Halo (Blood and Fire Series (A Young Adult Dystopian Series)) (24 page)

No offense? I’m so past taking offense at anything anyone says these days. “None taken.”

“Besides, times have changed. The Claim is more of a traditional thing now. People usually fall in love and agree to be together. If a woman is Claimed and doesn’t want the guy who did it, she can always object.”

“I think we should go back to the old ways,” Callum adds. “Knock ‘em over the head and drag them back to the cave, that’s what I say.” He’s clearly joking, but if that were going to happen anywhere, it’s in Freetown. Anything could happen here, with so much
life
happening all at once. Max puffs as he arrives back at our group, tipping Olivia off his shoulder with a pretend roughness that makes her squeal again. He catches her up at the last second and sets her on her feet gently, all the while grinning at her.

“Jerk,” she slings at him, but she can’t keep the smile off her face. Max crosses his arms and grins, too.

“Whatever. We all know you’re too privileged to walk anywhere on those dainty little feet of yours. I was doing you a favour.”

Olivia’s cheeks blush deeply, and Melody thumps his arm. “Rude.”

“Sorry.” He’s not sorry. If he were, he wouldn’t still be grinning. “Hey, while we’re talking about archaic traditions, how about you three girls get up at the crack of dawn and bring us our breakfast? Cal’s finally joining us down on the beach for Tamji training. ‘Bout time, too.”

Callum folds his arms across his chest, the very replica of his brother, and scowls. “You were only called to Tamji last month. You make it sound as though you’re so much more advanced now that you’ve been getting knocked on your ass four weeks longer than me.”

“Four weeks is a long time in Tamji training. I
am
way more advanced than you now.”

“Well, if we’re taking into consideration the fact that I was born eighteen minutes before you, and I’m an inch taller, then maybe,
maybe
we’ll be even on the pit floor now.”

“Pssshhh!” Max shoves Callum roughly and tips his head back, laughing. “Even? I’ve been beating you for the past three years!”

“In your dreams, perhaps.” The sound of a new voice cuts into the conversation. I go very, very still, and it’s not just me. Ryka seems to have some sort of an effect on everyone, everywhere he goes. He’s standing a few inches behind me, and I can’t help but wonder if Blue Eyes is with him, too. What did Olivia call her? Simone?

“Thank you! Finally, someone who knows what they’re talking about!” Callum smiles, shooting a smug look at Max.

“You’d better watch yourself, Ryka,” Max says, rocking on his heels. “I might call you into the pit for that!” His teeth flash in a broad smile and everyone laughs. Well, Melody, Max, Callum, and even Ryka laughs
―
a strange, unexpected sound
―
but Olivia doesn’t. Neither do I. My cheeks flame, and my insides constrict until it feels like I’m going to throw up. All because Max joked about calling Ryka? It takes two seconds for Max to notice my expression, one I’m trying desperately to hide. He shifts uncomfortably and shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh, ah, sorry, ‘Livia. Kit. I was only playing. I’d never call Ryka.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Ryka finally steps forward into my field of vision. His hair is a burnished gold in the flickering light cast by the fire, fallen loose from his ponytail in places and tucked behind his ears. He’s grinning like a mad man. “You know better than to call someone who’d skin you alive in two seconds flat.” He looks at his sister. “You don’t need to apologise to Liv. She worries about everyone and everything. It would be abnormal if she
wasn’t
worried. As for Kit
―
” he looks me up and down. “She’s always stony faced. Yet to develop a sense of humour, aren’t you, Falin Kitsch?”

Falin Kitsch?
What the hell? It feels like he’s slapped me. I have no idea why he’s being so hostile; the past few days have been great. No arguments, no fighting. Well, no fighting that wasn’t calculated training, anyway. After the prayer tree and the ruined city, I thought things were finally okay with us, if not admittedly a little confusing. Whatever the case, I feel like Ryka’s discovered the very name that will hurt me the most and used it. My mouth goes dry. I can feel eyes on me, yet I refuse to meet them. I stare at the floor, at my mud caked boots. “Yeah,” I reply. “You’re right. I find very little funny these days.”

Olivia’s hand finds mine and I draw in a deep breath. It’s the work of a second to force my head up, but it feels like there’s a colossal weight trying to push me back down. “The truth is, Ryka, I’ve no idea why, but I don’t think it’s funny that you’re Mashinji. That you can be called to fight by anyone during the matches, or that you could be exhausted and beaten bloody and still have to fight another round for your right to live. It seems unfair to me that
anyone
should have to go through that. But occasionally, Ryka…Occasionally…”

I pivot on my heel and manage to slip free from Olivia’s grasp before she can stop me. Not ready. I’m not ready to deal with this, and Ryka’s the last person I want to follow after me. But he does.

“Ry, leave her alone!” Olivia calls after us, as I pace quickly into the darkened walkways. Hopefully they’ll lead me back to my tent, but honestly I have no idea where I’m going. The dark hides too many switchbacks and narrow paths for me to remember the way here. I don’t really care, though. So long as I get to where I really need to go: away
.

“Kit!”

I consider breaking into a run but that seems too pathetic, even for me right now. The anger pumping around my veins won’t let me appear weak, so I keep stomping through the mud.

“
Kit!”
A hand grabs hold of my shoulder and I wheel around before he can pull me. Ryka’s facial expression is stunned when I growl at him.

“Do you like hurting people?” I snarl.

“I’m good at it,” he breathes, his eyes locked on mine. “But no. I don’t like it. It just…seems to happen.”

“Don’t give me that. This level of antagonism takes some real effort. Falin Kitsch? Why would you call me that? One minute you’re helping me, the next you’re trying to shove me back into a box that
you,”
I stab my finger into his chest, “wanted to drag me out of. Why?” Ryka’s hand, still on my shoulder, feels like it’s burning me. I shrug it off. He clenches his jaw and swipes his hair behind his ear. The jerk’s too shocked to say anything. Or at least I think he is, until he frowns.

“What happened to your hair?”

“
What happened to my hair?
You’re so annoying, you know that? Why can’t you just answer a simple question?”

A steely look transforms his face. “Because I don’t know how to treat you, Kit. I’m…I’m no good at this, okay. And I called you Falin because I had a very rude awakening today.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“August came to find me. He asked me to let you know that he’s fixed your stupid halo and you should go and pick it up tomorrow. And now you’re going to run along like a good little Sanctuary puppet and slip the thing back on, aren’t you?”

“That’s it? You’re
this
mad at me because you think I’m going to just give up at the drop of a hat. You don’t know me, Ryka.”

“YOU don’t know you! Jeez! A month ago you were a walking zombie. You’re only just becoming a real person now. You’re full of these feelings and you have no idea what the hell you’re supposed to be doing with them. And let me tell you, so far you’re not handling them all that well.”

“
What?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about, Kit. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Just because you don’t want to feel something—it’s not convenient, or you just want to ignore it—doesn’t mean it’s going to go away. It’s only going to make you miserable, and that goes for the other people that your decisions affect, too.”

I gape at him, my mouth hanging open. “None of my decisions affect other people. You’re not making any sense.” His eyes blaze, filled with so much frustration and anger that I want to take a step back, but I can’t. I’m rooted to the spot, trying to figure out what on earth is happening.

“I’m making perfect sense,” Ryka huffs, stepping closer. “And, yes, you’re decisions effect
me
. I’m stupid to let them, but they do, okay?”

I flinch away from his words, too stunned to respond. I have to get out of here, and the quicker I can do that, the better. Jack’s meeting tent looms off in the distance, a pale white ghost. I gather my bearings from it, heading off in the direction of the only place I can consider home, back to my tent. I know Ryka’s still behind me.

“Why are you running away? Just tell me, Kit! Are you going to put that piece of metal back around your neck?”

Dizzy with the amount of turns I’ve made, I curl my hands into fists. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. Just because it’s fixed doesn’t mean I’m going to wear it again. It’s
―
it’s just an option.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be! Kit? Kit, stop. You’re walking in circles.” Ryka’s hand lands on my shoulder again, pulling me back. I try to tug free, but he doesn’t let go. “Tell me why your hair is so short.”

“Because I cut it. Thought you’d be smart enough to work that out.”

“I am.” Jerking me backwards, Ryka manages to slip by so that he’s standing in front of me. He catches hold of my hips with his hands, preventing me from moving around him. “Tell me.”

“What’s to tell? It’s hot. My hair is too thick, so I cut it.”

“I’m going to find out, y’know. You wouldn’t have cut it.”

“Oh? What makes you think you have any idea what I would or wouldn’t do?”

“Because you lived through summers just as hot in Lockdown and it looked like you’d grown your hair out for years. If you were the type of person to be utilitarian about their appearance, it would have been then, when it would have been
logical
. But you didn’t. Ergo you wouldn’t cut it off now.”

I work my jaw, trying to keep from shouting. “I’m sorry you hate my hair, Ryka. I know it’s ugly. I know I’m not beautiful like that girl you were flirting with. I’m sorry I’m not petite and fragile and feminine. But you know what? It really doesn’t matter. I’m nothing to you. At best, I’m your sister’s friend. Forget about training together. You don’t need to acknowledge me in future. In fact, I think I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”

I snatch myself out of his hands and move to get around him. He has hold of me again in a second. “I don’t hate your hair, and it’s certainly not ugly.” He brushes the tips of the strands swaying just above my jawline and his fingers graze my ear lobe, making me shiver. He sees my reaction and pulls in a sharp breath through his nose. “Simone is
―
”

“Beautiful,” I repeat.

He lets out the breath he’s holding. “Yes. But nowhere near as beautiful as you.”

I immediately stop struggling. “
What?
”

He studies me intensely and then shakes his head, his expression all frustration. “I’m the one who found you and brought you here, so you’re never going to just be my sister’s friend. I’m always going to feel responsible for you.”

I bite down on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from snapping. “You’re not responsible for me. I can take care of myself. Is this about the blood? Because if it is, then we already decided that it didn’t count and we should—”

“It’s not about that. Well, it is a little. Whether you believe in it or not, the Gods or our traditions, any of it, you’ve shed my blood and I’ve shed yours. That means something here. Damn it, it means something to
me
. Not because of the Faith. It’s just…it’s just who we are.” He steps back and gives me some room. “And for the record, it doesn’t matter that you’re not petite or fragile. In fact, I admire that about you. As for being feminine
―
” His eyes travel over my body and I can’t help but blush. I feel like I’m still standing next to the fire back in the clearing. Actually, I feel like I’m standing
in
the fire.

“The way your cheeks go red is pretty girly,” he says, saving himself, and me, from the awkward silence. “I wouldn’t worry too much about the feminine thing.”

Words have never really failed me before, but right now? Yeah, I’ve got nothing. What am I supposed to say to any of this? It would really help if I even had a damn clue what is going on. Ryka is standing here, telling me that he cares about me.
Me
.

“I have to go,” I tell him. I snake my way around him and this time he doesn’t follow. He does call after me, though.

“Kit?”

“What?” I slow ever so slightly.

“I just
―
I have to
―
” Stammering is really out of character for him. He inhales and then rushes it out. “Kit, I have to know. Are you going to wear it again?”

The burn in my cheeks grows to inferno-like temperatures. “I…I don’t know, okay!” And that’s when I give in. No matter how weak it makes me look, I run away.

HAZE

It takes a long time to find the way back to my tent. All I can think of is how badly I want to slip into bed and pretend like the whole nightmare conversation with Ryka didn’t just happen. But it did. There won’t be any forgetting what was said tonight, not even if my life depended on it. Why did he have to go and do that? We were doing just fine; things were just starting to calm down between us. And now? Now, things are even more explosive. I just want to put it all out of my mind and sink into unconsciousness, a feat I can only accomplish once I eventually locate my new home. Storming through the small opening, I see my goal ahead, but then a figure steps out of the shadows, blocking the entry way.