Going Back (20 page)

Some have had their spouses with them and I think most of the spouses of Viet Nam veterans have been used to dealing with the veterans' problems for a long time—if they have got any—but they can certainly give them support. If they have been married for a very long time they are pretty supportive of each other, they are probably good friends—best friends—so I think it is not a bad thing to have your best friend with you to be supportive of you, but I think that if you went with a group of people who you knew, I think that would probably at least give you that support.
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But what of the veteran who wants to go on their own and ‘do their own thing'? What would be the most likely scenario they could face with regard to psychological and emotional reactions?

If they went on their own and they didn't have anyone there to reflect with them on their experiences and support them, then that could be difficult for them. I know from the readings of the American experiences, the men were quite surprised because they would suddenly have a problem experience when they weren't expecting it . . . I remember reading about when some of them went back down into the tunnels, and one of the chaps who had really been quite impressed with the Vietnamese and the way things had been going along, and how well they had been received, took umbrage at the presentation [the Viet Cong propaganda film at Cu Chi] by the people there and got really angry and upset.
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As discussed previously, the film at Cu Chi is fairly confronting, and the only time I've seen a veteran distressed was (Steve Campling) in that theatrette. Robyn shared some American observations that ‘there was no humility in the NVA victory; perhaps we don't deserve it'. The War Remnants Museum (previously known as the War Atrocities Museum) in Saigon was also mentioned in an after-tour report, in which she said one soldier was quoted as saying, ‘But we certainly don't deserve the treatment from the museum either and we are angry.'
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Robyn added that it isn't always easy to tell if a veteran is having a reaction, or what sort of reaction they may be experiencing.

Often we see somebody on television, maybe an old World War Two veteran, crying at a site. Okay, that is very nice for all of us to sit and say, ‘Well isn't that nice that they had that experience', but it may have been healing for that person, or it may not have been, we don't know. You can't tell just from looking at somebody what they are experiencing and you don't know what the aftereffects of that are going to be, and nor does the person experiencing it until they leave—and perhaps later they are troubled by things and don't know why they are troubled by things.
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Returning to Viet Nam will most likely immediately trigger memories in veterans, both good and bad.

The most common thing is to have the memories as soon as you are there—as is the case wherever we go. If I go back to wherever I went to school I will have some memories; if I go back to where I did nursing training or went to university, I have some memories. And the memories are good or bad depending on your experiences. So they are going to have those memories and they may even have flashbacks, which are vivid daytime memories, and a lot of veterans have had those in Australia. This is while on the scene; they may re-experience the feelings they had while they were there, so they may experience fear or anxiety.
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Veterans will also remember the good times, and have a good laugh about lots of things they did . . . and didn't do. When they return home, some of those memories may continue; psychologists describe this behaviour as ‘re-experiencing' things. As Robyn said:

When you are confronted with any kind of trauma, you may experience symptoms such as anxiety, re-experiencing, flashbacks, problems sleeping, problems concentrating. Usually that eases over time—say several weeks—but it can continue. Veterans who have had very long experiences—they may have been doing a number of patrols, been involved in a number of battles, been in the areas with mortars landing—may continue to relive the horrors of some of those situations if they have been back to Viet Nam.
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However, Robyn points out that this can be therapeutic: ‘we [the psychology profession] regard confronting the situation as better than not confronting it.' Perhaps the adage is true that ‘You can run from tigers but cannot run from your fear.' Robyn explained:

Avoidance is one of the symptoms [of PTSD], and so we prefer that people don't avoid. But they have to be prepared for that—they can't suddenly be plonked back into the situation. You have to talk to the person about it.
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When some soldiers returned from Viet Nam during and after the war they suffered severe nightmares. This appears to be a common reaction for those exposed to the horrors of war.

Nightmares are very common. Our brains are always processing things so you will probably have a lot of nightmares, which may resemble a situation that you were in in the past—or may not. They may just be unpleasant. Some people might then do some of those avoidance behaviours that they have probably practised all of their lives, where they might overuse alcohol or other substances to help them sleep because they might be having trouble sleeping.
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Personal relationships may suffer when veterans who are losing sleep or are anxious become grumpy and irritable (psychologists call this ‘hyper-arousal'). If unpleasant symptoms persist, Robyn would encourage veterans who aren't already in therapy to go and talk to somebody, even if it is only their local GP, as there are very many helpful strategies to help relieve their distress. As mentioned, I experienced delayed-onset PTSD some 29 years after my service in South Viet Nam, as a result of being incarcerated very briefly on a return visit in 2002, but as I discovered, PTSD is a condition you can learn to manage yourself; however, this may not apply to everyone as psychological makeup varies from person to person. You may need to be medicated for a period of time, but then again you may not. The important thing is to seek help.
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If you feel you may be succumbing to the effects of PTSD, please seek medical advice at the earliest opportunity. The Vietnam Veterans Counselling Service is established Australia-wide and is able to assist veterans with psychiatric and psychological counselling, and, if required, medication. All veterans are entitled to free counselling whether they have a Gold Card or not.
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The seven Ps

Just like the old Army saying that ‘Prior Preparation and Planning Prevents a Piss-Poor Performance', veterans wanting to return to Viet Nam should apply the seven Ps. Robyn recommends that veterans who have already been seeing a therapist, even if it was quite a while ago, may want to contact that person, tell them they are going to Viet Nam, and just review some of the coping strategies that they have already learned.

There are many self-help books and a lot of useful information on the Internet for those who'd like to read up on the subject, or if you would like to have a chat to someone, contact your local Vietnam Veterans Counselling Service.

‘Stress inoculation training' is also an option, and is something that is quite commonly done. Psychologists help prepare people to face their fears by gradually exposing them to fearful situations and teaching them better coping strategies to help manage and reduce their reactions.

Some veterans may wish to be ‘debriefed' when they get back home after their trip, but Robyn emphasises that this is very much an individual decision.

It depends on whether they feel the need. There are two types of treatment; we call these defusing and debriefing. Defusing is what you do on the spot, where it is real—like a car accident, where you stand there and chat away to the guy, this happened and that happened, etc. Debriefing is something you can do further down the track and it really is just allowing you to talk about the experiences—rather than avoid talking about them at all.
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Debriefing in and of itself won't necessarily prevent you having PTSD, but it does at least give you an opportunity to get some support. If you feel that things are going round and round in your head, then it's probably best to talk to somebody about it.

Chapter 8
REFLECTIONS

This chapter gathers together reflections of the veterans, their partners and children on the 5 RAR tour in 2005, for the benefit of other veterans who are contemplating returning to the battlefields of Viet Nam. There are very few negative comments from the veterans, and this is not because they have been edited out, but because there were very few negative aspects to report. Here the tour members offer their personal thoughts on what they came away with from their pilgrimage.

Almost all of the veterans I have interviewed and chatted with about their return to Viet Nam have emphasised the value they extracted from going back. Common responses included phrases such as ‘I'm glad I did it' and ‘it gave me closure'. I cannot recall anyone who regretted their return visit. Many veterans said it was just a great experience being there with their former brothers in arms and that the bond created in wartime was just as strong four decades later. Of those who returned to Viet Nam with their partner, most said it strengthened their relationship. Many wives agreed that going back gave them a greater appreciation of what their partner had experienced and, after seeing their loved one back in the former war zone, they feel closer and understand their partner's reactions and behaviour more than before.

The 5 RAR veterans

Paul Greenhalgh was ‘extremely glad' that he made his pilgrimage with the 5 RAR group in 2005. Paul felt that his experiences and memories had been reinforced and validated, and that it had been a fulfilling experience for both him and his wife. Indeed, he added: ‘It would have been quite shallow and hollow if Wendy hadn't been here with me.' He mused:

Going to Nui Dat and going to The Horseshoe were the two biggest things for me . . . They have been very significant experiences for me. Forget the changes [in Viet Nam], it doesn't matter. Just to physically go back and see it . . . The memories are there. They're not all dark and ‘dirgy' memories. They're very positive ones from a very positive year in my life.
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Paul also had ‘a buzz' at seeing the natural gas and oil industry development in Ba Ria–Vung Tau Province. As he explained, ‘My second career was in the natural gas industry. So I always had an interest in those flames [at the plant in Ba Ria] and to hear and see what happened to it.' He added, ‘It's funny, you go back in life and you often find things are smaller when you go back. But I was quite surprised how big that hill was at Nui Dat, even though half of it had been chewed off the top.'

Paul, whose 5 RAR rifle company went with 6 RAR back into the battlefield on 19 August 1966, found going back to Long Tan somewhat ‘spooky'. ‘Those sorts of feelings can send fuzziness up your backside,' he said. Paul believes the Memorial Cross at Long Tan is very special, and recognises its iconic value to Australians. ‘But we have got to realise it's their country,' he added. ‘And all this confusion about who won and who lost—saving face. Well, that's the reality of life. Thank God we've got something.'

When asked about the small memorial service that his group observed at Tiger Pad, Paul explained it was:

in memory of four of our company that died. We only lost four which was pretty lucky . . . It pulled things together. And also in memory of the second tour of 5 RAR. I'm so glad that we mixed the two together rather than just do our own memories and own names.
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Dr Ted Heffernan was also ‘very glad' that he returned to Viet Nam. It allowed him ‘to see the enormous change in the country. To see how well the country's done since we left. It's incredible. It's a bloody hive of industry. It's fantastic.' And like many others, he found the Vietnamese ‘terrific people'.

Returning with his wife Joy was important to Ted:

I think it's a good thing really to point out to her where things were. She didn't really appreciate what the ‘red mud' was that people used to talk about. We certainly got an opportunity to see what that was like the other day.
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Ted described going back to where his tent lines were in Nui Dat as ‘fantastic', but he tempered that reaction by saying it was good ‘just to be back there with people who'd been there at the time, and realise that we all came out of it pretty well'.
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Having been an RMO and seeing and dealing intimately with the debris and casualties of war is fairly sobering, and Ted reflected on that side of what the pilgrimage meant to him:

I was with a lot of blokes when they died, obviously, being the doctor. And you just wonder about what they gave their lives for. But yes, it does make you think about all that and it also makes you think about how lucky we are all here.
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The highlight for Ted was going back to Long Tan and standing in the rubber. He had been involved in treating casualties from the evening before and after the battle, and the significance of the Long Tan Cross is definitely not lost on him. As he said, ‘It meant a lot.' Ted also took part in Medcaps out to villages like Xuyen Moc, Binh Gia and Hoa Long, and for the medico they were highlights of the trip he says he will always cherish. Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath to treat their fellow man regardless of whose side of the conflict they may be on.
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This was brought home to Ted when he returned to Long Hai and met the former enemy, as he recalled:

I thought that was great. They were just the same as us. I didn't feel particularly uncomfortable about treating the enemy wounded. In fact, I thought they deserved to be treated well. And they were [treated well] by our guys.
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