Gifted, A Donovan Circus Novel (25 page)

“And he’ll never be able to. He
doesn’t have the patience or focus to do what you do. You both have talent, but
you’ve honed yours into usable skills. Wonder Boy is okay, but he likes to blow
things up and make a giant spectacle out of everything. He only wants the fun
part of the job. He has no motivation to learn more than really neat tricks.
Yours are powerful.”

“You know nothing about Keegan,”
I said.

“Neither do you,” he pointed
out. “And don’t try to backtrack; you just said a minute ago that we’ve hardly
been here long enough to get to know other people very well.”

I sighed and put my head on my
knees. “It’s like talking in circles with you. Just once I’d like the
conversation to move forward rather than around. Like how do you know how I’m
good at anything?”

“I saw you on our first day, in
the field with everyone. I caught a strong wave of frustration and I walked
over to see you all arguing. Then I saw you knock everyone over. And that
night, everyone on the lot saw the fireball up in the air. The whole camp
guessed that was you, too. They’d never seen anyone else do it before, so…”

I grimaced. Whoops—I had
no idea
everyone
had seen that
happen.

He reached into his back pocket
and pulled a cigarette from its pack. He lit it and took a deep breath in.

“You hold so much in, when you
do emote, it’s powerful. You don’t want to believe me, but it’s true. And I
have to add, this thing you do with believing in the best in people is
absolutely ridiculous.” He blew out smoke.

“I don’t exactly have the
checkered past you’ve got going for you, but that doesn’t mean I’m naive. I
can’t punish everyone for one person’s actions.”

“It’s foolish to get knocked off
your guard right now. You have no idea how complicated our world is; you’re
going to learn things you don’t like,” he replied.

I chose to ignore him and
stubbornly glared at the dirt in front of our feet.

“Our world isn’t about money,”
he continued. “It’s about power, favors. You don’t want to owe too many favors.
You already have too much power. I understand wanting to belong. But if we’re
right, someone in this troupe you call a family is framing you for murder.
Neither of us can guarantee they won’t kill anyone else, either. No one should
be completely trusted.”

“Yet here I am, in the middle of
the night, sitting in the dark with
you
!”
I snapped. “You keep giving me all this hoopla about not trusting anyone, when
you’re the one showing up at my doorstep or poking your head in from the
shadows. How can you expect me to trust you when all you do is tell me not to
trust anyone? See?
Circles
!”

My temper skyrocketed and I
jumped up before I caught his sleeve on fire. I stood a few feet away from him
and cursed him under my breath. I looked over at him, sitting on the stoop as
calm as could be, smoking his cigarette.

“If you don’t want me around,
say the word.” He didn’t move.

“That’s not what I meant. I can
see how your intentions mean well, but in this case it sounds hypocritical. If
I listen to your advice, the only person I’d be speaking to is you. And you’re
okay and all, but I like other people too.”

“You mean you like Keegan.”

“Yeah, okay, so what? Maybe I do
like Keegan in a slightly different way than I like the others, but that’s
really none of your business. What is your deal with him?”

“I suppose I think you can do
better.”

“What, are you offering?” I
rolled my eyes.

“No, but now that you mention
it, I know I’m a much better match for you than Keegan could ever be. He’s
dull, a total snooze. You’ll be bored with him in a couple months and then
where will you be? All your precious friends will take his side when you break
his little heart.”

My hands went to my hips in my
protest. I didn’t dare consider if that would be true and instead tried to turn
it back to him. “You have no idea what I want or need.”

“Sure I do. You want to belong
and you need to be challenged. Keegan can help you belong, but I know I
challenge the hell outta you.”

“Challenge might not be the word
I’d use, for the record. I don’t know where you get either of those theories
from.”

“It’s obvious! You’ve never
belonged anywhere. You want nothing more than to be a part of something bigger,
I get that. But you’re smart, in the brain and the mouth I might add, and you
need someone who can keep up with your wit.”

“I know what you’re trying to
do.”

“What am I trying to do?”

“This backhanded flattery.
You’re only screwing with me because it’s fun for you. As soon as you get what
you want out of me or get bored, you’ll find someone new. That’s what guys like
you do.”

“Guys like me?”

“Gorgeous guys, ones that can
get what they want with good looks and a little charm. Guys who can practically
undo a chick’s bra with a wink.”

He laughed and smoothly stood up
next to me, his head tilting to the side in his arrogance. “That’s a new one.
You think I’m gorgeous?”

“Don’t get all cocky. You won’t
win any points with me with a smile and compliment.”

“I’ve figured that much out for
myself, thanks. That’s kind of why I like you.”

I huffed. “You have a funny way
of showing it. I’m really tired of your little games. Could you please let me
go to bed now?”

“Sure. I still think you can do
better than Keegan. I myself am a huge upgrade.” He grinned as I rolled my eyes
at him again. If he kept it up, my eyeballs would be stuck in the back of my
head soon. His blonde hair shone in the campers’ porch lights as he walked
away.

I needed to sleep. I turned,
walked back into the camper and got into bed. A few weeks ago, I would’ve found
it hard to believe the chaotic part of the circus was actually outside the
center ring.

Chapter
19

That night, the show ran
smoothly, but everyone seemed tense and angry…well, more so than usual. I
helped as much as anyone would let me, though there were some sneers in my direction.
When I bumped into Sheffield, I said as much.

“Yes, well…it appears there’s
been a problem,” he replied. He seemed terse, distracted. He didn’t stop
glaring around the tent, his mustache twitching. I had to snap myself out of
staring at it and focus on the conversation.

“I don’t follow,” I said.

“Knox has gone missing.”
Sheffield’s jaw tightened, his teeth gnashing together.

I struggled to keep my jaw from
dropping. Another powerfully gifted being just disappeared from our
well-protected grounds? How was this even possible?

“Do you have any ideas about
what happened to him?”

“Several. None of them are
good,” he said. He abruptly nodded and turned on his heel to walk away, leaving
me stunned.

After we shut down, everyone
went back to the living area to drink and play cards. I realized I’d
accidentally left one of Bianca’s dog props in the tent and went to retrieve
it. I dropped it off at her front stoop, a few paths away from mine.

I headed back to my trailer. As
I got closer, I could hear riotous laughter. I didn’t want to be around many
people right this second. I wandered aimlessly for a few minutes, only to find
myself back at the Big Top. It loomed over the grounds, dark and silent.

I stuck my head inside. Strings
of lights were still on from the show but it was otherwise empty and quiet. I
stepped into the shadows and walked to the seats. I couldn’t remember ever
being a circus audience member. I had always been backstage, watching Lenny Sullivan
shock and awe them. They’d thought he was an Illusionist. I sat down and
stretched out. I breathed in the air, still fragrant from popcorn and cotton
candy, and felt oddly comforted.

For a moment, I forgot my
problems and simply took it in. I looked up to see the high wires where the
acrobats thrilled and terrified. The red and white striped tent seemed to
stretch upwards for miles. I lowered my gaze. Straight ahead, the ring looked
bare and lonely. Even without an audience, it deserved a show.

I stood and walked into the
middle of the ring. Once in the center, I felt small but not uncomfortable.
Without the show lights, it wasn’t so scary. It probably helped that I had no
audience. I took a deep breath and could feel my palms tingle. Maybe I wanted to
be here, in the spotlight, at least in this part of the circus. Maybe I did
want to make magic.

What the hell, right? I needed
to practice. Now was as good a time as any around this place.

I stretched for a quick minute
and tried to relax my mind. I had to really focus for crafting more than just a
little flame. I looked out into the audience, glad to be in darkness. I put my
arms out in front of me as though I were holding a beach ball. Heat skittered
over my skin as I pulled two flames in either palm and put my hands together.
When I separated them again, a fireball had formed. I gritted my teeth and
threw the fireball in the air, high enough so the entire tent momentarily lit
up. As it fell, I brought my arms up and it slowed. I bent my elbows and straightened
my arms again; the fireball bounced back up as though I had touched it.

When I motioned either way with
my hands, the fire could follow my movements. First to the left, then right,
then in a full circle around the tent. Sweat formed on my brow, a sign I needed
to get to business. Despite my training with the boys, I could still feel the
strain on my mind. I straightened my arms above my head and the ball slowed
down to finally stop five feet above my head.

My eyebrows furrowed as I put my
energy into seeing a shape. My fingers twitched and the fireball slowly grew
bigger and bigger. A hole pierced the center and it turned into a giant ring of
fire. I finally shaped it, but knew I had reached my limits for the evening. I
could throw fireballs all day, but to puppeteer it as I did took more energy,
just like the heat waves. I brought my hands together to bring the fireball in
for the big finale, but it remained floating like a ring above me. I was too
spent for the impressive ending.

My head pounded as I looked hard
at my fire ring. For a split second, I remembered reality—specifically,
Marty’s charbroiled remains—and I lost my concentration. The ring
abruptly dropped hard onto me and I lit up in flames for a moment. Damn. That
wasn’t supposed to happen.

Thoughts like this had consumed
my every waking moment. I could see now it would’ve been in my best interest to
not see Marty’s corpse. If I wasn’t thinking about Keegan (yum), Gabriel (ugh),
or being part of the troupe (sigh), I was seeing dead Marty. It was a wonder I
slept at all.

I let the flames melt into my
body and took a deep breath to center myself. Then I heard someone give a short
applause. Jumping a foot in the air, I spun around to see Gabriel. Of course.

“Didn’t realize you were here,”
I said as he walked closer to me. I took a slight detour and had a seat in my
fake audience. He followed and sat a couple chairs down from me in the same
row.

“How did you know I was in
here?” I asked him.

“Saw the light jumping around in
here. Turns out it was you.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean for anyone to
see that.”

“I only caught the last bit.
You’re talented.” He withdrew a cigarette and lit it.

“You’re not supposed to smoke in
the tent.”

He ignored me. “How long did it
take you to control it like that?”

“My whole life. I didn’t get a
grasp on it ‘til I was a teenager. Dad put me on lockdown a couple years before
he died, but I kept up the practice. I’m still a little shaky without his
guidance.”

“What do you mean, lockdown?”

“I have no idea why, but one
time Dad came here and when he came home, no more magic tricks. He forbade any
firepower without so much as an explanation. I did it behind his back anyways,
but without him…it’s hard.”

“See, you do have a good secret,
sneaking around with your gift.” He gave me a brief smile. “You seem damn good
to me.”

“I’m not there yet. It takes a
long time just to control fireballs. My dad could make shapes, move it around
faster. That last bit you saw was something I learned only a few months ago, so
it’s not as good as it should be. It’s just a ring, which is nothing in the
capabilities level. I get tired quicker than he ever did. I don’t want
Sheffield to request that piece yet. It’s not as good as it should be.”

“You haven’t really had the
chance to go all out in a while, right? I thought it was pretty good. It looked
as though you were dancing with it around the ring.”

I laughed a little. “I want it
to be perfect. I’ll get the hang of it like I did with the heat wave.”

“What else? Will you falter if I
throw a bucket of water on you?” he teased.

“It’ll distract me, sure. As I
am now, yes, I would lose control. But it won’t go out just like that. I can’t
set fire in a pool, if that’s what you’re asking. But I will say that my
emotions get the best of me once in a while.”

“Meaning what?”

“Well, I just engulfed myself in
flames because I split my attention.”

“What made you do that?” he
asked.

“Everything. I thought about the
last few days for only a second, barely enough time to blink. I thought about
Marty and bam, I’m a human fireball. If I’m being an overly dramatic girl, it
can backfire. It makes me lose focus and consumes me. Another reason I don’t
show much emotion. It takes a lot of concentration to do something with my
gift. Any Firestarter can go around setting shit on fire. Those of us who want
more learn how to harness and control it.”

“How do you do that?”

“Years of training with a dad
who happens to be ridiculously talented, and lots of determination. I don’t
really know how to explain it. I suppose most of it’s mental, like so many
other gifts. It takes a lot of concentration and I can’t be distracted even a
little bit.”