Gavin (A Redemption Romance #3) (15 page)

He ate at my mouth, devouring me, and when I gasped, he took advantage and moved inside, practically fucking my mouth with his tongue. His arms were wrapped tight around me, giving me no space to move. I gave into it, knowing it would be the last time I ever kissed him, the last time I allowed him to hold me in his arms that way.

“Does that feel like
friends
to you?” He asked angrily, not taking his hands off me.

“Stop it, Gavin, you’re not doing this, not ag-”

Not letting me continue, yet again, he kissed me again, moving from my mouth, to my chin, jaw and to my neck. “I’m going to kiss every protest away from your sweet mouth.”

All of a sudden, the image of him kissing the amazing dark haired woman flashed through my mind and I felt the bile rise from my stomach. Getting my hands flat onto his chest, I used every ounce of strength I possessed to shove him away.

His arms came loose, and he took a step back, as I took off running for the bathroom. I lost the contents of my stomach as tears streamed down my face. I tried to think about anything else, but the image of them together made me lose the fight with my tears all over again. Unfortunately, I’d not taken the time to close and lock the door.

A cool washcloth was placed over my forehead and my hair was being pulled back from my face. He’d secured it with a hair tie and when it appeared I was finished getting sick, he got me a drink of water, then picked me up. Once he had me securely cradled in his arms, I began to flail, and try to get away. The pain in my heart crippled me, and just made me want to vomit all over again. His touch, the way he was being so kind and loving, amplified the horrendous feeling of utter loneliness.

He carried me into the bedroom and sat on the bed, not letting me go. I was acting like a cranky toddler, throwing a tantrum, but he held me, strong and steady. Wrapping his arms around me, he gently placed a hand on my head and pressed me into him. It was beautiful, it was perfect and it was the last place on earth I wanted to be right then. Teach me to try it on with a guy who was stronger than I was, I’d learn for next time.

“Shh, stop, Dawn, talk to me.”

“Let me go!” I cried, huge tears wetting the fabric of his shirt.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“God damn it, Gavin, let me go!” I screamed into the otherwise silent room. I was officially losing my mind, he was strong arming me, forcing me to talk to him when I wanted to do anything but that.

“No, I’m not ever letting you go. Talk to me.”

Decision made, I quieted and stilled. I stopped fighting him, stopped squirming in his arms, stopped everything. I’d go back to stony. That was it, I’d withstand this torture, but eventually he’d have to get back to work, eventually he’d have to let me go, then I could avoid him for good.

“It’s not going to work,” he whispered into the top of my head.

Arms crossed across my chest, I stubbornly remained quiet and still.

“You will talk to me. Something happened last week, things were perfect, then -” Gavin trailed off in the middle, obviously thinking about it, trying to come up with something. Shaking his head, he apparently didn’t figure it out.

Fucking men, I thought, but did not say. Could he really be that stupid? I was sitting here, in his arms, surrounded by him, in the bed where he’d laid me out and fucked me, where he’d promised me that I was the only one. He couldn’t figure out what might possibly be wrong? I stayed quiet. Letting him think, letting his mind work. It didn’t seem that difficult to me, but regardless, if he figured it out or not, we were done. I was only being still now, because I couldn’t get away if he didn’t want to let me.

“I don’t get it, this isn’t you. It isn’t like you to purposely hurt someone. I know that, but here you are, doing it. Is it possible that you’ve changed that much?” Gavin’s words cut me, he wasn’t being cruel, he wasn’t being mean, he truly sounded contemplative, but that was it, it was all I could take.

“You are so full of shit, Gavin McNeil! I cannot believe you!” I shouted, struggling against him with Herculean strength. Somehow, amazingly, I actually pushed myself back and off his lap. Standing in front of him, I began to pace. The anger was seriously boiling up now. All the feelings I’d had for weeks, everything came bubbling up, giving me the strength I needed to get this out. He was going to hear it now.

“You want to talk to me about someone changing? I have no idea, maybe you’ve always been a lying sack of shit! But you, you, fucking dick, are nothing like I expected you to be either.” Taking a deep breath, I did everything I could to force back the tears that were threatening to spill over. I might lose my mind and scream, but I wouldn’t cry.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gavin yelled, standing to his feet.

“You lied to me, that’s what I’m talking about. You laid right here, in this bed and promised me that I was the only one.” I told him, pointing to the bed. With one hand on my hip and the other waving wildly around, I kept going, showing him some serious attitude. “You fucked me in that bed and fucking lied to me, so don’t you dare tell me that I’m hurting you, that I’m doing jack shit TO YOU!”

“I did what? I’ve never, not once lied to you, since the night of your eighteenth birthday when I told you I couldn’t think of you in a sexual way. That was the first and last time I ever fucking lied to you. You ARE the only one, I’ve not touched another woman-”

Cutting him off, I got up in his face; “stop, just fucking stop right there, don’t you lie to me a-fucking-gain! I stood in Starbucks Sunday morning and watched you
touch
another woman. I stood in the station Wednesday afternoon and watched you
touch
another woman, so you stop that bullshit right there and just stop lying.” My heart pounding, breaths racing, I did my best to calm myself, before I went on. The shocked look on Gavin’s face just encouraged me, because he’d been caught. The surprise told me that he thought he’d gotten away with it, but he sure as fuck hadn’t.

“Yeah, that’s right, I saw you. I saw you with her, I’ve seen you with her even before that. So don’t fucking lie to me, I may have been just some little piece to you, just a way to get-oh” I squeaked as Gavin wrapped his long fingers around the back of my neck, abruptly stopping me from saying anything else and with angry eyes, focused on me, slammed his mouth down on mine, effectively shutting me up.

His kiss was angry, overpowering and all consuming. There wasn’t a thing I could have done at that moment to stop him, not that I tried. Somehow, he’d backed me up, pinning me against the far wall, trapping me so I couldn’t get away, but aside from his mouth, he wasn’t touching me. As he pulled up, he narrowed his eyes on me and snarled in a way I’d never heard before.

“I’ve heard about enough. You will not talk to me like that again. You’ll not talk about yourself like that again. You are the most important person in my life. Hear me right fucking now, I have not touched, kissed, held, another woman in a sexual way since the day I found you again.”

“But-” I tried to break in, but Gavin’s glare shut me right up.

“No, it’s my turn to talk.” His voice low, but still menacing.

I pressed my lips together, but glared right back at him. I bit the inside of my cheek too, to keep myself from crying. I hated crying, it made me feel weak.

“Either you trust me, you trust the man you know I am, or you don’t.” He looked at me pointedly, almost accusingly.

“I saw you with her!” I shouted, confused by what he was saying, by what was going on, I couldn’t decide if I should be hurt or angry or something else. What was he pissed about?

“I don’t give two shits about what you saw. You have known me, most of my life. Dig down, think about it. Do you truly believe that I would do that to you? That I would risk all that we already are, and all that our future could be? Do you think that? Do you trust me, or not.?”

I couldn’t move, couldn’t get away from him, all I could do was look into his eyes and I knew, knew, that somehow I’d fucked up. Somehow, I’d gotten it all wrong. Digging deep, I knew that Gavin wouldn’t lie to me, any more than I would purposely hurt him. I took a few more moments to think about what I’d seen and realized what he was telling me. No matter what I saw, I had to trust him in my heart.

A single tear trailed down my cheek, as I looked deep into his eyes and nodded my head. Gavin let out a deep breath and rested his forehead on mine.

“You trust me?” He asked, for confirmation. I nodded again.

“Say it, give me the words.”

“I trust you, but, it’s hard, because I have these images in my head. Maybe I am missing something here, but whoever she is, it’s obvious you have feelings for her.”

His eyes snapped back to me and he nodded, but a smirk crossed his plump lips when he told me, “of course, I love her. She’s my cousin.”

I closed my eyes, hearing that he loved another woman, I was gutted, and it took a few seconds before I registered the rest. My eyes popped back open and I studied his smirking face, looking for any signs of dishonesty. “She’s, she’s your – your cousin?” I asked, a mixture of hope and disbelief obvious in my voice.

He nodded and watched me, the anger mostly gone, but not completely.

“Yes, Chelsea, my cousin, is moving here, she got a job with the S.O.”

Memories came back to me; him mentioning meeting his cousin for lunch, him telling me how excited he was that his cousin was going to be in town, or that
his cousin
might be moving to the area. He’d been elated, but I hadn’t imagined that the cousin was a woman. It hadn’t ever crossed my mind.

Hanging my head, I felt ashamed that I’d overreacted, that I’d allowed myself to get so worked up without talking to him. If I’d mentioned it to him any of the times I’d thought about it, he would have explained and I would have saved us both this torment. It was just what I’d done when I was eighteen, I’d fled without letting him explain. If I had, I wondered how different our relationship would be now.

Gavin’s fingers gently touched my chin and moved it up so I was looking him straight in the eyes. His eyes widened with surprise at whatever he saw there. A small smile graced his handsome face and his eyes lit with some strong emotion I couldn’t fathom.

Shaking my head, I dislodged his fingers, but kept his gaze. “I’m so sorry, I totally screwed up. I thought that you were seeing other women, and I accepted that, it was okay, until Tuesday, when everything changed. When I saw you with her again, I knew that I couldn’t be just one of the women you dated.” I explained, being way more honest with him than I’d planned.

This was the time to lay it all out there, Gavin was fighting for me, he had been, every time I’d thrown my walls up, he was right there to knock them back down. I kept retreating and he pushed forward.

Gavin started to speak, but I shook my head and continued. “Let me get this out, you’ve been working hard at this and I’ve been doing everything in my power to fuck it up.” His grin widened and the twinkle in his eyes was back in full force, but this time, it looked like laughter dancing there.

“I heard what you said a few weeks ago, I wanted to try, to start something too, but I’d already seen you with the woman, with Chelsea, so I thought that it was just casual, that you were dating other women too.” A dark look crossed his face and I could see the anger start to seep back in, but I didn’t give it a chance to get stronger.

“You didn’t say that we were exclusive, I didn’t want to assume, and since we weren’t, well, we weren’t having sex, I didn’t know if you were sleeping with her, or someone else. I was too embarrassed, or afraid to ask you, I should have, I should have told you that I’d seen you with her, then all of this could have been cleared up. At first I thought, that it was okay, that you were seeing other people, but when I saw you with her again, I knew that I couldn’t do it, I already felt too much and I couldn’t be around you, knowing that your hands had been on anyone else in the way they were on me.”

Rage filled his eyes and his entire body had tensed by the time I took a breath. Before I knew it, he grabbed me, swung me up into his arms and prowled to the bed. Gavin tossed me down with no finesse at all, then grabbed my knees and pulled me closer to him, causing me to fall backward. He moved so quickly, I couldn’t discern what he was doing, but before I knew it, his shirt was off, his pants were down below his tight ass and he loomed over me, pushing open the bathrobe I’d slipped on while getting ready.

He leaned in to kiss me, but I moved my head away, “I just threw up.” I reminded him, not wanting him to get anywhere near my mouth. Okay, no, there hadn’t been any more than water in my stomach, but still.

His hand cupped my face and guided it up so I could only see him again. He stared into me, while he let go of my face and I felt the heat of him seeping into me. I couldn’t look away, couldn’t prepare myself for what was about to happen. My breaths were coming quickly, my chest was rising and falling so fast, the silk of my robe was slipping down farther.

“Don’t ever, not ever, for one fucking second, think that I would look at another woman, let alone touch one. I would never do that, not to you. I thought I was clear, but you need it spelled out, there can’t be any question for you, so there it is.”

Listening to his growled words, and having him above me this way, he was poised, perfectly lined up, but not touching me. He was holding his massive chest above me with his muscled arms, I absolutely loved the feel of being surrounded by him. I was wet, my center was begging for him.