Great Sex Secret (19 page)

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T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t
ship, but for people who really care about one another, it deepens and enriches their love. Great sex truly makes life worth living.

How can we find our way to sexual happiness? It all boils down to the advice a mother might give her daughter as she embarks on her sexual odyssey: “Learn what you like and tell him, honey.” Or the advice a father might give his son at the same point in life: “Pay attention. Be patient. No one way solves all. And if she’s not happy, you soon won’t be either.”

Selected Bibliography

These are the books and articles that served as source material for
The Great Sex Secret
. They can add more depth and detail for the interested reader:
Books:

Angier, Natalie.
Woman: An Intimate Geography
. New York, New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1999.

Bell, Ruth, et al.
Changing Bodies, Changing Lives.

New York, New York: Vintage Books, 1988.

Cattrall, Kim and Mark Levinson.
Satisfaction: The Art
of the Female Orgasm.
New York, New York: Warner Books, 2002.

Conrad, Sheree and Michael Milburn.
Sexual Intelligence.
New York, New York: Three Rivers Press, 2001.

Davenport, William.
Human Sexuality in Four Perspectives
. Baltimore, Maryland: John Hopkins University Press, 1977.

D’Emilio, John and Estelle Freedman.
Intimate
Matters: A History of Sexuality in America
. Chicago, Illinois: University of Chicago Press, 1988, 1997.

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T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t
Dodson, Betty.
Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex.

New York, New York: Harmony Books, 2002.

Eichel, Edward and Philip Nobile.
The Perfect Fit:
How to Achieve Mutual Fulfillment and Monogamous Passion through the New Intercourse.
New York, New York: Donald I. Fine, 1992.

Fisher, Helen E.
The Sex Contract: The Evolution of
Human Behavior
. New York, New York: Quill, 1982.

Freud, Sigmund. Translated and revised by James Strachey.
Three Essays on Sexuality
. New York, New York: Basic Books, 1962.

Hayden, Naura.
How to Satisfy a Woman Every
Time…and have her beg for more.
New York, New York: Bibli O’Phile, 1982.

Hite, Shere.
The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of
Female Sexuality
. New York, New York: Macmillan, Dell 1976, 1981.

Hutchins, Claire.
Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time
You Make Love
. Grand Prairie, Texas: JPS Publishing Co., 1998, 2000.

Laqueur, Thomas.
Making Sex: Body and Gender from
the Greeks to Freud.
Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1990.

Lloyd, Elisabeth A.
The Case of the Female Orgasm:
Bias in the Science of Evolution
. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 2005.

B i b l i o g r a p h y

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Maines, Rachel P.
The Technology of Orgasm:

“Hysteria,” the Vibrator, and Women’s Sexual
Satisfaction.
Baltimore, Maryland: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1999.

Masters, William H. and Virginia E. Johnson.
Human
Sexual Response.
New York, New York: Bantam, 1966.

Boston Women’s Health Book Collective
. Our Bodies,
Ourselves
. New York, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1971, 1973.

Paget, Lou.
How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure.
New York, New York: Broadway, 2000.

Rhodes, Richard.
Making Love: An Erotic Odyssey.
New York, New York: Simon and Schuster, 1992.

Richardson, Justin and Mark A. Schuster.
Everything
You NEVER Wanted Your Kids to Know about SEX

(but Were Afraid They’d Ask).
New York, New York: Crown, 2003.

Riskin, Michael and Anita Banker-Riskin with Debo-rah Grandinetti.
Simultaneous Orgasm and Other
Joys of Sexual Intimacy.
Alameda, California: Hunter House, 1997.

Sherfey, Mary Jane.
The Nature and Evolution of
Female Sexuality.
New York, New York: Vintage Books, 1966, 1972, 1973.

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T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t
Silverstein, Judith. Photographs by Jim Jackson.

Sexual Enhancement for Women
. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Black and White Publishing Company, 1978.

Stoppard, Miriam.
The Magic of Sex
. New York, New York: Dorling Kindersley, Inc., 1991, 1992.

Tannahill, Reay.
Sex in History.
Chelsea, Michigan: Scarborough House, 1992.

Taylor, Emma and Lorelei Sharkey.
The Big Bang:
Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe
. New York, New York: Plume, 2003.

Taylor, Kate.
The Good Orgasm Guide
. London, England: Simon and Schuster, 2002.

B i b l i o g r a p h y

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Periodicals:

Byrne, Donn. “A Pregnant Pause in the Sexual Revolution.”
Psychology Today,
July 1977.

Deveny, Katheleen. “No Sex, Please, We’re Married: Are Stress, Kids and Work Killing Romance?”

Newsweek,
June 30, 2003, 40–46.

Flanagan, Caitlin. “The Wifely Duty.”
Atlantic
Monthly,
January/February 2003, 171–181.

Johnson, Rebecca. “Sex Advice for the Clinton Age.”

New York Times Magazine,
Oct. 4, 1998, 59–61.

Mead, Rebecca. “Love’s Labors: Monagamy, Marriage and Other Menaces.”
New Yorker
, August 11, 2003.

Trotter, Robert. “The Three Faces of Love: Commitment, Intimacy and Passion Are the Active Ingredients in Sternberg’s Three-Sided Theory of Love.”

Psychology Today
, September 1986.

Endnotes

Introduction

1
A widely reported indicator
: Lloyd, 26–37.

Chapter 1: Disappointment in the Land of Eros: Is There a Design Flaw?

8
More than a decade later
: Johnson, 59.

9
“A large number of relatively young”
: Flanagan, 171–181.

9
An infamous issue
: Deveny, 40–46.

11
no matter how busy life is
: Deveney, 45.

11
“Embarrassing, isn’t it”
: Mead, 82.

12
“Pity the poor married man”
: Flanagan, 178.

12
“Marriage remains the most efficient”
: ibid., 181.

14
A consistent finding of sex research
: Lloyd, 27–39, 112–113. Note that this statistic is for unassisted female orgasms during intercourse. Counting assisted orgasms, the range rises from 31 to 54 percent. Lloyd cites the following sources for her statistics: Terman, 1938; Chesser, 1956; Tavris and Sadd, 1977; Hite, 2 0 4

T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t
1976; and Fisher, 1973. She also notes that many studies have not been clear enough in their questions for us to be sure if subjects were talking about assisted or unassisted orgasms and whether the orgasms took place before, during, or after intercourse.

15
The average adult has
: “National Health and Social Life Survey.”
Newsweek
, Oct. 17, 1994, 70.

19
women need a different kind of stimulation
: Sherfey, 122.

19
“If you are frightened”
: Angier, 72.

21
“The first time I had intercourse”
: Bell, 106.

22
“We rush into it”
: Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, 38.

23
When a woman climaxes
: Fisher, 32.

24
female orgasm must have an evolutionary
: Lloyd, 220–257.

25
females’ potential for orgasm
: ibid., 107–8.

Chapter 2: Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am: the Long History of One-Sided Sex

29
“Sex was something that was”
: Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, 39.

29
“We are having intercourse”
: ibid., 37.

30
sex was an overwhelmingly male-dominated
: Tannahill, 24, 95–98, 146, 286, 423.

30
“In most of the societies for which”
: Davenport, William.
Human Sexuality in Four Perspectives
.

E n d n o t e s

2 0 5

Baltimore, Maryland: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1977, 115–163.

31
Nineteenth century, the British surgeon
: Acton, William.
Functions and Disorders of the Reproductive
Organs.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: Blakiston, 1857, 112.

31
describe the ignorance of nineteenth-century
Americans
: D’Emilio, 5, 19–20.

31
“It does nothing for me except disgust”
: ibid., 272.

31
“It was not altogether surprising”
: Tannahill, 354–355.

32
“I have a sense of guilt”
: D’Emilio, 269.

32
There was one curious exception
: Tannahill, 119–121.

34
“the suicidal masturbator”
: ibid., 230.

34
In the United States
: Kellogg, John Harvey.
Plain
Facts for Old and Young
. Burlington, Iowa: I. F. Seg-ner, 1877.

34
Kellogg believed
: Money, John.
The Destroying Angel
.

Amherst, New York: Prometheus Books, 1985.

39
Women brought up to believe
: ibid., 89–110.

40
“Dear Madam”
: Eichel, 19.

41
“It’s appalling that men”
: Rhodes, 161.

42
“Many men don’t know how”
: Cattrall, 17–18.

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T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t
Chapter 3: No Female Orgasm—But He Tried 45
It is considered a mitzvah
: Edelstein, Amy. “Don’t Leave God out of It.”
What is Enlightenment?
, Summer/Spring 1998 (Issue #13), 3.

45
The ancient Chinese Tao sex manuals
: Tannahill, 170.

47
In 1848, the Bishop of Philadelphia
: Gordella, Peter.

Innocent Ecstasy
. New York, New York: Oxford University Press, 1985.

47
“those who knew—women—”
: Laqueur, 67.

48
For more than a thousand years
: Maines, 52, and Laqueur, 9, 49–51, 181–185.

48
prostitutes did not get pregnant
: Laqueur, 230.

48
became pregnant after being raped
: Angier, 46.

49
If she had her orgasm after
: Laqueur, 49–51.

53
a man isn’t born knowing
: Maines, 117.

53
“Why didn’t I just ask her”
: Cattrall, 27.

54
“Premature ejaculations”
: ibid., 122.

55
imperviousness to instruction
: Hite, 345–346.

57
From classical antiquity
: Laqueur, 70–87.

60
“This time Michael made it”
: Bloom, Judy.
Forever
.

New York, New York: Pocket Books, 1975, 149–150.

61
“an activity engaged in by two”
: Hite, 384.

E n d n o t e s

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Chapter 4: Faking It and Dealing with It 63
that 69 percent of women admitted
: Haze, Delores.

“Faking It.”
Mademoiselle
, January 1994 (Volume 100, #1), 125.

64
“true womanliness and femininity”
: Lloyd, 42.

65
“There is usually some psychological”
: Offit, Avodah Komito. Night
Thought: Reflections of a Sex Therapist
.

New York, New York: Congdon & Lattes, Inc, 1981.

68
like a laboratory animal
: Seeber, Michael, and Carin Gorrell, “The Science of Orgasm: Sex and Your Psyche.”
Psychology Today
, November/December 2001, 48–58.

68
“When I come to the realization”
: Hite, 345–346.

71
In The Hite Report, 87 percent
: ibid., 420.

72
“The times when I make love”
: Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, 38.

74
“If the husband should withdraw”
: Eichel, 78–79.

75
“The clitoris must be wired up”
: Angier, 71.

76
“When you’re young, you masturbate”
: Hite, 385–386.

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T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t
Chapter 5: Simultaneous Orgasms: Are They Possible?

80
“In the phallic phase of the girl”
: Freud, Sigmund.

New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis
. New York, New York: Norton, 1933, 161.

80
Freud even referred one colleague
: Laqueur, 242.

82
“The clitoris overspills”
: Angier, 75.

83
Many Victorian medical books
: Angier, 75.

83
“Freud knew that”
: Laqueur, 233–234.

85
unilaterally declared that clitoral pleasure
: ibid., 243.

87
“more like a Rube Goldberg scheme”
: Hite, 275. Hite notes that the analogy may have originated with Dr. Pauline Bart.

90
“I never have the same sort”
: ibid., 292.

91
misunderstanding seems to have happened
: Lloyd, 25–26.

93
In one popular advice book
: D’Emilio, 267.