Getting Rough (15 page)

Apparently, being a romance novelist qualified her as a couples therapist. Not.

That seemed like just about as perfect a time as any to interrupt. I made my presence known by the sound of my footsteps on the stairs. Casey and Mia got quiet, and when I reached the top, they were both staring right at me.

Well, didn’t they look cozy in their mirrored positions, sitting knee-to-knee with one leg crossed under the other? At least they weren’t naked, though I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d changed out of their wet clothes together.

The lantern was on, casting a romantic glow around the room that was amplified by its reflection on the glass behind the two lovebirds. It would’ve been the perfect setting for one of Mia Morgan’s sappy love scenes had it not been for the rain pelting the windows – which sounded more like someone throwing handfuls of pebbles at them – and the ferocious wind that was shaking them in their frames. Hurricane Ayla was barreling into town, and she was on her period.

But I was more concerned about the storm inside than outside. Inside my head, inside my heart, and inside this room.

“I’d like a word with you,” I told Casey, crossing my arms over my chest. “In private, if you don’t mind. And even if you do, I don’t care.”

Mia put her hand on Casey’s knee like it was the most natural thing in the world. I wanted to smack it off, but I pushed back the urge. “I’ll see you later?” she asked him.

He nodded, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the reassuring smile he gave her. It wasn’t my smile, but it was unlike any smile I’d ever seen him give to anyone before. And then she took her cue and stood to leave, smart despite all her whimsy.

I didn’t budge as she maneuvered her way past me, which was rude, but I didn’t feel like being polite at the moment. She’d obviously done enough research to write a book about me, so she should’ve understood my mood and not taken it personally. Fine, I’d apologize later. I honestly had no reason to be mad at her. I was just jealous, unreasonably so. It was the age-old “I don’t want you, but I don’t want you to want anyone else” thing. Maybe men were right. Maybe women really were crazy. I knew I was certainly borderline at the moment.

Casey was on his feet, his hands tucked into his pockets and his shoulders sagging as he cautiously came toward me. He had the same look in his eyes that he’d had the last time we’d said goodbye. The same look he’d had every time we’d said goodbye. It was always as if he’d thought that
this
time might be our last. And though I wanted to rage at him for what he’d done to Shaw, my instinct was to make sure he was okay.

There were no lumps or bruises, no cuts or scrapes to his face or anywhere else that I could see. He didn’t walk with a limp, and he didn’t grimace in his movements. He looked perfectly fine. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say the fight had all been nothing more than a nasty rumor. It was nasty, all right, but not a rumor.

Meeting him in the center of the room, I took Casey’s chin between my fingers and turned it from side to side to be sure the shadows hadn’t been hiding any marks. “Did he even get a punch in?”

He pulled back, finally showing a modicum of discomfort. “Yeah. One hell of an uppercut to my chin that jarred my teeth. I think I might have chipped a molar.”

“Oh. Sorry,” I said, not entirely meaning it. “Do you want me to take a look, or did your little girlfriend already do that?”

Casey rolled his eyes and turned his back on me. “Cass…”

“What?”

When he faced me again, he hung his head and shook it. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“No? Because the two of you sure seem pretty inseparable to me. Since I’ve been here you’ve spent all your time with her, time you’d normally spend with me. Jeez, you were practically finishing each other’s sentences at dinner, Casey. And then she ran down to the pier tonight, so worried about her big, strapping lobsterman, that she felt the need to give you a personal escort back… snuggled into your side like she’s your girl.”

He finally looked up at me. “Yeah? What do you care? You were more concerned about that asshole than me!”

I don’t know what it was about what he said, but it really set me off. “Because you sucker punched him in the face, Casey! Really? Why? Why would you do something like that?”

Casey tried to answer, but I was so pissed, I wouldn’t let him get a word in over my rant.

“It wasn’t bad enough that you and Da had him out there in the middle of hell’s soup, you had to go and start a brawl with him on top of that! You didn’t even fight fair!”

Again, he tried to defend himself, “I didn’t mean to —”

“And then you both ended up overboard! You could’ve died, Casey! Shaw could’ve died! It was so
stupid
! And for what? I know Shaw has a mouth on him, and believe you me, there have been a lot of times that I’ve wanted to punch him in the face – and well, I did once, but he’d earned that one – but you? You’re better than that. You’re better than a
fucking
sucker punch, Casey Michaels. So you tell me… what could’ve possibly made you stoop so low?”

Casey didn’t say anything. He just stood there, grinding his teeth with his jaw ticking and head shaking, not even looking me in the eye. I could tell there was something on the tip of his tongue, but he was fighting hard not to say it. And the more he hemmed and hawed over it, the madder I got.

“Spit it out!”

Jesus, he pinned me with a wild glare then. “Fine! I saw you, Cassidy! I saw you with him on the playground.
Fucking.
”

I was stunned, shocked into silence. Casey’s face was twisted up in pain, the hurt in his eyes like a cannon that shot through my chest and into my heart. I felt it break for him then. No, not break. Shatter.

“Oh, my God, Casey. I’m so sorry.” I tried to go to him, but stopped short when he backed away.

“Don’t.”

What had I done? “I never meant to —” This time, I was the one unable to finish.

“Do you have any idea how goddamned much it killed me to know I’ve been waiting for you all this time only to see you with another man? I’m right fucking here!” Casey pounded on his chest with each word, the ferocity like the rumbling of an earthquake that made me flinch in tandem, but it was the aftershock that shook me to the core. “I’ve always been right fucking here. Waiting. Like the biggest dumbass in the world.”

I didn’t know what to say. I don’t think I ever thought Casey had been waiting for me. Though really, how could I not have seen that? He’d always been available to me when I’d called, had always been available when I’d come into town. There was never another woman around, he’d never talked about any relationships, and we’d had sex during each visit. I knew Casey well enough to know that he wouldn’t have done that if someone else had been in the picture.

“I thought you hated him. So I’m confused. How do you go from hating the guy to fucking him on a playground?” They were valid questions. His words held venom, but I knew he was just hurt.

“I don’t know,” I said with a shake of my head. “But I don’t hate him anymore.”

“Well, that’s great,” he said, throwing his hands up. “Glad the two of you could work it out. Hope you didn’t get any splinters during the mediation.”

That was unnecessary. “Casey, don’t be a jerk.”

“Don’t be a jerk? Did you not hear me? I’ve been waiting on you, Cassidy. Wasting all these years on something that was nothing.”

Waiting for me? Well, I was sure that was a romantic gesture his new friend could appreciate and maybe even swoon over. But me? I was a mover and a shaker. I didn’t wait on anything. If there was something I wanted, really wanted, I did something about it. So it was hard for me to make sense of his words when his actions spoke something different.

“That was a choice you made, Casey,” I reminded him. “You stayed here in Stonington and you let me go across the country to live another life. A life separate from yours.”

“I gave you what you wanted, Cassidy. Like I always did. Like I continue to do even to this day. What was I supposed to do? Move to San Diego and be a good little wifey waiting for you at home?”

“No. You were supposed to love me enough to ask me to stay.” The words just fell out of my mouth. I didn’t even know I’d felt that way. Maybe in all my effort to be independent and in control, I’d convinced myself I’d been fine with his decision all along.

“Oh, Cass…” He sighed. “Don’t you get it? I loved you enough to let you go.”

“That’s right. You did. You let me go, Casey, and you waited.” I paused. “But Shaw came after me.”

That last part looked like it stung. I hated hurting him, but it was the truth.

Though his voice was low, I still heard every syllable of every word he said next. “He doesn’t love you. I love you.”

“I know you do.”

“So what do you want now?
Who
do you want?”

I ran my hands over my face, frustrated with myself, frustrated by the situation, frustrated by the question. “I don’t know. I’m really confused right now.”

Shaw could be a real egotistical ass most of the time, but he’d shown me something different the last few days. Casey had consistently been that man that other men aspire to be, good to the core, and that wasn’t likely to ever change. Choosing Casey was exactly what every other woman in my position would do, but I wasn’t like every other woman.

I needed a man who would let me stand on my own two feet, make my own decisions, and clean up my own messes. And at the same time, someone who instinctively knew when to rescue me from myself, when to step in and say, “Enough. I’ve got you.” I needed to be in control of my own life… outside the bedroom. But inside, I wanted to be dominated, devoured, and devastated. But would the walls of that bedroom adequately confine the devastation to my sexual needs and not infiltrate my emotional sense?

Casey was the safe choice. But he wasn’t Shaw.

“Well, I’m not confused. I want the same thing, the same person I’ve always wanted. You.” He moved closer, encircling me in his arms and pulling me against his chest as he dipped at the knee so he could look me in the eyes. “I’ve missed you, darlin’. The way you smell, the way you feel… the way you taste.” Casey’s breath was warm and sweet, like Abby’s fresh baked cookies being pulled from the oven, the enticing aroma teasing my senses and confusing me even more.

I closed my eyes, falling prey to the familiarity of it all. And then I felt his lips on mine, soft and supple, tender in his silent plea for me to kiss him back. I’d missed his kiss. I’d missed Casey. And although my mind told me it wasn’t right to do so, that I’d regret it later, I gave in and kissed him back.

The moment I parted my lips, Casey’s passion took over. He cupped my face and held me there as if he was afraid that if he let me go, I’d pull away. Covering his hands with mine, I removed them with every intention of doing just that, but instead I guided them to encircle my waist again. And then I wrapped my arms around his neck, cradling his head and holding him to me. Tilting my head, I gave him better access to my mouth, inviting his tongue inside to sample the taste he’d said he’d been missing. And taste me he did. Our tongues met and I melted into him. Casey’s kisses had always been fueled by his emotions for me, and I felt it all then. Mia was right. He was still in love with me. And judging by the hardness growing and pressing against my belly, he still wanted me, too.

Casey’s hands moved to my ass and he lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his hips. I was lost to him, to his kiss, to a world I’d once known long ago. My back met the cushioned bench and Casey was on top of me. His lips left my mouth and started a hot trail down my neck even as his hardened cock rubbed against my center with slow but deliberate strokes.

“That’s my good girl,” he said against my neck.

And then I freaked. Those were Shaw’s words, but that wasn’t Shaw’s voice.

“Stop… Casey, stop,” I said, pushing him away and wiggling out from underneath him.

Casey sat up to give me room, but still hovered close. His breathing was heavy and he was obviously still aroused, which made me feel like the biggest tease in the world. But what I noted most was the pained expression etched into his ruggedly handsome face. He looked like I’d just slapped him. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

“Because of him?”

“No. Yes. I mean, no.” I jumped up and growled, frustrated and mad at myself. Taking a deep breath, I tried again. “I can’t because it’s not right, Casey. I love you. That’s never going to change. But the way I love you has.”

I remembered a time when I’d been with Shaw and felt like I was cheating on Casey. Now, the tables had turned. Whether Shaw felt the same way about me or not didn’t matter. I did feel something for him. And although I had no clue what that something was, I knew I had to figure it out.

Meanwhile, it wasn’t right to treat Casey like a safety net. He had been my constant; the one person I knew would always be there to catch me if I fell. Maybe some part of me had sent him mixed signals to keep him in that place, should everything in my life go to hell in a handbasket. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. And I refused to do it to him again.

Casey sat back and his shoulders slumped. “So that’s it, then? There’s no more you and me?”

“No, that’s not it, Casey. You’re my best friend. You always will be. We’re just not meant to be together in any other way.” I paused, not to let the words sink in or because I was waiting for his reaction, but because there was something else I needed to say and I was having a hard time pushing the words out of my mouth.

He was no longer
my
Casey. I had to let him go.

“You’re free, Casey. Really free. Be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

“And you’re going to be happy with Shaw?”

That wasn’t a question I could answer. Not yet. I didn’t know if Shaw wanted me. I didn’t know if I wanted him. I just didn’t know anything right then, but I definitely didn’t want Casey to wait for me any longer. So I gave him a smile and leaned in to kiss my best friend on the cheek. I realized then that this was the only sort of kiss we would ever share again.