Going Solo (New Song) (18 page)

When it was time for them to sing, the Master of Ceremonies said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the New Song Band will be doing a song entitled 'The Prayer'. Apparently, they needed a female vocalist to sing with Carson. And who did they get but Carson's own wife, Alice Bell. I heard Alice sing when she was younger, so I am telling you, you are in for a treat."

The audience clapped as Carson and Alice and the rest of the band walked onto the stage. Alice took the mike from the stand and looked at Carson. He grinned at her. She felt like sixteen again, fresh, and ready to take on the world with her favorite person, Carson. She started the song and when Carson joined in, they made perfect harmony, as if they had been singing together forever. She closed her eyes and attacked a high note, finishing off the song on a high. They got a standing ovation.

"You two are very good together." The mayor himself thanked them after the performance.

"Thank you," Alice said, looking at Carson.

"I want you both to sing at the Christmas Ball," he said, his eyes twinkling, "I will call Melody about the booking."

"Carson." Alice said warningly, when they were deluged with more invitations to perform at various functions and dinners.

"Don't say it," Carson said, when there was finally a lull and Alice could talk to him.

"Don't say that you are not going to be around." He kissed her softly.

"But..." Alice did not get to protest further because a stylish, slim lady, who had braids down to her waist, came over to them.

"Carson." She hugged Carson so tightly, and for so long, that it had Alice squirming.

"Hi, Pat." Carson pried her off him and put some distance between them. "This is Alice."

"I heard." Pat nodded at her. "You have a lovely voice."

"Thank you." Alice murmured politely, but she was inwardly seething. Pat was acting too chummy with her husband.

"So when are you leaving?" Pat asked Alice after she had flirted with Carson and hogged his attention. She had effectively excluded Alice from the conversation by talking about people she knew nothing about and events that she would clearly be clueless about. She seemed innocent enough, until she asked that question.

"In two weeks." Alice almost did not reply.
Why was this woman acting so familiar with Carson? And what was it to her that she was leaving?

Pat nodded, satisfied with her answer. "I must run." She looked at Alice again. "Nice to meet you, Alice, after so many years."

A compliment and a reproof.
Great.
Alice thought.

*****

"Who is Pat?" Alice asked Carson grumpily. She had waited until they got home and were in the room before she asked him about her.

"Pat goes to Cedar Hill Church. She helped to decorate this place," Carson said. "She's an architect and she dabbles in interior decorating too."

"She decorated this place along with Mia?" Alice sat down on the bed.

"Yup," Carson said, pulling off his shoes.

"So she's the one, huh?" Alice finally asked when he did not offer more information on Pat. "Mia's new mother, your new wife waiting in the wings?"

Carson looked at her disgruntled expression and laughed. "I don't believe this. You are jealous of Pat."

Alice sat on the bed. She still had on her heels. "I am not jealous."

"Yes, you are." Carson grinned. "You can't stand the fact that somebody is waiting in the wings, can you?"

"Oh, shut up," Alice said. "She's not a good role model for Mia. She should not be flirting with a married man, especially with his wife standing by."

Carson chuckled.

"And she was catty to me. You heard how she said 'nice to meet you after so many years' in that nasal voice of hers."

Carson watched her silently.

"And she is tall and pretty and she likes you." Tears came to Alice's eyes. "Did you sleep with her?"

Carson pulled her into his arms. "Nope. Ten years of drought. No sex. I nearly devoured you when I came to your hotel. Besides, I have always considered myself to be married. Did not want to trespass on those vows we made. I did promise to forsake all others."

Alice sniffled and kissed his neck.

Carson drew in his breath. "You really know how to make yourself miserable over nothing."

"But you like her," Alice said softly. "I could see it."

"I like her," Carson said, "as I like a whole bunch of other people."

"She's special," Alice insisted. "Does she like Mia?"

"Yes," Carson said, "they have a mutual admiration for each other."

Alice closed her eyes. "If we had gotten a divorce, she would be right here right now, wouldn't she? The new Mrs. Bell?"

"Pat Bell does have a nice ring to it," Carson said, teasing her.

"You'd have pretty babies together," Alice said, torturing herself.

"You and I would have pretty babies together," Carson rebutted, kissing her on her forehead.

She fell asleep; her nose snuggled in Carson's neck. He did not have the heart to move her. He just covered her with the sheet. He stared into the dark long after Alice had fallen asleep and silently prayed for the Lord to fix his family because he did not want to live with anybody else but her.

Chapter Eighteen

Three weeks down and one week to go. Alice called Marsha to check on the salon and she was told that everything was going fine without her. Marsha was ecstatic that she was getting to know Mia, and to be honest, Alice was becoming ecstatic about Mia too. Everyday with Mia was a new discovery. She had slowly come to realize that Mia had many personality traits in common with her. It was like watching a miniature version of herself. It was enlightening and scary at the same time.

She had promised Carson that she would help with Mia's back to school shopping while she was there, so she drove down to the garage, hoping to spend the rest of the day with Mia.

She was shocked at the amount of books and school supplies that Mia would need. She parked between Carson's car and a small blue Nissan and headed to the office. Carson's secretary recognized her and she waved to her and went back to working.

When she opened Carson's door, he was on the phone and a young lady was sitting across from his desk.

"Alice," the young lady said.

Alice looked at her closer. "Friya?"

"Yes, it's me." Friya jumped up from her seat and hugged Alice.

Alice hugged her back.

"I can't believe it. I knew you were here. Mama told me," Friya said excitedly.

Carson covered the phone receiver. "You two, outside." He pointed his finger to the door, "I have a distressed client on the line and I can barely hear her."

"Sorry." Alice mouthed as she and Friya headed outside.

"I came by to see Carson," Friya said. "I wanted to know if it would be a good idea to come over and see you, but here you are."

"Here I am," Alice said simply.

"You know," Friya looked into her sister's face. They were almost eyeball-to-eyeball, "mama told me all about what happened and I have always wanted to thank you…"

"Friya," Alice said, "there is no need..."

"Yes, there is," Friya said, holding Alice's hands and squeezing it. "I have seen it Alice, time and time again, cases like ours at the hospital, where fathers and stepfathers sexually abuse their daughters, impregnate them, but they never learn, these men, because they are never punished. Some of these girls are afraid to talk, but you weren't afraid and because of that, we are both better off today."

"My case is a bit different," Alice said, "I wasn't abused by Blue. Pastor Keen raped me."

Friya gasped.

"Mama and him came up with a brilliant plan to get rid of Blue. I am not saying that Blue did not deserve to be put away but my rapist was never named and shamed like yours was."

Friya held her hand over mouth and was speechless. "So Mia is not..."

Alice nodded, "That's right. Mia is not Blue's child. Blue never touched me."

"That's why you went away?" Friya asked. "Because of the whole Pastor Keen thing?"

Alice shrugged. "I don't really know why I went away. It wasn't just one thing. I just couldn't cope."

"I couldn't cope either," Friya said. "I got counseling at college a couple years after I shared my story with a teacher. It never does go away until you let it all out, does it?"

Alice looked at her fondly. She had always thought of herself as being a sacrifice for her family. Until now, she had never really considered Friya's side of the story. She looked at her now—she was pretty and neat. Alice smiled at her.

"You are almost as tall as me."

Friya grinned. "Yes, I am." She looked at Alice, "I want us to be close again. I know you had to get time away. I understood that probably more than anybody else but I wished that we had kept in touch."

Alice liked that idea. "Sure, I would like that."

"I am getting married in December and I would like you to come."

Alice groaned inwardly. What did she expect? It was a part of being family and part of being in someone's life. She had to participate. She responded noncommittally. What else was she supposed to do?

After talking with Friya, Alice leaned on her car and thought things through. Why did she leave it all behind in the first place?

December 1999

Alice stared at the letter in her hand. It was from her Aunt Corette in New York. Her father's only sister had started keeping in touch with her some years before, when she had turned fifteen. Alice had literally poured out her anguish to her aunt when she had been raped and her aunt had started filing for her to emigrate to the United States. Alice stared at the one-way plane ticket, three hundred US dollars, and her green card.

She again read the lines her aunt wrote: "
I am not telling you to leave Jamaica and Carson for good. I am just handing you a way to escape for a while. Don't pack anything. We can go shopping when you get here. Your Aunty Corette."

The baby was in her crib, and as usual, she was crying. Her face looked redder than a hibiscus flower. The baby was in distress. Alice stared at the poor thing as she wailed and then looked at the ticket. It was an open ticket.

She could hop on a plane right now and be in New York by four o'clock this evening. A new life was in her hand.

Delores had the day off and she came into the room and picked up Mia.

"Poor thing, you have colic. My sweetie. Hush, baby, hush." She quieted Mia somewhat and then looked at Alice in exasperation. "Alice, this child needs some attention."

"I can't." Alice swallowed. Clutching the ticket closer to her. "I can't do this anymore, Delores."

Delores looked at her curiously. "What are you talking about, child?"

"I can't love Mia. I can't be her mother. I don't want her."

Delores covered the baby's ears in alarm, as if the baby would understand.

"I have to leave here." Alice was feverish in her haste to help Delores to understand. "If she grows up with me, she won't be better off. I tried, Delores. The love, it's not happening."

Delores rocked the baby and watched Alice without saying a word.

"I wanted to give her away." Alice sat on the bed and put her head in her hands. "But Carson won't allow it. He has this stupid idea that one day I'll feel differently overnight. How can he love Mia? And I can't. She's not even his." Alice looked at Delores beseechingly. "Is something wrong with me? Is there some gene that I don't have?"

Delores put Mia's head on her shoulders and patted her back. "Don't move," she said to Alice. "I am going to give her some gripe medicine and then I'll be back."

She pushed the crib into the hall and she administered the medicine to Mia and put her down.

"Alice, you aren't contemplating suicide again, are you?"

"No," Alice said, "I have to leave. My aunt sent me a ticket and some money. I have to go in order to stay sane."

Delores released a heavy pent up sigh then said, "What about Carson? That boy loves you more than he loves himself. He is breaking his neck at work to move you out of the community. He comes home early from work; he brings you flowers and candy. A more love struck fool like him, I have never seen."

"I love him too," Alice said, "I really do. I wouldn't go if there was just Carson. It's just that it would be easier for me to forget and to move on without Mia around."

"Oh, Lord," Delores said, wringing her hand.

"I am unhappy." Alice shook her head, "so unhappy and I just can't make this unhappiness go away."

"If Blue wasn't in prison, I'd kill him myself for causing you to hurt like this." Delores said bitterly.

Alice's eyes teared up.
It wasn't Blue!
she wanted to scream. This secret coupled with this baby was going to make her really lose it.