Great Sex, Naturally (35 page)

Conclusion: Sex Enhancement in Perspective

You’ve delved into a diversity of pleasure-promoting tools and techniques in this chapter, from modern to ancient means; from Western to Eastern approaches; and from practical, down-to-earth tips to lofty, mind-expanding practices for heightening your capacity for pleasure. You’ve explored sexual lubricants and stimulants, vaginal strengtheners and releasers, tantric techniques, and more. In some cases, as with many of the aphrodisiacs in
Chapter 5
, these pleasure-enhancers have been handed down to you by many preceding generations.

Although some of the enhancers you’ve discovered in this chapter may not be considered aphrodisiacs in the traditional sense, all can have aphrodisiac-like qualities and be invaluable for your sexuality, whether you use them separately or in combination. As you turn to the next chapter on our voyage—the exploration of sexuality in a relationship, and the myriad ways your sexual well-being is influenced by your partner’s sexual health—keep in mind that, as we said in the Introduction to this book, nothing has greater aphrodisiac potential than love.

CHAPTER 7

MALE
SEXUALITY

How Your Partner’s Sexual
Health Affects You

“When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.”

—J
OHN
M
UIR
,
M
Y
F
IRST
S
UMMER IN THE
S
IERRA

As a woman, you know that love, intimacy, and sex are all about relationship and partnership. You may feel, at times, that you and your partner are each a part of one another, as surely as the word
part
is a part of the word
partners
. Successful partners, by definition, are joined together, complement each other, share deeply, and in some sense complete one another.

During an intimate relationship, your sexual health and your partner’s merge, with your two sexual energies closely united. If his libido is healthy, it can benefit your own immeasurably. As you’ve seen, your sexual energy flourishes in the presence of healthy male sexuality. The “secret” sexual scents his body releases, which you detect unconsciously, can affect when you ovulate, and over time regulate the length of your menstrual cycles. With his sexual health in top form, you also stand to gain from the potential health benefits of sex itself: decreased stress; better circulation; enhanced moods through the release of “feel-good” endorphins and oxytocin; reduced blood pressure and greater calmness; improved vaginal lubrication; strengthened immunity; diminished pain (including pain from menstrual cramping); and lower likelihood of urinary incontinence, heart attacks, and endometriosis. On the other hand, if his libido is out of balance, it can affect yours in countless ways.

Just as your partner’s sexual well-being promotes your own, so too can his overall health shape yours. If he’s thriving in body, mind, and spirit, you’re more likely to be in that state as well, but if his health is compromised, it can have numerous repercussions for
you
. In a sense, your two immune systems become joined at the hip; they uphold one another, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

In a long-term intimate relationship, enhancing your partner’s health and sexual well-being enhances yours, and vice versa; vitality is reciprocity, sexuality is mutuality, and sensuality is cosensuality. And as
Chapter 1
touched on, health and sexual well-being can also be of great consequence psychologically and emotionally, with the potential to affect every aspect of your relationship.

The idea that sexual partners physically and spiritually complement and complete one another was well known to practitioners of ancient Chinese medicine, which was built on the balance of opposites: feminine and masculine, water and fire, darkness and light, inwardness and outwardness, yin and yang. Sexuality is viewed as the dance between feminine inward-receptive yin “water” and masculine outward-projecting yang “fire.” If you’ve achieved a truly balanced partnership, you and your partner can be seen as two halves of one whole, each intimately affecting the other and in close harmony, like the two interlocking shapes of the yin/yang symbol.

In previous chapters we’ve compared the yin, cool tendencies of female sexual energy to a large pot on a small flame (it warms slowly, but stays hot for a long time), and the yang, hot tendencies of male sexual energy to a small pot on a large flame (it heats quickly, but doesn’t stay hot as long). You can use many of the tools and techniques you’ve discovered, including herbal aphrodisiacs with yin or yang effects, to help balance you and your partner’s energies. For some couples, the tantric practices in the previous chapter can be especially helpful in synchronizing their sexual tempos. And simply being aware of the differences between women’s and men’s yin and yang sexual energies brings you closer, strengthens your relationship, and generally engenders harmony between genders.

This chapter will empower you and your partner with tools for enhancing his sexual health, and thereby your own. (Of course, you want to improve the health of the man you love because you care about his well-being, not simply to benefit yourself, but since this is a book for women, we’re adopting a gynocentric perspective.) Women are often concerned about issues affecting the sexual health of their partner, but find a shortage of information to answer their questions. Male sexual-health needs are sometimes overlooked, perhaps because men are reluctant to discuss personal sexual matters or see doctors—statistics show the vast majority of health-care consumers are women—and as a result even some medical practitioners aren’t well informed about men’s sexual issues.

In the pages ahead, we’ll explore the most effective ways your partner can enhance his sexuality with natural methods. Since many men have conditions that require added support, we’ll also provide natural solutions to the sexual-health challenges your partner is most likely to face, including common conditions associated with lowered sex drive and function. As you’ll discover, there’s a lot he can do to treat or prevent these conditions—with results that can bring inestimable benefits to your shared sexuality.

Promoting Pleasure: Male Libido Enhancement and Support

Sexual well-being can be vital to a man’s health and longevity. A ten-year British study found that men having two or more orgasms a week have 50 percent lower mortality risk than men having orgasms less than once a month. According to Barry Komisaruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple, authors of
The Science of Orgasm
, research shows that “higher frequency of ejaculations over the years is correlated with a lower incidence of prostate cancer”—perhaps partly because fluid released from a man’s prostate gland at orgasm helps clear it of potential cancer-causing substances. Frequent orgasms may also improve circulation through this sensitive area of his body, increase immune-system function, and promote health and relaxation through peak releases of oxytocin.

Whether your partner has a healthy libido and wants to further enhance it, or has low sexual energy and wants to boost it, there are plenty of options he can pursue. First and foremost, his sexuality depends on his lifestyle: all components of the sex-supportive lifestyle you discovered earlier in this book apply to him as well. This makes it convenient for you to make those changes together, incorporating them into your lives as a couple. And as you enhance your libidos in tandem, you may be surprised to find that the changes you make
more
than double the fireworks between you.

In addition, there are steps your partner can take that apply specifically to men. (Some men are averse to self-help and feel they don’t need sexual enhancers. To convince your partner to consider taking these steps, it will help to approach the subject with sensitivity, and explain the benefits for both his sexuality and his health. You may also want to frame it in the context of a sexual-health plan that you implement together.) Let’s begin by exploring the most effective herbs, supplements, and foods he can use to support and enhance his sexuality; later in this chapter, you’ll discover that he can also use many of these for treating conditions like erectile dysfunction or low testosterone.

Herbal Aphrodisiacs for Men

Since your greatest natural aphrodisiac is love, you and your partner may not feel the need for any other form of sexual enhancement. Your attraction to each other, coupled with all of your daily physical and psychological foreplay, may be all you ever need for great sex. Or to put it differently, in a loving relationship your partner’s ultimate natural aphrodisiac may be
you
. But if he ever wants to further stimulate his libido, there are some wonderful herbal aphrodisiacs that can enhance his sexuality.

A man can use many of the herbal aphrodisiacs in
Chapter 5
to improve his sexual energy, including cordyceps, catuaba, suma, muira puama, damiana, kava kava, and ashwagandha. (For dosage and recommendations, refer to the descriptions in that chapter; men’s doses are the same as those for women, except where noted.) Let’s look at herbal aphrodisiacs that deserve extra attention because of their particular benefits for male sexuality:

—
Chinese ginseng.
Chinese ginseng, which we’ve explored as an aphrodisiac for women, has been used to enhance male sexual function for centuries in Asia. Modern research confirms its effects on male sexuality. Human studies show it can increase libido and improve sperm count, as well as sperm motility, and animal studies show that it can increase sexual activity and performance. In addition, research shows it can provide antioxidant benefits and help boost athletic performance, improve physical and mental efficiency, relieve stress, decrease fatigue, and prevent neurological disease.

In terms of traditional Chinese medicine, Chinese ginseng is a yang herb, recommended for a man who needs to increase his yang energy. Symptoms of yang deficiency include muscular weakness, cold hands and feet, and lower-back pain. The recommended dose for men is 500 to 1,000 mg, containing 7 percent ginsenosides, two to three times daily. It shouldn’t be taken too late in the day (it could cause insomnia), or by men who are on blood-thinning medications or have hypertension.

—
Tongkat ali.
The aphrodisiac properties of this flowering plant, which has been used for hundreds of years in Southeast Asia to stimulate male sexuality, have been validated by modern research. Both human and animal studies show that it can reduce erectile dysfunction by promoting blood flow to the penis, and also increase testosterone levels. (Tongkat ali is considered a phytoandrogen—a plant with male hormone–like actions.) Research has additionally found that it can decrease body fat and increase muscle mass and strength in older men, and has antianxiety effects.

The active constituent in tongkat ali has been patented and sold in the United States as LJ100. The typical daily dose is one to two 50 mg pills, but some men need only one pill every other day to achieve the desired effects. In excess, LJ100 can cause aggressive moods, irritability, and insomnia.

—
Epimedium.
In Chinese medicine epimedium (also known as Horny Goat Weed, as mentioned in
Chapter 5
) is considered a strong “sexual tonic,” traditionally recommended for treating male impotence and for a wide range of other health benefits. Icariin, its active compound, can enhance a man’s libido by stimulating his sensory nerves, particularly in his genitals—definitely earning the “horny” part of its name—and increasing his nitric oxide production. Epimedium can also boost his libido by supporting his adrenal glands, and may have male hormone–like effects.