Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart (19 page)

As someone who considers herself loyal and protective of the people I love, I could understand the reluctance and warnings I saw in her piercing blue eyes. She happily welcomed any love I gave her, but I knew there was a line she was wary of any woman crossing . . . any woman who could potentially break her best friend’s heart again.

Nine years to the day later, we found out that our “pretty girl” would be given her angel wings. Trying to make her final hours on Earth as happy as possible, Ryan took her for one last hike in the gorgeous mountains that she had called home—her favorite thing to do with her favorite person. Upon their return, I headed outside to welcome them home.

I wrapped my arms around Ryan, then kneeled down to Tosh’s level to pet the especially soft spot between her eyes, just
as I had done thousands of times before. As I looked into those crystal-blue soul windows, I assumed I would see the same confusion and fear we had so abruptly started to notice in that last week, but instead she gazed back at me and licked my nose—twice. She had kissed me many times before, but this was different. For that brief moment, she wasn’t frightened or in pain. She knew exactly where she was, whom she was with, and what she needed to do to help her adopted mommy through one of the hardest days of her life. In that wet kiss (which oddly enough never gave me hives), I felt her unconditional love and acceptance—the acceptance I had worried I would never earn. It was a surprise gift I will cherish forever. She was telling me that it was okay. She knew that her best friend was in loving and protective hands and she was ready to go. She had had a wonderful life and she was thankful I had been part of it. I just hope she knew that the feeling was mutual.

H
ERE’S TO
Y
OUR
H
EALTH

I don’t know about you, but my friends (including those of the furry variety) fulfill more than just the role of sidekick in my life. Recently I learned that friends actually fulfill another very important role: they make us healthier. The Mayo Clinic says that having friends can increase our sense of belonging and purpose, which in turn makes us happier and decreases our stress levels. Friends help us through difficult life changes, and encourage us to drop unhealthy habits like skipping the gym and wallowing in a bottle of wine. Sure, most of us know this instinctively, but now the research proves it: friends are the stuff of a long and happy life. And it’s not only the Mayo Clinic offering official medical support for keeping buddies
around. Check out these findings and then go call a friend (or give him or her a pet on the belly)!

       
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In 2006, the American Society of Clinical Oncology published research from a study of nearly 3,000 nurses who had breast cancer. What they learned was that those without close friends were four times more likely to die of the disease than those with close friends, no matter how near or far their friends lived. And maybe even more interesting to note, compared to friends, having a spouse wasn’t connected to survival rates of those studied. Puts a little more meaning into “girl power,” right?

       
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In 1997, Sheldon Cohen, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, did a study that ended up in the
Journal of the American Medical Association.
They reported that the incidence of colds in 276 people between the ages of eighteen and fifty-five was significantly reduced by the number and diversity of their social relationships. More friends in greater categories = fewer colds. I’m ready to make some new friends. Are you?

       
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In 2001, Dr. Redford B. Williams and other researchers at Duke University Medical Center reported that people with heart disease were six times more likely to die within six months if their social ties were in short supply. I hope to never suffer from heart disease, but I’m thinking a little proactive dedication to my friends can’t hurt.

       
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There are many reasons pet owners (including myself) embrace the chance to give a dog or cat or lizard or bird—or whatever may suit their style—a home, and if health benefits aren’t on their list, they should
be, according to the multitude of studies that have recently flooded the scientific community.
WebMD.com
reviewed a gaggle of them, including some from the American Cancer Society, CDC, American Diabetes Association, and
Psychology Today
, reporting that animal companionship can increase serotonin production, thereby lessening stress, lower blood pressure, improve cardiac function, strengthen children’s immune systems, and improve the owner’s overall quality of life. I’ve always loved my furry friends, but now with this research, I love them even more!

A few years after we graduated college, five of my sorority sisters and I decided that because we were scattering around the country and didn’t want to miss out on one another’s daily lives, we would circulate a journal between us. We filled it with photos as well as our latest personal successes and challenges, and waited eagerly until it was our turn to get the scoop in the mail. “The Journal” (as we called it) ceased after we all started having babies, but I’ve made an executive decision to reinstate it. I miss my girls and want to keep our friendship chain going for a long time to come. If you feel the same about your long-lost besties, join us in revving up the postal system again. Find a light journal that’s easy to mail, figure out the chain of delivery, get to writing, and wait. The smiles and the revived connection will come, I promise.

Life is busy. We all get wrapped up in the daily grind, which makes it hard to maintain stable relationships with our friends, but it doesn’t have to be so difficult. Sometimes short and sweet and present is better than fabulous yet forced. From a kind-hearted comment posted to one of their pictures on Facebook to a brief phone call while you’re making dinner or a short trip to the nail salon for side-by-side polish changes, even the smallest gestures will let you both reap the friendship benefits.

When I first moved to Vail, I had a hard time meeting girlfriends. It took me a good five years, birthing my first child, and attending “Mommy and Me” classes with ladies who were as tired, inexperienced, in love, and ecstatic as I was. We bonded over the commonality of being freshly labeled a proud parent, and I realized I should’ve put more thought into introducing myself to like-minded people when I first became a resident of the Vail Valley. When I made the move, I took a dance class here and there, and hit the gym every so often, but I was in and out in a flash and usually wearing headphones while working out. In hindsight, I know I should’ve branched out and tried to make new friends, just as I asked my son to do years later. I should’ve joined organizations or taken part in hobbies that would introduce me to people I shared common interests and life paths with, more so than I actually did. If you find yourself in the same boat, don’t do as I did. Put yourself out there. Get involved in your community—in the things that bring a smile
to your face. Give yourself the chance to meet a new pal, and when a friendship sticks, tell that person how grateful you are to have him or her in your life. If commonality is the attraction, gratitude is the glue.