Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story (4 page)

             
“I broke up with my girlfriend of two years this summer. We met at orientation and it was great. Nevertheless, this summer she met someone else and she broke up with me. Apparently, she had been seeing him before we broke it off. I have been somewhat hesitant of getting into anything with anyone, but then I met you and I felt such a connection that it freaked me out. I don’t want to get hurt again.”                           

             
“Aw, Matt,” I said. I was glad he had a good reason for being a weirdo. “I’m not going to hurt you. I feel the same way about you.”

             
“Really?”

             
“Uh, yeah. Did you not notice how I felt?”

             
“I guess I was too worried that you wouldn’t like me to notice that you actually liked me.”

             
“Yeah, ya think?” I decided now was a good time to give him a kiss. Yup, definitely a connection.

             
“I really like you, Sam.”

             
“That’s good because I really like you, too, Matt.” He kissed me again. He walked me back to my room. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

             
“Night.”

             
The next few months came and went. We were Fred and Wilma for Halloween and he came home with me for Thanksgiving because his parents went to Europe. It was around finals that things started getting weird. We were studying one day and he had a strange look on his face. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

             
“I know this is really bad timing, but I talked to Kelly yesterday.” Kelly was the ex-girlfriend.

             
“I see,” I said. This did not sound good.

             
“She wants to meet me for lunch tomorrow.”

             
“Uh huh.” What did he expect me to say? Yay?

             
“Would you be ok with that?” Seriously? I did not know any person that would be ok with their current significant other meeting up with their ex.

             
“Um, no,” I said.

             
“Oh.”

             
“What?”

             
“I kind of already told her I would.” What the fuck was his problem? Why on earth would he think I would be ok with that?

             
“Oh,” was all I said.

             
“I’m sorry.”

             
“Uh huh. Fine. Whatever.” Why did guys never think things through? Why would he think I would be ok with this?

             
“Sam?”

             
“Yes?” Ok, I was quite annoyed.

             
“I really am sorry; I will call her and cancel. I’m stupid. Obviously this puts you in an awkward position and I should have thought of your feelings.”

             
“Well, how would you like it if I met up with my old boyfriend?”

             
“I wouldn’t.”

             
“Ok, then.”

             
He got up off the bed and came over to me at the desk. “Forgive me?” He gave me the puppy dog face. Damn him. He gazed at me with those big brown eyes. Ugh, he wins. “Of course. But first,” I handed him the phone.

             
He called Kelly and told her he was unavailable to meet with her because he was spending time with his girlfriend. Yay for me!

             
“Ok, all done. Are you still mad at me?” he asked.

             
“No.” Like I could stay mad at him. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was falling in love with him.

             
I decided to go for a walk before we went out to dinner. I was apparently off in la la land because the next thing I knew I was on the ground.

             
“I am so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” I looked up and saw a very handsome man. I guess it was ok if I was knocked over by a cutie.

             
“It’s alright. I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going either,” I admitted.

             
“Here let me help you up,” he reached for my hand to pull me off the ground. “I’m Tim.”

             
“Sam,” I said.

             
“Nice to meet you, Sam. Sorry I ran into you. Literally.”

             
“It’s ok. Just don’t make a habit of knocking me on my ass,” I joked.

             
“No worries,” he smiled. “Well, I’d better run.”

             
“Yeah, me, too,” I said.

             
That night as we headed out to dinner Matt was acting strange again. Ok, this was getting annoying. There was a table set up for us in the back when we arrived. I quickly scanned the calendar in my head… no today was not a holiday. It was the next to last day of finals, so I guess that could qualify as an almost holiday. It was almost Christmas… still not a special day. Almost did not quite count. “Sam?” I heard my name and it snapped me out of my daze.  The waiter was holding out my chair.

             
“Oops, sorry. Guess I was in my own little world.” I really needed to stop doing that. At least I did not visualize situations like J.D. on Scrubs. Zac Braf was hot though… ok refocus, Sam. I sat down so the waiter could get back to his job. “This place is very nice,” I said to Matt. It was a little fancy; definitely not somewhere I would go on a regular basis. Chili’s was more my speed. I loved me some fajitas.

             
“Everything looks great,” Matt said.

             
“Yeah, it does. Not really sure what foi gras is…” Not that it sounded yummy.

             
“Um, I think it’s some sort of duck or goose liver. Something not so tasty.”

             
“Ok, well that’s not an option. Let’s see,” I scanned the menu some more. “Ah, here we go. Chicken Cordon Bleu. I know what that is and I know I like it.” I put the menu down just as the waiter came back over.

             
“Are you all set?” he asked.              

             
“Yes,” Matt said. He nodded to me to go first.

             
“I will have the Chicken Cordon Bleu and a diet coke,” I said.

             
“I would like the same but with a regular coke.”

“Ok, your drinks will be right out.”

I looked around the restaurant. There were many older people here. Ok, well not old old, but older like middle aged. Hey, I was only nineteen so middle aged was old. I was kind of wondering why Matt would take me to an old people restaurant.

“What are you thinking about, beautiful?” he asked.

“I was just wondering why you picked this particular restaurant. It’s a bit fancy,” I admitted.

“Well, I wanted it to be special.”

“For what?”

“For you, silly.”

I was apparently a little slow today.

“Sam,” he said seriously.

              “Yes?”

             
“I love you,” he stated. Ok well that I was not expecting. I wondered if I should tell him that I loved him too. Was it too soon? I have never really been in love so how do I know if I am or not… I mean, I thought I was falling for him, but was it something that I wanted to put out there. I thought I loved Jason but now I realized that was just a young love thing and it did not really count. I guess I was taking too long to respond because Matt was starting to get a weird look on his face.

             
“I love you, too,” I finally said.

             
A huge smile crept onto his face. Meanwhile, I tried not to hyperventilate. Was I ready for this commitment? I did not want to mess anything up and I was afraid I would do something stupid. Just then, the waiter showed up with our food and interrupted my thoughts. The food looked delicious.

             
“Here you go. If you need anything please let me know.”

             
The rest of the meal was quiet. I was not sure what to say now and I had tons of thoughts running through my head. I cared about Matt a lot, but I had all these crazy doubts in my head. Maybe I just needed to get back on my anxiety medication. I really did not want to be on it when I left for school and I seemed to be doing ok… until now that was.

             
“Is everything ok?”  the waiter asked.

             
“Delicious,” Matt said. I just nodded. Why was it every time they ask that I have a mouth full of food? Seriously, without fail, every time. Outrageous. After dinner was over, we skipped dessert because we were so stuffed.

I excused myself for a minute to go to the restroom. While I was in there I decided to do some quick thinking while I was not staring at Matt. It was distracting to do serious thinking about a person when they are right there with you and can read every thought that comes across your face. I eventually decided (quickly because I did not want him to think I had fallen in) that I was being ridiculous and at nineteen, I was too young
to be this cynical. If I was afraid to get hurt, I could not love fully, and I did not want to love partially just because I did not want to get my heart broken. I took a deep breath and decided to dive right in and see where this goes.

             
I saw Matt sitting there waiting for me. I really am lucky. He was a great guy and I did not think I had anything to be worried about. So what if he talked to his ex-girlfriend occasionally? We established today that actually seeing her was a definite no. Although, I would much prefer he not even talk to her.

             
He smiled as I approached. “Are you ready to head out?”

             
“Sure,” I said. I grabbed my coat.

             
“What are your plans for Christmas?” he asked.

             
“I’m just going home. My parents are apparently having withdrawals. Being an only child does have some drawbacks.” Not to mention the cyber-stalking my mom had been doing. I did not know whose bright idea it was to introduce her to technology and the internet, but she questioned every away message on my instant messenger and she constantly asked what I was doing. (Leave me alone, Mom!)

             
“Your parents are awesome. You are lucky. At least yours are always around.” Matt’s parents were away on business trips a lot. At least he had a nice car out of the deal. My little Isuzu looked sad in comparison.

             
“Yeah, I guess,” I said. “Are you going home?”

             
“Yeah, my parents will be home for Christmas, but are heading out on a business trip for New Year’s Eve. I believe they said they will be in China.”

             
“And they didn’t ask if you wanted to go?”

             
“Actually, this time they did. I do not really want to go to China though. If they said Australia I would probably be all over that one.”

             
“Oooh, I would love to see Australia.” (I would. It was on my list of things to do before I die. That and meet Tom Cruise.)

             
“Yeah, it would be totally awesome.” He paused for a second. “Anyway, my parents won’t be home and I was hoping you would maybe want to come spend New Year’s Eve with me.”

             
“That could be arranged. I’m not sure I can tell my parents that I will be at your house, but I can come up with something.”

             
“I don’t want to create conflict with your parents, Sam. It’s ok, I will understand if you can’t.”

             
“I am so not missing out on this,” I said.

             
“Ok, but for the record, I tried not getting you in trouble.”

             
“Duly noted.”

             
For the rest of the ride home I was debating on whether or not to invite him up to my room. It was not as if he had not been in my room alone before but for some reason tonight felt different.

             
“Trinity is staying at Derek’s tonight,” I mentioned casually.

             
“Oh really?”

             
“Yup, so I’ll be all alone.” I was so subtle.

             
“I see. Would you like me to come and keep you safe?”

             
“I guess that could work. Mr. Bear is getting a little tired of always having that job.” Mr. Bear is my favorite stuffed animal and I of course had to bring him with me.

             
“Well, I will gladly give Mr. Bear the night off.”