Games Frat Boys Play (10 page)
Read Games Frat Boys Play Online
Authors: Todd Gregory
I followed him out of the bathroom, holding on to the wall for support as we headed down the hallway to his room. Everything seemed tilted, and the floor felt like it was moving.
I didn't choose you. I chose Chad. But he didn't want me.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I followed Roger. He unlocked his door and held it open for me. I wiped the tears away and smiled bravely at him. “I still don't feel so good.”
“You're just a little drunk.” He smiled. “Fortunately you puked up most of the beer, so you won't get any drunker.” He tossed me a towel, and I started rubbing at my head. He started rummaging around in his closet and tossed me a pair of red sweatpants and a CSU-Polk sweatshirt. I took my wet clothes off, folded them, and pulled the sweats on. I sat down in his desk chair.
Why didn't Chad want me? What was wrong with me?
You don't look like Jacob,
the insidious voice mocked me again.
Why choose a Honda when you can have a Bentley?
the insidious voice mocked me again.
Why choose a Honda when you can have a Bentley?
“Are you okay?” Roger asked again.
I was about to say something about Chad when I looked at him. He was so happy I was his little brother, I knew I could never, ever tell him I'd picked Chad first. I just nodded instead and forced a smile onto my face. “I was worried you might not want me,” I said, hating myself for lying.
He laughed. “Are you kidding me? I couldn't believe it when Eric asked me if I wanted to take you. I was so sure I'd never get a little brother. I mean, it's not like I'm the most popular guy in the house. And I got the coolest pledge out of the whole class.” He gave me a delighted smile, and I couldn't help noticing how much better he looked. His entire face lit up when he smiledâand it was so much better than the perpetual scowl he usually wore.
My disappointment started fading. So what if the big brother I'd wanted hadn't wanted me? Was it a good idea to pick a big brother I was attracted to in hopes of getting to date him? No, it wasn'tâthat was a
stupid
reason to pick someone. I remembered what Eric said about the role of a big brother. Roger filled that role far better, and he
had
been my second choice.
stupid
reason to pick someone. I remembered what Eric said about the role of a big brother. Roger filled that role far better, and he
had
been my second choice.
It wasn't like I'd been pawned off on someone I hadn't picked.
But I'd been so sure Chad would take me.
You were sure,
the voice mocked,
you were hoping, and convinced yourself Chad would take you. Why would he?
the voice mocked,
you were hoping, and convinced yourself Chad would take you. Why would he?
I shook my head.
“I'm hardly the coolest pledge,” I said, watching as Roger pulled a box out from under his bed and expertly started rolling a joint.
“Yeah, you are.” Roger licked it to seal it before lighting it. “You're not like the othersâyou're not like the rest of the brothers here, either. You're different.”
“I don't want to be different,” I said, watching as he inhaled. “I want to be like everyone else.”
He laughed. “I meant different in a good way. Jeez, Jordy.” He took another hit. “You don't want to be a lemming, do you? Different is good, man, really good. It makes you stand out, makes you get noticed. People who are like everyone else never get anywhere in the world, they just blend in. Who wants to blend in? I sure don't.” He shrugged. “Do you know what usually passes for intelligent conversation around here? âDude, I fucked the Delta Zeta with the huge tits.'” He shook his head and took another hit. “You, on the other hand, have a brain. You think.” He held out the joint to me.
I looked at it dubiously. “I don't know if I should. Marijuana affects your memory and kills brain cells.”
Roger grinned. “You see what I mean? No one else around here would even think twice about smoking a joint.” He winked at me. “Just this once. For me, okay? To celebrate? Come on, Jordy, live a little. Just this one time won't hurt you.”
Never give in to peer pressure,
I heard my father say.
Never, ever do something to fit in. You're your own person, and you know the difference between right and wrong. And anyone who tries to get you to do something you don't want to do isn't your friend in the first place.
I heard my father say.
Never, ever do something to fit in. You're your own person, and you know the difference between right and wrong. And anyone who tries to get you to do something you don't want to do isn't your friend in the first place.
On the other hand, it was just this once. Roger was rightâgetting stoned once was hardly going to kill me.
I reached over and took the joint from Roger. I looked at the thin line of white smoke curling up from the red ember. “So, what do I do?” I asked.
“Well, you suck on the end, and then hold the smoke in until you can't anymore.” Roger grinned. “Just know you're going to cough really hard the first time.”
“Wow. That sounds just great.” I rolled my eyes. “I can see the appeal.” He laughed, and I took a deep breath and raised the joint to my lips. I did as he said, sucking on the end. I wasn't able to hold the smoke for very long. I started coughing almost immediately. My lungs felt like I'd inhaled fire. My eyes were tearing and I couldn't stop coughing. He handed me a bottle of water from the minifridge. I managed to choke out a “thank you” as I twisted the cap off and gulped water down.
I put the bottle down on the desk and wiped at my eyes. “That was
awful,
” I said, and was about to add, “I'll never do that again” when a strange mellow feeling began creeping through my brain. Goose pimples rose on my arms, and I could feel every single hair follicle on my body tingling. It was a weird feelingâbut at the same time it was nice. The nausea in my stomach was goneâa definite plusâand there was this really pleasant euphoric sensation creeping over me. I started to resist it, but closed my eyes.
Don't fight it, just go with it. That's the whole point of smoking, to feel like this.
I relaxed and went with it.
awful,
” I said, and was about to add, “I'll never do that again” when a strange mellow feeling began creeping through my brain. Goose pimples rose on my arms, and I could feel every single hair follicle on my body tingling. It was a weird feelingâbut at the same time it was nice. The nausea in my stomach was goneâa definite plusâand there was this really pleasant euphoric sensation creeping over me. I started to resist it, but closed my eyes.
Don't fight it, just go with it. That's the whole point of smoking, to feel like this.
I relaxed and went with it.
I couldn't help myself. I started giggling.
Roger took the joint back from me and took another hit. He grinned at me as he stubbed it out in an ashtray. “I think that's enough for you, my young Padawan.”
“Padawan?” I made a face. “What does that mean?”
Roger stared at me. “You've never seen any of the
Star Wars
movies?”
Star Wars
movies?”
“Oh, yes.” I nodded and smiled at him. “A Padawan is of course a Jedi Knight in training.” I giggled. Why did everything seem so funny? “Of course I've seen the films. They are an integral part of modern American pop culture.” I nodded. “My senior year I spent a lot of time watching popular films online.
Titanic, The Matrixâ
” My voice trailed off. I couldn't think of the names of any of the other movies I'd watched. I tried to concentrate and summon the titles, but they wouldn't come. “That's weird. I can't think of any of the others.” I shrugged. “But the
Star Wars
mythology was a classic rendering of the struggle between fascism and democracy, broken down into a simplistic message of good versus evil for easier absorption by the audience.”
Titanic, The Matrixâ
” My voice trailed off. I couldn't think of the names of any of the other movies I'd watched. I tried to concentrate and summon the titles, but they wouldn't come. “That's weird. I can't think of any of the others.” I shrugged. “But the
Star Wars
mythology was a classic rendering of the struggle between fascism and democracy, broken down into a simplistic message of good versus evil for easier absorption by the audience.”
Roger threw his head back and laughed. “See what I mean, Jordy? You aren't
like
anyone else! Anyone else would just say they were cool. But not you.” He shook his head.
like
anyone else! Anyone else would just say they were cool. But not you.” He shook his head.
“That's bad, isn't it?”
“No, Jordy, it's
great.
Don't ever change, okay? Don't let them turn you into a Beta Kappa clone.” He rubbed his eyes. “I don't know what it was like for you at your Swiss schoolâ”
great.
Don't ever change, okay? Don't let them turn you into a Beta Kappa clone.” He rubbed his eyes. “I don't know what it was like for you at your Swiss schoolâ”
“St. Bernard.”
“âbut I can tell it wasn't a good experience for you.”
“I
liked
St. Bernard,” I insisted. The mellow feeling was actually quite delightful. “I got an excellent education there. I was challenged and stimulated intellectually.”
liked
St. Bernard,” I insisted. The mellow feeling was actually quite delightful. “I got an excellent education there. I was challenged and stimulated intellectually.”
“I'm not talking about your education,” he replied. “Did you have friends there? Were you popular?”
“Iâ” I stopped. I'd never told anyone what it had really been like there. Maybe it was the pot, but I could tell Roger was actually interestedâhe really wanted to know. “It was awful.” My eyes welled up with tears. “I didn't have any friends. The only people who treated me like a human being were the teachers. The other students were terrible. They looked down on me because I was an American. They looked down on me because I wasn't of royal or noble blood. They picked on me. They made fun of me. Then they got bored and just ignored me, which was lonely but it was better. But I showed them all. I was smarter than all of them. I got better grades. The teachers thought I was the best student in the history of the school. I made up my mind I was going to be the best student, that I was going to be the most successful one.” I wiped at my face. “Of course they didn't care about my grades.”
“Jordy.” Roger reached out and took both of my hands in his. “Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You have no idea how special you are. Being different is hard, I know, but don't ever let anyone convince you it's better to change and to be like everyone else. You're smart, funny, and you have a core of natural kindness within you that most people don't have.” He scowled. “Most people only pretend to be kind, you know, because they want something from youâand as soon as they get whatever it is they want, they can't be bothered with you anymore. The reason why people don't necessarily open up to you is because you're not like everyone else and they don't know how to handle that. But what it means is you'll never have to deal with all the superficial nonsense. When you make real friends, they'll be
real
friends.” He smiled. “I'm your friend, Jordy.”
real
friends.” He smiled. “I'm your friend, Jordy.”
I bit my lip. “Really?” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I felt a lot more emotional than usual; it must've been the pot.
“Really.” He waved a hand. “I don't fit in here, either. Oh, sure, everyone's nice to me on a basic level because I'm a brother, but I don't have any real friends in the house. Nobody really makes an effort to get to know me. That first night when I saw you at Rush, I knew you were one of the special people. Like me.”
“I don't understand.” My head felt hollow. It was kind of niceâI could almost hear air rushing through my head. “Why did you join Beta Kappa in the first place? I've wondered about that for a while. You don't seem happy here.”
“I'm not unhappy here.” He picked up the joint and relit it. “This sure as hell beats living in the dorms. As you know, I'm an anthropology major. I kind of study the group dynamics around here. It's fascinating, to tell you the truth.” He grinned. “Take Chad York, for example.” His face darkened. “He is the personification of evil.”
“Chad?” I was puzzled. “But he's so nice, and he's so good looking.”
“Stay away from Chad York,” Roger insisted. “You have to trust me on this, Jordy. Listen to your big brother. Chad is not attractive at all.”
“Yes, he is,” I insisted. “He's even better looking than Jeff Morgan.”
“Don't be fooled.” Roger took a big hit from the joint. “The outward exterior is just the packaging. Inside, he has a dark and twisted soul.”
“May I have another hit?” I asked. Roger laughed a bit and passed me the joint. This time it didn't burn so much, but I did cough again. I passed it back to him. The hollow, empty feeling inside my head was getting stronger. It was nice. “Why do you hate Chad so much, Roger?”
“I hate all three of themâChad, Brandon, and Rees. Brandon and Rees aren't as bad as Chadâno one isâand maybe if they got away from him they could turn from the dark side. But Chadâ” He shook his head. “There's no chance for redemption from him.”
“You're wrong.” The empty feeling was going away. Now it was like my mind was kicking into overdrive. Thought after thought tumbled through my mind, a new one springing from the previous one. “It's just like
Star Wars.
No matter what anyone's done, no matter how beyond redemption they may seem, they can always change and save themselves. Darth Vader was able to.”
Star Wars.
No matter what anyone's done, no matter how beyond redemption they may seem, they can always change and save themselves. Darth Vader was able to.”
“Chad makes Darth Vader look like a pussy,” Roger spat out. “Besides, that's a movie. It isn't reality.” He peered at me. “You have a crush on him, don't you.”
Even stoned, I knew better than to tell the truth. “I just think he's sexy.”
“Don't ever go there. Trust me.”
“Why? What aren't you telling me?”
“Maybe someday. But not now.” Roger crushed the joint out. All that was left was a tiny bit, which he placed inside a jar. “Just listen to your big brother. It's my job to take care of you during your pledge semester. And I will always,
always
watch out for you.”
always
watch out for you.”
I was touched. I looked at him and felt overwhelmed by emotion.
Roger is my first real friend,
I realized.
He actually cares about me and wants to take care of me.
I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. “Can we get some fresh air?” I asked. I was feeling a little woozy.
Roger is my first real friend,
I realized.
He actually cares about me and wants to take care of me.
I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. “Can we get some fresh air?” I asked. I was feeling a little woozy.
“Sure.” I followed him out of the room, down the hall, and out into the parking lot. He led me around to the backyard, and we sat down at the picnic table. We could hear the shouting and cheering coming from inside the party room. I smiled. It was a beautiful night. There were no clouds, and the sky looked like dark blue velvet. The stars winked at me, and I smiled back up at themâuntil I heard a loud moan coming from the direction of the house. “What's that?” I got up and walked over to the bushes just outside the downstairs windows. All of the rooms were dark except one, and the curtains were open.
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