Give Yourself Away (30 page)

Caleb gulped. “Don’t let go of me.”

“Never.” March’s grip tightened. “The good news is they have Derry Fitzpatrick in custody. The bad news is the police want to talk to you.”

Oh God, what had Fitzpatrick told them? What had March told them? Caleb knew his world was going to unravel. He couldn’t see any way that it wouldn’t. The medical staff had seen his back. He didn’t want March to lie for him. Except over one thing.

“I told them the bare minimum,” March said. “I met you when I last rescued you. You told me a crazy guy had stalked you four years ago, then picked up again recently. You had no idea who he was, no idea he’d gone out with your friend to get closer to you.”

“Have to tell the truth.” Caleb’s voice was a whisper.

He gave a longing look at the glass of water next to him and March helped him take a drink.

“You think Fitzpatrick will tell the truth?” March asked. “Would he want to be implicated in what happened to you for all those years? It besmirches his brother’s name. If he has family, he might well prefer to keep it quiet.”

Caleb felt a pang of hope and then squashed it. “He tried to kill me. He pushed me overboard with cable ties on my wrists and ankles. He’s going to prison for that. Why wouldn’t he tell the police the rest? He’ll try and blame me for Liam’s death, say I was Liam’s lover, that I stole his money.” He released a heavy breath.

“Don’t mention Jasim. Please do that for me. There’s no need to drag him into this. I told Liam’s brother that Liam had let me get farther from the room than he usually did when he played his mind games. I threw myself at Liam, knocked him down the stairs. He broke his neck. I strung him up because he was Catholic and suicide is a mortal sin. I wanted to hurt him the only way I had left. Then I cleaned everywhere and ran.”

“Did he believe you?”

“No. He thought someone else was involved. He started to cut me to make me tell him. I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Then he pushed me overboard.”

“How are you going to explain the money in your account?”

“I’ll…I’ll say I took it from the house.” But Caleb could see holes opening up. Timings would be wrong. His capacity to have done certain things would be challenged. “I won’t give Jasim up.” The effort of thinking had exhausted him. “Promise. Swear. Never say his name again. If he hadn’t helped me, I’d be dead.”

“I won’t betray him. There’s no reason for you to know who he was. The whole point was anonymity. Nothing exists that will link him to this, apart from you.”

“You too.” Caleb bit his lip and March reached to stop him, brushing his lips with his finger. “Warn him,” Caleb said. “You know how to get in touch with him. Because if the police investigate and obtain phone records and information from the detective agency you used, they’ll find him.”

Anxiety welled in Caleb’s chest until he struggled to breathe.

March wrapped his arms around him and held him tight as he slipped under again.

March left Caleb sleeping. He went out into the corridor, took out his phone and twisted it in his fingers. He wished he had the chance and moral strength to kill Derry Fitzpatrick, but he didn’t. Not in cold blood. If March hadn’t had to dive into the sea to get Caleb, maybe he could have, but now the guy was in police custody and untouchable. He scrolled down to Jasim’s number and called him.

“Not a wise move,” Jasim said.

“Don’t hang up.” March went through what happened.

“Fuck,” Jasim muttered.

“No one knows your name. Caleb didn’t give it up, even when he was being tortured. I won’t give it up because I promised Caleb I wouldn’t, but…” March didn’t need to complete the sentence; they both knew what was at stake.

“Thank you for telling me. Which detective agency did you use?”

“Turner and Hargreaves.”

“Wipe my number off your phone. I’ll make all this go away. Tell Caleb to keep quiet.”

“Who the hell are you?”

Jasim cut him off.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

March watched Caleb pacing and sighed. “Sit down.”

“That’s a car.”

March heard the crunch of gravel and pushed himself up from the couch. He passed Caleb on his way to the front door and gave him a peck on the cheek. “I’m the one who should be nervous.”

“They might not like me.”

A few steps past him, March turned and came back. “Then I’ll ask them to leave.” He tugged Caleb into his arms and gave him a proper tongue-tangling kiss. When he pulled away, Caleb groaned.

“Did you have to do that? Now I have a hard-on and your mother and stepfather are going to be walking through that door any second and the first thing they’ll see is— Oh God, no, I’m fine. Just thinking that has scared my blood back where it came from.”

March laughed. He left Caleb in the lounge and went to open the door.

“Baxter!” His mother wrapped him in her embrace. “You grow more handsome every time I see you.”

“Good journey?” March’s heart pounded hard and erratically. He might have pretended this was no big deal, but it was huge. “Try and call me March, please.”

His stepfather kissed him on each cheek. “How are you?”

“Great,” March said.

It was true. He
was
great. What was he worrying about? His mother wasn’t going to walk out just because… He swallowed hard.

“Want to help me with the car?” Alain asked. “I’m not sure your maman could have fit another thing inside.”

“In a minute. There’s someone I want you both to meet.”

March went ahead of them into the lounge. Caleb stood by the window looking as if he wanted to throw himself out of it. March saw Caleb’s fists clench as he turned to fully face them.

“This is Caleb,” March said. The words
my boyfriend
that he’d intended to add failed to materialize.

“Nice to— Oh my God,” his mother said as she walked toward Caleb. “My God, my God.”

Caleb was shaking like a leaf.

“Oh my God,” she repeated.

What the hell was the matter? Had he said the word
boyfriend
and not realized?

“Mum, you’re scaring him, stop it,” March snapped.
I’ll make them leave. I won’t have him upset.

“Tye?” she whispered.

March was pretty certain his heart stopped after she said that.

Caleb’s eyes widened and he looked as if he was about to collapse.

“I’m sorry,” his mum said and laughed. “Forgive me. I’m being ridiculous. It’s just the color of your eyes and you look so much as I’d imagined a friend of Baxter’s would if… Sorry.”

“What can you see in his face that reminded you of Tye?” March asked.
What did I miss?

“I’m being silly.” She patted Caleb on the arm and walked back to her husband.

“No,” Caleb said. “You’re not.”

March shot him a quick glance. There was no need for Caleb to say anything. The truth had never come out. Derry Fitzpatrick had died of a suspected heart attack while he was in custody. Maybe the post mortem would say something different—March suspected it might—but the guy was dead. Neither he nor Caleb had been involved and that was all that mattered.

“I
am
Tye,” Caleb said. “I changed my name.”

His mother gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth before she stumbled toward him in tears. She enfolded him in her arms. “But where have you been all this time?” She pulled back and stared at Caleb.

March kept his mouth shut. It was up to Caleb how much he revealed.

“The guy that took March and me, he kept me for twelve years.”

His mother staggered, and his stepfather caught her and helped her to the couch.

“What?” she whispered. “Oh no, no. We thought you must be dead. Twelve years? Oh, Tye.”

“The guy who snatched us is dead now,” Caleb said. “I didn’t go to the police once I’d escaped because I didn’t want my past to become my future.”

She nodded. “You’d have been another story in one of those ghastly magazines.”

Ones that you love to read.

“I didn’t want to be known as the guy he’d taken. Maybe if my parents had still been living or I’d believed March to be alive, things would have been different, but that wasn’t the way it was.”

“But why did you think March was dead?” she asked.

“That’s what I was told. The guy who took me showed me a cutting from the newspaper about remains being found in the house.”

March and Caleb had talked about this, how much they’d reveal. How much more Caleb had to say depended on how hard his mother pushed. Knowing his mother…

“But you could have looked him up on the Internet,” she said. “Looked up the abduction.”

“I went to your old house.” Caleb leaned against the wall. “No one knew anything about you. It took me a while to learn how to use the Internet. When I did, I saw that March had survived but I could find no trace of him.”

His mother clapped her hand to her mouth. “My fault. I wanted him safe. I knew he could never forget what happened, but I wanted him as far away from here as possible. A new name. A new life.”

“Not your fault,” Tye said. “March is lucky to have you. I haven’t been searching for him for the past four years. For all I knew, he was with someone and happy. I wanted that for him. I had to be careful too. I didn’t want anyone to know who I was.”

March mentally pleaded with his mother not to keep pushing. There were holes and she had a habit of poking until she was satisfied.

“How did you two meet again?” she asked.

“By accident. March saved me from drowning. He’s done that twice.”

“You can’t tell anyone about Caleb’s former life,” March said. “No one knows. No one needs to know. Everyone else involved is dead.”

She shot March a horrified look.

“No, neither Caleb nor I killed anyone.” He swallowed hard, stepped to Caleb’s side and grasped his hand. “I’m determined Caleb will have the life he wants, the life he deserves. I’m not sure I deserve him, but we’re together.”

“Oh, that is wonderful.” His mother pushed to her feet. “I never thought you’d get over losing Tye. Now you don’t have to.”

March looked on the floor for his jaw. Then worried she hadn’t understood.

“Mum,” he whispered. “We’re together.”

“I heard you the first time. I think this calls for a celebration. Just as well we have a car full of champagne, French bread and cheese. Caleb, would you help Alain carry everything in?”

After they’d left the room, his mum took hold of March’s hands. “At last.”

“You knew I was gay?”

“I suspected. I saw the way you looked at Tye when you were boys. I used to hope you didn’t do anything other than look. Tye was obviously…different, but you weren’t. I understood how hard life would be for you when…if you came out. Then you were taken and your father died and our worlds fell apart.

“When you tried to kill yourself, I knew your heart had been broken and I’ve been waiting for someone to mend it. In my wildest dreams I couldn’t have imagined that person would be the one you’d lost. Annabel was never right for you. I didn’t want to say anything, but I was glad you came to your senses in time. I also knew you had to get there yourself. It’s your life, B—March. All I want is that you live it.”

“Then what’s all that crap about kids? You never stop asking me.”

“And I won’t. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t adopt or even find someone to have your baby or Caleb’s.”

Oh shit.
“We’ve only just gotten to know one another again. Please don’t scare Caleb off by telling him that.”

“I won’t. Not today anyway.”

Fuck. This was going to be a long week, but he knew he was lucky to have a mother like her.

When they waved goodbye to March’s parents the following Sunday afternoon, Caleb was ready to collapse from the exhaustion of being sociable, but he could see March wanted to go out.

March put his hands on Caleb’s hips and turned him to face the window. “Blue sky,” March said. “Unseasonably warm for this time of year. Mild onshore winds. Guess what I want to do?”

“Go to bed and fuck?”

March groaned. “I always want to go to bed with you, but it can wait.”

Caleb huffed in mock annoyance. “Has the shine already gone from our relationship?”

March nuzzled into his neck. “No, but indulge me. Say yes to the next five questions, without arguing?”

Caleb sensed a trap but he’d be careful. “Okay.”

“Great. Want to make some sandwiches and a flask of something hot and I’ll pack the car?”

“Okay. Damn.”

“That was one.” March laughed as he headed for the garage.

Caleb decided the only way to control this was not to speak. The trouble was that if March scowled at him, he got hot. When he smiled at him, he got hot. The sensible part of his brain stumbled whenever he was in March’s vicinity and he forgot how to think.

By the time Caleb went out to the car, the board was loaded on the rack and March was tapping his fingers on the wheel. Caleb hadn’t yet rid him of his impatience, his need to be constantly doing something, though sex worked as a distraction. March had promised to be more careful, less reckless, and that was the best Caleb could hope for.

Though, he was still waiting for certain words to come out of March’s mouth. Caleb had said them once but he wouldn’t say them again until March did.

The car park at Roundels Bay was deserted. Caleb grabbed his coat and the sandwiches from the back seat and March tugged the coat out of his hand.

“Do you think you’re going to need that?”

“Yes, it’s cold… Shit.”

March laughed. “And number two. You’re easy.”

Caleb growled. “You wait. I won’t be.”

“I’m building up to the big one. Be careful.” March opened the boot. “I bought you a present.” He held up a wet suit. “And I bought me a present.” He held up a bundle of straps.

“What’s that?”

“You’ll see.”

Caleb saw there were two helmets in the boot too and he understood how much March wanted to take him out on the water. He wondered if March understood how much he didn’t want to go out on the water.

“What do I wear underneath it?” Caleb asked.

“Nothing.”

“What if someone comes along?”

“So be quick getting changed.”

Caleb hid on the far side of the car and struggled into the suit, though March had to help him tug it over his shoulders.

“How the fuck can you look sexy in neoprene?” March asked.

“It’s a rare talent.”

March laughed, took the board off the roof and carried that and the strappy stuff down to the beach, along with a blanket and their clothes. Caleb brought the food, drink, helmets and towels.

He didn’t have to do this. He really didn’t want to learn how to kitesurf. All he had to do was say no. He knew March wouldn’t push him into it. He’d ask and if Caleb said no, that would be it.
So why am I considering saying yes?

Down on the beach, March got everything ready while Caleb watched. He tucked the sandwiches and the flask into the bag March had emptied and stood looking out to sea. It was windier here than he’d expected, but the breeze was blowing straight off the sea. Caleb had no idea whether that was good or bad. Better than being blown out to sea, he guessed. But the idea of being fastened to the board and letting the wind control him made him feel ill. March wouldn’t be able to save him. He’d be miles away on this beach while Caleb headed over the Channel to France.

Finally, March came up to him and picked up the two helmets. He held one out. “Will you put it on?”

“Okay. Fuck.”
Three.

March put his own helmet on while Caleb was still struggling with the fastening on his.

“Need a hand?”

Caleb exhaled. “Yes.”
Four.

March’s eyes darkened. He pressed the clip into place under Caleb’s chin, kitted him out in a harness, and then took Caleb’s hand and led him to where the board waited.

“I’m— Shit,” Caleb muttered.

“See anything different?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“We can both use this board. I bought a kit to adapt it. You’re fastened on in front of me. We’ll kitesurf together. All you have to do is say yes.”

Caleb whimpered.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” March said.

“You can’t promise that. How do you know what’s lurking under the surface, ready to grab me in its jaws?”

“You need a hobby.”

“I’ve got one. It’s called staying alive.”

March laughed and began to clip them together. “Let me show you how to be on the controlled side of reckless. I want us to squeeze everything we can out of life. I’m not going to let us sleepwalk through our existence. I want us to live it.”

“You’ll be in control when we’re out there, right?”

“Yes. I know what I’m doing. You do what I tell you, lean the way I tell you to, and we’ll have a fantastic time. You’ll be hooked, I promise.”

Caleb sagged.

“Are we going to do this?”

“You want me to use up my last yes?”

March laughed. “Yeah, I do.”

“I was saving it up for a special occasion.” Caleb looked out to sea, out to the unknown. “Yes. Take me flying.”

Caleb’s heart dropped onto his stomach even before they’d started to move. He could feel the power of the wind tugging at them as they were propelled out to sea. March changed direction a couple of times, and as Caleb took in that March really did know what he was doing, he began to relax. Slightly.

“Okay?” March asked.

“Are we on the sea yet? I’ve got my eyes shut.”

“Open them and hang on.”

They jumped. Carried into the air by the wind, they literally flew, and in that instant Caleb got what this was about—the rush, the thrill.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped when he saw the sea coming up fast.

But March had them running again, skimming the waves, and when he jumped for the second time, Caleb let out a yip of delight.

“You want a go?” March asked. “Not jumping. Not yet, but you control the bar; I’ll just rest my hands on it.”

“How do I turn?”

“You’ve seen me do it. Use the force, Jedi.”

Christ, I’m enjoying myself, doing something that I’d never have tried. I’m not a risk taker and here I am, taking a risk.