Gravitate (13 page)

“What’s going on, Marty?” I felt dizzy and his voice soun
ded like it was underwater.
The room started going dark and blurry at the edges of my vision.

“I can’t explain, Claudia.
Baby, you’re passing out, stay with me, hang on.” He pulled me off the chair and lay me on the kitchen floor, pulling the chair over and
resting my feet up on the seat.
The blood rushed back to my head and ever
ything pulled back into focus.
Instantly, it seemed, he filled a glass with water and was then back at my side, gently cradling my head on his lap, stroking my hair and offering
me the cool water. I sipped it gratefully.
I tried to get up, b
ut he gently held me in place.
“Don’t move yet, Claudia, wait for your blood pressure to sort itself out.”

“I’m glad there’s a doctor in the house,” I looked up at his perfect face and smiled, “I’ve only fainted that one time before, although I’ve felt like it’s going to happen a few more times.”

“You didn’t fully pass
out this time but it was close.
You’d know if you’d
completely lost consciousness.”
He leant down and kissed my forehead. “Now, doctor’s orders: you’re going to stay here like this for a few more minutes, sipping your water and then yo
u are going to eat some dinner.
We can continue our conversation later.”

That was exactly what we did.
After we had eaten, Marty insisted on carrying me to the sofa and even took my pulse to make
sure I wouldn’t pass out again.
He seemed incredibly concerned.
I thought he blamed himself.

“Marty, I’m fine, really.
I think I just went too long between meals, got too cold and had too many sho
cks.
Yo
u don’t have to fuss around me.
I’m fine.”

“I’m just concerned as y
ou’ve not fainted a lot before. I don’t want it to happen.
I love you, aren’t I allowed to take extra care of you?” He kissed my hand.

“You may, as long as you tell me how it is
possible for you not to age.
And what you meant about be
ing able to make me forget.”

He sighed deeply.
“Claudia, you remember
how I told you I was intuitive.
That I had feelings about how things were going to go?” I nodded and he continued: “Well, there
’s a bit more to it than that.
I usually know exactly what someone’s destiny is and I can help the
m get to where they should be.
Did Molly and Derek explain how I knew them?”

“Yes, you were the doctor to Molly’s husband, who died of cancer, and she s
aid you looked after her.
And Derek’s wife wa
s your patient before she died.
And you introduced Molly and Derek and now they’re married.”

“Exactly, I saw Molly’s destiny should be intertwined with Derek’s
and I led them to each other.
Joy out of misery.”

“You can see the future?” I was stunned.

“Not exactly, I can only see what is right for certain individuals. And I thought I saw yo
ur destiny was to be with Ben.
But now, I can’t see it at all.”

“I don’t have a destiny?”

“Not one I can see anymore – it’
s just blank now.
I think it altered when you weren’t attracte
d to Ben and now I can’t tell.”
H
e looked down at me and smiled.
“And that is a first for me.”

“So, the making me forget thing?” I felt like I was coping quite well with his revelations.

“I u
sed it on you once. You and your aunt. It didn’t hurt you. It’s just a part of my task.
I’d never do it to you again, unless you wanted me to.” He absentmindedly tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Marty, what are you?
You don’t age, you weren’t ever a baby or a child, you see people’s destinies and help them achieve that and you know how to make people forget things.”

“Claudia, I c
an’t tell you. I wish I could.
Add to that list that I feel incredibly protective of you and I always seem to be
ready to catch you.”

My brain picked over the key moments of our c
onversation for a few minutes.
I came to one possibility, but it was so far fetched that I
didn’t want to utter it aloud.
I th
ought through the facts again.
Marty had never aged, he had no childhoo
d, he had always been this way.
He could see peop
le’s destinies and helped them.
He had the abilit
y to catch me whenever I fell.
He’d tried not to fall for me and said it wasn’
t how things were meant to be.
Since I’d rejected Ben, in favour of him, he
could no longer see my destiny.
He remained silen
t, whilst I mulled things over.
Finally I spoke up.

“Marty, this may sound weird,
but are you my guardian angel?”
As I spoke them
, the words sounded ridiculous. He didn’t look at me.
I though
t I’d upset him.
I was about to apologise, say I was
joking, when he turned to me.
He opened his mouth and simply said:

“Yes.”

Chapter 9

I watched him, stunned.
He rested his head in his hands and was as still a
s a statue for several minutes.
The only sound was the ticking clock in
the hallway and our breathing.
It appeared nei
ther of us knew what to say.
My brain was struggling to understand the enormit
y of his answer to my question.
I had no idea of what he was thinking.

“Marty?” My voice, although quiet, cut like a knif
e through the tense atmosphere. He didn’t respond.
I pulled his hands away from his head
, so that I could see his face.
A soli
tary tear rolled down his face.
I
’d never seen a man cry before.
Then I remembered, Marty
wasn’t a man, he was an angel.
There wa
s an angel weeping next to me.
I knelt on the flo
or in front of him.
I wiped away the tear with my finger and kissed his cheek where the tear
had left his skin glistening.
“Please don’t cry.”

He still didn’t speak,
but kissed my forehead gently.
I could feel my eyes growing wet as I understood the terrible dilemma he had been deali
ng with for the past few weeks.
Being with me had been bot
h painful and blissful for him.
And even now, with me knowing
the truth, his pain continued.
He knew we shouldn’t be togeth
er, yet he couldn’t stay away.
I now understood fully.

“
I’m glad I know the truth, now.
I understand why
you hated lying to me so much.
You said it goes against your nature.” I managed a tearful smile at him.

“I so wanted to tell you.
I needed you to know why I can’t be the man you deserve,” he avoided my gaze, “the other evening – I didn’t want to upset you, but I can’t be the man you wanted me to be, because I’m not human.”

I fe
lt embarrassed by my behaviour. I’d tried to seduce an angel.
Surely t
hat was an impossible conquest.
“I unders
tand. I feel terrible.
I shouldn’t have behaved like that.”

“You didn’t know and I should
n’t have let things get so far.
You
shouldn’t be attracted to me.
Nobody
else has ever seen me that way.
And I
shouldn’t be attracted to you.
I just couldn’t sta
y away from you.
I’ve never felt so human, so confu
sed and torn over my feelings.
Before I met you, I nev
er strayed from the right path.
Now, even though I know th
is isn’t right, I can’t resist. It feels right.
Time spent with you is the most rewardin
g thing I’ve ever experienced.”
He looked much brighter
than a few minutes previously.

I still
had so many questions for him. I didn’t know where to start.
Things that he’d said we
re starting to fall into place.
No wonder I’d never met anyone else lik
e him.
Even now, knowing what he truly was
, I still longed to touch him.
As if reading my mind, he pulled me up from my kne
es and cradled me in his arms.

“A
m I still allowed to kiss you?”
I whis
pered it, afraid of the answer.
He responded by providing me wi
th a sensual, passionate kiss.

“Does that answer your
question?” he gently whispered.

“Completely.
Did you think knowing the truth would change how I felt about you?”

“In a way, I hoped it would, as it would make it easier for me to walk away from you, which I
know is the right thing to do.
Selfishly
, I couldn’t be more relieved.
I never want to have to walk away from you.”

“You don’t have to. Ever.
I told you nothing wou
ld change how I felt about you.
Not that I would have ever guessed this
.
Now that I know what
you are, can you tell me more?
Start at the beginning?”

“I can try, I don’t know how much o
f this will make sense to you.
I really don’t want to scare you or upset you.” He watched me carefully. “It’s a long story, you’d better ge
t comfortable.”
We sat on the sofa, looking at each other, hands tou
ching, absorbed in one another.
He continued: “I was sent to you following the death of your parents.” He paused, catching my eye, as if to check I was still alright. “Your despair was b
eing watched from above.
It was felt that you would cope with a little bit of gu
idance.  I was assigned to you. I’m not a beginner.
They didn’t mess up.”

In my head, I noted the mysteriou
s ‘they’ being mentioned again.
Before I could ask Marty about it, he continued:

“Your case was pretty simple. We all thought so.
I’ve
done millions of these before.
A gentle nudge in the right direction an
d life suddenly seems brighter. Problem solved.”
He smiled, and then refocused on me, stroking my cheek with
his fingers. “You.  You were different.
I thought I knew how to h
andle you, but I got too close.
I felt
your vulnerability first hand.
I think it was when I wiped your tears a
way, I became attached to you.
I had my plan – you and Ben – he’s a great guy, I’d already planned the match. I tried s
o hard to push you towards Ben.
I was sure he
was meant to be your destiny.”

I shivered, thinking h
ow wrong that would feel to me.
Marty moved his thumbs to my cheeks, mimicking the movement of the day when he wi
ped the tears from my cheeks.

“Once I’d spent time with you, once I’d touched your tear
s for myself, I hated the plan.
I repulsed myself, trying to manoeuv
re you into going out with him.
I couldn’t under
stand what was happening to me.
Normally, when the two people I’m trying to bring to destiny are talking, I feel a happiness, a fulfilment in my chest. Yet, when you talk to Ben
, I want to stand between you.”
He paused.

“I don’t fancy Ben.
He’s a nice gu
y, but he isn’t the man for me.
You are.”

“I kno
w that, now.
Did you know I didn’t even kno
w what that emotion was called?
I
’d never experienced it before. It’s called jealousy.
I was starting to see Ben as a rival for your affections.
”

I recalled the confused expression I’d noticed on Marty’s face, in the pub, when I’d been talking to Ben and how o
ut of character it was for him.
That must have been when he experienc
ed jealousy for the first time. I wanted to reassure him.
“There
is no rival for my affections.
What else can you tell me?”