Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart (21 page)

It took my friend Janet years, but after suffering devastating losses, she finally realized the beauty of her job and the role it played in helping her find her inner smile again. As the granddaughter of a wealthy businessman in the banking and oil industry, she grew up not wanting for anything. For the first half of her life, she lived in the true lap of luxury, with multiple homes and private jets and extravagant, spontaneous trips to wherever her heart desired. Then she met John. John had moved to Janet’s hometown of Borger, Texas, for an internship that he hoped would take him to Florida. Instead, he ended up on Florida
Street
and was introduced to Janet the night he arrived.

Janet fell in love instantly. Having dreamed of her Prince Charming riding into Borger on a white horse, she knew it was a sign when he drove into town in a white Ford Pinto. (Close enough, right?) As John was adamant about staying single, his feelings took much longer to develop. But once they did, they never faltered.

Shortly after Janet and John were married, they began their journey to parenthood, eventually welcoming four healthy children into the world. Without the ability to sustain the lifestyle she had always known after her parents lost their fortune, they relied on the income from John’s civil engineering job and turned Janet’s craft and painting hobbies into a budding art business that allowed her to be a stay-at-home mom. They named the business Happy Everything, because in her words, they “felt
so blessed.” To this day, she still proudly creates personalized ornaments, growth charts, journals, keepsake boxes, stained-glass windows, trunks, canvases, step stools, and even pumpkins—each decorated by hand. All she needs is a general idea and her paintbrushes take over. She once told me, “I enjoy every second,” even if she’s under a deadline or the task at hand is difficult.

Besides her being a mother, wife, and Christian (not necessarily in that order), Janet’s art is her calling. She realized that it was much more than just a job after March 3, 2001—the day her entire universe was forever changed.

On her first real date, their youngest daughter, Lynley, was involved in a fatal car accident. Along with the boy who took her to the movies that afternoon, she was pronounced dead on the scene. She was sixteen. Three days later, Janet and John’s beautiful daughter was laid to rest.

After the service, their home was filled with those wishing to express their condolences. With forty friends and loved ones crammed in her workroom, Janet did what she had to do to escape the reality that she would never see her daughter again—she completed an order for Happy Everything.

For years she continued to avoid reality through her work, though the name of her business haunted her. She never wanted to see the words again. Thankfully, one of her daughter’s best friends convinced her that Lynley would’ve wanted her to stand by “Happy Everything” and continue doing what she loved. In addition to her loving husband and children, caring friends, and an unending faith, she survived the overwhelming heartache through her peaceful diversion of painting and learned to keep a smile on her face—no matter what.

Compared with the loss of a child, it may sound like a relatively minor circumstance, but seven years later, they were
dealt further misfortune when John was let go from his job. Janet continued to paint, but her Happy Everything earnings weren’t even close to the salary John had brought home. He searched for a job, but for an overqualified fifty-eight-year-old, the task proved impossible for many years. They had savings and retirement money stashed away, but through a rash of bad investments and significant debt, they burned through that and had to declare bankruptcy.

And it got worse—three substantial blows worse.

The first involved giving up the lifetime of memories attached to their large home and moving into a garage. The second: At fifty-nine, John took a job that required twelve-hour shifts walking the perimeter of a hotel in Colorado on freezing winter nights to ensure that the grounds were secure. The third and final blow came when they had to make a trip to a local pawnshop to sell what had represented their love and marital commitment for the past thirty-five years: their wedding rings.

As someone who truly cherishes what my engagement ring and wedding band signify, I can’t imagine their sadness at saying good-bye to these precious tokens. Yes, they are only objects, but when you’ve worn something as a representation of the love you have for another person day and night for the better part of your life, it has to hurt down deep when you are forced to pawn them for cash.

Through it all, though, Janet put her whole self into doing what she loved—including painting—and her smile still prevailed. I can attest to that.

If my memory serves me right, I first encountered her bubbly personality in 2009. I had known of her and her business since the birth of my son in 2007 after we received a gorgeous
stained-glass window she created for him, but we didn’t officially meet until a couple years later. I’ve hired her to make special gifts and paint faces at children’s birthday parties, celebrated baby showers and holidays together, and sat with her in my living room, trying to come up with a plan to light a fire under Happy Everything and get her back in the black. I knew, to a degree, of her and John’s financial setbacks, but I didn’t fully understand the extent.

Her beaming smile had hidden it all.

I don’t know that I will ever have the pleasure of meeting anyone else quite like Janet. Over the course of her life, she’s experienced tremendous highs, as well as the lowest of lows. She poured her life into her work to seek solace from pain, and through that work her pain was healed, and continues to be. Her business is now thriving, and I have no doubt that it is just the beginning of even greater success. She loves what she does and is grateful for the opportunity.

That, right there, is a recipe for Happy Everything.

H
APPY
W
ORKERS
A
RE
H
ARD
W
ORKERS

Why do people leave their jobs? If you think it’s because they want to make more money, you’re wrong. If you think it’s because they want a career change, wrong again. If you think it’s because they won the lottery, nope, not even close. The number-one reason people leave their jobs, according to a Gallup poll of over 1 million American workers, is a bad boss. The study found that employees essentially quit their bosses, not their jobs—and all because of the way they feel they were treated.

Are you surprised? Or do you agree so much that you are one of the 2 million people who, according to Alan Hall in
Forbes
magazine, quit their jobs each month even in our poor economic climate because they didn’t like their boss?

Two million people every month! It seems to me that number would be much, much lower if workers were made to feel like happy contributors instead of stepped-on drones. Too many managers withhold their appreciation until it’s time for Christmas bonuses or end-of-the-year reviews instead of handing it out regularly.

So if you assume your employees are there only for a paycheck, start thinking—and start thanking. And if you need a little inspiration, pick up a copy of Charles Dickens’s classic tale
A Christmas Carol.
If you somehow missed this one in your high school English class, or when any number of cinematic versions show up on TV during December, from the classic Alastair Sim black-and-white film to the animated Mr. Magoo to the Muppets, the gist is this: the wealthy main character, Ebenezer Scrooge, finally awakens to the spirit of generosity and giving by the three ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. He ends his reign as a thank-you miser and showers his employee Bob Cratchit and his family not only with money but with credit and praise.

If you’re a manager or executive, start expressing your gratitude to your staff on a regular basis, and just as Scrooge experienced, you will notice a difference not only in them but in yourself as well.

And this advice doesn’t pertain only to those who toil away in an office. Whether or not you have a traditional nine-to-five job, we all work with people and for people. Do you employ a babysitter? A plumber? Do you ever visit the doctor for a checkup or the hair salon for a trim? Showing appreciation to all of the people who keep our lives running smoothly
not only creates pride and positivity, but promotes better on-the-job performance as well.

Now, who could use a pat on the back?

F
RIENDS AT
W
ORK

I’ve had lots of jobs in my life. My parents, in an attempt to teach me the importance of financial independence and a strong work ethic, encouraged me to start earning my own spending money at an early age. I mowed our lawn, washed cars, did chores at home, and worked as a babysitter in our neighborhood. When I was sixteen, I got my first “real” job, making iron-on T-shirts and running the cash register at a little shop in Chesterfield Mall called T-Shirts Plus. From there I went on to help people find the perfect bathing suit or skateboard at a store named Splash, organize restaurant seating as a hostess, watch over swimmers as a lifeguard, wait tables, file paperwork, answer phones, submit insurance claims, sell gym memberships, and start a career in physical therapy. I loved the feeling of paying off my bills through hard work and, after graduate school, actually earning a living.

One of my favorite jobs had little to do with the minimal amount I was paid, and everything to do with fun and friends and the opportunity to indulge one of my passions: dancing. It took three years of persistent auditioning to finally earn a spot as a Miami Heat dancer. Once I made it, the other girls and I became fast friends, especially a group of about six of us. We saw one another at least three or four times a week for rehearsals, during public appearances, and at about forty home games per season.

We bonded over our team, our love of dancing, and oddly enough, fake eyelashes. Required to wear a strip of MAC #2’s for every performance, we moaned and groaned about putting them on—well, at least I did. Even after taking training sessions with MAC makeup artists on how to properly apply them, I could never get it right.

Luckily, one of my closest friends on the squad was Ashley, the go-to lash applier. Practically every game, she would have to hustle from her full-time job as a social worker to the locker room at the American Airlines Arena to make herself up for game time. Even in a huge rush, she would always help me and usually anyone else who asked. Time was of the essence in the locker room but she didn’t let that stop her from going out of her way to literally lend a hand to her friends, something I always appreciated with a squeeze and a thank-you after each application.

After Ashley and I hung up our red sequin tops, we remained close—not just as coworkers who bonded over false eyelashes, but as two dance lovers who had established a true friendship outside of work. We palled around on the weekends, sung “Happy Birthday” to each other wherever we happened to be celebrating that year, dressed up side by side on Halloween, attended each other’s bachelorette parties, and witnessed each other walk down the aisle toward the loves of our lives. We met at work, but our friendship didn’t stay at work. She was the kind of friend I hoped to find in that job. I just wish she could’ve stayed my friend for a lot longer.

On April 6, 2006, a pregnant Mary Ashley Clements was involved in a horrific car accident. Neither she nor her unborn child survived. I’ll never get to tell her again how much I appreciated her presence in my life or her help with the little
things, but every time I put on lashes or see her picture, I will always remember her unconditional kindness and genuine friendship.

If you feel as lucky as I do, you have met people through your job who make the day fly by, allow you to vent about things your family may not understand, help you finish a special project or celebrate life victories, and even meet you for a drink (or three) after a super-stressful day. Work, and the responsibilities that go with it, aren’t always easy (including applying fake lashes), but no matter how big or small their contributions to your daily happiness, the people we work with can be the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down.

T
HE
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ESEARCH
P
ROVES
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T

Common sense tells us that we work better when someone tells us we’re doing a great job. It’s not just an instinct of parenting or a trick teachers use to encourage their students—science backs it up. If you don’t believe me, or even your own mom, believe professionals like Jane Dutton. A leader in the positive psychology movement, she is based at the University of Michigan and believes that even the simplest gestures that show you care can add a level of humanity to a workplace—and raise performance levels.

A survey done by the American Psychological Association reported similar findings. After questioning more than 1,700 employees, researchers found that 93 percent are motivated to do their best work when they feel they are valued by their employers.

And these aren’t the only findings out there. In 2009, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School
did a study on positive behavioral effects of gratitude through a fund-raising experiment. Two groups were created. The first worked exactly as they always had, making calls to ask alumni for donations. The second group was given a pep talk in which the director told them she was very grateful for the wonderful work they were doing before they started making their calls.

Who do you think did a better job? That’s right. The second group made 50 percent more calls over the week than group one, which significantly increased their odds of raising money for their school. Because the volunteers felt valued, they were far more eager to make their director proud.

As one blogger at the
Harvard Business Review
said, “There is far too little praise and appreciation in most work environments.” And it’s not just bosses and their staff who have this problem. Coworkers are just as guilty. So make it a point to appreciate a coworker’s efforts this week. Notice the smile or the resultant improvement in their mood. Be proud of that, along with knowing that you are helping the company you work for through scientifically supported facts.