Girl-Code (18 page)

‘How’s the delectable Matthew, by the way?’
I tilt my head towards my friend.

‘Oh Lucy, I am in love,’ she sighs.

‘I am pleased for you Kate, really,’ but
inside I am crying, why is it easy for some people?  What have I done to
deserve the way I have been treated?

‘Are you?’ her eyes find mine probing,
assessing.

‘Of course I am,’ I lean and hug her, ‘I am
envious of you and Matthews easy beginning that is all.’

‘You will find someone special, Lucy,’ she
squeezes me tight but all I can think inside is
why does everyone keep
saying that? I already had someone special
.

********

‘Are you fucking kidding me, Cameron?’ Kate
screeches down the phone.

‘Well hello Kate, how are you?’ his voice
is filled with sarcasm.

‘You hound me for her whereabouts, then you
do zero about it!’ she amazes, ‘what the hell is wrong with you?’ 

‘Calm down,’ he demands but Kate ignores
him.

‘So there I am at the airport expecting
both of you to exit….’ She expresses.

‘So, she’s home,’ Cameron states.

‘Why would you go all the way out there and
not say anything to her?’ Kate questions.

He sighs, ‘I couldn’t do it to her.’

‘Do what Cameron, love her?’

‘What if it goes wrong?’ he asks, ‘then
what, I destroy her again!’ he expresses sternly.  ‘She deserves better,’ he
finishes.

‘You are goddam right she does,’ Kate fumes,
‘you are playing with her head!’

‘It’s not intentional,’ he sighs, ‘she
doesn’t know I flew out there does she?’

‘Actually yes, she saw you!’ she utters.

‘Shit! What did she say?’

‘Well she thinks you are a screw up,’ Kate
blurts out, ‘and she would be absolutely right Cameron.’

‘She would,’ he agrees.

‘So that’s it, you have once again given
her false hope….’ Kate fumes.

‘Kate, you don’t understand,’ Cameron leans
his head on his desk.

‘No I don’t, so enlighten me,’ Kate insists,
‘you know she has been offered a job in Thailand.’

‘A job! She loves her job!’ Cameron frowns.

‘Well it seems you fucked that up too!’ she
adds cruelly, ‘if she goes, you will never see her again just so you know,’ the
phone is disconnected.

Why does everything have to be so
complicated between Lucy and me?  First of all the stupid Sam thing, then we
get our shit together and then enters my father and threatens our future just
when things were magnificent.  I had never foreseen myself in a long-term,
happy relationship with a woman, until I met Lucy.  I couldn’t imagine life
without her in it now and yet here I am screwing her around again.  Why would
she throw her career away so easily?  Is she that eager to leave me?  No, I
left her!  This is all down to me, it’s up to me to put things right but how do
I do that?

********

‘She’s not home sir,’ the doorman states
before Cameron has a chance to speak

He pales suddenly, she hasn’t left already
surely, it was only two days ago that Kate informed him of the job offer, ‘any
idea….’

‘No sir, sorry.’

‘I will wait,’ his jaw tenses as he takes a
seat on the cream, leather couch opposite the doorman’s desk eyeing him
stubbornly as if challenging him to forbid it.

‘You may be waiting a while sir,’ the
doorman states.

‘Fine!’ Cameron shrugs, anger and anxiety
whooshing through his veins.

********

Lucy has her arm tucked in Brad’s as they
leave the bar. 

‘What do you think?’ she queries, ‘did you
like them?’

‘No! They were awful’ Brad laughs, ‘where
on earth did you hear about them?’

‘A friend of mine used to date the drummer,’
I smile.  Kate dated Tom for a month or two when we first returned from our
travels.

‘Wow!  They have got to be the worse band I
have ever heard in my life!’ Brad teases and I smile fondly at him.

We reach my apartment, ‘fancy coffee?’ I
offer.

‘Sure, just a quick one I have to drive to
Oxford in the morning,’ he follows her into the foyer.  As Lucy smiles towards
Greg at his desk, something in her peripheral vision moves rapidly and she
turns slightly surprised.

‘Hi,’ Cameron’s glance is intently on
Lucy’s face before leaving for a moment to regard Brad disapprovingly.

‘Bye,’ I gasp, moving directly to the
elevator area, my heart thudding inside my chest as I feel the blood drain from
my face.

‘Lucy,’ Cameron calls following her,
‘please, give me a chance to explain.’

‘Ha! Good one, Cameron,’ I scoff, pressing
frantically at the call button willing it to hurry.

‘Lucy,’ he murmurs quietly.

‘You heard the lady,’ Brad suddenly appears
at my side and stands in between Cameron and me.  Cameron face turns thunderous
as he moves up in front of Brad. ‘I suggest you stay out of this,’ he fumes
towards Brad, ‘this has nothing to do with you.’

‘Cameron!’ I scold loudly, unsure of his
intentions towards Brad, suddenly the doorman appears.

‘Miss Daniels, do you wish me to call the
police?’

‘No Greg thank you, he was just leaving,’
my eyes burn into Cameron’s as my insides yearn for him.  He looks so sad, the
dark circles surrounding his eyes bigger than mine, but I scold myself for feeling
any compassion for this man. I need him out of my life permanently.

‘Go, Cameron.’ I instruct quietly, as the
elevator doors open and taking Brad’s arm I pull him inside the shaft.  Cameron’s
eyes hold mine until the doors closes, I feel nauseous with emotion as I bend
over, my hands on my thighs, attempting to steady my breath.

‘Are you ok?’ Brad murmurs as his arm
circles my shoulders.

‘Fine,’ I whisper, swallowing down the acid
that I can taste within my mouth.

‘He looks bad,’ Brad notes, ‘like a broken
man.’

‘Well, he did the breaking Brad,’ I remind
him and he nods.

‘Hear him out,’ he urges.

‘I can’t,’ the doors open and we enter my
flat.

‘Why Lucy? There is obviously more to this
than a guy picking and dropping a girl Willy-Nilly, he is fighting some sort of
internal battle.  Is he worth fighting for?’

‘God you sound so much like an artist, all
new world and optimistic,’ I snap, then instantly regret it, ‘I am sorry,’ he
shrugs.

‘Whatever is happening, he isn’t using you
Lucy.  He obviously wants you.’

‘No Brad, he had me and dropped me quicker,
than a whores drawers, as they say.’

‘Wherever did you find that expression,’ he
chuckles and I smile slightly.

‘Leave the coffee, I had better go.  Call
me if you need me,’ he bends and kisses my cheek.

‘Thanks for a lovely evening, sorry it
ended up as it did.’ I murmur apologetically.

‘No problem.’

********

‘Fancy a beer?’ Brad calls to Cameron as he
passes him in the foyer, still seated stubbornly on the couch.

Cameron frowns towards Brad before running
a hand over his face, ‘sure.’

As they walk outside Greg on the security
desk smiles whilst shaking his head, ‘my moneys on the young guy,’ he mutters
to himself.

‘You need to explain things to her,’ Brad
expresses calmly over the small table, within the bar they wandered into.

‘I can’t, she won’t understand.  I am not
that person anymore.’ Cameron sighs.

‘Do you think so little of her that you
have no faith in her ability to feel empathy?’ Brad arches an eyebrow.  ‘I
thought you knew her better than I, but I guess I was wrong.’

‘I know her well enough, thank you.’ Cameron
scolds before adding, ‘exactly how well you know her Brad?’ he growls as
visions of them in Lucy’s soft bed fill his mind.

‘Relax, not that well,’ he waves a
dismissive hand Cameron’s away, ‘you aren’t the first man ever to have a
three-way Cameron,’ Brad murmurs, ‘I have indulged myself, in my younger years,’
he shrugs.

‘With your dad?’ Cameron scoffs.

‘Well no….’ Brad mutters quietly, ‘so what?
 It was a long time ago!’

‘But what if I am like him?’ Cameron
enquires.

‘Are you? My guess is if you were then you
wouldn’t have any conscience about it and we wouldn’t be having this
conversation.’

‘What if I hurt her again?’

‘What if you do?  She will get over it and
I will swoop down and persuade her to give us a go.’ Brad’s eyes penetrate
Cameron’s with a promise.

‘You stay the hell away.’ he growls.

‘Then sort your shit out Cameron.  Because
the next time I won’t encourage her to go for what she believes in, but to drop
you on your sorry arse.’

‘She is a decent girl, she doesn’t need my
family dramas,’ he informs him stiffly.

‘That’s her decision not yours.’

‘Do you think she will give me another
chance?’ Cameron tests.

‘I don’t know, you hurt her tremendously. 
She is contemplating this job in Thailand…a dead end, crap paid job.’ Brad
informs him.

‘I heard,’ he sighs, before flickering a
glance towards Brad, ‘what do you suggest I do?’

‘Use your sexpertise, I hear it works a
treat!’ he smiles.

********

‘Go away Cameron,’ I growl over to the
handsome creature escorting me to the tube station.

‘No,’ he calls stubbornly, ‘I am not going
anywhere until you talk to me,’ his jaw is set in defiance.

‘Well, you will have a long wait.’ I fume.

‘Seems not, you are indeed talking,’ his
lip curls sarcastically and I send him a dark look.

‘It is not going to happen,’ my insides are
squirming at the sight of him dressed in his work suit, freshly showered.

‘You look too thin,’ he notices and I feel
anger bubble up inside me.

‘Yeah well, I haven’t been myself for the
past few weeks.  Seems someone, who I wrongly trusted, dropped me without a
hint of explanation…..for the second time!’ I snap, turning to face him, tears forming
behind my eyes.  ‘Now, get lost Cameron,’ I speak slowly and quietly, ‘I would
never forgive you ever!’ I spit out angrily as a stray tear escapes.

‘Oh baby, don’t cry,’ his voice catches and
my insides jump at the endearment.  His arms grasp me, ‘please, don’t Lucy.’ He
pleads.

‘Let go of me!’ I demand pulling away from
him and running down the steps to the underground.  I blindly jump on a waiting
tube and move to the back facing the window as I attempt to calm my insides. 
God I love him, why can’t I stop?  I wipe at the tears that are now silently
rolling down my cheeks.

I feel his arms surround me, I know it is
him as my body responds instantly.  He wraps them around me and pulls me into
his chest, whispering into my ear.

‘Please Lucy,’ his lips gently touch the
side of my head, as I hiccup silently.

‘No,’ I whisper.  He turns me to face him
wiping at the tears with his thumbs, his eyes are serious, his face taut.

‘I love you, Lucy,’ he murmurs.

‘No, you don’t,’ my heart aches for him. 
‘You don’t treat people the way you have, if you love them.’

‘I am new to this, I was scared,’ he kisses
my cheeks and my insides tingle with need, I feel confused my body betraying me
so.

‘No, Cameron.’ I breathe unconvincingly as
he places small kisses across my face.

‘Yes, I love you,’ he repeats, ‘my life is
empty without you,’ he pulls me into him.  I smell his familiar scent of shower
gel and Cameron and inhale deeply.  His arms stroke up my back as my body and
my sex hum in recognition. He lifts my chin with his finger, ‘I beg you to give
me another chance,’ he whispers, as we are jolted slightly and he holds me to
him.

‘No, Cameron, I can’t.  I would be a fool.’
I wipe my eyes and turn my face up to his, ‘you cannot keep on doing this.’

‘I cannot promise that I will never upset
you again Lucy, but I can hand on my heart express that I will never walk out
on you again,’ his eyes appear authentic but my heart cannot accept his words.

‘No,’ I shake my head, ‘no Cameron, you
will never hurt me again.’ I move away and lean against the door as my eyes
find his.  His lips thin and he moves up against me leaning in to kiss me,
‘Cameron,’ I warn, but he disregards my caution.  He smiles gently before
capturing my lips in a soft kiss, my heart flip flops as I inhale sharply.  He
takes confidence from my reaction and deepens the kiss his hand in my hair as
he thrusts his tongue against mine.

‘Cameron,’ I breathe, my nipples straining
against my bra.