Great Sex, Naturally (12 page)

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Your perineum.
The area of strong, supportive muscle tissue between your vagina and your anus, your perineum contains your perineal sponge, which becomes engorged with blood and swells up when you’re aroused. For some women, the surface of the central perineum is highly sensitive to touch and is a source of pleasure when stroked or gently massaged.

The perineum has special significance in more than one Eastern tradition. In the chakra system of Hinduism, it’s the location of the
Muladhara
or root chakra, which is associated with birth, life, safety, sexuality, and your connection with the earth. And in Chinese medicine, the center of your perineum is the site of an important acupressure point called
Conception Vessel 1
, also known as
Hui Yin
, which means “meeting of yin.” Your yin (the feminine aspect of your chi, as the Introduction to this book touched on) is concentrated at this point, and pressing on it can strengthen your chi and bring you many health benefits, including enhanced sexual energy.

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Your vagina.
The flexible, enfolding tunnel of your vagina extends deeply into your body, and elongates when you’re sexually aroused. As the threshold to your cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries, it’s an especially yin organ—internal, receptive, dark, moist, and resilient. Healthy levels of hormones in your body, particularly estrogen, thicken and “fluff up” the tissues of your vagina, helping maintain their pH levels and support their integrity and elasticity.

Your vagina includes your G-spot (the
Grafenberg spot
, sometimes referred to as the
Goddess spot
), well known for its ability to stimulate mind-blowing orgasms. To find your G-spot, use your index or middle finger to reach one to two inches inside your vagina, in the direction of your clitoris; curl your finger upward, and feel along the center of the anterior (front) of your vaginal wall—as if you’re reaching toward the side of your body that your navel is on. (For many women, it’s easier to find the G-spot when aroused, for reasons we’ll explore in the pages ahead.)

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Your urethral sponge, or G-sponge.
People are often unaware of the potential role that a woman’s urethral sponge—not to be confused with her perineal sponge—can play in sexual pleasure. Your urethral sponge, the female counterpart of the male prostate gland, is sometimes called the female prostate. Located directly behind your G-spot, it’s made up of erectile tissue and paraurethral glands that assist with your sexual response and arousal. The glands in your urethral sponge can produce fluid resembling male prostatic fluid (although more watery), and as you’ll discover later in this chapter, when sufficiently aroused, some women ejaculate this fluid from their bodies. Because of the close proximity of the urethral sponge to the G-spot, and its notable capacity to enhance arousal, we sometimes refer to it as the
G-sponge
.

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Your cervix.
The narrow entrance at the top of your vagina, your cervix helps create lubrication during sex and provides a passageway for sperm on their way to your uterus. Your os (the opening of your cervix) is very yin—tightly contracted, with a width of only a few millimeters—but also has the capacity to be extremely yang. As the gateway that most of us passed through on our journey into the world, it can expand to an astounding ten centimeters during childbirth.

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Your uterus.
Your cervix opens to your uterus, your inner sanctum—and if you procreate, your baby’s first home. Although held in place by ligaments and pelvic muscles, the uterus isn’t static, contrary to what many women think; it can frequently shift position inside your pelvic cavity. During sex it moves upward, away from the internal dance, yet it continues to take part in the performance.

During your menstruating years, your monthly flow keeps you acutely aware of the power and presence of your uterus. Every month, tissue inside your uterus known as the
endometrium
, stimulated by your hormones, builds a soft, nourishing bed for the prospect of pregnancy. If you don’t become pregnant, you shed and release your endometrial lining as your monthly menstrual flow. If you become pregnant, your uterus expands dramatically; it can grow from a mere two ounces to about two pounds toward the end of pregnancy.

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Your fallopian tubes.
From the top portion of your uterus, your fallopian tubes extend gracefully upward toward your ovaries. Every month during your ovulating years a ripe egg, newly released from your ovaries, floats in the small, nebulous inner cavity of your pelvis directly above your fallopian tubes. Like a sea anemone collecting microscopic nutrients in the ocean current, fluttering tentacles at the ends of your fallopian tubes reach, embrace, and gently guide the egg down into the central tube toward your uterus. In
Woman: An Intimate Geography
, science writer Natalie Angier describes the fallopian tubes as “exquisite, soft and rosy and slim … tipped like a feather duster with a bell of fronds, called fimbriae.” If traveling sperm find their way to the egg, it could become fertilized; although millions of sperm may surround it, only one might become interlocked with the future.

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Your ovaries.
Small but powerful glands, your ovaries do even more than produce thousands of eggs with the potential to create new life; they also release estrogen, progesterone, DHEA, and testosterone. All of these hormones can affect your sexuality, your nervous system, and your brain, with far-reaching consequences in your life. Women who have their ovaries removed and don’t take replacement hormones typically report feeling changed in every aspect of their being. In the next chapter, you’ll discover the great impact that hormones released by your ovaries can have on the quality of your life.

A Word about Words: The Power of Naming Your Sexual Parts

For purposes of this book we’ve used the common, usually Latin-derived terms for sexual organs, such as
vulva
,
vagina, clitoris
, and
penis
. These terms are perfectly acceptable, but for some they may inadequately reflect the sense that pelvic anatomy is a sacred area of the body. If you grew up in an atmosphere where words describing genitals were considered “dirty” or shameful, such terms may carry less-than-inspiring connotations.

Other cultural traditions sometimes offer refreshing perspectives on naming parts of sexual anatomy. In the Hindu tradition, for instance, a woman’s genitals (her vulva as well as her vagina) are referred to as her
yoni
, which in Sanskrit means “abode” or “source.”

The yoni is considered a symbol of the goddess Shakti, who represents female creative power, and is sometimes referred to as the sacred space, divine passage, or temple. In ancient China, a woman’s pubic hair was sometimes described as her fragrant moss, or her black rose.

In some tantric teachings, a woman’s yoni is known as her
jade gate, lotus
, or
lotus valley
(fittingly, the English word
valley
derives from the same root as
vulva
). Her clitoris may be referred to as her
pearl
, or
bliss pearl
, and her anus—in stark contrast with that word’s connotations—as her
rosebud
. Her partner’s sexual parts likewise have names conveying beautiful or empowering images. His penis may be referred to as the
lingam
, which in Hinduism is a symbol of male creative energy and is representative of the god Shiva. Tantric teachings sometimes refer to the penis as a
tool for healing, wand of light, jade stalk, diamond scepter
, or
thunderbolt of wisdom;
his testicles may be called
elixir-filled jewels
, his prostate the
sacred sector
, and his semen the
elixir of life
.

According to these designations, the sexual act can consist of a man’s wand of light entering a woman’s sacred space, stimulating her bliss pearl, and inducing his jewels to release the elixir of life. What a difference words can make! Imagine living in a culture that consistently honored sexual parts with such names.

The Many-Splendored Pleasures of Your Pelvis

Of all the mysteries your pelvis holds, perhaps most awe-inspiring is its potential for multiple modes of ecstasy. Your sexual organs allow you to experience a magnificent variety of indescribable sensations, and the pathways to orgasm can vary widely from one woman to the next. The pace varies as well; some women ride to the crest of the wave with relative ease, while others need more prolonged coaxing.

Even the psychological approach to orgasm differs broadly among women. For example, some women experience orgasm as a purely physical experience with little or no element of sexual fantasy, while for others orgasm is accompanied by elaborate fantasies and visualizations. And it appears that some women may even be able to climax without any physical stimulation; sex researcher Alfred Kinsey famously found that 2 percent of women were able to reach orgasm entirely through fantasy.

A woman’s journey to full arousal also differs considerably from a man’s. A man often feels ready for orgasm relatively quickly, but a woman typically needs more extensive foreplay. Her sexual energy warms up at its own natural tempo, moving gradually from the outer edges of her body toward her sexual center before she’s ready for full arousal and direct stimulation of her sexual organs. And after climax, a woman doesn’t need an extended refractory period, as a man does, before experiencing another orgasm; her body allows her to continue riding the wave with multiple orgasms.

The distinction between the timing of male and female sexual energy can be compared to heating up two differently sized pots of water: A man is like a small pot on a large flame; he heats up quickly, and cools rapidly when the flame subsides. A woman is like a large pot on a small flame; she takes more time to heat up, but stays hot for a longer time.

This difference is reflected in Chinese medicine: as the introduction to this book described, male energy is predominantly yang, hot, and outward; and female energy tends to be yin, cool, and inward. (We’ll explore ways of balancing yin and yang sexual energies later in this book.) For many women to reach orgasm, however, they need to be not only in touch with their feminine, yin energy—which helps them feel relaxed and safe, release control, and surrender to sensual touch—but also with the yang energy that can give them fiery passion and intensity.

What Happens When You Become Aroused and Reach Orgasm?

As you become aroused, the blood flow to your pelvis increases, engorging your labia, clitoris, and vagina, and you begin to release vaginal lubrication. The tissues of your vulva become, in a sense, more vital and “robust.” In
Women’s Anatomy of Arousal
, Sheri Winston points out that with arousal your vulva “blooms open like a fleshy fertile flower.” Your clitoris becomes “erect,” much like a man’s penis does but on a different scale, and as your vagina becomes increasingly engorged with fluids, it also expands, becoming longer and wider. At the same time, your PC muscle, which forms the “hammock” that supports your pelvic organs, tightens.

During arousal, with stimulation of your clitoris, vagina, cervix, breasts, or nipples, your body can begin to release oxytocin—the “love hormone” that, as you discovered in
Chapter 1
, plays a profound role in your ability to bond with your partner. This release may cause vaginal, cervical, and uterine contractions, heightening your arousal. In an escalating feedback loop, continued arousal and stimulation can in turn promote the release of more oxytocin, which can increasingly intensify your contractions and pleasure.

With orgasm, your brain releases a surge of oxytocin that further enhances bonding and releases endorphins that contribute to your experience of all-encompassing euphoria. As your awareness is flooded with pleasure, areas of your brain momentarily disengage from their normal activities. Orgasm is also accompanied by a dramatic increase in your heart rate, an additional surge of blood flow to your pelvic region, an increase in your vagina’s lubrication, and contractions of your pelvic muscles, including intense spasms of your PC muscle at brief intervals. At the same time, many muscles throughout your body contract and quiver. Typically, your vagina and uterus also contract rhythmically, and your clitoris tucks in under its hood.

The changes that naturally take place in your body during orgasm can bring you innumerable health benefits; as we emphasized earlier in this book, not only does great health promote great sex, but great sex promotes great health. Modern research confirms what has been recognized for millennia in Chinese medicine: sex and orgasm are especially good for your health, and women who experience regular orgasms have increased circulation of pelvic chi and greater overall vitality.

Regular orgasms increase your pelvic blood flow, strengthen your pelvic muscles, and stimulate your natural vaginal lubrication (which helps prevent chronic vaginal dryness). According to Barry R. Komisaruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple in
The Science of Orgasm
, research shows that they also may enhance your immune system, promote sleep, help prevent heart attacks, reduce stress, provide pain relief, increase pain thresholds, relieve menstrual cramps and migraines, help bring a baby to term in pregnancy, prevent endometriosis, and help decrease your risk of breast cancer. Other research suggests that sex may also help you lose weight, promote reduced blood pressure, lower cholesterol, increase longevity, and improve your sense of well-being.

How Many Ways Can You Have an Orgasm?

Women are multiorgasmic, in more ways than one: the female body is not only able to have repeated orgasms with no refractory period, but is also anatomically blessed with more than a single means of reaching climax. For some women, orgasms come in a variety of styles. How many potential pathways to pleasure do women have? Let us count the ways. …