Get Smart 4 - Max Smart and the Perilous Pellets (15 page)

“Shut that door!” Max cried. “Do you want to let a lot of germs in!”

“Impostor!” a voice shouted.

Max looked up. The others looked around.

In the doorway was a large man with a small black bag.

“Who are you?” Dr. Medulla asked puzzledly.

“I am the doctor!” the man replied. “I am here to perform the operation!”

“You’re late,” Max said. “The operation is over. But, leave your card. If another operation ever comes up, we’ll call you.”

“Impostor!” the man shrieked.

“If you’re the doctor,” Dr. Medulla said to the man, “why are you so late?”

“My car was stopped,” the man replied. “There’s a helicopter blocking the road.”

“A likely story,” Max scoffed.

“I can prove I’m the doctor,” the man said. “Look—here is my little black bag!”

“But he has a little black bag, too,” Dr. Medulla said, indicating Max.

“My little black bag is blacker than his little black bag!” the man raged.

Dr. Medulla looked at Max’s little black bag, then at the man’s little black bag. “I think you’re right,” he said. “Your little black bag
is
blacker than his little black bag,” he said.

“Yes,” Max pointed out, “but my little black bag is
littler
than his little black bag.”

Dr. Medulla looked at both of the little black bags again. “That’s true,” he admitted. “Your little black bag
is
littler than his little black bag.”

“Is somebody going to zip me up?” the human robot complained.

“Not yet,” Max said. “I think I left my scaffold inside.”

“Ha-hah!” the man cried. “There is the proof! He is an impostor! He doesn’t know a scrample from a scaffold!”

“That did it!” Dr. Medulla shouted. He reached across the table and ripped the mask from Max’s face. “You’re unmasked!” he said.

“Aren’t you being a little hasty?” Max protested. “How can you be sure? Maybe that other fellow is the impostor.”

“No, I’m positive,” Dr. Medulla replied. “The impostor is always the one who gets unmasked. And, since the other fellow isn’t wearing a mask . . . well, you see how it works out.”

“I’ll accept that,” Max replied. He turned to 99. “What was it you said earlier?”

“When, Max?”

“When we were in the examining room.”

“Oh. I said, ‘Let’s run, Max!’ ”

“That’s it. I knew there was a way out of this situation. All right, 99—let’s run!”

Max grabbed up the black satchel and he and 99 raced from the room.

“Stop them!” the human robot cried. “I’m still unzipped!”

Max and 99 dashed down a corridor.

Behind them, they heard running, and voices crying, “Halt! Stop!”

“This is the chase,” Max said to 99.

“I know, Max.”

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s the best part of the whole adventure,” Max said. “The ‘before’ and the ‘after’ are sometimes a little dull, but the chase is always exciting.”

“I feel that way about it, too, Max. I always look forward to the chase.”

“I think we’re coming to the part where we duck into a room and elude our pursuers,” Max said.

“You’re right, Max! Look! There’s a door right up ahead!”

“Quick, 99! Inside!”

Max whipped open the door and he and 99 charged into the room.

“Ah! Safe!” Max breathed.

“Not yet, Max. You forgot to close the door.”

“Oh . . . yes,” Max said, closing the door.

They heard running outside in the corridor, and cries of “Halt! Stop!” Then the sounds passed.

“Well, it was fun while it lasted,” Max said, a little disappointed.

“Max, what do we do now?” 99 asked.

“Well, first we plant the explosive. Then we slip out of the hospital unnoticed. Then we board the helicopter. Then we return to Headquarters and receive our medals. Or, at the very least, we receive a ‘job well done’ from the Chief. But this time, 99, I’m
hoping
for a medal.”

“Where will we plant the explosive, Max?”

Max looked around the room. “Very clever,” he said. “This room is outfitted like a real hospital room. Anyone making an inspection would think that that’s exactly what it was.”

“What’s so clever about that, Max?”

“It’s clever because this isn’t really a hospital. It’s a place where KAOS conducts secret medical experiments. It’s what I would call . . . well, a . . . a, uh . . . well, sort of a hospital. Come to think of it, I guess it isn’t so clever after all.”

“Max, hadn’t we better hurry? Those KAOS agents will realize soon that they lost us, and they’ll come back, looking for us.”

“Good thinking, 99. Now, let’s see where can we plant the explosive pellet?”

“In a drawer in that metal bedside table, Max?”

“No. People are always opening drawers. Especially drawers that don’t belong to them.”

“Under the mattress, Max?”

“No. People are always looking under mattresses. They think that’s where other people hide their money.”

“In that vase of flowers, Max?”

“No. The nurses are always throwing all the flowers out.”

“Then, Max, I don’t—”

“99! I have it. We’ll plant the pellet in that water decanter!”

“But, Max—”

“It’s the perfect place,” Max insisted, going to the table that held the water bottle. “In a hospital, no one ever pays any attention to the water decanters. Except the patients, who are always trying to get water out of them. And, in this hospital, there are no patients.”

“Maybe you’re right, Max.”

“Of course I am,” Max said, opening the black satchel. “Now, I’ll just get a pellet, and—99 . . . where is the packet of pellets?”

“Isn’t it in the bag, Max?”

“If it were in the bag, 99, would I be asking?”

“Oh, Max! You mean—”

“99, the packet is gone!”

“Oh, Max, then we’ve failed!”

Max sighed heavily. “Yes, 99, I’m afraid—” He suddenly brightened. “As a matter of fact, no,” he smiled. “We haven’t failed, 99. Our mission is completed.”

“Max, what do you mean?”

“Remember the operation, 99? Remember when I was taking parts out of the human robot, and you were handing me other parts to put back in? Well, I noticed that one of the parts you handed me looked a lot like a packet of green peas. I said to myself at the time, ‘I wonder why 99 is handing me this packet of green peas?’ But, there was so much confusion, I didn’t have the opportunity to ask you about it.”

“Max, then—”

“Exactly, 99! Those pellets have been planted in the human robot!”

“Then our mission is completed, Max!”

“I think that’s what I said, 99.” He picked up the black satchel and he headed for the door. “Let’s get out of here. I can almost feel that medal pinned on my chest already. It stings. I think the Chief pinned it right onto my skin.”

“Max—wait!”

“Well, what is it, 99?” Max asked, halting.

“Our mission isn’t completed, Max. Not while that human robot still exists. Max, we have a duty to the world. We have to destroy that robot.”

“I don’t see why, 99,” Max frowned. “The Chief didn’t say anything about that when he sent us out on this mission.”

“But he didn’t know about the human robot, Max. If he had, I’m sure he would have told us to destroy it. Max, think! The fate of the whole world depends on our destroying not only the human robot, but the Super Boom, too.”

Max smiled. “Oh, is that what you were getting at? You’re worried about the Super Boom, is that it? I thought you just had it in for that robot. 99, there’s no problem. The Super Boom is no longer a factor.”

“But, Max, it’s implanted inside the robot!”

“Of course it is. But our pellets are implanted inside the robot, too. Don’t you see? 99, when we get back to Headquarters, the Chief will punch that button that’s on his desk—remember? And the button will detonate the pellets. When the pellets explode, the KAOS installations will be blasted to bits. And, one of the KAOS installations is this hospital. Consequently, the Super Boom, which is planted inside the robot, which will be blasted to bits, will be destroyed in the explosion. Now, do you see?”

“I lost you, Max, back where the Chief punched the button.”

“Then will you take my word for it, 99?”

“I guess I’ll have to, Max. I’m sure I’d never be able to understand your explanation.”

“All right, now, let’s run for it, 99.”

Max opened the door a crack and peeked out. “All clear,” he whispered.

They slipped out of the room and moved cautiously down the corrider.

“Which way is the way out, Max?” 99 asked. “I can’t remember.”

“Just follow me,” Max replied. “I have an unerring instinct for this sort of thing.” He pointed. “See that door there? That’s the way out.”

“Are you sure, Max?”

“99, will you please trust my instinct,” Max said, quietly opening the door. “It has never failed me—”

Max and 99 suddenly found themselves face to face with their pursuers, who were on the other side of the door, in consultation, trying to figure out which way Max and 99 had gone.

“Stop!” Dr. Medulla cried.

Max slammed the door. “Run, 99!”

Max and 99 raced down the corridor.

Behind them they heard running. Voices shouted. “Stop! Halt!”

“I think your instinct needs adjusting, Max,” 99 said.

“Don’t be a needler, 99,” Max grumbled. “Nobody likes a needler.”

M
AX AND
99 galloped through the hospital looking for the way out. Behind them, Dr. Medulla and the other doctors got closer and closer.

“This way!” Max shouted, opening a door.

“Max! That’s the laundry!”

Max and 99 dashed off in another direction.

“Ah! This is it!” Max cried, opening another door.

“Max! That’s the operating room!”

Max slammed the door, and he and 99 went racing off.

“Here it is!” Max exulted, opening another door.

“Max! That’s the exit!”

Max slammed the door, and he and 99 raced away down the corridor.

As they ran, 99 said, “Max—that was the exit! Why didn’t we escape?”

“The exit? I thought you said, ‘Max! That’s the ex—’ Oh, yes, you did say it was the exit, didn’t you? All right, 99, we’ll run in a circle, and when we reach the exit door again, we’ll use it.”

Behind them, Dr. Medulla cried, “Halt! Stop!”

“I think that should be ‘Stop! Halt!’ ” Max called back.

“Stop! Halt!”

“By George, I think he’s got it!” Max said.

“Max!” 99 said, “isn’t that the door? That one up ahead!”

“No, it’s the next one after that,” Max replied. “Trust my instinct, 99.”

“All right, Max. But—”

They passed the first door. Then, reaching the second door, Max whipped it open and charged through the opening, followed by 99.

“Ah! Safe!” Max crowed.

“Max . . . we’re not outside. We’re . . . Max! We’re in the hospital kitchen!”

“Trapped!” Max groaned.

Dr. Medulla and the other doctors appeared in the doorway.

“Trapped!” Dr. Medulla grinned.

“I just said that,” Max grumbled. “However, we’re both wrong. The jig is not yet up, Dr. Medulla. It just so happens that I have one more egg in my basket!”

“You don’t even have a basket,” Dr. Medulla pointed out.

“Will you try to be a good fellow for once in your life and go along,” Max said. “Let’s assume that this black bag I’m carrying is a basket.”

Dr. Medulla shrugged. “I will if they will,” he said, indicating the other doctors.

“Just this once,” the other doctors chorused.

“All right, that’s settled,” Max said. He reached into the black bag, pulled out a gadget, and raised it high. “Stand back!” he commanded menacingly.

The doctors cowered against the wall.

“Don’t throw it!” Dr. Medulla pleaded.

“One false move, and I drop this gadget!” Max threatened. “Now . . . clear the doorway!”

Dr. Medulla and the other doctors quickly moved away from the opening.

“Let’s go, 99,” Max said.

“Right behind you, Max.”

They moved cautiously toward the doorway. “Let this be a lesson to you,” Max said to the doctors. “A Control agent is always prepared.”

“Max, what is that gadget, anyway?” 99 asked.

“I wish you hadn’t asked that, 99.”

“On the contrary, that’s a good question,” Dr. Medulla said. “What
is
that gadget, Max?”

“Run, 99!”

“Right behind you, Max!”

Max and 99 charged through the doorway, reached the corridor and raced toward the exit door.

“Max! Throw the gadget!” 99 said.

Behind them, Dr. Medulla cried, “Halt! Stop!”

“There isn’t time now,” Max said to 99. “Here’s the door. Out!”

They dashed through the exit, out into the open air, then ran toward the gate.

“Stop! Halt!”

“Max, why don’t you throw the gadget!” 99 pleaded.

“Because, 99, I haven’t the vaguest idea what it is!”

“Then why did you threaten those KAOS agents with it? And why did they cower against the wall?”

“Instinct, 99. Whenever rival groups of agents meet face to face, one agent in one group always pulls a gadget from a little black bag and cries, ‘Stand back!’ And the other group of agents always stands back, cowering against the wall. It’s tradition.”

“I’m sorry I asked that question and spoiled things, Max.”

“You’re forgiven, 99. Just run!”

They were reaching the gate.

“Stop! Halt!” the sentry cried, barring the way.

“We can’t!” Max called. “We’re being pursued!”

“You’re supposed to show your identification!” the sentry bawled.

“We’ll show our identification twice the next time!” Max promised.

“You won’t forget?”

“Scout’s honor!”

The sentry stepped aside, and Max and 99 went racing through the gateway.

“Stop! Halt!” they heard the sentry cry, behind them, as the doctor approached the gate.

“Halt! Stop!” Dr. Medulla answered.

“That’s my line!”
the sentry raged.

Max and 99 sprinted onward. Ahead they saw the helicopter waiting for them. Behind them they heard a shot. A bullet zinged by.

“Now there’s a bunch of poor losers for you!” Max said disgustedly.