Hannah's Remission (Amish Romance) (Amish Circle Series Book 1)
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Authors: Esther Weaver
Hannah’s Remission
(Amish Circle Series, Book 1)
Esther Weaver
Copyright © Esther Weaver, 2016-. The right of Esther Weaver to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) 2000
This book is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
The sun made Hannah feel overly warm and she felt sweat starting to soak through the fabric of her dress. She knew she was chasing someone but she couldn’t remember who and she couldn’t see them. She just knew how wonderful it felt to stretch her legs and just run for the fun of it.
She had almost forgotten how good it felt. As she had gotten older, the chances to kick off her shoes and stockings and just run for the sheer joy of it had gotten fewer and farther between. She had more responsibilities, more jobs that she had to do around the
haus
. So, whenever she had the chance to kick up her heels and race, she made sure to take them.
She heard a giggle and tried to figure out whose voice it was. She was pretty sure it was one of other girls that she hung around with. Grace Kauffman, Elizabeth Springer, Jane Sommer, and Hannah were all as close as close could be. They had grown up sharing secrets and inside jokes, playing harmless pranks on one another and talking about the million things that young girls find so important growing up. Hannah knew that they would be friends forever.
She was nearing the edge of the wheat field. Hannah began to slow down a bit wondering exactly where she would emerge. Her father’s fields were quite large and when the stalks were as high as they were it was difficult to figure out exactly where she was. She wondered if she would emerge closer to the
haus
or farther along the fence line where the field was bordered by a stream.
Hannah slowed and then stopped. She slowly turned in a circle, her head back, her eyes closed. She loved the way the sun felt on her face. She had rolled up the sleeves on her dress so that they only covered her arms above her elbows and she loved the way the heat soaked into her lower arms as well. She listened to the sounds of the birds as they sang and flew around her. Then, she heard the sound.
“Haaaannnnnaaaaah...” Her name was long and drawn out. It sounded as if someone was trying to coax her somewhere. She furrowed her brow as she tried to figure out whose voice it was. Was it Grace? It didn’t sound like her. It sounded like someone older. The voice was very familiar though.
“Haaaaannnnaaah...” Again, the long call came, the voice ringing out over the warm, summer air. Hannah recognized the voice. It was her mother, Emma Sutter. Hannah sighed, knowing that her mother was likely calling her to come and finish her chores. She had been having fun but now the time had come for her to get back to the
haus
and begin her daily list of chores. She began walking towards what she thought was the edge of the wheat field when her body began to rock back and forth. It was the strangest feeling. It was almost as if someone was shaking her.
Hannah’s eyes flew open and she looked up into Emma’s worried face. The room was full of light but it was no longer a warm, summer glow. She felt hot and sweaty and uncomfortable. She reached her hand up and touched her head and once again felt the short stubble there. For a moment, she felt confused. Where had her hair gone? She closed her eyes as a wave of dizziness washed over her and she could hear her mother breathe in suddenly as she saw how disoriented and dizzy Hannah was feeling.
“Ach,
dochtah
, did I wake you up too fast? The doctor says that I shouldn’t do that. Are you okay?” Emma pressed her hand against Hannah’s forehead and peered anxiously into her face. “Do you need a washcloth to wipe your face?” Her hand fluttered down from Hannah’s face and twisted nervously in her lap.
“
Nee, Maemm, danka
. I think I’m okay. I was just dreaming again.
Ach, Maemm
, it was so lovely. I was running and I think I was chasing one of my friends. I had my hair back,
Maemm
. I know you said not to be vain about losing it but oh it was
wunderbaar
to have it back again. I think I was back in the old wheat field down near the creek. You know; the one that’s gone fallow these past few years.
Maemm
, do you remember it?”
Emma turned and stood up. She looked down at her
dochtah
sitting in her bed. Her face was flushed and there were deep red spots on each cheek. Under the redness, her face was pale and a little drawn. Her head was covered in stubble. Hannah’s beautiful golden locks were just beginning to grow back. Emma looked her over carefully. She was checking to make sure Hannah wasn’t any paler, wasn’t any thinner, wasn’t any of the things that the doctor had told her to be on guard for.
“Hannah,” she said, trying to be as firm as she could, “you have to get up now. It’s almost time for us to go. We have to go and see the doctor today, remember? You should get up and put on a fresh dress before its time to leave the
haus
. Come now,
dochtah
, get up and get ready.” Emma saw the look of disappointment on Hannah’s face but it passed quickly and before long, Hannah was up and moving around the room.
Emma helped her unbutton her dress. She hated how thin Hannah was. She hated the bruises that seemed to form no matter how carefully Hannah tried to move and how cautious she was about not bumping into things. She forced herself to look at them carefully though. She wanted to make sure that they were all fading, that no new ones were present. That could be a sign, the doctor had said, that Hannah’s recovery was not going as well as they had hoped it would.
Emma waited for Hannah to slip another dress on over her head and when it was in place, she buttoned it up. She looked over at the
kapp
that was sitting on the dresser. Hannah hadn’t needed it for months. There was nothing there to attach it to. As soon as Emma knew that her
dochtah
was up and ready to go, they headed downstairs.
Before long, the Amish taxi arrived and the two women slid into the back seat. Emma gave the driver the address of the hospital and they began the long trek into the city.
Emma kept looking over at Hannah as they sat in the waiting room. Her
dochtah
had sat quietly and looked out the car window for much of the hour-long journey and she hadn’t said much after they reached the hospital either. Emma knew that Hannah hated these appointments and Emma wasn’t very fond of them either. She hated how sick Hannah got every time she had a treatment and how helpless she felt. There was nothing she could do to make her feel better. All she could do was pray and hold to her faith in
Gott
that He would make things better.
When they had first arrived, the nurse had called Hannah into a room and had taken a blood sample and had asked them to sit in the waiting room until it was time for her treatment to begin. Hannah had sat, her legs curled up around her, her shawl wrapped tightly around her body. Emma saw her rubbing her arm where the blood had been drawn from and was saddened by the depressed look on her face.
There were a few other people in the waiting room as well. Many of them were missing their hair or had a thin, sick look to them. Trips to the cancer ward in the hospital were always very hard on Hannah and not just because the hospital was so far away from their home. It was always a reminder that she was ill and it upset her to see reminders of just how ill people could become with this disease. She always felt the most sad when she saw
kinder
who were also there for treatments. Normally the
kinder
should be down running around and playing but so many of
kinder
were quiet and still instead. Emma’s heart always broke a bit at the looks on the parents faces. They mirrored her own worry and fears for her
kinder
. She tried to be positive and sound optimistic.
“
Ach, dochtah
, remember the
gut
news that we heard? Your doctor has said that there should only be a few more treatments if your test results keep improving the way they have. He says that you are getting so strong again, and you’ve felt better, haven’t you. I haven’t seen any new bruises and I think you are starting to put on a little weight too. Isn’t that all
gut
news?
Gott
willing, this could all be over soon.” Emma tried to sound as reassuring as possible.
Hannah shrugged a little and looked over at her mother with a weak smile on her face. She hated being at the hospital, hated the way each of the treatments made her feel. She missed her hair and every time she went out her bare head made her feel sad and self-conscious. She had felt sick for so long that it was hard to imagine that it would ever end. She didn’t want to disappoint Emma though. Her mother had been so supportive and good to her even when she had felt her worst that she didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She knew that as an only
kinder
, she was all that Emma had left of her
familye
and wanted to think she would get through this but sometimes it was so hard to imagine things getting better.
“Hannah Sutter?” The nurse called her name from the doorway that led to one of the treatment cubicles. It was time for things to get started. Hannah stood up and picked up her lap shawl and the knitting project that she brought with her to try and pass the time. Other people had music players or magazines with them but Hannah had none of those things.
The nurse asked Emma to wait outside while they attached Hannah’s IV up to her port. She hated the little device that was up near her neck. Sometimes the neck of her dress would rub it or she would catch a glimpse of it when she looked at herself. It was a constant reminder that she was ill. She hoped that there would come a day when they would remove it and she could go back to being normal again.
The nurse gave her a needle that was supposed to help keep her nausea at a minimum. Hannah never complained but she really didn’t think that the medication was helping her that much. She still tended to throw up a lot while she was having her treatment done and always felt so weak and tired after. Hannah still remembered the nurse telling her at one of her first treatments that this was something she would have to get used to. After months of treatments she realized this was something she would never be able to handle.
The nurse asked her if she wanted anything to drink and brought her some juice when she asked for it. Then, she hooked up the bag of chemotherapy drugs and started the IV running. Hannah wrapped her lap shawl around her legs and snuggled further down inside the shawl wrapped around her shoulders. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her mother take her Bible out of her bag and start to leaf through the pages. She knew that Emma was looking for comfort and some days, Hannah liked to join her but today she just wanted to close her eyes and wake up when it was all done.
She heard Emma murmuring quietly in a mixture of Pennsylvania Dutch and
Englisch
. She saw her lips moving as she sounded out the words in the Bible. Emma had never been a strong reader but she had committed many of the passages to memory. Hannah felt a little angry for a moment. Emma had encouraged her to read the Bible for her own comfort and had mentioned that, just like in the Bible, this was a challenge that
Gott
had set before her but Hannah couldn’t understand why she had to be tested. Hadn’t she always been good and tried to do the right thing?
It wasn’t long after the medication started dripping into her that the nausea hit and Hannah reached for the basin at her side. Emma sighed and moved around beside Hannah so that she could hold her head and try to give her at least a little comfort. It would be at least another hour before the treatment would be finished and Emma knew that Hannah would be sick the entire time that it was going on. She tried to make sure that she had a wet cloth to wipe her mouth and a towel to wipe her forehead. All the while she was helping Hannah Emma prayed silently for this to work and for her
dochtah
to be well again.
