pills are not foolproof and they don’t prevent
diseases.”

“I’m not an idiot. I take the pill and I make the guy wear a condom.”

That was sort of a relief. “Oh.” The next part was going to be even
harder. “Okay, but Cass, by the way you make it sound, you’ve had sex with a
lot of guys.”

She shrugged. “A few.”

Could she just die right there? Could someone please put her out of this
misery? “A few? All from your school?”

“Some.”

“Jesus, Cassie, aren’t you even remotely concerned about your reputation?
What people might think or call you?”

“Are you saying that I’m a slut?”

“I didn’t say that, but, honey, if you’re having sex with more than one
guy and that gets around, which it always does, then, yes, there are people who
may say that. Doesn’t that bug you?”

“No. I’m not a slut. I’m careful. Like I said, everyone does it.”

“If everyone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that?” She
raised her voice.

Cassie stood up and walked up the stairs. “Get over it, Mom.”

Danielle started to follow her. As she did the front door opened and
Shannon came in. Cassie’s door slammed and Danielle turned and looked at her
oldest daughter.

“You know, don’t you?” Shannon asked.

Danielle had been wanting to have this conversation all weekend with
Shannon, but after what had just transpired with Cassie, she wasn’t up to it.
She looked to the top of the stairs. Cassie wasn’t opening that door. She
looked back at Danielle and tossed her hands up. From one kid to the next, but
they both needed to be dealt with, so while one was simmering the other one was
now in the hot seat. “Yes, I know. Mark told me. He had no idea that I didn’t
know, and what I want to know is why I didn’t know? Why haven’t you told me about
the baby? And how long have you known?” She didn’t stop with those few
questions, already fired up from Cassie, Danielle continued.

“Have you thought about this? Really thought about this? Your career?
Your life? Do you even remotely understand the challenges that you and this
child are going to face? And what about a relationship for you in the future?
Do you think that there’s a man out there who will want to take this type of
challenge on? What
have
you been thinking?”

Shannon didn’t reply for a minute. She tucked her long red hair behind
her ears and quietly answered her mother’s tirade. “I figured first we’d get
past the initial jolt, you know, of me being pregnant and all.” Her words
rushed like a fast-flowing river caught on a current headed for the falls. “I’m
sorry, Mom. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to talk to you about this, and, yes,
I have thought a lot about what I am doing. That’s all I have thought about for
months.”

“Don’t you think this is something we may have wanted to discuss when you
came home? Actually this should have been talked about as soon as you found
out. Your pregnancy should have been discussed with me
when
you found
out. This is bigger than you coming home and announcing that you’re pregnant.
This is quite a bit bigger. This is about a child who is going to have special
needs. Your baby has Down Syndrome. Do you get that? I don’t know if you
realize what you’re getting into. Do you want that kind of burden?” Danielle
wished she could take it back the minute she said it.

“Burden? Is that how you feel?” Shannon crossed her arms. “And don’t talk
to me like I’m a child. Of course I get what Down is, and I am totally aware of
the challenges we’ll face, but a burden, Mother?”

Danielle closed her eyes and shook her head. “No. I…Look, even if the
baby didn’t have special needs, raising any baby is no easy feat. I don’t think
you’ve thought this out all the way. What I’m trying to say is that, even if
the baby didn’t have Down Syndrome, you are in for a lot more than you realize.
I struggled even though I had your father in the house. I can’t imagine what it
would have been like to do it alone. I know women do it, but I see Jamie
struggling with her daughter, and I know it wasn’t easy for Kat, and I don’t
want that for you. With this baby it will be that much harder.”

“How about me, Mom? How about what I want? What did you expect me to do?”

“You had to have known for a while.”

“Yes. I’ve known since I was four months along.”

“Then why? Why did you decide to go through with this?”

“With
this? This
…,” she said as she rubbed her expanding stomach,
“is my son. And it wasn’t easy to make
this
decision. It really wasn’t.
But did you forget your faith? The same one you taught me? This baby is a life
and it may not be easy, but I don’t care because how do you know that
this
isn’t what my life is supposed to be? How do you know that my son won’t be the
best gift in the world? That he won’t make me become the woman, the mother, the
daughter, the friend, and someone’s wife I am supposed to be? How do you know,
Mom? You’re assuming this will be horrible and terrible and so hard and that
I’m throwing my life away. How do you know that this child isn’t going to give
me the life I am supposed to have? As far as I am concerned, this baby is a
gift from God and I am not going to destroy his life or my life. I know what
I’m doing. I’m not an idiot, or incapable, or any of that. I want this baby and
I’m going to love him and take care of him and I accept that God has enough
faith in me that I can do that. I think you might want to try that out. Faith,
Mom. That’s all it is. I believe in him.” She pointed to her belly, “And in
me.”