Gazelle (20 page)

“
…
Ali
cí
a
,
” he whispers, grabbing her face and kissing her again and again.

              She says nothing, gliding her hands over his dense chest and down to his waist, pressing herselfinto him.  It has been much, much too long since sh
e’
s felt this rush.  Her leg wraps around him and draws him against her, feeling his erection against her pelvis.  How long has it been?  He groans and pushes into her.  When was the last time she felt this?  Why has it been so long she ca
n’
t remember?  And then she does remembers, standing in a doorway, seeing him asleep with his arms around a beautiful, young girl, much more beautiful than she.  She gasps and shoves him away, hard.  He stumbles backwards completely bewildered.  Her head is lowered, she pants and avoids eye contact, and before he can speak, she holds up her hand and shakes her head.

“
I ca
n’
t do this
.
”
              He frowns at her for a moment before shoving his hands in his pockets and rising to his full posture, his head tilted up, his eyes down cast.
“I’
m sorry, I did
n’
t mean to confuse you
,
” she continues.
 “
I just-i
t’
s not right
.
”
“
Still, huh?  Alice, how much longer are you gonnakeep this up
?
”

              She blinks at him and folds her arms, leaning against her car.
 “
Keep what up
?
”
“
This
,
” he says, gesturing wilding
,“
This!  Us.  This back and forth bullshit
!
”
“
I have
n’
t touched you until tonight.  Not since it happened.  So, tell me, what, exactly, is it that am I keeping up
?
”
“
You know what I mean, do
n’
t do that.  You know I would do anything for you, you know that.  I do
n’
t understand how you can still be pissed!  I mean, fuck, how long are you gonna be like this, for reals
?
”
“
You think
I’
m still mad about what you did
?
”

              He laughs.
 “
Um, yeah, yeah, I think yo
u’
re still mad.  Just a little bit, yeah
.
”

“I’
m not, i
t’
s not that
.
”
“
Ah,
c’
mon!  Are you telling me you can look me in the eye and tell me yo
u’
re not still pissed
?
”
              She frowns and shakes her head.
 “
Okay, maybe I am.  But tha
t’
s not why I ca
n’
t do this
.
” She gestures wildly, mocking him.
 “
I
t’
s more than that
.
”
“
What, huh?  Tell me, what more could it be than you still mad that I stepped out on you
?
”
“
Anthony, I do
n’
t want to be in a relationship right now
.
”
“
Nobod
y’
s asking you to get married, Al
.
”
“
No, but I know what happens
.
”

“
Oh, really
.
”
“
Yeah, really
.
”
“D
í me, what happens, huh
?
”

“
We sleep together and start dating and it happens all over again.  I
t’
s the same shit over and over.  I do
n’
t want that, not anymore.  I do
n’
t love you, Anthony.  Not because of what happened.  I did
n’
t love you before that,neither of us loved each other.  I
t’
s pointless to keep doing this.  It was
n’
t right and it did
n’
t work for a reason.  It jus
t…
it was
n’
t right, you know
?
”
              He stares hard at her, his mouth a thin line on his square jaw.  Her eyes are large and pitiful, her pain apparent.  He looks away and spits.
 “
You know, you think you know everything.  You think you have it all figured out.  Alice and her big brains, analyzing everything.  But you do
n’
t fucking get it, not really.  Yo
u’
re not as tough as you wannathink.  You can stand there, tell me you do
n’
t love me, and maybe tha
t’
s true now.  But when I wake up in the morning and I see this in the mirror staring back at me
,
” he says, pointing to his broken nose
,“
I know that you loved me more than any woman has ever loved me, and maybe ever will.  And because of that, I will put up with your back and forth bullshi
t…
for now
.
”

              He leans in and kisses her cheek before walking away.
 “
Have a good night
.
”

“
Turn left up at the light
,
” he calls to the driver.  He presses the leather glove to his mouth, his brow furrowed as he stares out over the street speeding by.  People move up and down in slow motion, pushing through one another like ghosts, lit by fluorescent and neon pouring from advertisements surrounding them.  He glances down his phone,glowing in his lap, down into his own drunken, stupid face, down into her clown-like mouth grinning at the photographer.  Something about the image was confusing him.   For the entire flight, he could not examine it without feeling a surge of intrusion and shame.  It was too soon.  Shit like this did
n’
t get out this fast.  He could still smell her on his clothes.  He rubs his eyeballs and heaves a great sigh before dialing.

              The phone rings again and again.  5 rings.  She never lets it ring 5 times.  The voicemail clicks on.
 ‘
Mo
m…I’
m
trying
to watch the television!  Leave a message, dumb-o
.
’
 
He realizes h
e’
s never reached her voicemail and, for a moment, he is speechless.

“
U
h…
no. 
I’
m going to try again.  Pick up
,
” he says before hanging up.

              He hit
s‘
redial
.
’
 
This time it only rings once.

“
…
Hello
?
” she says in a deep, husky voice he does
n’
t recognize.

“
Alice
?
”
“
Wha
t’
s wrong?  What happened?  Did your plane crash
?
”
“
N
o…
no, I do
n’
t think my phone would be working if w
e’
d crashed.  Are you asleep
?
”
“
…
No
?
”
“
Yes, you are
.
”
“
N
o…
I
was
asleep. 
I’
m not at the moment.  Wha
t’
s going on, are you back
?
”
“
Yea
h…
I need to talk to you.  Can I come over
?
” he asks, and then to the driver
,“
Turn right at the next stop
.
”

“
Right now
?
”
“
Yeah
.
”
“
U
h…
sure
.
”
“
Good, because
I’
m in front of your house. 
I’
ll be right in
.
”
“
Jesus,
I’
m-not even dressed.  Give me a minute
!
”

“
Okay, bye. Do
n’
t wait for me
,
” he says to the driver as he climbs out of the car.
“
Sh
e’
ll drive me home.  Just pop the trunk and
I’
ll get my stuff
.
”
“
I can get
,
” the driver protests.

“
No, I got it
,
” he says, handing the driver a $50.
 “
Thanks
.
”

              He taps lightly at the screen door, sending Dirt Bag into a barking fit that blares through the sleeping complex.  He hears her yell at the dog before the door swings open.  She wears a long, ripped kitty nightshirt and a Christmas themed bathrobe.  Her hair is in two, long tangled ponytails on the top of her head.  Her face is flushed and bare of make up.  She has never looked so young and sweet, and his heart skips at the familiar half smile.

“
Honey,
I’
m home
,
” he smiles.

              She rolls her eyes and lets Dirt Bag go, helping him drag in his carry-on.
 “
I like how you asked to stop by but you were already here
.
”
“
Is it not okay?  Seriously?  Do you have company
?
” he asks, suddenly unsure.

              She rolls her eyes again and hugs him tight, holding him in the doorway while Dirt Bag sniffs through his bags. 

“
H
e’
s looking for the Natha
n’
s hotdog I brought you
,
” Julian says.

“
You brought me a Nathan dog
?
”

“
Yeah
.
”
“
Why
?
”
“
You love them
.
”
“
Yea
h…
and you can get them at Costco.  Why would you lug a stinky, old hotdog on the plane
?
” 

              He pulls away from her, grinning.
 “
Because!  I
t’
s like that scene from that dumb movie you love.  The one where the chick has the hot dogs flown out to Vegas for the guy fro
m‘
Friend
s’.
”
“
’
Fools Rush In
?
’ I
t’
s not dumb!  That movi
e’
s hellaromantic
,
” she growls, stooping down to get the hot dog.  She pulls it out and dangles the shriveled meat with a look of disgust.

“
It did
n’
t look like that when I bought it
.
”
“
Ten hours ago? 
I’
d hope not
,
” she says.
 “
Dirt Bag, NO
!
” Dirt Bag darts up and grabs the hot dog, running away before she can move to catch him.

“
Fuck!  The dog ate the dog
!
” Julian laughs as she runs after him.

“
He did!  He ate my present.  That little shit.  Yo
u’
re a little monster, Dirt Bag, are
n’
t you, my little fatties
?
”