Gift of Desire (13 page)

He regarded her calmly. “You didn’t kill him, Caroline. If he died trying to save you, he did what he thought was right.”

“He did it because he loved me.”

“And to celebrate his sacrifice you choose to hide yourself in the countryside, deny yourself the chance to have a new life, and use your lack of beauty as a shield to keep everyone away?”

Her hands clenched into fists. “God, I
hate
you, Jasper.”

“George would hate what you are doing to yourself in his name. He wanted you to live, he gave up his
life
, and you repay him by denying everything you are, and everything we could have together.”

Ice formed on her cheek and she realized she was crying. “Ah, now we get to the important part of the matter: what
you
want.”

He took a hasty step forward until they were nose-to-nose. “I want you. I love you and you’re too damned caught up in your own guilt to see it.”

She shoved hard at his chest but he didn’t move an inch. “Go to the devil, Jasper.”

He flinched as if she’d hit him again and finally backed away. After a moment, he looked away from her toward the lights of the house. “I can only apologize for my unforgiveable outburst. I’ll see you safely home, and then I promise you’ll never have to listen to me ever again.”

He held out his arm and she took it and forced herself to walk beside him until they reached the warmth and sanctuary of the house.

* * *

Despite changing out of her damp clothes, Caroline was still trembling an hour later. What Jasper had said was unforgiveable. He’d always been outspoken and insisted on sharing his version of the truth regardless, but she’d never thought of him as being deliberately cruel…

She sat at her dressing table and stared at her reflection, one finger tracing the scars that ran down from her hairline over her cheekbone, down her throat and ended somewhere around her right knee. They were raised and reddish in color and no amount of powder or herbal concoctions had succeeded in covering them or reducing the severity of their appearance.

She remembered fire licking at her gauzy skirts, devouring her, encircling her as she screamed for George. And he’d come back, smashing down the door of their cabin, almost smothering her in a blanket and jumped with her in his arms over the side into the stormy sea. The shock of the freezing water had saved her skin, but a barrel from the boat had struck George in the head and, in her wounded state, she’d been unable to keep him afloat.

She pictured his smiling face. He’d always liked Jasper. What would he think of the picture of his wife that Jasper had just painted? This guilt-ridden recluse? Would he agree with him? After an hour of quiet reflection, she had a horrible suspicion that he would be disappointed in her.

But did that mean Jasper was right? And if he
was
correct, did it mean she had to apologize to him? The thought of him leaving made tears stir again in her throat. And he would leave as soon as he could and she’d never see him again. He was always a man of his word.

But what if he recoiled when he saw the true extent of her injuries? Could she bear to see that? He’d said he loved her…She met her own gaze. She’d always known that, hadn’t she? Always relied on him to be honest with her, so why should she balk at his comments now? She
had
shut herself away from the world.

With a deep breath, she stood and pushed back her chair. Whatever happened, she had to apologize to him. Would he be downstairs celebrating the arrival of his Christmas day birthday with the other guests, or had he retired to his room? There was only one way to find out. She would have to be brave and seek him out for herself.

* * *

“Uncle Jasper. Uncle Jasper!”

Jasper raised his head from his hands and contemplated his locked bedroom door as the knocking continued. At least Miss Pattison wasn’t after him, but what the devil did Tommy want? He didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to crawl into his bed, hide under the covers like his five year-old-self and howl.

He’d lost her.

Sometimes he wanted to take his unflinching desire to be honest and cut out his own tongue. Even if he was right—and he was damn sure that he was—he shouldn’t have told Caro like that when she was already angry with him. He should’ve been patient and respectful and—

“Dammit, Tommy, what do you want?” He bellowed and leapt to his feet wrenching open the door so fast his nephew almost fell into the room.

“I need your help.”

“What now?” Jasper demanded. “I am not the person to be advising you about women tonight.”

“It’s not about that.” Tommy hesitated and for the first time Jasper noticed the lines of worry around his mouth. “It’s the others. I think you should come.”

* * *

Caroline stopped at the top of the stairs and inhaled the scent of something burning which immediately set her heart racing. It was past one in the morning and there was no sign of any of the other adults in the drawing room or card room. Muffled laughter came from one of the little-used salons off the great hall. Forgetting about Jasper for the moment, she gathered her skirts and her courage and went down.

She opened the door quietly to see several of the younger members of the house party on their knees in a circle around a large flat bowl. The smell of burning brandy fumes reached her and she put her hand to her mouth. One of the girls was leaning forward, one hand outstretched. She plucked something from the bowl of burning spirits and sat back with a squeak, tossing the smoldering raisin between her palms before eating it.

“Ooh! My Lord! It’s hot!”

“What are you doing, Alice?” Caroline asked quietly.

Her niece sat up with a gasp. “Aunt Caroline! I thought you were in bed!”

“Obviously.” Caroline’s gaze swept the company. “You must know that neither your parents nor I would allow you to play this game inside.”

“Oh Mrs. Lyndhurst, don’t be such a ninny.” Miss Pattison giggled. “It’s only snapdragon. We’re not five years old, so it’s perfectly safe.”

“Fire is rather unpredictable, Miss Pattison. Take my word for it.” Caroline returned her attention to Alice. “I think it’s time to say goodnight to your guests.”

Lord Breton rose and offered his hand to help Alice up. “I think your aunt has a point, Miss Bryson. I, for one, am longing for my bed.”

Caroline cast him a grateful glance. If Alice did decide Breton was the right man for her, she for one wouldn’t raise any objections.

“Oh don’t go, we were having so much fun.” Miss Laura Breton wailed. Several of the others looked quite mutinous too.

Caroline was just about to insist they all left when Miss Pattison tossed her head and turned back to the bowl.

“Well,
I’m
finishing the game.”

Her fingers were poised ready to scoop the burning raisins out of the fire. A gust of wind from the chimney caught the blue-white flame and within an instant, the trailing fringe on Miss Pattison’s shawl was on fire.

Just as Miss Pattison screamed and tried to scramble away, her slipper caught in the rug and she started to fall. Caroline ran forward and was on her in a trice, rolling her over, ripping off the shawl and covering the girl with her own body to smother any possibility of the flames engulfing her.

“Mrs. Lyndhurst!”

Caroline gasped as she was hit by a torrent of water and chrysanthemums, then someone was lifting her away from Miss Pattison.

“Are you hurt? Are you all right?”

She blinked and discovered she was in Jasper’s arms and that Tommy stood next to her with a large flower vase clasped in his arms. Even though she was certain she hadn’t fainted, the room had been cleared and the smell of smoke was already diminishing.

“I’m sorry about the water, Mrs. Lyndhurst. It was the closest thing I could find to douse the flames.” Tommy stuttered.

“It’s all right. How is Miss Pattison?”

“Thanks to your swift actions, she’s fine.” Jasper’s voice was soothing and deliberately calm. “Miss Alice is taking her up to the nursery to have her hand seen to. She burnt her fingertips.”

“That’s good then.” Caroline nodded, amazed at how composed she sounded. “And where are the others?”

“They’ve all gone to bed. Tommy is just going, too. He had the sense to come and get me when he saw how the game was progressing.”

“Oh.”

He stroked her hair. “It’s all right.”

She buried her face against his shoulder and started to shake and cry as though she would never stop. After a little while, he picked her up in his arms and started up the stairs, murmuring to her as he went, nonsense words and words of love, marveling at her courage, her bravery…

She cried even harder and tried to burrow inside his solid warmth. It wasn’t until he laid her gently down that she realized they were in his bedroom. He locked the door and took off his clothes before drawing her back into his arms and just holding her against his naked skin.

After a long while she managed to open her eyes and tried to forget the stench of burning that lingered in her senses. He smelled far better and, she sought his mouth, inhaling the hint of a cigarillo and the tartness of the peppermint he used to cleanse his breath. He met her tongue with his own and allowed her to take his mouth with all the frantic urgency she needed.

“It’s all right,” he whispered

She bit his lip and he moved against her, sliding one hand down to cup her bottom as she straddled him. She bit him again and his cock jerked to life against her belly and his kiss became more possessive.

“Help me.” She dragged his hands to the lacing at the back of her gown and her corset beneath. “Quickly. I need—”

He sat up, keeping her in his lap and working fast at her laces and corset as she concentrated on pulling off her petticoats and gown. Within minutes she was as naked as he was and rubbing herself against him, his wet cock sliding between their bellies as his hands roamed over her.

“I need you inside me.
Please,
Jasper, I—”

He rolled her over and with one sure thrust he was deep within her. She wrapped herself around him, dug her heels into his buttocks and urged him on until he was pounding into her hard enough to make her forget everything but his huge physical presence and the earthy scent of their bodies moving in harmony. He slid one large hand under her buttocks, raising and spreading her even wider for his pleasure, his thumb sliding into her arse, working her there, too, as his cock worked her cunt.

She climaxed and he held himself deep, rearing up on one elbow to watch her face as she thrashed around in her pleasure. Before she’d even finished climaxing, he flipped her onto her knees and penetrated her from behind, each powerfully long stroke making her shudder and brace her knees wider. She moaned as his fingers roamed over her breasts, pinching her nipples into tight needy buds that made her come again.

“Caro…”

He moved her again onto her back and drew her legs over his shoulders and plunged so deep that she screamed his name and came helplessly around him as he pounded into her. He kept it up until he lost his rhythm and simply rocked and plundered her, each stroke coupled with a grunt and an anguished breath. He plunged deep one last time, holding her impaled on his thick, stiff length and then started to come in long, slow waves, his arms shaking as he held himself rigidly over her.

This was real, Jasper’s scent, his come, and his body over hers. She hoped she would never forget the sight of him climaxing, of him obliterating what had happened earlier with the sheer force of his desire and his physical presence. And all she’d had to do was ask him. He’d known what she needed.

He loved her.

She was suddenly aware that she was naked and that the candles were still alight. He slowly withdrew, wincing a little as he stared down at her exposed body.

“Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head, too afraid to speak as he slowly peeled himself off her to reveal her damaged torso. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him back over her like a blanket. Instead, she closed her eyes.

“It’s all right, love.”

She shivered as she felt his mouth on her right temple, his tongue tracing the line of her scars. He kissed his way down to her throat, her arm and side and ended at her hip.

“Don’t ever tell me you aren’t brave,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful just the way you are, inside and out.” He came back to kiss her lips. “What you did tonight probably saved Miss Pattison’s life, the silly little fool.”

“I thought you said I was a coward.”

He winced. “I knew you’d remember that. I should be horsewhipped. Knowing how afraid you were, you were incredibly brave.”

She touched his unshaven cheek. “But you were right about me hiding away. You usually are.”

“You know me, Caro. I’m a simple soldier and have no social skills whatsoever.” He framed her face in his hands. “But I swear I will try and acquire some for your sake.” He hesitated. “If you want me to, that is. If you want me?”

She looped her arm around his neck. “It’s no longer a question of what either of us wants, is it? When Maud discovers where I spent the night, and she will, she’ll insist my poor brother-in-law demand that you marry me.”

“I don’t want to force you into anything, Caro.”

“So you don’t actually want to marry me?”

“I want—” He glared down at her and then seemed to notice that she was smiling. “I want to put you over my knee and spank you, and then fuck you so hard that you’ll never want to leave me again.” He snatched a quick kiss. “And
then
I want to marry you.”

She stroked his chest. “Are you quite sure? I feel as if I’ve forced you into it. I flat out
ordered
you to seduce me, Jasper.”

“Caro, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I came here to see if I could persuade you to marry me.” He held her gaze. In the distance, the church bells were pealing for Christmas day. “And today
is
my birthday, so I really think I deserve to receive my heart’s desire—don’t you?”