Hand of Thorns (12 page)

He continuously runs his hands over his face, still facing the door. I don't believe he is actually staring at anything, I'm pretty certain he's lost in some kind of daze, probably hating himself for betraying Ellie that way.

Oh... Shit. Ellie. I didn't think about her. I didn't think about the baby. I didn't think about anyone or anything except myself. And how incredible his lips felt against mine. And how much I didn't want it to end. How I wanted to go much, much further than we did.

I need to stop thinking that. I close my eyes, once again unable to focus. My life is quickly turning into a mess.

When the bed moves, I peek through my lids. Leon is facing towards me, his eyes reading over my body. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have kissed you."

Slowly I nod my head in agreement. "Yeah, I know..."

"I could kiss you forever," he starts to say.

My head spins at his inconsistent actions. "But you-"

"Can I kiss you again?"

I'm at a complete loss. The war between my heart and brain is fierce, growing with each second. I want to tell him no, I want to tell him he needs to think about Ellie and his future, but I don't have the willpower to push him away. This is probably my one and only chance to have Leon.

Plus, when did a kiss ever really hurt someone, my heart starts to argue. Ellie will never know, it continues.

Before I can even say anything, his soft yet needy lips are back crashing into mine. This time there is no end in sight, especially when Leon slides his hand under my shirt to hold onto my breast, which is covered in a thin bra. The tenderness of my boob unearths a sensation inside of me, which causes me to moan against his kiss.

My body starts to grind against him, needing more of him. Leon pulls my shirt up, breaking our kiss for less than a second while he throws it to the floor. He rolls us around so I'm on top, then he reaches behind to unclasp my bra. My nipples harden at the sudden change in temperature, but they're almost instantly pressed against his body.

His hands explore my body, paying extra attention to the cheeks of my butt that hang from under my shorts. I can sense a need inside of me that has more of an intensity than I've known possible. Leon has a control over every aspect of my body, which includes my heart. He is going to destroy me one day, he is going to be the death of me, but until that day comes, I want him any way I can have it.

When he rolls us back so that I'm now laying against the mattress once more, Leon leans away from me enough to stare day at my face. He watches me for some kind of reaction, but I'm not sure I can give him anything more than a breathless grin and flushed cheeks.

"I need one more taste," he whispers. I expect him to kiss me again- and he does, but not on my lips. He presses his lips against the curve of my neck, lightly making his way down to my exposed breasts, paying incredible attention to each one. When he uses his teeth against one of my nipples, I suck in a quick gasp of air, the sensation turning me on immensely. Not that I wasn't already needy.

"You like that?" he whispers against my skin.

I nod my head, too euphoric to answer. He bites down again, causing me to scream out in need.

"Fuck," he whispers. Caressing my other boob with his hand, he starts to add pressure to my nipple with his mouth. He bites gently before sucking on it, then gives it a light kiss before doing it again. My body can't help its motions, while it moves against Leon's body. My legs are parted, rubbing against his torso with a painful urge to release the building sensation.

"Leon," I moan. I don't mean to, it's all unexpected, but he is making my body feel so unbelievably amazing.

He pulls at the other nipple, causing me to moan again. "You like that?" he breathes against my skin. The warm air from his breathe runs over my skin where he's been kissing and it gives me a tingling feeling all over.

"Yes," I scream in answer. "God, yes."

His hand leaves my breast to go lower on my body. "Please," I beg Leon.

"Please... what?" he asks, his voice has a rougher edge to it. I think he's enjoying it almost as much as I am. Sadly, I don't know what I'm begging for... just more. More of everything. More pleasure, more teasing, more of him.

When his fingers dip into my shorts, I know exactly what I want, and I know what he wants to do to me. I don't say anything, instead I push my body against his fingers, but he stops.

"Monica." I peek an eye open to him, questioning why he stopped. He is grinning ear to ear, and for the first time I want to yell at him for smiling. My body is far too on edge for games. "Tell me what you want," he orders seductively.

"You."

I collapse back onto the bed while he repositions himself. A million thoughts race through my mind, every single one of them ending with Leon inside of me.

Pulling my shorts from my body, he leaves my underwear in place. They're nothing sexy, but at least I'm prepared for the occasion down there. He runs a finger over my underwear where my slit is, staring at it in wonder. "You're so wet," he whispers. "Even your underwear are soaked."

"Leon... please..."

"What? What do you want, Monica? Tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you inside of me." I hate how breathless my voice is. My body is running on a high unlike ever before. I haven't figured out how to handle it yet.

My body arches, waiting for his touch. Needing it desperately.

When his fingers hook into my underwear, I move my body accordingly so he can strip my naked. I almost don't dare to watch him watch me, but I have to. I need to see his reaction to my body. Using both hands, he touches my knees then slides his hands casually towards my center, spreading my legs further apart as he goes. Instead of getting naked with me, he brings his mouth down to between my legs... and he licks.

I scream again, not anticipating that sensation but loving each second of it. It doesn't take long at all for my body to erupt, and as it does, I scream out Leon's name... over and over again. He doesn't stop, and I don't care. Even with the occasional twitching of my body, I continue to lay there, allowing him to freely pleasure me in any way he deems fit.

All too soon he moves his head, crawling towards me, positioning himself between me. Except... he's still dressed. I can see his erection pushing against his jeans, and when he leans against my leg, I can feel the hardness of it. He kisses the nape of my neck, and he smells like... me.

As I'm about to ask him what he's doing, he presses his fingers into me. I can't speak once again. "Fuck, you're so damn tight," he whispers in my ear while kissing the underneath of it. His thumb presses against my bud, and he pleasures my body until once more, I'm coming apart.

He stops after my orgasm, and my body sinks into the mattress underneath me. I'm ready for sleep, even if I'm still naked.

Leon presses his lips against my temple, before climbing from the bed.

"What are you doing?" I ask, eyeing him curiously.

He peeks over at me before heading into the bathroom. "I have business to attend to in the morning, I can't stay."

And just like that, I feel my heart break once more. It's my own fault though. I knew the consequences.

Before leaving, Leon gives me another tender kiss goodbye, but it isn't like before. There isn't that spark or passion.

"I'll see you in four days though, right?" I ask in alarm before he leaves.

He lifts his mouth into a small grin, but it isn't as appealing as before, mainly because he doesn't seem like he means anything by it. "Yes, I'll be here. Get some rest, you look like you need it." With a wink, he opens the door, leaving me for a tortuous four days alone.

When I checked out of the hotel there was no one there waiting. I had waited around with an empty inbox and no missed calls, so I went to the front desk, where the clerk handed me the keys to my car. It was waiting nearby outside, and everything that I enjoyed from the previous four days went out the window in an instant. Maybe if I had some explanation as to why he couldn't meet me, such as him having to work or a family emergency, anything to ease my heartache. Truth is, I know why he wasn't there- he regretted everything that happened that night spent together.

I haven't fret on it too much. In fact, I think I've done pretty well considering. Mom wasn't home when I arrived that evening, so I quickly showered and gathered another bag of belongings, then I headed straight to Penelope's. We talked for a few hours, and I skipped over the details of what happened after going out to dinner with Leon, which she already thought was crossing a line. Then we went out apartment hunting.

Within a week I found a place of my own. It was the day I was moving out of my mom's house that she finally spoke with me, and told me not to be ridiculous. Apologized for our argument and said she wanted to speak with me about everything. We still haven't, but it was the thought that counted. We've talked, but not about much. Mainly about how I need to move back home. I told her not to worry, I'd help with house payments until she got it under control, but now with paying rent and for college, I'm not sure that is much of a possibility for long.

I don't have much yet, but I'm getting there. It still doesn't feel right not having Sumner in my life every day, and although I know she's doing well thanks to Penelope and Rochelle, it's still not the same, so I'm making it my mission this week to make things better.

Although things have been a bit of a mess lately, I can see them slowly being put back together. It has kept a smile on my face, even though I am at the point where I have to start adding an elastic to my pants since they don't buckle on their own. I don't have much of a stomach, but it's definitely noticeable now. I feel huge when I get dressed in the mornings then I look in the mirror and I actually fall in love with my protruding belly.

I've been mentally preparing myself for today. I have done so much to focus on anything but the fact of seeing Leon today, for the first time in almost four weeks. I had a doctor appointment last week but it mainly was my counselor, because Ellie got stuck in New York City and Leon supposedly wasn't readily available for the appointment, so today I have a quick check up and they're attending with me.

When I park outside the building, nearly ten minutes early, I stare at myself in the rearview. I tell myself that the makeup was because I was board this morning, and the fact my hair is curled is because I wanted to try something new. I swear to myself it has absolutely nothing to do with Leon. I have no reason to look good for him, but every day I have a reason to look good for myself.

I
almost
believe it.

As I climb out of the car, the loud rev of an engine catches my attention, I see his Supra glide through the parking lot, turning with ease into a vacant spot. Quickly I turn and head towards the building, ignoring the chills I have racing down my spine or the shaking feeling of my hands.

Marney is waiting for me along with Doctor Wallace, who examined me the previous week. "How are you feeling today" Doctor Wallace asks.

"Really well. I listened to your advice on infusing my water with fruit every day, and it's already made me feel more awake and refreshed."

"You certainly look it. You look radiant."

"Oh, you do!" Ellie's voice radiates throughout the room with excitement. She walks in, placing her purse down on a chair before making her way towards the doctor and I. "Seriously, you look absolutely flawless. Sorry I missed last week. I got the updates though, I'm glad it all seems to be doing well."

Trying to ignore the sudden unbalance in the room, due to someone's annoying beguile manner, I look Ellie straight in the face. Although, it's harder than I imagined it would be, because while staring at her bright blue eyes, I imagine what she must've been doing while her boyfriend was pleasuring me. "It's no problem at all. I hope you had fun in New York."

"So much," she gushes. "I mean, I was insanely busy, there was so much to be had. I still managed to find time for fun though. Did you do anything special over the last few weeks? I feel like I'm missing out on everything!"

My eyes quickly advert to Leon's and back, wondering what he told her- or didn't tell her. By the way she's acting, I'm assuming she knows nothing, and thank God for that. He obviously regretted it, so maybe it's better things go left unsaid, completely forgotten all around.

"I moved into my own apartment, which I told the agency about last week. They can update you on the new address. Besides that, I'm preparing for a new school year."

"Oh, right. You're still going to school?" She asks, cocking her head. "And where did you move to? Please tell me not the projects."

Leon actually interjects for the first time during a discussion, and I'm thankful for it, because sometimes Ellie truly doesn't think before she speaks- either that, or she enjoys hurting others with her words. Deep down I know I deserve to be mistreated by her for what I have done, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The fact she thinks I belong in the projects makes me want to punch her in the throat. "Eleanor," his voice cold. "That was a little uncalled for, don't you think?"

"What?" She turns to face him. Marney eyes them both, noting something on the clipboard she always has with her. "I was simply stating that I'd prefer her not to be in the projects. If she can't afford something better, I'd gladly compensate the cost. I don't need my child around that kind of stuff."

"Your child is in her stomach, and I'm sure she is fully capable of caring for the baby’s health, regardless to where she lives."

"Oh come on, you don't believe that, do you? And what do you mean
my
child? It is yours as well!"

They start to have a full blown argument in the doctor’s office, while Marney, Doctor Wallace, and I all look on. It's entertaining and awkward rolled into one. It kind of embarrasses me too, that she would assume so little about me and my capability of growing her fetus.

"I didn't say the baby wasn't mine," he sighs. "I'm saying that wherever she has decided to move I'm sure is perfectly acceptable."

Ellie places her hand snug on her hip. "So you're saying that you
don't
want to help her out?"

He jaw ticks as his eyes move to me. He stares at me for at least a full thirty seconds, which feels like forever. I stare back at him, bewildered by the entire catastrophe. "Monica," he says my name much differently than the last time we were together. It isn't romantic, it definitely isn't seductive, and there is no demand in his voice. He says it like I'm a random thrown person in a sea of people. I hate it. I kind of hate him. "Are you safe where you are?"

I nod my head while everyone turns to look at me.

"Are you happy where you are?"

I shrug slightly. "Sure."

"Are you in any grave of danger, or is
our
baby?"

"No. Not at all."

"Good. Thank you." He cocks his head to Ellie. "See. She's fine. They're fine."

Turning on her heels, she takes a deep sigh. Not apologizing, and not making any more note of what just happened. "Is there an ultrasound today?"

Doctor Wallace clears his throat. "Uh, nope. Was going to listen to the heartbeat, and talk about the next appointment in three weeks. This is a pretty basic exam, since last week she had all her screenings, which you can see the results to right here." He passes Ellie a slip of paper, which discusses my blood work, STD screening, drug test results, and everything else they did last time. Which has to be done every single time due to the paperwork signed.

"Perfect, thanks. I need to go cool off. Leon will stay for the heartbeat, and I'll see you all in three weeks." She turns again, snatching her purse from the chair and storming out of the room, leaving us all in her dust.

I give a quick glance to Leon before turning to Marney, who starts to explain something to Doctor Wallace. He was staring at me, but I don't understand why. Maybe because he's trying to determine a reasoning by the mistake he made with me, and if it was worth it. Probably thinking I
am
in the projects- which I'm not. In fact, I'm not far from my parents’ home, which I always thought was a great neighborhood.             

"Lay back and we'll find that heartbeat for you," the Doctor asks.

I do as he says, lifting my shirt to show off my small, round belly. He presses the doppler to my stomach and seconds later you can hear the thumping of the tiny muscle inside the growing fetus within me. "One fifty three. Sounds perfect. Nice and healthy." He turns the machine off while passing me a few tissues to clean up. He helps me sit, and fills out a few things on his paperwork, then hands it over to Marney. "As long as you don't have any questions, I think we're good here."

"I'm all set, thanks."

"Same," Leon says from his corner of the room.

Doctor Wallace says his goodbyes before exiting the room. Marney looks everything over. "Monday, September fourteen for your thirteen week checkup. That one will be pretty basic as well, then we'll set up in four weeks from that for the gender reveal. You and Ellie do want to know the sex, correct?"

Leon nods. "I believe she does. She wants to paint the nursery and get it set up."

"And remember, Leon, this pregnancy is tough on
both
females. Monica here has the hormones, the confusion, the swelling, the aches, the... everything. Make sure you treat her well and keep her stress levels minimum when you are around her. As for Ellie, she is dealing with excitement, the nervousness, the fear. Basically everything you're feeling, but times it by thirteen. It's hard on everyone involved, but you're the man, and I know you got this."

"Yes, ma'am," he replies sharply. "I understand completely. I'll do my best to talk it out with Ellie."

"Not trying to lecture you," she continues. "Just a little word of wisdom to you."

He grins at her in his beautifully perfected way. "Understand. I'll do better. You got my promise."

"Perfect." She taps my leg, facing me. "Hope all goes well with school. If you need any help, or need to take a break, let me know."

"Will do, thank you, Marney."

She leaves the room and all that is left is Leon and me. I hop down from the exam table, hoping he leaves before I'm done putting my shoes back on. Except, he doesn't leave. In fact... he closes the door.

I look up while lacing my sneaker. "What are you doing?"

He closes in on the distance between us, towering over me. I sit up straight, looking into his sparkling silver eyes. He still doesn't say anything.

Maybe he is delusional, I tell myself. Maybe a bit of a sociopath. I'm not sure. Or maybe, he too, is confused. Horribly, emotionally, wholeheartedly confused.

"You didn't show up," I tell him. He already knows this- and he knows exactly what I'm talking about. So I don't bother giving any more of an explanation.

He runs his hand through his dishelved hair, tilting his head to the side ever so much while looking at me with an intensity I'm starting to grow custom to. "I don't know what to say to you."

"Then why are you in here? Why did you close the door, Leon?" I try my absolute best to be strong willed. It's not that I'm a pushover or anything, but I don't have the inner strength I need for someone like him. I try though, that is the least I can do. I think.

"It's taking everything in me to be standing here with you."

"Wow." The sarcasm rolls off my tongue. I went from feeling pissed off and confused... to feeling like a pile of cow dung.

He pushes a stand of hair from my face but I flinch away from his hand, not wanting him to touch me. Not after that kind of statement. "I didn't mean it as I don't want to be around you. I
can't
be around you."

I roll my eyes, ready to leave, but unable to due to how close in proximity he is. "Can you move? I have somewhere to be."

"That Dustin guy?"

"You have absolutely no right to ask me that."

"Actually, I do. You are required by law to inform the agency, which includes me, of whom you are sleeping with."

I start to stand, hoping that my body will cause him to back up, but it doesn't. Now my tiny bulging belly pushes against Leon's hard abs. Thankfully there is fabric between us, because I can already sense my body wanting him to touch me how he had before.

Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply and exhale as much stress as I can. "Should I mention you finger fucking me recently then?" I almost don't dare to open my eyes, but I do- and maybe it was a mistake. I expected Leon to be angry, to scream at me, to call me names. Something... anything. Nothing of expectancy comes from him though. Instead he places his hand at the nape of my neck, pulling my face towards him. My mouth instantly parts for him, and before I know what is happening, my body is being lifted for my legs to wrap around his torso.