Handle With Care (19 page)

L
auren had a sick feeling in her stomach
all day, and by the time she picked Josh up from school, she had a massive
headache too. She regretted telling Josh that he could invite a friend to come
with him, and for once, felt relieved to see him alone.

Today was not a good day
for him to make new friends. He had to be told the truth, and the sooner the
better. Still, she wanted to give him an hour or two to laugh and play before
she ripped his world apart. She did ask him if he’d invited Thomas. He said he
had, but the boy had T-ball practice after school.

“But maybe he can come
over this weekend. Would that be okay, Mom?”

“Yes, I’m sure that can
be arranged. And I’m glad it’s just going to be you and me today. We haven’t
had alone time for ages.”

He got into the backseat
of the car, fastened his seat belt, and talked nonstop all the way to the
bowling alley.

Once they had their
shoes on and found their lane, they selected their favorite ball to use.

“You go first,” she told
her son.

He gave her a little
wave and a gap-toothed smile, then tossed the ball. It
bounced a couple of times and then rolled into the gutter. He jumped up and
down, before turning to his mother with an excited grin. “Is it your turn,
Mommy?”

“Not yet. You get one
more try.” She showed him how to throw, and once again, the ball bounced into
the gutter.

“Okay. Let’s see if I
can knock one of those pins down. Can’t be too hard, right, buddy?” she asked.

“Yeah.
Knock ’em down, Mommy.” He clapped his hands. “Knock
’em dead.”

Lauren put her fingers
into the holes and lined up the shot. She took a couple of fancy steps and was
about to let it rip, when the ball slipped from her fingers and landed inches
from her toes.

Josh laughed, but much
to her horror, she burst into tears.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?”
He came up beside her and hugged her legs. “Why are you crying?”

“Nothing,
dear. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t usually cry.” She
scrambled for her handbag, found some tissues, and mopped her face.

Josh watched her for a
long minute. “Is something wrong? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

“I’m just emotional
that’s all. Ignore me and let’s play.”

Josh got up. “Okay. I’m
going to do it this time. You don’t need to help me.” He picked up a ball and
tossed it. It weaved slowly down the lane, and took out two pins. He shouted
with joy and raised his hands in the air. “I did it. I did it!”

She clapped and grinned.
“You sure did. Nice going.” She nodded. “You get
another try. Knock the rest down.”

He sent the next ball
careening into the gutter. Lauren stepped up. “Okay, I’m ready to give it a
shot.”

She took a big arc, and
released the ball which traveled straight and narrow down the gleaming wood
lane. It knocked the middle pin down and took out three others, leaving only
one pin standing. She then sent a curve ball flying down the lane and scored a
direct hit. Turning to Josh, she slapped his hand in a high five. “Got a spare.”

“I want to get a
strike.” Josh jumped up and down. “How can I, Mom?”

“Here, let me help you.”
She fitted the ball to his fingers and showed him again how to line up for the
shot. He practiced the arm swing and at her encouragement, let it rip.

The first ball seemed to
stagger and sway but it eventually made its way down the long lane, taking out
the two middle two pins. His second knocked out the rest. Josh yelped. “Strike. That’s a strike, Mom.”

“It sure is, hon.” Close
enough, she decided, figuring they had enough for one day. “Let’s go get our
hot dogs. I’m starved. Aren’t you?”

She grabbed his hand and
marched him off to the refreshment stand. After wolfing down hot dogs, French
fries, and an apple juice for him, a diet soda for her, they returned their
shoes and headed back to the car.

Lauren waited until they
reached home, knowing she couldn’t stall any longer. Josh had to be told, and
postponing it would not make the situation go away. She sat him down in the
family room, and told him they had to have a talk.

Josh sat on the sofa,
looking uneasy. He shuffled his feet, and his eyes darted around the room, as
if he was searching for a place to hide.

Lauren sat next to him
and patted his knee. “You know that I would do anything for you, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I just want you to know
how much I care, and that I would do anything, anything in the world to avoid
hurting you.”

“Okay.” He looked up hopefully.
“Can I go now?”

“No,
sweetheart. I have something important to tell you.”

He nodded, but looked
down in his lap.

“We can’t see Shane
anymore.” She rushed on, “I know we love him, but he’s got problems that he
needs to sort out.”

Josh looked up. “What
kind of problems? You mean, his hand?” His face
brightened. “I can help him with that.”

“No, no, that’s the
least of his worries.” She brushed Josh’s fair hair back from his eyes.
“Something bad happened to him when he went to war. Something
worse than losing a hand. It injured him here.” She touched her heart. “And in here.” She pointed to her head. “He’s got to work
some things out, honey, and until he does, we can’t see him.”

“Why
not?” His face took on an angry look. “I want to see Shane. I don’t care
about any old problems.”

“You can’t, sweetie.
Shane has to do this by himself. We can’t help him. I wish it was that simple
and that we could.”

“Why
not? He’s my friend.”

“It’s not an easy fix,
hon. When he was at war, terrible things happened to him and he gets very sad
sometimes.”

“That’s okay for him to
be sad. At least he doesn’t yell like Brad’s father. He yells all the time.”

“I didn’t know that.”
She frowned. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“You never asked.” Josh
began scratching his arms, clearly agitated.

“Well, I am now. He
never raised his hand to you, did he?”

“No,
not me. He tried to smack Brad once, but Brad ducked and his dad
missed.”

“I see.” She couldn’t
believe how duped she’d been by Kevin. All the years she’d known him and his wife,
he’d never displayed any temper. He’d always been charming and amusing—until
that last evening when she’d thrown him out of her house.

“Shane’s nice,” Josh
said. “He’s not like Brad’s dad.” He glared at his mom. “I want Shane.”

“I know, honey, but he
has a sickness inside him. It’s not his fault, and he’s trying his very best to
control this sickness, but there is no easy cure. It’s not like the measles or
mumps that come for a week or two then go away.”

“Will he die?”

“No, he won’t die. And
he may get better, but it could take years.” She smiled at her son. “We can
pray for him. Every night when we say our prayers, we can say one for him.”

That seemed to pacify
him a little. He stopped scratching and smiled. “Good. Can we say one now? I
want him better soon, so I can see him again.”

“Me
too, Josh.” She kissed the top of his head. “But it will take a very long time
before he will be completely well.”

“What about my medicine?
Maybe it’ll help him too.”

“He needs a different
kind of medicine, dear.”

“Okay. Why don’t you go
to the drugstore and buy him some, so he can get well? Please, Mom. Please?”

Lauren blinked rapidly,
fighting back tears. “It’s not that kind of medicine, Josh. I know you’ll
miss—”

“I don’t want to miss
him!” Josh shouted. “You always take everybody away from me.”

“That’s not true. We had
to stop seeing Gary, I know, but that was because he quit the Brothers
organization.”

“What about Dad? You
sent him away too.”

A piercing pain shot
through her chest. “I loved your dad with my whole heart.” She struggled to
maintain control of her emotions.

“Then why did he go to
heaven?”

She bit her lip to stop
it from trembling. “God had a special job for him up there, and he had to go.
But you know that he’s always looking down and watching over us. He loves us
very, very much.”

“Well, I don’t want him.
I want Shane.” Josh jumped off the couch and began kicking the wall. “I want
Shane. I want Shane.”

“Come, sweetheart.” She
tried to calm him, but he became increasingly distressed.

“Get away from me.” He
cried hysterically. “I hate you. I hate you.”

L
auren knew it would be tough seeing
Shane at work, but her relief turned to alarm when he didn’t show up after a
week. She cornered Rick after he’d brought in a patient another doctor worked
on. Finding a relatively quiet spot, she asked about Shane.

“He can’t work until his
hand heals.” Rick shook his head. “What a crazy ass thing to do.”

“Is he still drinking?”

Rick shrugged. “I don’t
live with the guy, so I can’t say for sure, but he joined AA, said he’d go to
the meetings, and swears he hasn’t had a drop since.”

“Do you believe him?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I do. He told me what
happened, and his excuse for taking a drink was a damn good one. Would take a saint not to, if you ask me.”

“An alcoholic doesn’t
have excuses. And he did a little more than ‘take a drink.’” She ran a hand
through her hair in frustration and despair. “No one said it was easy, but he
needs to be stronger than that.”

“He needs you, Dr.
Reynolds. You shouldn’t turn your back on him.”

Her face flushed. “Did
he tell you about us?”

“Didn’t
have to. It was obvious by the way you two looked at each other. Not to
mention that you’re the one who called me and told me to get over there.”

She couldn’t meet Rick’s
eyes. “If it were just me, I would stick by him. It’s not like I don’t care. I
do, very much, but I can’t allow him around my son. Josh already loves him, and
if things became worse and he returned to drinking, it would make leaving him
harder than it already is. I have no choice.”

“We always have
choices.”

She could see the
accusation in his eyes, and resented it. He had no idea of what she was going
through. How much she had come to love Shane and dream about a future together.
He had let her and Josh down, not the other way around.

She met his eyes with
her head held high. “Shane had a choice too. And he chose drink over a future
with me.”

“He didn’t see it like
that.”

“I know he didn’t, but
he should have. I’d give anything to change what happened and to make this all
go away.” She batted back tears. “He tried calling me
that night, and I was called in to work. Twelve-car pile-up
that night on the freeway. Maybe if he’d reached me, maybe none of this
would have happened.”

“I think you should give
him another chance,” Rick said stubbornly, as if all her words had fallen on
deaf ears.

“I wish I could, but I
can’t.”

Rick turned to walk
away, and she put a hand out to stop him. “I wish him well, and I believe that
he can lick this thing. He’ll make a fantastic doctor one day. Tell him for me
never to give up on that dream. One day at a time. He can do this.”

“Why don’t you tell him
yourself?” Rick was looking over her shoulder, and she turned to see what had
captured his attention. Shane had just walked in.

Lauren caught her breath
as her heart pounded with elation simply at the sight of him.

Rick grinned. “I’ll
leave you two alone.”

Shane slapped Rick on
the shoulder. “How you doing, buddy?”

“Good. But the rookie
they put me with can’t hold a candle to you. How much longer before you’re
cleared to work?”

“Another
week or so.” His eyes were on Lauren as he spoke. “Which
is fine by me. Gives me more time for my studies.”

Lauren cleared her
throat. “I’m glad to hear you didn’t drop out of school.”

“No, I wouldn’t do that.
Although I wish I hadn’t been crazy enough to put my fist through a wall.
Typing my assignments with two fingers is a challenge, that’s for sure.”

“I hope you aren’t
asking for my help,” she answered briskly. “Even if I could, there’s Josh …”

“No
way. I’m just saying that it was pretty damn stupid. It’s not like I had
another good hand to use.”

She didn’t smile. “Is
everything a joke to you?”

“No, but I don’t have to
make things harder than they are.” His eyes never left her face. “How is Josh?
I miss him.”

“He asks about you all
the time.”

Shane looked down at the
floor. “Couldn’t you let me see him for a few hours each Sunday? You know I’d
never go near a drink.”

“I know you wouldn’t.
It’s not that. It’s … it’s just everything. You, me …”

“I wish you could
forgive me.”

She bit her bottom lip.
“It’s not about forgiveness. It’s about trust.” She took a step back, away from
his magnetic force, although every inch of her hungered to get closer.

Rick looked from one to
the other, concern written all over his face. Finally, he made a move. “Gotta get going. I’ll see you
soon, Shane. Be good.”

Shane waved off his
partner and focused on Lauren. “Can we talk? If not today,
sometime?”

“There isn’t much to
say.” She crossed her arms in front of her, going into protective mode.

“Let me buy you a
coffee,” he asked. “Or dinner. I owe you one.”

“That’s not a good
idea.”

“I think it’s a great
idea.” He gave her his cheeky grin, which should have annoyed her, but didn’t.
Instead, her knees went weak.

“Don’t,” she said. The
feelings he stirred in her could melt away her resolve, and she couldn’t let
that happen. She had to protect herself and Josh. Stay strong.

“Don’t what? Flirt with
you?” He stepped closer. “Why, Lauren? You still have feelings for me?”

“Yes, and you know it!”
She glared at him. “And so does Josh. He loves you too. That’s what makes this
so difficult.”

His face changed, and
his eyes grew moist. “I know, but I can’t walk away from you, Lauren. There is
only one thing in this world that I’m afraid of. Losing you.”
He dared another step in her direction.

“Shane.” She put up a
hand to stop him. “That’s not fair. You’re playing on my emotions, and it’s
just not right. I can’t trust you not to drink again, and unless I do we have
no future.”

“I know I have a problem
but I’m getting help,” he said, all cockiness gone. “I’m doing everything I can
to stay sober and will continue for every day of my life. Please, Lauren. Give
me another chance.”

She shook her head. “I
can’t.”

“Okay. I’ll beg.” He lowered his voice and gave her the sweetest, most
loving smile. “Please, sweetheart? One chance. That’s
all I’m asking.”

“It’s not that easy.”
She was backed up to a wall, with no place to run.

“It’s not that hard.”

“You know I don’t have
any choice. This isn’t easy for me. You know that.”

“You have to forgive me
sometime. I don’t intend to let you go.”

“No, Shane.” Her entire
body was stiff as a rod, but she had to retain control.

“I’m sorry.” He took one
step closer. “But I can’t give you up. I will prove myself to you, even if it
takes a lifetime.”

“That’s how long it’ll
take.” Her chin went up and she met his gaze. “So have you had any news on your
friend, Brent?”

“Yes, his brother Jake
called a couple of nights ago. Told me he’s in critical condition and has been
flown to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in
Germany. He’ll stay there until he’s patched up enough to fly back home.”

“That’s great news.” Her
guard dropped a notch. “I’m glad, Shane.”

“Thank you. Tell Josh I
miss him and that I’m sorry I screwed up. Okay?”

“I told him you’re sick,
and that if and when you get better he could see you again.” She shook her
head. “That could take years and by that time, you’ll have moved on.”

“Never.
I’m not going anywhere.” He dropped his eyes and his face was etched with
sadness. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I would go back and change
it if I could.”

“I know.” Her shoulders
slumped, and she released a long sigh.

“How
can we make things right?” His voice was full of anguish, which made her
loss harder to bear.

“We can’t,” she said
simply.

“Please?” He stared at
her, his eyes filled with longing and hope. He looked like a puppy that had
been kicked too often, and her heart went out to him.

“Let’s take it one day
at a time,” she said.

“You know me, Lauren.”
He spoke with some heat. “If you don’t trust me, then just walk away.”

She felt her will
weakening. How could she leave him when he needed her so badly? “Why do you
have to be so damn nice?”

Before he had a chance
to answer, Margaret came flouncing down the hall.
“Well, lookie here. Shane’s back.” She marched up to
him and laid a big kiss on his cheek. “I’ve missed you, darling.”

He grinned. “Missed you too.”

She put a hand on her
hip and gave him a come-hither look. “What are we waiting for? Why don’t we
find ourselves an empty bed? Or a linen closet,” she added with a naughty
twinkle in her eye.

He laughed. “And spoil
the anticipation? Not a chance.”

“Oh,
phooey.” She winked at Lauren. “Do you still have the hots for this gorgeous doctor lady?”

Shane looked from one to
the other. “Yeah, but it’s not getting me anywhere.”

“Well, if you ever
change your mind,” Margaret said, “you know I’ll be waiting.”

“On that note,” Lauren
said, “I think I’ll go back to work.” She walked away before either of them
could give her a reason to stay.

Shane watched her leave, and his spirits
sank. He didn’t deserve a second chance. The best thing he could do was leave
her the hell alone.

“Don’t look so sad,”
Margaret said softly. “You’re going to get me bawling.”

“I’m sorry. It’s
pathetic, I know.”

“Come here.” She wrapped
her arms around him. “What you need is a good old-fashioned hug.” She nearly
squeezed the stuffing out of him, but it did feel good to be fussed over.

“You’re a good woman, my
friend. I should have fallen in love with you.”

“It’s never too late.”
She grinned and patted his cheek. “But I think we should put our heads together
and figure out a way for you to win her back.”

“It’s not going to
happen. There are things in my past that you don’t know.”

“You want to hear about
mine?” She gave him a devilish smile. “I’ll tell you sometime.”

“This is different.
After I got back from Iraq, I went into a dark hole. Lived out of a car for a
year and drowned my sorrows in a bottle. I swore I’d never drink again.”

“So? Why did you?”

“Last week I got some
bad news. Bad enough to make me head straight for a liquor store and drink
myself into a stupor.”

“That’s not good.”

“Then I busted my fist
by hitting it into a wall.” He gave a sheepish smile. “Not my finest moment.
Anyway, bottom line is, Lauren doesn’t want me around her son. I can’t blame her.
She’s afraid I’ll do it again.”

“And will you?”

“How the hell do I know?
I thought I could handle this on my own, but clearly I can’t. I joined AA and
have attended a couple of meetings.” He looked down at the floor. “Still sitting in the back of the room. Haven’t gone up and
laid my soul bare.”

“You want a friend to go
with you?”

He glanced at her.
“You’d do that?”

“You bet I would. You
need help, and I’m happy to give it.”

“You’re a sweetheart.
Did anybody ever tell you that?”

“Not often enough.” She
put a hand on her hip. “So, when and where?”

“The
Vets Hall on Pacific Avenue. There’s a meeting on Monday morning.
Figured I’d go before my shift. Does that work for you?”

“Sure. Why not?” She grinned. “I can’t wait to tell Dr. Reynolds
that I have a date with you. A little jealousy will go a long way.”

“I don’t think that’s a
good idea.”

“You want to make a bet?
I know women, and if they think someone is interested in their man, they’ll
fight to keep him.”

“I don’t think Lauren is
that type.”

“Trust me. All women are
that type.”