Guests on Earth (11 page)

I looked both ways, then walked quickly (and calmly, I hoped, though my heart was beating fast) down the hall. I turned the large knob, then pulled it; the door swung open easily. Without even thinking, I slipped inside, to hover just there, by the back wall.

The large ward was in semidarkness. Six or seven patients already lay in place on the gurneys to which they were virtually bound, I realized, by carefully folded sheets and raised rails, so that they would not roll out. But it was only later that I would fully understand everything I saw. A little table holding a glass of orange juice, a bottle of dextrose, and several syringes filled with different amounts of insulin on a clean white cloth had been placed next to each. Patients just commencing their course of treatment were given low doses of insulin, which would increase with time until the dose was quite high by the end of therapy. Usually the injections were given in the buttocks, though I saw two patients receiving injections in their arms instead. The insulin shock treatment was given five days a week, with the weekend off, and might go on for weeks and weeks. On a few tables there lay only one syringe, which was destined for the metrazol shock patients such as myself. We, too, would be thrown into a spontaneous convulsion, like an epileptic fit.

Some of the treatments were already in progress. They started early each morning, so that the patients could be carefully monitored all day long for any delayed reactions. Highland was a famous, progressive hospital, remember—this was the most effective and humane treatment for mental illness to be found in America at that time. While I watched, yet another patient—a woman I recognized from Art, a good sculptor—was wheeled in sound asleep and placed in an unoccupied space beside a table.

Now the reactions were beginning all around the dim room. Soon after their first shot, the patients began to perspire and drool; already, as I watched, the ones who had had the higher doses went into coma and began to toss and moan, their muscles twitching. Some grabbed at the air—hands were shooting up all around the room. Four or five nurses moved among them continuously now, like fish in an aquarium, checking pulse and respiration. Dr. Terhune and an intern monitored them minutely as well; only Dr. Terhune could decide, on an individual basis, how long each coma should last. This decision was the key to the success or failure of the treatment. The coma must be long enough to be effective; yet patients left in coma too long could suffer brain damage or even death. Usually a treatment lasted for several hours before being terminated by a drink of glucose or by a glucose injection.

I was not present long enough to witness the completion of any treatment, of course; for no sooner had the convulsions begun in earnest than Dr. Carroll himself stuck his head in the door, looking a great deal less calm than usual, and strode over to whisper something to one of the nurses, who went to speak to Dr. Terhune immediately. The large door closed.

Realizing that I must make my escape, I waited only a moment or so before opening it myself and slipping out, despite a nurse’s cry from behind me as the door shut soundlessly. I was in luck! Dr. Carroll had gone elsewhere.

I don’t know what I intended, really, as I ran blindly down the corridor toward, I hoped, freedom—only to collide with Mrs. Fitzgerald as she emerged from one of the rooms at the other end, dressed in regular clothes and carrying a little red leather overnight bag. I imagine that her course of treatment had been completed the day before, and she was then being released. In any case, I hit her head-on, pushing her up against the wall and knocking her bag to the floor where it fell open, spilling its contents at our feet.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I gasped.

“Why, Patricia Pie-Face!” she said immediately, her own face appearing puffier though prettier than I recalled, despite a large bruise on her cheekbone. Had she hit it on a guardrail, during a convulsion? She had a new haircut, too; I might not have recognized her. Mrs. Fitzgerald always looked different, and always younger than she was, as if caught back in some perpetual girlhood. It had been ages since I had seen her. And now suddenly here she was, hugging me tight, tight, sobbing into my hair.

“I heard about the salamander boy,” she said. “I am so sorry.”

I hugged her back.

“There she is. Evalina!” called Dr. Carroll as he came flying through the double doors with Dr. Levy in tow. “Hold on to her, Zelda,” he instructed, which was completely unnecessary, for I wasn’t going anywhere. I stood still while Mrs. Fitzgerald hugged me, an embrace I recall vividly to this day. Mrs. Fitzgerald felt soft and warm and mommy-ish.

Dr. Carroll halted, panting, a few feet from us.

“Leave her alone, Robert,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said to him in a quiet yet commanding voice, oddly intimate. “Just you leave her alone.” They were facing each other.

I raised my head to look at him, too. “I will go to Peabody,” I said. “I am ready to go now.” I bent to retrieve Mrs. Fitzgerald’s belongings—her black notebook, her colored pencils that had rolled everyplace, a few toiletries, and a fancy blue silk nightgown. I stuffed them all into her little red case and snapped it shut and handed it to her, and we walked down the hall together. Dr. Carroll shook his head as we went past him.

Back at Homewood, I found Mrs. Carroll and Mrs. Hodges in my room, already putting linens into into my trunk—the same steamer trunk, with stickers all over it, that Mrs. Carroll had taken to Vienna as a student herself. She squealed like a girl now as she stood up to hug me. I still wore the terrycloth robe from the top floor of the Central Building.

“What in the world has happened, then?” Mrs. Hodges asked, hands on her ample hips.

“Dr. C changed his mind, and I did, too. I’m going. I’m ready to go to Peabody.”

“Of course you are!” Mrs. Carroll clapped her hands. ”I knew you would not fail me, Evalina,” she said. “Go, go. Go—you must go, for me. Music is freedom, never forget it.” How many times had she repeated these words of “the great Busoni?” Yet she was not free, Mrs. Carroll, I realized, her grand career secondary to her famous husband’s. Nor was Ella Jean free, even with her own music, even up on her own wild mountaintop. Yet somehow, through nothing I had ever done to deserve it, I was being given this chance. Suddenly the voice of Matilda Bloom came into my mind clear as day, and the words she had said to me at Bellefleur years before: I know you, honey, and I know you are a smart girl, and you have gots to realize this is the chance of a lifetime here. Your mama would want you to take it. She would want you to grab that brass ring that she never got aholt of herself.

I hugged them both, hard. “I’ll write to you,” I promised. “I’ll send postcards for your collection.”

INTERMEZZO

THE PEABODY INSTITUTE OF THE JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY, FOUNDED 1857

Sept. 10, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

As you see, this Institute is huge, like a grand monument! But inside all is lively, a beehive of music. I had no idea. This is a world. Thank you, thank you.

Love from your overwhelmed yet happy student,

Evalina

THE PEABODY LIBRARY

Sept. 12, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

This where I do my work study, for the Scholarship. They call it the “Cathedral of Books,” you can see why, with its wrought-iron stacks soaring many floors up to the skylight. It is a place like reading itself.

Your inspired,

Evalina

SEAGULLS, CHESAPEAKE BAY

Sept. 17, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

To answer yr. question in haste, I am taking Italian, humanities, music theory/musicology, ensemble arts, and piano of course. And no, thank you, I do not want for a thing. And yes, there are concerts, every day.

Love from yr

Evalina

BALTIMORE HARBOR AT TWILIGHT

Sept. 22, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

A group of us ate softshell crabs here in a café hanging right out over the water, lights everywhere. And guess what? Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald lived in Baltimore, too, quite near Peabody, in a house named La Paix. They are VERY famous here! I had no idea.

Hello to All from your

Evalina

FORT MCHENRY, BALTIMORE, MD.

Oct, 15, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

No everything is fine, I have just been so busy, that’s all. To answer yr question, my roommate is Susanah Knox (oboe) from Ohio. She is very serious. Today it is raining and I miss you, and Mrs. Hodges, and the mountains, and all.

From Evalina

P.S. It is very intense here.

THE CAPITOL, WASHINGTON, D.C.

Oct. 18, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

I am sight-seeing! We came on the bus, we are having a picnic on the mall, ducks are swimming in the big pool. All this grass reminds me of Highland, say hi to Mrs. Hodges and Dr. C for me, and all.

Your Evalina

MOUNT VERNON

Oct. 27, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

I went on a weekend visit with my friend Barbara Scott (clarinet) to Orange, Va., out in the countryside. Their house is very old. We rode horses! And gave a little concert in the parlor together for all her family and all the neighbors, like at Homewood.

Love from yr

Evalina

THE PEABODY CONSERVATORY CHOIR

Nov. 1, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

There are more crazy people here than HH! And Susannah Knox has had a nervous breakdown and gone back to Ohio. I hope I do not have to have another roommate. I stayed up all night reading Neitzsche for humanities, now I may have a nervous breakdown myself!

Yr Evalina

A “MESS” OF MARYLAND BLUE CRABS

Nov. 21, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

I have a new job playing piano for Mrs. Hretzsky’s private vocal lessons. Also Barbara and I are in a quartet together in Ensemble Arts, my favorite course so far. I love it. Also Italian, I am getting the hang of it now!

Ciao from yr

Evalina

JOYEUX NOEL

Dec. 15, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Please don’t worry. Of course I understand that it would be too expensive for me to travel back and forth for every holiday. In fact we have many international students who will be staying here for Christmas, too. I have sent a box, I hope it arrives before you leave for Italy. Please understand that I am forever yr grateful

Evalina

SNOW SCENE, VIRGINIA SKYLINE DRIVE

Dec. 28, 1940

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Actually Christmas was very jolly. Dr. Twomey took us all out to his house, a huge barn filled with children and pets and his beautiful wife (cello) plus a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth! Music and singing far into the night. There is a boy here from Sweden, we have gone to the cinema and several concerts during this holiday. He is a tenor.

Happy New Year from yr

Evalina

LUDVIG VAN BEETHOVEN 1770–1827

Jan. 6, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Surely not ALL tenors are homosexual! And I AM working hard, believe me! This term it will be more Italian, piano, ensemble arts, early music, and vocal accompanying, which is very helpful since I have also been hired to play for the Peabody Children’s Chorus at practice sessions, I am very excited about this!

Yr very busy,

Evalina

FREDERIC CHOPIN 1810–1849

Jan. 16, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

I am surprised by your note, though I do see what you mean, and yes, piano remains my focus of course, though I am not brilliant, Mrs. Carroll, not like these others. I know that now. We have prodigies here. I shall work very hard, however, and hope I shall not disappoint you. Be assured that I remain

Yr diligent,

Evalina

THE NORWEGIAN LADY

June 14, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

This Norwegian Lady looks out over the boardwalk of Virginia Beach where I am thoroughly enjoying my summer job playing for Mrs. Ruth Gardiner, a vocal teacher, and for the quaint Seaside Church upon occasion. Barbara’s job with the Starlight Dinner Theater is much more glamorous. Our boarding house is filled with such characters!

Yr Working Girl,

Evalina

THE HISTORIC CAVALIER HOTEL, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

Aug. 5, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Guess what? Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald came HERE, too! Along with many others such as Will Rogers, Mary Pickford, and Betty Grable. It makes me think of the Grove Park and Mrs. Fitzgerald and I wonder how she is now, and all. How are YOU? Right now Highland seems very far away from this hot sandy beach. Please write to me,

Yr Evalina

The Maryland Zoo, Baltimore, Md.

Sept.18, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

It is français, français, et plus de français this term! I am taking French language and diction/voice and also opera accompaniment. I love Massenet, do you? especially “Manon.”

Au revoir,

Evalina

“AUTUMN LEAVES”

Oct.2, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Now I have learned the most important skill of the accompanist—learning to breathe with the singer! That means playing on the vowels and breathing with the singer’s every breath, in and out, Mme. LeBlanc calls this the “shared intimacy of breath and being,” isn’t that beautiful?

Yr thrilled,

Evalina

THE TRAINING CHOIR

Nov. 11, 1941

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Here is my darling Children’s Chorus and there is my favorite, little Alex Chadbourne, 4th from the left in the third row. His hair is flaming red and his eyes are robin’s egg blue though you cannot tell that of course from the photograph. He has a hard little life but a heavenly voice, like an angel.

Yr Evalina

WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART, 1756–1791

April 18, 1942

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

After much soul-searching and many conversations with my teachers here, I have chosen ensemble arts/vocal accompanying and music education as my primary fields, for after all I must earn a living, must I not? And I am proud to do so, and eternally grateful to you and Dr. Carroll for this miraculous (for so it still seems to me) opportunity.

Yr ever grateful,

Evalina

“MORE THAN I CAN SAY”

Aug. 27, 1942

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Thank you and Dr. Carroll very much for the lovely visit back to North Carolina, it meant so much to me to be among my beloved mountains again and to see all of you, though now I wonder if I have done anything to offend you, perhaps? If so I assure you that it was entirely unintentional as I esteem and appreciate you and Dr. Carroll above all others in the world, and so, IF so, forgive me.

Mi dispiace,

Yr Evalina

FRANZ PETER SCHUBERT 1797–1828

Nov. 8, 1942

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

I have hesitated for weeks to pen this note, yet must now inform you that I have not been chosen for a solo piano recital as my senior performance, instead I shall accompany soprano Lillian Field, the star of our class, in a program to be presented Feb. 10th at 7 o’clock in the Great Hall. This is an honor. A proper invitation to follow. I hope so much that you and Dr. C can come!

Yr Evalina

“THANK YOU”

Feb 11, 1943

Dear Mrs. Carroll and Dr. Carroll,

Finally, a proper letter to thank you for the graduated pearls, they are just beautiful. I wore them at the performance with my new black taffeta dress, a gift from Barbara’s family. I was so surprised to look out at the audience and see Mrs. Hodges, Moira, Ruthie, and Miss Tippen along with her nice new husband, all sitting there. Oh, how I wish you could have come too! I still can’t believe that Lillian Field asked me to play for her, she was just brilliant! She chose a really hard Richard Strauss program, which included my absolute favorite song in the world, “Morgen!,” Op. 27, No. 4. Do you know it? The words go something like

In the morning the sun will shine again

As we walk the happy path together

Across the sun-breathing earth.

And all around us will sing

The muted silence of happiness

And I want you to know that I am happy, Mrs. Carroll and Dr. Carroll, and I am proud to say that I played well, all thanks to you.

Soon to be yr graduate,

Evalina

WILD PONIES, ASSATEAGUE ISLAND

October 16, 1943

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

I disagree with you! I love my work here at Peabody, both with the little chorus and with Mrs. Hretsky’s singers, and also the living quarters where I now reside as dormitory counselor, a privilege, I assure you! I am proud to be yr working girl,

Evalina

FELIX MENDELSSOHN

1756–1791

Jan. 21, 1944

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Perhaps you will feel better to learn that at a recent recital I was asked to fill in for Jules Brunhoff who had fallen ill at the last possible moment (!) accompanying Joseph Nero, a visiting Fellow, he is very Italian, all swagger and flash, as if straight from Rome. He received a standing ovation, and I believe I performed creditably.

Evalina

THE EASTERN SHORE

Mar. 6, 1944

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Don’t worry, nothing is wrong. Joseph Nero has selected me as his personal accompanist and assistant—so, along with my other duties, I am yr VERY busy,

Evalina

LYRIC OPERA HOUSE, BALTIMORE, MD.

June 2, 1944

My dear Mrs. Carroll,

Au contraire I have left Peabody in order to establish my own career and accompany my fiancé Joseph Nero who has recently joined the Baltimore Opera at the urging of Rosa Ponselle herself. Perhaps you have heard of her.

Best wishes,

Evalina

CARMEN, GEORGES BIZET

June 18, 1944

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

In answer to yr question, Joseph spent his childhood in Italy, coming to America at age 9 with his family. He was trained in Philadelphia at the Academy of Vocal Arts founded by Helen Corning Warden. His mentor is Edgar Milton Cook, perhaps you have heard of him.

Best Wishes,

Evalina Toussaint

HARBOR LIGHTS, BALTIMORE

Aug. 23, 1944

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

While Joseph and I do appreciate yr kind invitation, we cannot plan a visit to Asheville at present as we shall be relocating to San Francisco immediately. The San Francisco Opera has made Joseph an offer he cannot refuse. So we are heading West! I hope it pleases you to imagine yr old steamer trunk embarking upon such a journey.

Au revoir,

Evalina

FISHERMAN’S WHARF, SAN FRANCISCO

Sept. 30, 1944

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

For your information, we are certainly engaged to be married! Joseph presented me with a beautiful diamond and emerald engagement ring just after his debut performance as Pollione in Bellini’s “Norma,” do you know it? And I continue to work simply because I enjoy it.

Our best wishes,

Evalina

ÉGLISE SAINT-EUSTACHE, C. 1637, PLACE DU JOUR, PARIS

Sept. 10, 1945

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Our new address is 5 rue Coquilliere in Les Halles, the marketplace. It is very colorful, quite near the Cathedral of St. Eustache, with its great organ. Have you heard of it?

Evalina

THE STATUE OF LIBERTY, NEW YORK CITY

June 9, 1946

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

As you see, we are stateside now as Joseph has joined Fortune Gallo’s San Carlo Touring Company with recent roles in “Tosca” and “Pagliacci”—plus his Tristan, of course. I find myself thinking of you; I hope that you and Dr. C are well.

Evalina

HOTEL DES FLEURS, VIEUX CARRE

Aug. 11, 1946

Dear Mrs. Carroll,

Look! Fortune Gallo has deposited us in New Orleans of all places, with performances at the Municipal Theater and an actual address: Hotel des Fleurs (above). How I should love to hear from you.

Evalina