Gravitate (34 page)

I was lounging in the living room, still in the vest and shorts I wore as p
yjamas, when the doorbell rang.
I put my dressing gown on, thinking Jade was much earlier than I thought she’d
be and went to the front door.
I opened the door without bothering to check to see who it was.

“Tim!
Hi,” I said in shock, wrapping my dressing gown tighter around me, aware of the impact of the cold air upon my chest, “where’s Jade?”

Tim’s eyes had already taken in my attire and he smiled, “Hi Claudia, you’ve grown up since the last
time I saw you.
Jade is still chucking up,
she sent me to get her stuff.”
His appearance had changed slightly since the last time I’d seen him, his dark hair was shorter than I remembered and his face, whilst not fat, had filled out from how I remembere
d him.
I could see why I’d thought he was good-looking, he had a relaxed
charm and an easy-going nature.
Compared to the boys I went to school with, he’d outshone them easily – it was only when compared to M
arty that Tim couldn’t compete.
Nobody could.

“Come on in, I wasn’t expecting anyone to arrive for a while.” I felt self-conscious, not used to being around a
man with so little clothing on.
I had a momentary panic about the costumes for the show I was in, which would be far more revealing than my vest and shorts.

“Clearly,” he said with a chuckle, “how have you been Claudia?”

“I’m doing my best.
Anyway, I didn’t say congratulations, Jade
told me about your graduation.
It must be grea
t to be done with university.”
I didn’t want his pity and I hoped I could steer the conversation away from how I was doing.

“Yeah, it’s nice to be done with studying, although working f
ull time isn’t much fun either.
Being a grown up sucks, really.”

“I know.
Do you ever wish you could go back in time?”

“Some
times.
Although, I have to say, the past three years have been much tougher
on you than they have on me.”

“Yeah.”
I didn’t know what else to say to him.

“You’re looking good though – you got prettier in the last three years,” Tim smiled and I appreciated him changing the subject.

“Well, the last time I saw you I was fifteen, painted my fingernails black and wore Doc Marten Boots with fishnet tights, I think my style could only get better.”

“You pulled it off pretty well.
A
nyway, do you remember my hair?
Gelled up
to within an inch of its life!
No wonder you girls used to call me ‘the gelmaster’ behind my back,” Tim chuckled at the nickname his sister had instigated.

“You knew about that?”

“Oh, yes, Jade told
me about it during an argument.
I thought it was qui
te funny, though.
So, how come my sister is puking up all the colours of the rainbow and you look perfectly fine?”

“You didn’t see how much she drank!” I tried to force some laughter and it sounded more genuine than I’d expected – perhaps I was getting better at faking normal life.

“So where’s her stuff?” He looked around, as though he was expecting to see a bag belonging to his sister.

“Oh, it’s strewn all over the house – your sister’s belongings seem to expl
ode when she arrives somewhere.
I’ll start co
llecting it up.”

“I’ll help you.”

We walked into the living room and found Jade’s nail varnish and hair str
aighteners on the coffee table.
I got a carrier bag and Tim
put Jade’s belongings into it.
We moved on to the kitchen and located Jade’s power su
pply for her mobile phone.

“I think the r
est of her stuff is in my room.
This would be so much e
asier if she was here to help.”
I sighed, feeling slightly nervous about bei
ng alone in my house with Tim.

“Trust me,
she’s in no fit state to help.
Lead on.”

I walked up the stairs first, feeling awkward when I realised that by walking two steps ahead of him, his eye line was a
t the same level as my bottom.
I didn’t know how to change the situation – if I slowed down we’d bump into each other, but if I sped up he would try to keep pace.

When we walked into my bedro
om I felt increasingly nervous.
I hadn’t been alone in
my room with any man but Marty.
The white feathers were still on my pillow and I was suddenly aware that this must be awful for Marty to
see, if he were watching.
I tried to scoop up as many of Jade’s abandoned belongings as quickly as possible to get this ordeal over with.

“How come you don’t ha
ve your Christmas tree up yet?”
Tim’s
question caught me off guard.

“What?”

“It’s nearly Chr
istmas.
Y
ou have no decorations up yet.”
He was riffling through the makeup on my dressing table, holding up assorted paraphernalia, as I nodded or shook my head to let him know if it was mine or Jade’s.

“Oh.
I hadn’t got around to that yet.” I met his eyes briefly and he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Really?”

“I haven’t th
ought about it, in all honesty.
Since Mum and Dad died, all that stuff which I used to find important
doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
I’d only keep comparing this year to how it used to
be.”
I couldn’t look at Tim anymore and busied myself by folding Jade’s swea
ter with unnecessary precision.
“My dad used to always take me with him to pick the right tree – he’d get a real one, even though he hated the needles dropping everywhere, because Mum
loved the smell of a real tree.
Then Mum and I would put the decorations on, while listening to Christmas songs.”

“
Did you want a tree this year?”
He’d stopped sorting out the
makeup and was staring at me.

“I would – but I don’t drive and I can’t
carry one home.
Besides, I’m going to visit my aunt in a few days, s
o I suppose it isn’t worth it.”
I placed the sweater on the bed and walked over to the window, looking at the
view but not really seeing it.
Tim was quiet for a few moments and I felt bad that the conversation had
clearly made him uncomfortable.
I jumped when he spoke next, unaware that he was standing behind me.

“If you want a tr
ee, I’ll take you to buy one.”
He clumsily
placed his hand on my shoulder.
I couldn’t speak, but nodded. “Do you want to go now?”

I glanced down at my short pyjamas and dressing gown and managed a sad giggle.

“I can wait while you have a shower, if you want?”

I cleared my throat, pleased with myself for not crying, even though it had been a close r
un thing.
I turned around to face him, the close proximity of our bodies feeling odd to me,
forcing me to take a step back.
“I have a rehearsal at the uni in an hour.”

“After that?
I’m not working toda
y and I’d really like to help.”
Tim smiled and also took a small step back from me, then returned to collecting his sister’s belongings.

I considered his offer.
I decided I would like to get a Christmas tree – my pa
rents would have wanted me to.

“That would be great, if you really don’t mind.”

“Just tell me where
and when to pick you up.”

In my mind, I imagined how over the moon I would have been, three years ago, for Ti
m to offer to take me anywhere.
How simple things had been then.

“I finish at 3pm; do you know where the theatre is at the university?”

“I’m sur
e I’ll find it.
I’ll be waiting for you.”

I showed Tim out of the house and got
myself ready for my rehearsal.
I was eager to arrive on time, wanting to know how Ben and
Sofia
’s
date had gone the night before.
My eyes scanned the seats of the theatre, searching for them, bu
t I couldn’t see them anywhere.
I changed into my dance shoes, glancing at the do
or, anticipating their arrival.
Just as Donna was beginning the rehearsal, they burst through the door, looking f
lushed and happy, hand in hand.
Clearly, the d
ate had gone very well indeed.

I didn’t get a chance to speak to them, as I was required on stage for most of the rehearsal, but when I did get a chance to watch them,
I was overjoyed at what I saw.
They
were clearly falling in love.
Maybe I was even better than Marty
at this matchmaking business.

Donna was finding less and less to pick
fault in during the rehearsal.
The show was beginning to take shape and the cast were sta
rting to feel more like a team.
After the break for Christmas, we would only have a few weeks before the performances – Donna reminded us all of the importance of running our lines regularly over the holiday and marking out the choreography so that
we wouldn’t forget everything.
At least the emptiness of my days would give me plenty of oppo
rtunity to keep my role fresh.

As soon as Donna released us, I ran over to So
fia and Ben to hear the gossip.
Sofia
’s face lit up as I got to her.

“Claudia!
You were amazing in rehearsal today.”

“Thanks, but enough about me, how was your date last night?”

Sofia
beamed at me, “It was good, really good.” Her cheeks flushed red.

“I thought it might be,” I replied, “I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got a friend coming to pick me up.”

“Before you go, Claudia,” Ben spoke quickly, knowing I needed to get going, “we were wondering if you ha
d any plans for New Year’s Eve?
We’re thinking of having a party.”

I hadn’t given a thought about my plans f
or saying goodbye to this year.
I suspected company was the last thing I would need, but I couldn’t think of a good reason to turn them down and it was so t
houghtful of them to invite me.
“That sounds great, look, I have to go, but let me know the details.”

“We’ll walk you out, you know, I’ll miss you over the Christmas break.”
Sofia
smiled as she slipped her hand into Ben’s.

As we left the theatre, I saw Tim waiting for me, much in the same
way Marty used to wait for me.
My stomach didn’
t do any flip-flops this time.
My f
eet didn’t long to run to him. My heart didn’t race.
I felt indifferent. I forced myself to smile and wave at him, to remember he was being kind and that I needed all the friends I could get at the moment.

“I didn’t realise your friend was male.”
Sofia
’s eyes widened as she turned to look at me.

“Tim is my friend Jade’s older brother, he’s
helping me buy a Christmas tree.
” I didn’t want
Sofia
’s imagination to run away with her.

“He’s cute,” she commented.

“Hey!” Ben joked, but it was clear she only had eyes for him.

“So are you,”
Sofia
gave Ben a peck on the cheek, “but he’d suit Claudia, don’t you agree?”

Before Ben could comment, I quickly said goodbye
to them and walked over to Tim.
I could feel
Sofia
watching, wondering if she was witnessing th
e blossoming of a new romance. I hated to disappoint her.
Perhaps one day, I’d like someone enough to let them into my heart, but I doubted it would happen any time soon.

“Hi, Tim, thanks for this.” I felt shy, knowing
Sofia
was observing, even if her intentions were honourable.

Tim smi
led and led the way to his car.
“It’s no problem really, I want to help.”

“How’s Jade doing?”

“Ha! She’s stopped being sick, but she’s moping around the house, say
ing she’s never drinking again.
Oh, and the guy from last night hasn’t rung her yet
, so she’s very short tempered.
You gave me the perfect
excuse to get out of her way!”
He chuckled, as he unlocked t
he car and we opened the doors.
It wasn’t a new car, like Ben’s fancy motor, but it was clean and com
fy, with a warming pine scent.
I didn’t feel safe in this car, but I put this down to my general nervousness at travelling since my parents’ accident.