Girl-Code (17 page)

‘Then come,’ I shrug, ‘you know where I am.’

********

As I board the plane that evening I feel
relief, the past few months have been a drain on my emotions.  All the drama
with Sam, Cameron and the house, then moving to Fulham which was bitter sweet,
I love the flat but it now holds memories of Cameron and the various places we
had sex during our brief affair.

I sleep for the duration of the flight,
catching up on the countless sleepless nights I have encountered since the
weekend and beforehand due to Cameron’s hunger of my body.  I feel the familiar
lurch of my insides as I remember the nights we shared caressing each other’s
bodies.

No more, no man will ever hurt me in the
same way ever again – I will never allow myself to open up entirely to enable
it to happen.

********

‘I have had it Cameron,’ Susie has tears
rolling down her face, ‘stay away from anyone I know, I have lost a good friend
because of your incapability in holding down an adult relationship.’

‘I am sorry,’ Cameron puts his head in his
hands, ‘but it is for the best,’ he mumbles, ‘she deserves better!’

‘That’s a fucking cop-out Cam,’ Simon
hisses, ‘call it what you will, but you are running scared my friend.’

‘I had her in tears, screeching at me in
the staff canteen begging for me to explain what has happened….how the hell can
I tell her, when I don’t understand myself!’ Susie pulls away from Simon. 
‘They sent her home and she has apparently taken indefinite leave! You have
destroyed her!’ Susie accuses.

‘That isn’t what I intended,’ Cameron’s
heart pierces as he absorbs this information.

‘Well, I guess you aren’t as good with
women as you think you are then,’ Susie spits wiping the angry tears from her
eyes, ‘she does deserve a hell of a lot better.’

‘I am not, you are right, I am like him,’
Cameron mumbles, ‘no better than a man-whore.’

‘Why, Cameron?’ Simon presses, ‘why, are
you like him?’

Humiliation tears through him, ‘I just am. 
She needs someone to worship her.’

‘I thought you did,’ Simon gasps, ‘I have
never seen you so totally devoted to another person.’

He shakes his head, ‘it won’t be enough Si.
My past will catch up with me and Lucy will never look at me in the same manner
again.’

‘Don’t you think she should be the judge of
that?’ Simon utters, ‘that isn’t your decision to make.’

‘She will never forgive me,’ Cameron
mutters.

‘Not now, twice you have demolished her,’
Susie sniffs, walking out into the kitchen.

Cameron’s heart breaks once again at the
thought that he has once again caused her so much pain.  He is in love with her,
but could never belong to her, he wasn’t worthy.

********

Lucy was laying on the beach in her tiny red
bikini soaking up the Thai sun, she had been here two days and had only just
begun to relax.  She missed him.  A tear escapes out of the corner of her eye
and she absently dashes it away.  What did I do wrong?  She has to stop beating
herself up, she didn’t do anything he is a screw up!  She has to get over this
and move on.

Her mum and Phil were beside themselves
with worry, she had just had a Skype call with them to reassure them that she
was just enjoying a break.

Ricki and Sarah were brilliant they gave
her enough space to think, but not too much to dwell.  She had explained the
situation briefly to them on her first night and Sarah had hugged her close
promising her that it would get better in time.

‘Come on missy,’ a voice calls and she sniffs
before sitting upright, ‘no more crying, we are organizing a beach party come
on!’ Sarah urges, ‘I require an assistant.’

********

Cameron enters Lucy’s apartment block his
heart thumping within the walls of his chest.

‘Hi, I am here to see Ms. Daniels,’ I
murmur to the doorman.

‘Sorry sir, she isn’t home,’ he informs him,
politely.

‘I will wait,’ I reply stubbornly, as I
move to sit on the sofa.

‘Sorry sir, she is out of the country.’

‘Out of the country,’ I repeat, my stomach
drops.

‘Yes sir.’

‘When is she back,’ I question him.

‘Not sure, sir.’

‘Ok, thank you.’

As I exit the apartment block dismay hits,
where is she?  I know she is absent from work Susie informed me she is on
leave.  What if she has gone on her travels again?  I will never find her and clarify….I
need to explain about my past. 

Cameron runs a hand over his tired eyes, he
hasn’t slept in days his brain occupied day and night with her.  She won’t
forgive him, not this time. Susie was correct why would she?  He has attempted
to stay away from her but nothing feels as it should.

He climbs in his car his jaw set, I won’t
give up!

********

Kate answers the door with a grin on her
face which fades fast.

‘Hi,’ Cameron mutters gently, aware that
this isn’t going to be a well-received visit.

‘What do you want?’ Kate’s face is hard,
her eyes sparkling with what he can only presume is anger.

‘Kate, can I have five minutes of your
time?’ Cameron questions.

‘No, you can’t….there isn’t anything you
could say that I am remotely interested in,’ she seethes.

‘Please, I need to see her, to explain.’ I
plead.

‘The time for explanations are over Cameron,’
she moves to close the door on me but I move my hand to prevent her.

‘Please Kate, I love her.’ I beg.

‘She’s gone,’ she mutters, less
aggressively.

‘Where?’

‘Thailand.’

‘Where in Thailand?’ I press.

She shrugs, ‘you should leave her alone
Cameron, you had more than your chance.’

‘I know, but I can’t,’ I mumble running my
hand through my hair.

********

I have been here a week and am as brown as
a berry, I have stopped crying but am now completely numb. In my mind, I have
come to the conclusion that maybe I received my Karma for Cameron, maybe
because I ignored the girl-code and upset people along the way this was my
punishment.  It is totally ridiculous, not to mention illogical, but I require
closure of some form - so is how I have justified it in my mind.

 I wander along the beach, swim and sleep. 
Sarah and Ricki have offered me a job on the resort in the reservations
department and I am tempted. 

I am a twenty five year old adult and I
should be mapping my future right now, accepting the responsibilities that run
alongside with maturity but the thought of never returning to all the drama’s
and upsets of recent weeks, is appealing to say the least.

Unfortunately, I have bills to pay!

When I eat, I experience a choking
sensation as the food lodges in my esophagus.  I am furious with myself for
being so weak, I knew the guy for ten minutes yet he has engraved something
deep inside me.

‘Come on, we need to go to the market,’
Sarah instructs.  Sarah has become a mother-figure to me, ensuring I have meals
in front of me regardless of whether I consume them or not.

‘Ok,’ I mumble, pulling on my shorts and a
t-shirt over my bikini, I push my hair into a hairband and grab my tote bag.

********

Cameron watches from afar as Lucy dresses
and follows the woman with the short brown bobbed hair.  His heart pierces at
the sight of her, she is brown and beautiful but beyond that she is thin and
sad.  What has he done to her?  What did he have to lose confiding in her
regarding his past and his insecurities?  He lost her anyway, Susie was right
she will probably never give him another opportunity.  His eyes move over her
as she fades into the crowd, she has closed her heart.  There is nothing left
of the bubbly, friendly, serious woman he fell in love with and he is
responsible.

What is he doing here?  He flew half way
across the world to beg her back and now he has her in his sights, he cannot do
it.  Not because she won’t have him back but in case she does, how can he
promise her a future he has no idea will be enough for her.

He turns and walks away, back to his hotel.

Lucy pales her heart stopping in her
throat, she is imagining things now she was certain that she just spotted
Cameron in a vehicle. 

‘You ok?’ Sarah checks.

‘Yes sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew
then.’ I mumble.

‘Come on Lucy, snap out of it now honey,’
Sarah sterns, ‘you are going to make yourself ill.’

‘I am not, I feel better honestly,’ I insist,
‘I am more optimistic, I am going to search for a new job when I return home.’

‘I thought you loved your job,’ Sarah hands
her a bag of fruit to carry.

‘Yes I do, but it’s a job at the end of the
day.  I don’t want any awkwardness between Susie and I it isn’t fair, I treated
her terribly it wasn’t her responsibility.’

‘You will meet someone else Lucy and all
this will be just a distant memory,’ she assures me.

I nod, but I know deep inside I will never
give anyone all of me again.

********

My eyes locate the blonde, blue eyed beauty
grinning at me from the crowd.

‘Wow, look at you!’ Kate whistles, ‘looking
hot girlfriend!’

I hug my best friend, ‘good to see you Kate,’
I murmur.

‘You too,’ her eyes move behind me into the
arrivals area of the airport.

‘What are you looking for?’ I follow her
gaze.

‘Er, are you by yourself?’ Kate tests.

‘Of course,’ I frown, ‘why?’

‘Nothing,’ she shakes her head and grasps
my rolling case from my hands.

‘Where did you park?’ I enquire.

‘Multi-story,’ she mumbles.

‘What’s the matter?’ I narrow my eyes.

‘You never had a visitor then, last week?’
she regards me intently.

‘Kate, spit it out, what is wrong?’ I
worry.

‘No it is fine honestly, we will talk when
we get back to yours.’

It is eight o clock in the evening when we
enter my apartment block.

‘Welcome home, Ms. Daniels.’ Greg, the
doorman smiles fondly.

‘Thank you Greg, everything ok with you and
yours?’ I enquire, politely.

‘Very well, thank you Miss,’ he nods as we
make our way to the elevator, ‘oh Miss Daniels, did Mr Lee catch up with you he
appeared to be desperate to visit?’

‘Mr. Lee?’ I frown as ice rushes through my
veins, ‘when was this Greg?’ I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

‘Oh a week or so ago, Miss.’

‘Ok, thank you,’ I mumble as we enter the
lift shaft, my eyes find Kate’s.

‘Has this got anything to do with what you
wish to discuss Kate?’ and she nods anxiously.

********

I am pacing up and down my hand attached to
my forehead, ‘what he just flew out? For what exactly?’

‘He turned up declaring his undying love
for you and insisted I give him the address of where you were staying.’

‘It doesn’t make sense,’ I have a thudding
in my head.

‘No, he definitely left for Thailand, he
text me from the airport,’ she shocks, ‘I don’t understand it.’

‘See!’ I hold my hands out in exasperation,
‘it isn’t just me, nothing about the man makes any sense at all!’ I rant, ‘he
is so unpredictable, unstable even,’ my insides are churning once again as I
absorb this information.  Then I remember I thought I saw someone that looked
identical to Cameron in the vehicle.

‘I saw him,’ I whisper, ‘I thought I was
imagining it, but I saw him,’ my eyes find Kate’s, ‘why didn’t he approach me
then?’ I frown.

‘I don’t know Lucy, all I know is that the
man flew to Thailand to see you.’

‘This is what happens, he confuses me.  One
minute he wants me, then he doesn’t, how is a sane person expected to deal with
the rollercoaster of emotions?’

Kate remains silent for a while, ‘he is
quite a screw up, you know.’

‘I am kind of getting that, thanks Kate.’ I
bemuse.

‘I have found another housemate for your
room,’ she switches subjects rapidly, ‘so you won’t have to pay the rent from
the first of the month and I will be able to return your share of the deposit.’

‘Really! That’s great! Anyone I know?’ At
least I will be able to pay the credit card off, I think.

‘No, Sandra from work split with her fella
so she needs a room, ASAP.’

‘Well, remember to inform her about Sam and
her funny ideas,’ I mutter.

‘Sandra would wipe the floor with Sam, I
have no worries there,’ Kate laughs.