Getting High (19 page)

Liam stood up but then quickly sat down again. He was still troubled.

‘Nah, fuck it,' he said.

‘Come on then Bonehead,' Whitey said, ‘let's get a faaking lager dahn our necks.'

‘I'll be over soon,' Bonehead replied, drying his neck with a towel.

Whitey left and Kevin motioned to Terry to accompany him. Liam looked back at Marcus, shaking his head.

‘I'm not happy,' he said.

‘Why not?' Marcus softly asked.

‘Ah, loads of things,' Liam dismissively said.

‘Well, if you don't tell me what,' Marcus reasoned, ‘I can't help you.'

‘Okay,' Liam said, leaning forward. ‘Here's one for you. The coach we had in Europe was shit. Why couldn't we have a double like the one we have now, with two floors and everything.'

‘Because ferries won't take them to Europe.'

‘So why did the road crew have one?'

Marcus was stumped. He couldn't answer that one. The crew coach had been hired in Europe, the band's in the UK.

‘Did you complain at the time?' he asked.

‘There shouldn't be a complaint to begin with,' Liam pointed out.

‘Fair enough,' Marcus conceded. ‘I'll give you that one.'

‘And tonight,' Liam continued, ‘I couldn't get my shirt ironed.' His long arms stretched outwards. ‘Now you might think I'm being some big fucking pop star about it...'

‘What happened?'

‘I couldn't get my shirt ironed, a simple thing like that. And I'm sick,' he added for no reason, ‘of staying in hotel rooms. All I've fucking got, as the lead singer in this group, is my room with my ma. That's it. I can't stay there. Everybody else has a fucking place to go to. They've got a room where they can go and close a door, chill, play a record, do what the fuck they like. I ain't got that. All I've got is a poxy fucking hotel room.'

‘I know what you're saying,' interjected Bonehead, ‘but when I was driving the van to gigs, no one spoke like that, did they? It was just get off our tits and fucking have it.'

‘But that ain't now, is it?' Liam pointed out. ‘It's a lot different now. You can go home and that's it. Sorted. Close the door, chill out. I can't. Everyone knows where I fucking live and it does my fucking head in. Now if you think I'm being a big pop star or acting like a big pop star because I can't get my shirt ironed then say it and I'll leave the group. ‘Cos I've got a life and when I've got enough for a house, that's it. You'll never see me again.'

Liam looked straight at Marcus, and Marcus decided to play his bluff.

‘Personally, I think you're acting like a pop star,' he coolly said. ‘Right.' Liam stood up and reached inside his pockets. ‘This is what the big pop star has got on him. This is how much the big pop star is worth.'

Liam pulled out a handful of coins and a crumpled £5 note and threw the money down on the floor. ‘That,' he calmly announced, ‘is what I'm worth and you won't ever fucking see me again.'

Then he picked up his jacket, kicked a chair over and left the room. As he did so, Marcus shouted after him, ‘See you tomorrow.'

‘You fucking won't,' came the reply.

Kevin the security guard came over, knelt down and picked up Liam's money.

‘I don't know what's got into him,' Marcus said.

‘Look,' Bonehead said, ‘the man needs his own gaff. He's Liam Gallagher and he needs somewhere. I've got a house, it's my house and it's got an attic and I'm going to give it to him. Here you are mate, here's a key, here's your place. ‘Cos he's right. We've all got places where we can get away from the madness. He hasn't. He's permanently on tour.'

‘Yeah, you're right,' Marcus agreed.

‘I'm going to get him sorted,' Bonehead vowed. ‘We'll get in the car and I'll take him round. You want this gaff? Here, have it. He's unhappy and that's not right. He's my mate and he's not acting like the person I know. He's unhappy. We'll sort it out.'

Bonehead drained the last of his lager and then left for the after-show party.

Noel who had been half-asleep throughout the whole incident now motioned to Meg that he wanted to get on the coach. He stood up shakily and he and Meg left, accompanied by Kevin. That left Emma and Johnny in the room.

Emma shook her head. ‘I knew it was wrong to give them those Christmas presents,' she said, ‘they should have all got the same thing. Noel shouldn't have been singled out.'

Liam meanwhile had walked out of the venue and got on the coach. He went up the stairs and then in a fit of fury he started smashing the back room up, kicking this, punching that. When he had finished, when the demon inside had subsided, he broke open a can of beer, sat down and glared out of the window.

His brother meanwhile lay on a cot bed downstairs, exhausted and sick.

Finally, everyone was on board and the coach began the all-night drive to Edinburgh. As it passed the Windsor Hotel, Tracey was stood at the bar telling some girlfriends about the day Liam Gallagher had chatted her up.

‘He's so tall, and those eyes of his,' she said.

‘I like Noel,' said her friend, ‘he's cute.'

A boy standing by the bar heard them talking.

‘Bollocks,' he sneered. ‘Those Gallagher boys have got it fucking lucky.'

On 22 February 1995, the week that
(What's The Story) Morning Glory?
stood at five in the US charts, Noel Gallagher took over Gary Crowley's show on Greater London Radio for one night.

NOEL: ‘Good evening, it's Thursday night, it's ten o'clock, you're listening to Noel Gallagher on 94.9FM. For the next two hours we're going to be talking to somebody who isn't very important and you're going to be listening to someone who is very important play his favourite music.'

Noel then plays ‘Anarchy In The UK' by The Sex Pistols, ‘Helter Skelter' by The Beatles, ‘Tramazi Parti' by Black Grape and ‘Jimmy James' by The Beastie Boys.

NOEL: ‘...And we're going to be talking to a mate of mine in a bit. His name is Digsy, he's been titled in the press as the Great White No Hoper, he's in the most unimportant band in Britain, he's going to be playing a few tunes later and hopefully we'll get him out of the studio without him pinching everything. That might be quite hard.'

Noel then plays ‘Fight The Power' by Public Enemy, ‘Get Your Rocks Off' by Primal Scream and ‘Alright' by Cast.

NOEL: ‘If you were reading the press a few weeks ago, John Powers, who's the singer out of Cast, was apparently visited by an alien who came into his bedroom and started mumbling, “Human, human, human.” [
pauses
] That's the downside of smoking pot, kids. Just say no! We're going to move on with a band that is on my record label, which I actually own now; it's Creation Records and a band called Heavy Stereo. And when you listen to those DJs on the radio-stations who seem to know a lot about these bands what you have to remember is that they have these stickers on the back of CDs which say things like [
adopts a DJ style voice
] ‘”Chinese Burns' is Heavy Stereo's third single and the follow-up to ‘Sleep Freak', and ‘Smiler', and was recorded along with the rest of their as yet untitled debut album at Ray Davies's Konk Studios.” Like anyone cares where it was recorded. Anyway, this is “Chinese Burns” by Heavy Stereo.'

Afterwards,

NOEL: ‘I've just been told by my mate Arthur who's actually quite famous because he's on the cover of a video which is about football hooliganism, if there's any police officers listening out there, the geezer with the old 1980s England top and with a golfball stuck to the top of his cheek, shouting, “Enger-land, Enger-land, we'll take them on the beaches,” well, he's a geezer called Arthur and he's just told me that if you ever want to get your kids to go to school, the best thing to give them is a Chinese Burn. That's not a cocktail, it's when you pull up the sleeves to your elbow, and you grab a wrist with both hands and you twist your hands really hard in an anti-clockwise and clockwise motion – to all you students out there, that's one back and one forward – and apparently they go off to school without a word out of them and they become proper car thieves. That's what I've heard. Anyway, next up we've got Northern Uproar, but if you come from down here it's Northern OOP-Roar.'

Noel plays ‘From A Window' by Northern Uproar.

NOEL: ‘Next up we're going to play three tracks, and these are by yer Mod bands, you see, these are your Mod groups.'

Noel plays ‘The Riverboat Song' by Ocean Colour Scene, ‘Out Of The Sinking' by Paul Weller and ‘The Comfort Of Grace' by Dr. Robert.

NOEL: ‘That was yer Mod squad and this is music.'

Noel plays ‘This Is Music' by The Verve.

NOEL: 'And I've got with me – I wouldn't say he's my best mate but he's one of them – Digsy from Smaller. Would you like to tell the listeners out in radio-land about your group and what you haven't been up to?'

DIGSY: ‘Okay then, I didn't batter my kids yesterday, I didn't take them to school. But I've written some great songs.'

NOEL: ‘Have you? So you've got a new single coming out on Better Records – it's getting better all the time, kids – but when's your album corning out?'

DIGSY: ‘I don't know, mate.'

NOEL: ‘Don't you think you better find out?'

DIGSY: ‘Well, probably end of summer.'

NOEL: ‘Now there's a rumour being spread around here – it's not the one about you wearing false breasts – but you were in a group called Cook The Books. Is that right?'

Digsy remains silent.

NOEL: ‘All you sad students will probably know who Cook The Books are, and Digsy was actually on
Top Of The Pops
before I was, if you can believe it or not.'

DIGSY: [
now animated
] ‘Why are you telling them that for? C'mon. Jesus wept.'

NOEL: [
laughing
] ‘I have to. It's going to get exposed in the ##News Of The World sooner or later. So it's better coming from me, isn't it? I tell you now, kids, if you've got any Cook The Books records, • keep hold of them. They're going to be worth at least... four or five pence in six years time. You're embarrassed now.'

DIGSY: I'm not embarrassed. I'm stunned.'

NOEL: ‘Now the other rumour is that when they have open-day at his school, he has to borrow the kids next door.'

DIGSY: ‘I do, I do. It's not my fault they're ugly.'

NOEL: ‘It's not my fault, either.'

DIGSY: ‘It better not be.'

NOEL: ‘Live radio kids!'

Noel plays ‘God I Hate This Town' by Smaller and ‘I Wanna Be Your Dog' by The Stooges. Digsy then plays an acoustic version of his song ‘He Loves You'.

NOEL: ‘I've got in here a young chap, and this is the first time he's been on the radio since the last time he was on the radio, and the last time he was on the radio he was big, and I mean big. Huge! Robbie Williams, how are you?'

ROBBIE: ‘I'm a bit tired actually because I spent the weekend with your brother.'

NOEL: ‘You weren't going in any toilets, were ya? Because he's apt to go into toilets when the ##News Of The World are kicking about... So what have you been up to? Since you got sacked!'

ROBBIE: ‘I've been blaming you and your brother 'cos it all happened after Glastonbury.'

NOEL: ‘I know it did. But it wasn't our fault.'

ROBBIE: ‘It was your fault.'

NOEL: ‘No, no, no.'

ROBBIE: ‘It was your fault. I went in and said, “Lads, I've had a great time. I met Oasis.” And they went, “You're sacked!”'

NOEL: [
serious tone
] ‘I'd just like to say to all the Take That fans listening... We planned it! We split them up! Seriously now, are you going to put some records out or are you just going to ponce about?'

ROBBIE: ‘No, I've done the ligging for eight months now so I've got to come out with a record now. It'll be out in about a month's time. I hope.'

NOEL: ‘Now, I keep reading in the papers that I'm actually writing it for you. Is it any good?'

ROBBIE: ‘It's top. You've come out with a banging tune.'

NOEL:' A banging tune? Is it the one with the saucepan lids?'

ROBBIE: ‘That's the one.'

NOEL: ‘It's a smash then.'

Noel then plays ‘Aquarius' by Fifth Dimension, ‘Imagine' by John Lennon (‘What do you mean it sounds like “Don't Look Back In Anger”? That's out of order. He had us over. I'm telling ya.'), ‘Jet' by Wings, ‘Come Together' by Desmond Dekker And The Israelites (‘except none of them came from Israel'), ‘I Wanna Be Adored' by The Stone Roses, and ‘Staying Out For The Summer' by Dodgy.

Digsy then plays an acoustic version of his song ‘Just As Bad', and Noel continues with ‘Eton Rifles' by The Jam, ‘Anyway, Anyhow, Anywhere' by The Who, before Paul Weller arrives to play an acoustic version of The Style Council's ‘Down In The Seine'.

NOEL: [
clearly bluffing
] ‘You don't need me to tell you what that song was. Here's one of the other great British songwriters ever.'

Noel plays ‘Waterloo Sunset' by The Kinks.

NOEL: ‘I'd like to thank everyone who's been on the show tonight. That's Diddly Digsy Dairy from Smaller, Robbie Williams from the dole office, and Paul Weller from the top of the tree. This is Noel Gallagher saying thanks for listening and if I didn't play your record that's because it's crap! This is “Tomorrow Never Knows” by The Beatles.'

A cow. A fucking cow. The geezer wants to steal a cow. Can you believe it? Paul McGuigan and Noel Gallagher sit in a Manchester flat above a butcher's shop and exchange amused glances.