Goodness Had Nothing to Do With It (35 page)

"Sex," she said disparagingly, turning away.

Reaching out to grab her and stop her from moving away from him, he shook his head. "Never just sex. You're an integral part of my life, Allison."

"I'm a very efficient PA who happens to be good in the sack. That doesn't make me irreplaceable, just convenient."

He hated the self-contempt he heard in her voice and the pain. He'd put them both there and it was his job to eradicate them too, but he didn't know what to say. Not with her looking like she'd rather eat a bug than let him touch her.

One thing he knew was that no matter what she might be telling herself, she still wanted him. She wouldn't have responded to him in the office after giving her resignation otherwise. He would take advantage of that fact.

Hell, he'd use anything if it meant keeping her in his life. If he could get her pregnant, he would. His competitors hadn't labeled himruthless for his easygoing nature and willingness to let go of something he wanted.

He pulled her into his body for a scorching kiss, and though her body remained rigid against his, she didn't fight him. He kissed her with all the persuasive passion he had at his disposal, along with all the knowledge he had of what made his woman respond until she finally relaxed into him and her lips went soft under his.

It was hard, but he forced himself to lift his lips and say, "We need to talk."

She ducked her head, not willing to look him in the eye. "Okay."

"Don't be ashamed of responding to something is incredible as what we have between us."

She just shook her head and led him into a living room that had always made him feel warm and peaceful… much like the woman herself.

She went to sit in an armchair, but he beat her to it and then pulled her down onto his lap before she had a chance to move to the sofa. He laced her fingers with his. If he didn't keep his hands occupied, he was going to strip her naked and make love to her until she made the noises that drove him wild.

He wasn't ready to resort to that tactic. He would try talking first.

"Look at me,please ." He'd said that word more tonight than he had in a month of Sundays.

Her head came up and her eyes met his, her ex-pression wary.

He lifted one hand to cup her soft, pale cheek. You are much more than a body to me, or a superefficient PA."

Pained uncertainty flickered in her eyes and he hated himself for it.

"It's true," he stressed. "You are the woman who made me feel like life was worth living, like there was something besides my business to live for."

"You have your children."

"When Ellie died I shut myself off from every-one, including my children. I told myself that they were grown and had their own lives. Neither of them lived nearby and if you hadn't been there pointing out that my kids were grieving too, that they needed to know Kline Technologies wasn't more important to me than they were, I would have gone right on shutting them out. I love them, Allison, and I'll always be grateful you saved me from hurting them more than they'd already been hurt by their mother's death. I think it's pretty obvious I need you."

"You don't love me."

"I didn't want to, that's for sure, but that doesn't mean I don't."

She stared at him, her eyes wide with shock she should not be feeling. Not after everything they had shared. He supposed that was his fault too. He'd done too good a job convincing himself and her that what they had was only a small part of his life when in fact it was what made his life worth living.

"What?" she asked in a dazed voice.

"It hurt like hell when Ellie died," he admitted. He'd never found talking about his feelings easy and he hoped she wouldn't expect these kinds of discussions every other Saturday. "I promised myself I would never again be in a place to hurt like that again. The only thing that mattered was the company. Like I said, I started to push the kids away, but then you came along and you reminded me about important dates—"

"I'm a good PA."

"You're more than that; you are a woman who understands what it means to be part of a family and somehow you made sure I stayed part of mine. My kids and I both owe the relationship we have today to you."

"You would have gotten back on track on your own."

"Don't count on it. I'm a damn stubborn man when I want to be."

She looked down, acknowledging that there she sat on his lap when she hadn't even wanted to let him in her apartment. "I already knew that about you."

"Then you know I'm not letting you go."

"You can't hold onto me if I don't want to be held."

"I'm praying I haven't destroyed everything between us."

"What us? Your kids have been to visit you several times since I came to work for you, a few since I became your lover, but you never introduced them to me."

"I was selfish. I wanted you all to myself. I needed you to belong tome , but if I'd realized how much I was hurting you… how devalued you felt, I would have fixed it immediately."

"You wanted to keep me compartmentalized," she said, in a thick voice, her eyes glistening with moisture. "I didn't belong in that part of your life… the permanent, important part."

"Bull puckey. You belong there all right. Youare that part of my life… you and the kids."

She shook her head, two tears spilling over, and he swore.

"Please don't cry, darlin'."

"I can't h-help it. You can say anything now, b-but I l-lived it with y-you."

Total honesty was all that was going to cut it here. "Okay. You are right. I did compartmentalize you. I was trying to protect my heart,but it didn't work . I love you, Allison, and if you leave me, it's going to hurt as much or more than it did when Ellie died."

"You don't mean that."

"I do. I will do anything to keep you. Just tell me what you want and it's yours."

"All I ever wanted was to be part of your life… your whole life, not just the hours at the office and a few stolen moments in bed."

"I want that too, darlin'. I do. Will you give me another chance? Will you meet my children, share my secrets? I swear I'll never hide anything like the corporate investigation from you again. I never suspected you. I need you to believe me about that."

She nodded, tears streaking her beautiful cheeks.

"And you'll let me try to make it up to you?"

Again her head bobbed and a tiny little sob escaped as she buried her face against his neck.

His hand slid down over her collarbone, then lower, and cupped her breast. "We aren't going to be able to maintain our distance at work anymore. I can't do it. It was getting damn impossible before I admitted how I felt about you; now there's no chance. Besides, it hurts you. I see that now."

"It doesn't matter. I gave my notice." The words were muffled into his neck.

"I don't want you to leave."Just the thought of facing a day in the office without her made him break out in a cold sweat.

She went stiff and he knew he would do whatever he had to in order to make her trust him again, to make her happy.

"But if you feel like you have to quit, then you do. Just don't leaveme . Please, Allison."

"I don't want to leave you, or Kline Technologies, but I won't tolerate you treating me like a stick of furniture or a simple PA ever again."

"There's no chance of that."

She lifted her head and met his gaze, her mouth creased in the prettiest smile he'd ever seen. "Oh, George, I love you too."

Then she kissed him and the tight rein he'd had on his libido slipped.

He cuddled her to his body much later that night, listening to her sleep, and thanked God for her gentle, forgiving nature. His kids were going to love her. He already did.

Chapter Nineteen

Veronica tried to concentrate on the report she was generating for Jack, but her mind kept sliding into the murky waters of her personal life. She just couldn't get Marcus's words to stay where they belonged, in her subconscious.

I only want youplayed like the most persuasive and enticing of litanies in her head.

Mr. No-ties-no-cornrnitments wanted her and only her. And according to him, he wanted her for a lifetime.

Marriage.

They simply were not the sentiments of a man who had lured her into bed as part of an investigation. He'd accused her of not trusting him, of never trusting him, and she had to acknowledge that he was right.

She hadn't trusted him to want something more than sex from her during Jenny's illness.

To be fair to her, he had to take at least partial responsibility for her misguided thoughts. After all, that's what hesaid , that all he'd wanted was sex. Yet, according to him, he'd been thinking in terms of commitment even then. Long before he knew about Aaron.

Could she believe him?

Other than his guise as an investment consultant, he had never lied to her. Why was she so sure he was lying now?

What if everything he said had been true? What if he really wanted her for herself, even before he knew about Aaron? What if hehadn't confused their personal relationship with his investigation? What if hehad wanted her to be innocent?

She weighed the knowledge she had of his actions against his words and her heart lifted. If he'd truly believed she was guilty, he wouldn't have opened an investigation into anyone else, but he had. He would have told Mr. Kline about her past and gotten her promptly fired, but he hadn't.

So, if he hadn't slept with her in order to further his investigation, then he must have done it because he needed her, like he had said. Need wasn't loving, but it was a lot more than just physical desire. If that were all he felt for her, he could have slaked it elsewhere in the last eighteen months, or more recently with Sandy, but he hadn't.

Everywhere she looked, she saw actions on his part that indicated a deeper commitment and care for her than anything she ever could have imagined him feeling. And wasn't that partly her own fault? Marcus never called her a little brown wren. She did that.

He acted like she was the sexiest woman alive and she'd always discounted that reaction, but why?

He could have any woman he wanted, but he wanted her.

I only want you.

But he didn't love her… did he?

Was it possible that with Marcus's pain-filled childhood, he had as hard a time recognizing love for a woman as she did recognizing dedicated desire in a man? Could he love her and not realize it?

The idea seemed fantastic, but considering the things his mother and father had done in the name of love, she could see Marcus hesitating to label the emotions he felt toward her with the word.

He needed to learn that loving meant a lot more than pain and sacrifice. It meant joy and caring, wonder and commitment.

And who better to teach him than the woman who loved him like crazy?

She certainly didn't want one of his former beautiful bimbo girlfriends taking on the task.

Marriage meant a lifetime in which to teach Marcus these important concepts. A lifetime she had every intention of sharing with him.

She didn't know why it had taken her so long to come to terms with the idea. After all, the prospect of a future without him held no appeal whatsoever.

Setting the report aside, she stood up. She'd tell him now and then maybe she could keep her focus on her work.

The phone rang just as she was going to step out of her cubicle.

Impatient to be with Marcus, she picked up the headset. "Veronica Richards here."

"Miss Richards, this is Allison. Mr. Kline would like to see you in his office immediately."

Her discussion with Marcus would have to wait.

Veronica was shown into Mr. Kline's office as soon as she arrived on the top floor and she couldn't help comparing today's visit with her last one. Clearly being in the loop on a corporate espionage investigation gave her a certain amount of clout.