Good Girl (Playroom) (30 page)

“Auggie,” I breathe as I
touch his cheek with a fingertip. He’s sprawled on the settee, his huge frame overpowering the dainty sofa. Our living room is set up like a traditional parlor with furnishing from the era the house was built. Auggie has a thing for antiques and had all of the furniture refurbished.

“Monster,” Auggie
affectionately mumbles. “Cuddle with me and we’ll talk.” I look at the floor in embarrassment. Devon’s stuff is dripping down my thigh, tickling me. I have no idea what you do in this situation. I’m not worldly enough to know how to proceed. Auggie rumbles a laugh at my discomfort. He leans forward and grabs Devon’s shredded undershirt from the floor and dabs between my thighs.

“All’s good. Hop up here.” Auggie
doesn’t wait for me to move, he yanks me onto his lap and maneuvers me like his ragdoll. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll listen.” He holds me close and kisses my hair.

“I get it,” I say after several false starts.
“I understand why you and I couldn’t be together before. The dynamic between us isn’t the same as me and Devon- hell, even me and Kieren. No matter how much we love each other, right now you’ll be my master first. I would’ve been dependent on you, and it would have destroyed us both. You, Isis, and Robbie are friends first, and that makes the play more fulfilling. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, but if I’d been dependent on you and we got married, it would’ve never worked. You need someone who is your equal. Devon and I are equals right now because we are in the same stage of life. It’s not about age. You and I may never be at the same stage at the same time. Devon and I may be at the same stage right now, but that doesn’t mean we will be in six-months. I get it, Auggie. I get it. Thank you.”

Auggie
’s sigh echoes around the room. He adjusts me in his lap and hugs me close. Devon and I share a sad smile across the spans of the living room. “Good girl. You’ve grown so fast and it makes me proud. I’d have loved to marry you and make babies. But I didn’t want to raise the mother of my children as I raised our children. I’ll always be in your shit. I’ll always try to control what you do, but I’ll allow you to make your own choices and mistakes.”

“A few months ago I would have said yes to anything you asked of me. Now I can’t do that. I’m not ready to get married. I can barely handle myself, so I’m no
t ready for a family. Other than that, I have no answers for what I want.”

Auggie laughs
, making his chest vibrate against my back. The sensation is a huge comfort. He laughs long enough that Devon and I shrug at each other out of confusion. “Hell, Willow, I haven’t a clue what I want. I’m not ready for a family at twenty-eight. I’m not ready to get married. I’m just now setting my life on the path I’ve set. You’re way ahead of me if you know what you know at eighteen. You’re no longer my naïve, sheltered, innocent Willow Monster.”

“What now?” I ask in confusion.
I’m lost.

“You and Devon can share our bed tonight. It would be nice for you to cuddle
. Devon definitely needs it now.” Auggie casts a worried glance at Devon, who’s using my afghan as a security blanket.

“I don’t want to toss you out of your own bed,” Devon says to Auggie, but he l
ooks like he wants in that bed.

“Ah- it’s not a problem,” Auggie laughs and drags a hand through his messy hair. “I have some business tha
t needs attended,” he blushes.

“I’d kiss your mouth…
but no.” I kiss Auggie’s neck and crawl off him. “Tell your business good night from his sister.” I wink at him.

As I
gather up my destroyed clothing I step on a pair of handcuff and erupt into a giggle-fit. “Missing something?” I taunt. I stand completely naked in the middle of my living room with two guys watching me and I’m not ashamed of it. They both look at me with similar hungry expressions, like they’re a breath away from devouring me, and it makes me feel beautiful. I don’t care if everyone sees me as a kid, these men don’t, and that’s all that matters.

“Oh, shit! Give those back,” Devon
pleads in a panic.

“You’ll give the man
a stroke.” Auggie grabs the cuffs and tosses them to Officer Devon. “You don’t use metal handcuffs when you play, Willow. They’re cold and uncomfortable and they’ll leave bruises. I’ll show you the proper way sometime.” His heated gaze says he looks forward to the instruction.

“Time for business.” Auggie
smirks and rubs his palms together in excitement. I groan and roll my eyes at him.

***

“Something happened to me and Kieren,” Devon whispers his explanation in the dark of my room. We’ve had sex three times and each time he froze from fear. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I just wanted you to know why my brother is an inappropriate ass and I’m scared to have sex with my girlfriend. I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you. It’s just that I get hit with the memory every time I get to that point. I hadn’t even tried to have sex before you because just the thought freaked me out.”

“That’s why your d
ad made you go to the Playroom.” I’d asked Auggie and he’d told me to ask Devon. Auggie was right, as always. This was for Devon or Kieren to tell me.

“Yeah, Dad
thought it would help. I’m not as skittish now and Kieren isn’t as out of control. Ren’s with all those girls to prove something.”

We roll and face each other.
My arms find their way around Devon’s back and I embrace him. I want to draw his pain and fear away. I guess my drinking buddy was drinking his own horrific miseries away.

“Just don’t let me freak out, Willow. If I get to that point and stop
, make me keep going,” he pleads with me. 

“Auggie knows what happened,” not a question- a statement. Auggie didn’t watch us in the livi
ng room to get his rocks off. Auggie was there to push Devon when he froze.

“Yeah, my d
ad, Isis, Auggie, and Rob are the only ones that know. Kieren will never tell anyone, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to either. I love you, Willow, but some things you just can’t put into words. I want you to know, and at the same time, I don’t. I fear it will change your perception of me and Kieren.”

“I don’t need to know if you don’
t want me to know. I’ll help you in any way I can.” I nuzzle Devon’s nose with the tip of mine.

“
Thanks for understanding,” Devon sheepishly whispers. “I guess we better got some shuteye. We have some matchmaking to do tomorrow.”

I lie awake for hours
, listening to Devon breathe deeply in his sleep. I feel good, but not content. I miss the mountain of a man scalding me with his heat. I fear that tomorrow night I will miss the music of Devon breathing against my neck.

Months ago
, Willow the wayward was filled with angst, crushing on a boy who she didn’t think liked her back and in love with a man who saw her as a girl. Today’s Willow is closer to wise than wayward, but still filled with angst. I have to live in the moment until I get my shit together. I fear that I will miss Devon when I’m with Auggie and Auggie when I’m with Devon. One day I will grow a pair and talk to Isis and see how she deals with walking this fine edge. Until that day, I’m gonna act my age and do whatever the hell I want.

“Can’t sleep,” Auggie breathes in my ear. His fingers ruffle my
hair until he can see my face.

“I was missing you,” I
honestly admit. “Why can’t you sleep?”

“Missing you,” he
huskily says. “Once Rob and I are done playing, it’s always awkward. I only cuddle with you. How’s Devon?” Auggie reaches out and moves the hair out of a sleeping Devon’s eyes.

“Devon
freaked a few more times and finally told me that something happened to him and Kieren. I’m not asking you to tell me what it was, because it’s none of my business if Devon can’t tell me himself. Auggie, tell me this, is he going to be alright?” My voice breaks.

I can
still see Devon’s expression of terror. It’s not something you want to see reflected in your boyfriend’s eyes while you’re making love.

“Eventually Devon wi
ll be okay. He did damn good tonight. I was worried that it would be a total disaster. You see why we paired you together. Devon needed your innocent patience and you needed his unfailing friendship.” Auggie kisses my cheek and turns to leave.

“Don’t go,” I beg
, overwhelmed with the need to cry. I grab his hand and hold on for dear life.

“Alright,
but I’ll have to leave before Devon wakes up. I don’t want to intrude on your time together.” Auggie slips into bed and curls around my back. His warmth instantly puts me at ease and my eyes drift shut.

“I love you, Willow,” Auggie
breathes so quietly that I’m not sure if I heard it or imagined it.

“I love you, too,” I whisper back not caring if his declaration was a figment of my imagination.

~Chapter Twenty-Six~

“Hey,” I chirp and kiss Devon on the lips. Exaggerated protests fall from the twins’ mouths. It was barely a peck
- jeez.

“Come on in. I just ordered the pizza.”
Devon steps to the side and invites us into his house. He still lives at home with his dad. Chief Malcolm Mason is a widower, so Devon and Kieren still live at home and help out. Kieren was thrilled with our plan, because marriage is the only thing that’s getting him out of this house- his dad’s marriage or his own.

I look around the sprawling ranch house. It’s bigger than my parents’ house, but Devon and
Kieren still have to share a room. The twins catalog every inch, determining if this is adequate for them. I grin at the idiots. Their house is really small. This would be a major upgrade, shared rooms or not.

“Jesus, kid, could you and Willow look any more alike,”
Kieren says for the billionth time. The first few times I thought it was meant as a dig, whether it was directed at Seth or me, I didn’t know. But now I think Kieren really means it. It is rather creepy.

“Seth, ya gotta see my room,” Weston yells as he barrels into the living room.
Kieren stops him by resting a hand on the top of his blond head.

“No naughty shit while you’re in there alone
, and leave the door open,” Kieren demands.

“I’m not a baby anymore. I’m
almost fourteen, Ren,” Weston whines.

“The door stays open, kid.”
Kieren drags his fingers through Weston’s hair and grips a chunk. He pulls back until their eyes connect. “Please,” he sounds desperate from anxiety. This is a different side to Kieren, a side that reminds me of Devon when he freezes from fright. I shiver as realization dawns.

“I don’t ever do bad stuff,” Weston protests.

“I know that,” Kieren ruffles the kid’s hair into a messy blond haystack. “We’re just keeping it that way. Run off and show Seth your chemistry set. Don’t blow anything up.”

The boys flee in a flurry of chatter.
Kieren meets my eyes and unflinchingly shows me the depths of his emotions. He waits to see if I will drop my gaze, and when I don’t, he smiles at me. It’s the first genuine smile I’ve seen from Kieren, and we started kindergarten together.

“Ya want a beer, Willow?”
Kieren nonchalantly asks on his way from the room. I don’t think he asked on purpose, but who knows with Kieren. I think it was supposed to deflect from the uncomfortable silence that descended on the living room.

“No thanks,” I
sadly reply, and I have to grit my teeth against the immense thirst that threatens to overcome me.

I grab Devon and hug him because I can’t hug
Kieren without him being inappropriate. I catch Violet’s eye and I realize she knows more than I do somehow.

Kier
en returns with a two liter of soda with paper cups resting over the top and one beer. “I’m shocked that the school drunkard didn’t want a bottle,” Kieren knowingly smirks at me- testy bastard.

My eyes fuse to the bottle and my salivary glands start to produce in excess to the point that I have to continually swallow my spit. I haven’t tasted, smelled, or see
n alcohol since Tina the skank dumped her cup on me. Oh, I’ve wanted it, but no one would tempt me. Leave it to Kieren. My eyes glue to the perspiration that beads on the outside of the bottle and enticingly slides down the sides.

“Princess, did you know your Aunt Willow was one hellava drinker in school?”
Kieren taunts my ass via my niece. Kieren has nicknamed Violet, Princess, and he says it with affection and not a thread of his usual smarmy attitude. “And do you know who the runner-up for biggest drunk was?”

“Who?” Violet leans forward in her chair
, captivated by Kieren. I roll my eyes at both of them. Kieren’s upset that I saw him smothering his baby brother with concern, and now he’s retaliating.