Geek Chic (12 page)

Ouch!

Or not.

It’s still Fedora and Bowling Shirt Central.

Stomach is still grumbling.

Probably have a black-and-blue mark.

And Jazz is not a fairy godmother.

“Jazz? Can I ask you one question?”

“Of course.”

“Does this mean you’re not really going to give me an incredible, cool makeover? Ever?”

Jazz puts her arm around me.

“A makeover? Now why would Zoey Zinevich ever want one of those?”

Three days later…

So this is what I’m thinking … being almost eleven is still very complicated.

Especially when you don’t have a fairy godmother.

But sometimes …

stuff isn’t so hard to figure out on your own after all.

All-New Episodes of

The Lunchroom Life of Zoey Zinevich

Venus and Zoey are once again last in the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line. They have stayed after library class to help Mrs. Temlock-Fields in the Media Center. She is still teaching them Italian. Today they learn “
magnifico
,” which means “magnificent,” “superb,” and “fantastic.” Zoey and Venus also decide to translate it as “most excellent.”

The girls inch along the HotLunch Lunch Line after passing the slumgullion plop of the Super Salerno and the OFFICIAL CHECK of Mrs. Petrovic, and then they find themselves standing behind …

The Bashleys.

ASHLEY AND BRITTANY:

Venus! Zoey! Zoey! Venus!

ASHLEY:

Is it true what we’ve been hearing?

BRITTANY:

Yes, is it really true? Everyone has been talking, even Mrs. Temlock-Fields, and she only usually just whispers.

ASHLEY:

Zoey, are you really really going to have your own column—and blog—

BRITTANY:

—in
U GrL
magazine? Like having your picture in it, and everything and so on and so on and so on?

ZOEY:

Maybe. I guess. They asked me. Not sure. But, probably… uh, yes.

BRITTANY:

Very VERY cool! Very very.

VENUS:

It’s
magnifico
, is what it is.

ASHLEY:

Absolutely!
Magni
… what Venus just said.
Magni
… you know.

BRITTANY:

We want to know everything about the whole day from both of you.

ASHLEY:

EVERYTHING as in ALL. You have to tell us what you did. What you said.

BRITTANY:

So come sit with us!

ASHLEY:

Yes, sit at our table!

An incredible happening has just incredibly happened. Zoey and Venus have just been asked by The Bashleys to sit at The Table Bashley.

Venus looks at Zoey.

Zoey looks at Venus.

And only the you-know-who get to sit there.

Zoey sees Alex Shemtob inhaling and Walter Colson polka-dotting. It’s an easy multiple-choice. ‖ Zoey smiles and turns to The Bashleys.

ZOEY:

Thanks for asking, Ashley. You too, Brittany. But, actually, Venus and I sit at …

Table Ten.

ZOEY:

If you want … you can join us.

Venus and Zoey and their trays filled with plates of slumgullion and a jellied Medley of the Unknown Green Vegetables walk past The Table Bashley to Table Ten.

They sit between Simon Malachek and Walter Colson’s spiky hair, and right across from Alex Shemtob.

The girls are not wearing their art smocks.

They do not care.

The End

arrivederci
: Italian for “till we meet again,” “good-bye” pronunciation: ar-E-vA-der-chE syn:
adios, au revoir, sayonara

avalanche
: n. a mass of stuff waiting to happen in my locker

backstory
: n. fill in the blank spill; info that you don’t know, but should know

b-friend
: n. best friend

Bashleys, The
: n. combination name for Brittany & Ashley (as in, Zoey + Venus = Zenus)

bene
: n. or adj. Italian for
magnifico, (bella, buono)
good

boing
: adj. wow on the coolability meter < duct tape is boing >

bucatini
: n. fat spaghetti

cannoli
: n. an Italian crispy pastry filled with creamy stuff < Mrs. Temlock-Fields’s favorite dessert > pronunciation: Ka-nO-Lee

carbon footprint
: n. a measure of the effect human activity has on the environment, calculated in units of carbon dioxide; your ‘personal planet polluting profile’ (aka E-4P)

celebritini
: n. Venus-Zoey speak for famous person

coolability
: n. extreme cool < the coolability meter went boing >

curiouser
: adj. odd; strange Google: Alice in W-land

dewey decimal
: n. duh. (Have you never used the library!)

digital
: v. to take a brain picture (see Chapter Three)

disasco
: n. see
fiasco

dollar word choice
: adj. see
primo

EC
: adj. environmentally correct < do the right thing and be EC >

factoid
: n. bite of info

fairy dust intervention
: n. Big Time Help from a Fairygodmother

fedora
: n. spiffy hat

fiasco
: n. a disaster < using hair gel can result in a fiasco-disasco >

global warming
: n. earth fever < as the Captain of the
Titanic
should have said, “Pay attention to those icebergs!” >

hybrid hummer
: n. according to Venus, an “eco-cool set of wheels”

intermezzo
: n. Italian for a “short break”

lactose intolerant
: n. or adj. inability to digest milk products (You really don’t want me to use this in a sentence.)

larvae
: n. plural of larva wormlike stage of insect life process (icky, yet interesting)

Lightbulb Momento
: n. aha!

M-W
: n.
Merriam-Webster

magnifico
: adj. Italian for “even better bene,” “most excellent ever”

massive
: adj. huge, big

mathlete
: n. a person who is most excellent in mathematics

Millard
: n. (1) my stuffed bunny; (2) first name of the thirteenth president, who was a Whig, but didn’t wear one

molto
: adj. Italian for “very” < bullfrog catching is
molto
exciting >

owl pellets
: n. the end products of an owl’s digestive process

peruse
: v. read with interest < I peruse my dictionary >

power walk
: v. slow running

primo
: adj. the best

retro
: n. or adj. old school new cool

Samuel Morse-ing
: adj. getting help; from the inventor, Samuel Morse (Google-worthy)

serious double digits
n. old (like maybe thirteen or something)

slumgullion
: n. still a mystery

snickerfest
: n. big ha-ha

snoozerama
: n. BORING

unequivocally
: adv. for sure!

vintage
: n. or adj. retro chic with a side dish of extra coolness

wedgie
: adj. stuck BIG TIME

wicked
: adj. cool; fierce; “the ultima-ta-ta” < as in: wicked green stickies >

Margie Palatini
is the author of more than two dozen outrageously funny and award-winning books for children, including MOO WHO?, illustrated by Keith Graves; THE PERFECT PET, illustrated by Bruce Whatley; the Bad Boys series, illustrated by Henry Cole; THE CHEESE, illustrated by Steve Johnson and Lou Fancher; and NO BITING, LOUISE, illustrated by Matthew Reinhart.

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