Half In Love With Death (19 page)

He leaned forward. “Caroline, I'm sorry I'm not here with news of your sister, but I want to let you know I've made it my personal mission to find her, and I will.”

“Thank you,” I said softly.

“Do you know why we're talking to you today?” I shook my head. He went on, “We have reason to believe some of the kids in this school know something about what happened to Geraldine Keanen. They may even know something about what happened to your sister.” He rocked back in his chair. “Does that surprise you?”

“Yes.” I could barely speak.

“It's hard to understand how kids could know things that might help and not tell anyone.”

“It is.” I looked up at the tiny transom window above the door, wondering if I could squeeze through it.

He cleared his throat. “Geraldine was a good student, like you.” He glanced at Mr. Shannon and back at me. “I believe she liked science. Do you like science?” His tone was so strangely kind.

“I like English better than science, but I'm interested in the stars.”

Mr. Shannon cleared his throat. “Geraldine was interested in the ocean. She won the science fair two years ago.” He lowered his eyes. “A great loss.”

Officer Barnes shook his head. “It is a tragic loss when a smart young girl with so much ahead of her dies needlessly.”

I crossed my legs one way and then the other, wishing he'd stop talking about dying.

“Her mother is devastated. You must know how that feels. Your mother is devastated, too, but at least there is still hope for finding Jess. All that's left for Geraldine's mother is finding out what really happened to her daughter and making sure whoever did it never does something like that again.” His light eyes lingered on me. He went on, “A nice girl like you would tell if you knew something that would help her, wouldn't you?”

“I would.” I wondered why he was saying these things to me when I'd never even met Geraldine. I thought of the photo of Jess in my purse, like a good-luck charm, wishing I could tell him about it, knowing I couldn't.

His expression became stern. “Did you know Tony Santoro dated Geraldine?”

“No.” My breath escaped from me.

“Does that surprise you?”

“It does.” I glanced at the door, wanting this to be over.

“Geraldine's mother said Geraldine broke up with him and he didn't take it well. He was angry. He threatened her. Of course, we can't prove that. At the time, we couldn't even prove they were dating. It was puzzling. No one except her mother seemed to know.”

“I didn't know, either.” I thought of the way her mother looked at me in the restaurant. Why would she lie about Tony? But nobody else thought they were dating. May and Sheila hadn't even mentioned that.

“Are you sure?” When I didn't answer, he edged closer to me. “Caroline, we know you've been hanging around with Tony.”

How did he know this? I tried to look away, but it was like his eyes were pinning me to the spot. I worried they were special, all-seeing eyes, and he knew I'd kissed Tony. The thought of what he might tell my parents made me uneasy. I felt my resolve crumbling. Careful not to look away, I said, “I've only been hanging around with him because he said he'd help me find my sister.”

He shook his head as if I'd said the most awful thing. “I'm the one who can help you find your sister. Tony isn't. No matter how nice he seems, Tony's a dangerous guy. You need to stay away from him. He and his friends are bad kids, but I know you're not like them.”

I glanced up at a framed photo of the high-school football team on the wall. The thought, I'm a ghost of myself, slipped through my mind, making me nervous. Everything was sliding away, impossible to grasp as egg white. It would be so easy to tell him everything, to rely on him to find Jess. But he hadn't found her yet. Maybe he never would. And I was so close to finding her. “I don't hang around with him anymore.”

“Good.” He paused. “Now, I want you to think hard. Did Tony say anything about Geraldine when you were with him? It can be the smallest thing.”

“I don't remember anything.” The terrible thing Edie had said worked its way into my thoughts, but I pushed it away. I worried it was a crime not to tell him, but if I told him, they would arrest Tony, and my chance of going to California and finding Jess would be ruined. I folded my arms across my chest, as if by doing this I could keep myself from falling apart.

He leaned so close I could see the dark hairs on the backs of his hands, his thick-ridged nails. “We believe the anonymous caller might have been a friend of Tony's. Is there anyone you can think of who might have made that call?”

I inhaled sharply. It was like he already knew. I should have said something about Edie right away. Now I was a liar, too. The silence in the room pulsed in my ears. I looked up at the spider web of cracks in the ceiling, wishing it would come crashing down and rescue me from this conversation. “I really can't think of anyone right now.” I tried to appear calm.

He shook his head. “That's too bad. It would be helpful to be able to talk to him some more.”

For a second I wasn't sure I'd heard right. Him? A wave of relief went through me. Dear God, thank you, I thought, as I said, “I wish I could help you.”

We sat there a moment, the three of us, the room so warm I thought I might have a fever. The sun glared on the dusty windows. I looked at the clock, hoping he'd let me go. I'd already missed most of my first class.

“Caroline,” Officer Barnes said, almost as if my name were a source of wonder. “Did you ever see Tony hurt your sister?”

I rubbed my hands on my thighs. “No.”

“You never saw him strike her?”

“No,” I said. There were times, of course, that could give you pause. There was the fight on the phone when we got back from California, his voice so loud I could hear it coming through the receiver Jess held to her ear. Once I'd seen a purple bruise on Tony's arm, and Jess had confided in me almost triumphantly that it was from when he fought a boy because of her. I'd seen all of these things, but I'd never seen him hurt her. I pressed myself against the back of my chair. “Why are you asking me this?”

He smiled sadly. “Because I have to.” He went on, “Did your sister ever mention Geraldine?”

“No.” I was glad not to have to lie. She had never mentioned Geraldine. I doubted they knew each other, but like everyone else, he was suspicious of Jess. No one ever suspected the good kids, even when they were mean, even when they were the ones who lied.

“Did anyone else ever mention Geraldine to you?” He swiveled his chair to face me.

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard it hurt. It was like he was going to pull the word “Edie” right out of my mouth. I couldn't let that happen. “Some of my friends talked about her once.”

“Which friends, Caroline?”

My heart thundered in my chest. There was no turning back. “May and Sheila said something.”

Officer Barnes licked the tip of his pencil. “May and Sheila?”

Mr. Shannon nodded toward the door. “They're waiting outside.”

Officer Barnes wrote something down. “Do you remember what they said?”

I was sorry I'd brought this up. If I told him that they'd said Geraldine was murdered, he'd think Tony had something to do with it. Everyone always blamed him. “It was a while ago.” I twirled a strand of hair around my finger. “They were just talking about rumors.” I sucked in my breath. “That kids were spreading about Geraldine.”

He sat up straighter. “What rumors?”

I chipped some lavender polish off a nail. “Some kids say they saw her ghost in the desert.”

He frowned. “Her ghost?”

“Yeah, you know how kids talk.” I tried to look confident.

He took a card exactly like the one he'd given me weeks ago out of his pocket and said, “If you remember anything else, please call me. I want to help you.”

Then the principal told me it was okay to go. As I closed my hand around the brass doorknob, Office Barnes said, “Caroline.” I turned. A tremor of fear ran through me. He spoke in a calm voice. “Boys like Tony don't change. Chances are if he had trouble with the breakup with Geraldine, he might have had the same kind of trouble with your sister.”

I stared at him. “They didn't break up.”

He went on as if he hadn't heard me. “And he might have the same sort of trouble with you—I mean, hypothetically.”

My cheeks became hot and red as I pushed the door open. May and Sheila glanced up at me. I rushed past as if I hadn't seen them.

For the rest of that day I jumped every time a bell rang, worried that I'd be called back to the office. Kids gossiped about Geraldine in the halls as if she were nothing more than an exciting distraction. It was easy for them to talk about her. They didn't have a sister who was missing. When I was leaving school, I saw Sheila and May standing on the gym steps. Please don't see me, I thought, but they motioned me over.

Sheila looked me up and down. “So?”

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “What?”

“Why did you tell the cop what we said about Geraldine?”

I glanced over my shoulder. “He asked me. What did you want me to do? Lie? What I said wasn't that bad. I only told him about the ghost.”

Sheila frowned. “Except both of us had told him we didn't even know who Geraldine was, so then when he told us what you said, it was super embarrassing.”

“I was mortified,” May said softly. She reeked of cigarettes. “Linda told us not to tell. You weren't supposed to either.” She leaned toward me. “You never ever tell the police more than they need to know. You could get someone in trouble.”

I looked up at her. “Like who?”

“I don't know.” She squished her hands together. “Like us. The police might think we lied, and talk to our parents.”

I stared at the pathetic blades of grass beneath my feet. “I'm sorry about that, but I need to find Jess. I had to tell him what I knew.”

“I get it.” May gave me a hard look. “Really, I do.”

“So do you think they found out anything from any of the other kids?” I asked.

“About what?” May said.

“About Geraldine,” I said.

May glanced at Sheila. “I don't know, but
we
didn't say anything else. Maybe you should ask Tony about her, seeing as he's your boyfriend.”

I felt an odd mix of thrill and terror. “He's not my boyfriend.”

“Glad to hear that.” May smoothed her hair and smiled hesitantly. “I read in the newspaper all they found was her bones.”

I shuddered. Bones.

Sheila leaned so close I could see the pale freckles on her cheeks. She said in a loud whisper, “Some kids are saying there was still some skin sticking to her bones like leather, kind of like a mummy.” I tried to swallow, but I couldn't.

“I wonder if she was wearing anything,” May whispered. “Or if she was naked?”

Sheila widened her eyes. “They found a scrap of her dress.” She went on, “I heard the grave was really close to the drinking spot.”

“You mean the place in the desert where the kids party?” I felt like I was about to throw up.

She nodded. “Imagine having a beer and not knowing she was buried right next to you.”

May shook her head. “I didn't think Geraldine even went to those parties. She didn't fit in with those kids. They thought she was kind of a freak.” She stared straight at me and added, “She didn't know enough about people to see when someone might hurt her.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I said. “Is there something else I should know?”

“No.” May's eyes flicked away. “It's just stuff kids are talking about. You must have heard it. Everyone has.” She twisted the silver ring on her finger. “We're just happy it wasn't Jess.”

It was so hot I thought I might melt as I stood there with them. Nothing moved. No one said anything. I had a hunch they were still keeping things from me, but why? Maybe it was just all rumors, but I hadn't heard them. May had said I should ask Tony about Geraldine. Had Officer Barnes told her the same thing about Tony dating her that he'd told me? Or did she know something else? Finally I said, “I didn't even know Geraldine and I feel bad,” and it was strange because as I said this, for the first time I did feel bad for her. I'd never known anyone who'd died except for my grandfather, but that wasn't the same. A hot wind brushed our faces with sand. It had a stale smell like it came from some place old and far away. We were silent, the terribleness of what had happened to Geraldine touching us, and bringing us together in the strange way that tragic things do.

May finally smiled and said, “Want to come over my house with Sheila? We're going to watch TV and pretend to do homework.”

She acted like we could be friends again without ever having talked about the mean things she'd done, or what she could still be hiding from me. “I have to go home. My mom needs me.”

They looked at me sadly and walked in one direction while I went in the other. Sweat stung my eyes. A fine layer of dust clung to my clothes. In the distance, the white sky met the horizon as if sealing me shut in this place forever. I felt like I was being buried. It was hard to take another step, but I pushed myself forward. A car approached. I didn't turn until it was so close I could see the film of dirt on the gold door.

Tony leaned out the window. “Get in. I'll give you a ride.” I wouldn't look at him. He followed me slowly in the car as I walked, my nerves spiraling out of control.

“Come on, Caroline, talk to me,” he said. “I'm not mad at you for standing me up Saturday night, if that's what you think.”

I turned. My reflection shimmered like a mirage in his mirrored sunglasses. I supposed I owed him an explanation. “After what happened with Geraldine, my parents wouldn't let me out of their sight. And they certainly wouldn't let me hang out with you.”