Gut Feeling (23 page)

‘Ah so you
do
remember!’ Gemma laughed.

‘Yeah, I remember. I remember trying to do one of the positions and Barnaby Jones catching us.’

‘Yeah, we bribed him not to tell because they were his dirty mags that he had hidden. It was one of the best summers. Me Ash and Barnaby met up every day by this big oak tree in the woods behind the school and re-enacted porn mag pictures with Barnaby as our agent. Fully clothed though. Only got naked that once.’

‘Oh Gem,’ Leon sighed. ‘You could have left that bit out. I had some great images in my head.’

Kelly joined in, telling other, tamer stories from Ash’s childhood and Jules topped them off with some off-the-cuff drunken nights out from more recent days.

‘I don’t often do naughty or silly things but when you lot list them off one after another, I’m quite the wild child.’

* * *

The night came to a finish far too soon for everyone. They all kissed goodbye to Ash and Kelly, their eyes filled with tears at the thought of losing there friend to the Big Apple. One by one they hugged and departed down the steps, leaving Ash alone with her big sister. They cleared the glasses away in silence. Ash couldn’t bring herself to speak and tried to focus on the task at hand.

That night Kelly couldn’t sleep. She curled up in the duvet cover on the sofa, kept awake by the green glow from the clock on the DVD player as it rolled its way through the night. She was happy in the thought of taking her sister home, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling deep down in the pit of her stomach that Ash was escaping from her past rather than running away to a better life; she knew that, no matter what country Ash was in, her past would still be the same and her fears would still be the same too…

* * *

By late afternoon Ash had packed all she needed back into her suitcase. She sighed: just a short while ago she had used the same suitcase for a fun trip with her friends; now as she looked at the dark pink suitcase, happy was the last thing she felt. She had said goodbye to all those whom she felt needed an explanation regarding her decision. She was sad that things had come to an end in this way and cast her mind back to the last time she was due to go to NYC and how love had kept her from going. It was ironic that she found herself in the same place, but that it was love that was sending her away.

She stood alone in her room, looking around wistfully at the mostly empty wardrobes and dresser top. She wished things could be different deep down and longed to stay here in the safe retreat and comfort of her familiar home. But she couldn’t stay: something had to change in her life; something had to give, she no longer believed this could be done in England. A loud bang from outside her room brought her back to reality. She opened the door to see Kelly looking dazed and upset, rubbing her head.

‘Kell, what did you do?’

Ash quickly guided her sister over to the sofa, sitting her down.

‘I walked into the kitchen cupboard. It was open and I did not see it.’

‘Oh you silly girl, lie down. I’ll get you a bag of frozen peas to put on the bump.’

Ash could see a large red mark appearing on her sister’s forehead; she hurried off to the kitchen, returning with a tea towel wrapped around half a bag of frozen veg.

‘Here you are, hold this on there and lie still.’

The two sat quietly for a bit while Kell caught her breath. A knock at the front door disturbed them. Ash left her injured sibling, rushing to answer, not even thinking about who may be on the other side; she reached out to open the door, turning the latch to reveal Lee Preston, looking stern and serious.

‘Still here then, Ash?’

Samantha
, Ash thought.

‘Lee, what do you want?’ She put the door on the latch, closing it behind her, then stepped outside so Kelly wouldn’t hear. She led him down the steps where they stood at the bottom, glaring at each other.

‘So after all we have been through, you were just going to run off without a word.’

‘Yep, that’s right.’

‘You’re a brazen woman, Ash. But I know you better than that. You don’t mean it. Deep down you wanted me to come and beg you not to go, just like last time.’

‘You self-centred, arrogant, jumped-up little prick. I couldn’t give a toss if I never laid eyes on you ever again.’

Lee’s facial expression didn’t falter. He felt a pang of realisation as he stood routed to the spot, listening to Ash’s response. She had finally got over him—and with a vengeance.

‘Well, what can I say to that?’

‘Nothing. Now please leave. I have things to be getting on with.’

‘Ash, before I go there’s one thing I must say.’ He paused. ‘I always loved—’

At that moment Ash’s front door opened and Kelly stepped out, glaring at Lee.

‘
What
the
hell
do
you
want?
’

‘Kelly, hi—how the devil are you?’ Lee beamed with delight.

‘Please, Kelly, don’t,’ Ash protested. ‘He is just leaving.’

‘Am I?’

‘Yes, Lee, you are.’ Ash lowered her tone. ‘I do not care for your presents, nor do I care for your final farewell words, so if you don’t mind I have things to do.’

‘Ash please—’

‘Just go.’

‘I’m sorry for everything, babe.’

‘Just go, Lee.’

Ash started walking up the steps toward her sister, feeling the weight of Lee’s stare as he watched her disappear into her flat. She didn’t look back.

Lee waited until the door closed before wondering back to his car, slightly bemused at Ash’s reaction. He had finally lost her. Leaning against his brand new Aston Martin, he realised his wealth meant nothing. The whole point of it all was to impress Ash, but now she was gone he had no one special to share it with.

He looked up to Ash’s flat, suddenly feeling remorseful, a feeling he was a stranger to. After waiting for some time outside he came round to the fact that she wasn’t going to come back out. He slipped into his car with a final glance up at the flat, then slowly drove away with a heavy heart as he looked in his rearview mirror.

He stopped at the end of the mews for a while, silently urging Ash to appear in her door and run down the steps calling after him not to leave. But there was no movement that he could see from her flat; he dropped his shoulders and pushed his foot hard on the accelerator. The car flew out onto the main road and seconds later was lost in thick traffic. He tore down the high street as fast as the thick traffic would allow, revving his engine in anger.

Rachel and Eddy were standing outside a coffee shop. It was 1.30 and they had both turned up at the designated meeting place, bang on time. Catching sight of Lee, Rachel stuck her finger up at him as his car idled at the traffic lights. He smiled in retaliation.

‘Who’s that?’ said Eddy. ‘Nice car.’

‘That is Ash’s dick of an ex.’ She waved as Lee’s car pulled away.

‘The one that she’s running away from to America?’

‘No the one before. Poor Ash hasn’t had much luck with men.’

‘Can’t believe she’s going.’

‘Me neither—and she won’t let me go to the airport with her. Says she’ll get too upset.’ Rachel looked at her feet.

‘Come on, let’s get you inside and a strong cup of coffee.’

‘And a chunky cookie?’ Rachel attempted a faint smile.

‘Two, if you can eat them.’

Chapter 20

T
he next day a cab dropped Ash and Kelly outside the airport. The Indian driver helped unload their suitcases on to a trolley. Kelly tipped him well, then wheeled their luggage towards the main entrance. Inside, they scanned the airport for the check-in desk. The airport was hectic, crowded with holidaymakers and businessmen, Ash flinched as families hurried passed, kids bumping into her legs, disorientated, trying to keep up with their families.

‘There’s our check-in desk. Let’s get in the queue.’ Ash pointed out eagerly, happy to be out of harm’s way and clear of the three foot nothing kamikaze kids. As they stood in the long queue, Ash realised that Kelly had been uncharacteristically quiet since they had arrived.

‘You OK, sis?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You seem distracted.’

‘I am a bit.’

‘Why?’

‘Concerned about you.’

‘Why? I know what I’m doing.’

They edged down the cue as it moved forward a space. Kelly’s phone vibrated in her hand—it was a text.

‘Who’s that?’

‘Er…’ Kelly looked taken aback. ‘Dad.’

‘Oh. So why are you concerned about me, I thought we’d been through all this.’

Kelly finished replying to the text then smiled at her sister. ‘Ash. I just want you to be sure that what you’re doing is what you want.’

‘It is.’

‘Well, that’s OK then.’ Kelly hugged her sister, stroking back her hair.

Suddenly Ash heard her name being called from somewhere; she looked round, not seeing anyone and wondering if she was going crazy. There must be another Ash somewhere nearby, she thought. The queue moved forward again, pushing them closer to the check-in desk; a lady called out, asking for everyone to have their passports to hand. Ash rummaged around in her handbag.

‘Ash. Ash… Ash… wait.’

Her heart skipped, adrenalin raised her blood pressure and her stomach clenched at the sight of Dave standing next to her, only a rope dividing them. The queue moved forward, leaving only four more people in front of them.

‘Dave, what are you doing here?’

‘Please, I love you. Please don’t do this.’ Fear and anxiety were emblazoned across his face.

‘I have to.’

‘Why? Look just come out of the queue. We we can talk.’

‘No, I’m sorry, Dave. I have made up my mind… You cheated and that is unforgivable.’

‘Ash, I didn’t cheat on you.’

‘Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you.’

Dave watched the queue move forward, leaving three people left before Ash and Kelly.

‘Ash, if you had believed that I had cheated, then you wouldn’t have avoided me.’

‘That makes no sense.’

‘Yes it does… After speaking to me on the phone you knew I was telling the truth. Deep down you know I am not like that… Deep down you know you heard the conversation wrong but you just want an excuse to leave… Well, fine, but why break my heart in the process? Why use me?’

‘How dare you!’ Ash’s face screwed up in pain, to match the hurt she felt inside.

‘Ash, I damn well love you.’

‘Do you? You have a funny way of showing it.’

‘Marry me,’ Dave held out his hand. ‘I love you.’

Ash looked at his hand but didn’t move. She felt a pang of desire, wanting to jump over the rope and throw her arms around his neck, but something held her back, something stopped her—maybe it was her pride, but also she was confused, and still unsure of him. The queue moved forward and it was her turn.

‘Ash, please.’ Dave begged, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

She looked at him, holding his gaze, watching his eyes turn red and her eyes also filled with tears.

‘I can’t.’ She turned, walking quickly to the desk.

‘Passport please, madam.’

Ash handed over her passport to the young camp-looking boy sitting behind the check-in deck.

‘I don’t want a window seat. I’m a nervous flyer.’

The boy looked up and smiled at her, noticing her eyes were glazed over with tears.

‘Not a problem madam. Place your luggage on the scales please.’

As she put her suitcase on the scale she watched the weight roll up on the small screen in front of her; she couldn’t hold back the tears from falling.

‘It will be fine, madam. You will be there before you know it,’ the young boy said, assuming that fear of flying was the cause of her anguish.

‘Thank you, I’m sure you are right.’

Ash wiped her cheeks, keeping her sadness hidden from her sister. After she had checked in, Ash looked back to see an empty space where Dave had been standing. She sighed, feeling a wrench of pain and a lump in her throat as she swallowed. Kelly joined her, putting a comforting arm around her waist and walking her up to security before going through to the departure lounge.

* * *

From a distance on the other side of the queue, Dave had been watching Ash, as she looked over at the empty space where he had been standing seconds before. He saw her eyes frantically glance around looking for him and the disappointment in her face when she could not—and he knew she still loved him. But it was all too late: they had gone their separate ways; life had parted them.

He took one long look as she disappeared behind scores of people, then walked away, dragging with him a feeling of guilt, regret, sadness and loss, all for something that had not been his own doing. He made his way through the people rushing towards him, smiling, happy to be at the airport and excited about their holiday destination, knocking into his shoulders as they passed. Slowly he wandered, face down, in the general direction of the car park, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

* * *

Ash walked into the departure lounge, her heart in her mouth. She made her excuses to Kelly then hurried off into the ladies’ toilets where ten minutes later Kelly found her in floods of tears, leaning against a broken hand-drier, being comforted by a well-dressed older woman who was handing her tissues from her handbag.

‘Ash, honey,’ Kelly put her arms out, holding her as tight as she could. The woman gave her a kind smile and left them alone.

‘How did he know I would be here? How did he know, Kell?’

‘Er… I… told him,’ she whispered sheepishly.

Ash pulled away. ‘What?’

‘I’m sorry, I really am.’

‘When did you speak to him?’

‘Last night. I had already taken his number out of your phone the day before, when you threw it on to the sofa.’

‘Why? You knew I had been avoiding him for this one reason.’

‘I just need to hear his side.’

‘I told you his side.’

‘Don’t take this the wrong way… but you told me your version of his side.’

Ash looked down at the floor as a tear fell from her face. ‘Well I can’t go back now.’