Guarded Hearts (10 page)

“They’re here. Let’s head out!” she yells over the music. The girls begin to gather their things and head out as I walk over to shut off the music. I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Have fun, Livi. Stop over thinking it,” Mandy tells me as I turn to look at her.

“I am, and I’m not over thinking anything. I’m going to go have fun today,” I tell her.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” I assure her as we head out the door.

Mandy and I squeeze into Tom’s truck. He has a black Toyota Tundra four door that’s high off the ground, and if it wasn’t for the side steps someone would’ve needed to help me up. Kylie is also riding with us as well and two other frat guys.

“You ladies don’t mind all the windows down?”Tom asks us with a smirk as he looks at Mandy and I through his rear-view mirror.

“No. We are heading to the beach,” I shoot back. Tom annoys me, though I don’t know why. I guess it’s the way he carries himself. He’s always so cocky and thinks he’s God’s gift to women. I wonder what mirror he’s using. He rolls down all five, windows including the back window. I turn around and raise my eyebrows in amazement.

“Not all trucks do that, only the Toyota,” he says, directing it at me. “And that’s why I own one, sweetheart.” Ugh, being cocky. Maybe I should’ve gone with someone else. I hear the horns blaring, signaling everyone to head out.

Driving down the road towards the beach, the wind is hitting my face, the music is playing loud, and everyone in the truck is in conversation when I notice in Tom’s passenger side mirror a black Dodge Challenger. I know he’s not the only one who drives one, but I hope that it’s him. I don’t want to make it obvious, but I want to glance out the window to see who is in the car.

“Livi, stop over thinking things,” Mandy whispers to me and nudges my arm.

“What? No. I think it’s him in that car driving next to Tom,” I whisper back at her, directing my eyes towards the car, and trying to not to make it obvious, but failing because she turns around to look out the back window. She then begins to wave at the person driving the car.

“Yeah, it’s him,” she says, smiling at me as she turns around to sit down. I suddenly feel nervous that he is going to be at the beach with us.

Parking alongside the beach, Nix parks behind Tom, I open the truck door to take in the ocean breeze. I can see the boardwalk at a distance and the ocean; the vast beautiful colors of blue and brown make me smile. It’s nice and peaceful as I hear the sound of waves crashing down. Then it’s all over in a matter of seconds as the music blaring from our caravan overtakes the peacefulness.

“Come on, everybody! Let’s set up over there.” Kylie points to an open spot on the beach where we set up the volleyball net, umbrellas, chairs, and coolers. We all begin to walk towards the spot.

I discreetly look around for Nix when I hear his voice. “Hi, Mandy.”

I hear him behind us. He catches up to walk next to me. I turn to look at him. He is wearing sunglasses, making it difficult to see his eyes.

“Hey, Livi.”
Aye su voz
, it almost makes miss a step. I continue walking, giving him a smile, and before we reach our spot we slow to a stop.

“Before we leave will you go on a walk with me?”

“Yes, of course,” I answer, grabbing his arm. I quickly notice my actions and remove my hand. He glances down where I had touched him then back at me.

Mandy realizes we aren’t right next to her and turns to look for us. She gives me a smile when she sees Nix and I talking to each other. We turn back making our way towards the crowd.

Everyone begins to settle in; opening the chairs and umbrellas, popping open beer cans. The music starts blaring out of the speakers, and it’s beginning to look like a beach party without the bouncing of the beach balls. The volleyball net goes up ready for a match.

The ocean breeze is cool enough to bring a chill to your body. Even though the sun is out, I decide to keep my clothing on, not sure if I want reveal my half-naked body now that Nix is here.

Mandy introduces Nix to a couple of our friends while I sit in my chair, rubbing on some sun block. I catch myself looking at him, becoming curious of his tattoos. I want to see them, but most of the time he’s concealing them. As I look on I notice he is fidgeting, tugging in his long sleeve shirt. I wonder what he’s so nervous about. Why would he wear a long sleeve shirt to the beach?

Tom comes over to invite us to play volleyball. I look over at Mandy and Nix to see if they agree, and I get up, and we head towards the net. Playing volleyball loosens Nix’s mood. We’re getting comfortable being around each other. Even though this isn’t Nix’s usual scene everyone seems to like him, especially the girls.

“Hey, guys, I need a break,” Mandy says breathlessly with her hand on her knees, barely able to stand.

“Me too,” I agree, walking off towards the ocean, dying to throw myself in to cool off. I look out into the ocean, slowly rubbing my feet back and forth on the sand, waiting for a wave to come wash it away.

“Want to go for that walk?” I turn to stare right at him, and my heart rate increases. I almost can’t get a word out…he feels so close.

“Yes,” I manage to say to him. We begin walking down the beach, along the sand and through the water. I can feel the coolness as the water hits my feet.

He stops walking and is silent for a moment. I turn to look at him. I don’t know what he’s thinking or about to say, and I’m so nervous that a lump forms in my throat.

“Livi, I want to apologize about the other day at Blends. I shouldn’t have just walked out on you like that. I’m sorry,” he tells me, removing his sunglasses so that I can see his eyes and the sincerity in them.

I really want to say that it’s okay, but I promised myself I was going to be honest with him, because I want him to be able to get to know me.

“I’m not going to lie, Nix, I was a little shocked. I was just left there, sipping on my coffee, but I’m sure you have a good reason. You do have a good reason, don’t you?”I ask, hoping he doesn’t say he just wants to be friends, or he had the wrong impression of me. Because if that’s the case then he could have just told me, and avoided this whole situation to begin with.

“Livi, I like you. I’m very attracted to you, and I hope it’s mutual. I would like to get to know you.” He looks at me, looks out into the ocean, then back at me. “The reason I walked on you out at Blends was because I just can’t be around all the partying and drinking. That’s just not what I’m about. I don’t know what Mandy’s told you about me, but I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t got out to college parties. So when you told me about college was all about partying, I just couldn’t sit there and listen to all that bullshit,” he explains while looking down at the sand before he put his sunglasses back on.

“Apology accepted,” I say, grabbing hold of his arm. “Nix?”

“Yeah?”

“I think we both have a misconception of each other. I would really like to get to know you, too.” He runs his fingers through his hair.

“I’m really glad to hear you say that. I don’t know what it is about you, Olivia, but you make me feel…”

“Feel what?”

“Just feel.” I look at him, confused. I notice he sees my reaction, and I hope he elaborates.

“In order for me to explain I need to tell you a little bit about my past. I know we just met, but I feel a connection. There is something that pulls me to you that I can’t explain. I hope you don’t think I’m a fucking creep.”

“I’m hoping you’re not.”I’m not sure what I’m about to hear, or what I just agreed to, but I also feel a connection to him. I know that right now I have to put my heart on the line, and in this moment it’s up to me to choose whether I want this or not. And I want this.

He takes a few steps away from the ocean, placing his arms on his head, and letting out a breath as he sits down in the sand. I automatically go sit beside him. He removes his sunglasses and brings his knees up to let his arms rest on them. I sit there in the silence giving him the time he needs. Time to collect his thoughts, words, memories that he feels he must share. I don’t push; I have my own bad history. I just don’t know if I am ready to share that part of me yet.

“I was young and reckless,” he starts, breaking the silence, and I turn my body slightly to face him. “We were just having some fun, and like always, I wanted more.” He turns to look at me and I see haunted eyes looking back at me. “We were in an accident that involved drugs and alcohol. That accident took the life of my best friend.” He leans back into the sand resting on his palms, staring out into the ocean. “I couldn’t save him, but he saved me from all that fucked up bullshit in the end.”

I’m speechless. Part of me wants to ask more questions but I’m not going to press for more information. In all honesty, I see now why it is difficult for him to be around alcohol, but he works at a freaking club.
Dios ayudame
, don’t let me ask this stupid question.

“I’m sorry you lost your best friend,” I manage to say.

“I’m sorry, too. He was great, a better man than me.”

“So how is it that you can work at a club that serves alcohol or DJ at parties?” The words are out before I can stop them, and I see him sit up resting his arms on his knees. I feel humiliated.

“I’m there because of my work.”

“DJing?” I ask, knowing the answer but I don’t know what else to say.

“You mean spinning, they call it spinning.”

“Oh, spinning,” I correct myself.

“Spinning helps me get lost in the beat. It helps me get into the lyrics, to help me forget about my guilt and pain. That was until I met you. You have taken over in some part.” Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness for his loss. I didn’t mean to feel this way, I know he doesn’t want my pity, but it isn’t pity. I wish I can take away all his hurt, so I do the only thing I can think of to show him I care.

I kiss him.

T
oday is the day. Our official first date. After we left Myrtle Beach he asked me for a do-over date. We have been busy all week so today we finally have the chance. He didn’t mention where we are going; he just said to wear something comfortable and warm since the fall weather has been picking up. I opt for a blue and white striped three quarter shirt with some ankle jeans and blue Toms. I pile up my hair in a high pony tail. I complete my ensemble with pearl earrings. I have light make-up on. I didn’t want to over-do it with my appearance, because I don’t want him to think that I am trying too hard to impress him. I decide to just go with it. Like I said, I am not in love with him. I just want to explore these feeling he has awakened in me. I don’t want to be like my mother and all the other trailer trash girls that have sex with guys just for the hell of it.

I hear my phone chirp on the bed as I am putting on my shoes.

Nix:
Hey Olivia I’m 3 min away.

Me:
Ok. I’m almost done.

Nix:
:)

I grab my light blazer since I didn’t know how long we will be out. I know we both have an early class tomorrow, but I am not going to let that cut our night short if we end up having a good time. I grab my wristlet and stuff my credit card, lip gloss, ID and $20 cab money into it just in case I had dreamt the whole chemistry thing going on and I need an escape route.