Game Changer (Hell's Saints Motorcycle Club) (23 page)

Three months later.

I hadn’t seen him. Not once. I knew he was at the club. A lot. A lot more than he ever used to be. A lot more than he had to be as far as I was concerned. I hated him being around I hated it because that meant I could not go to the kitchen house and eat Jules’s kickass French toast. I really wanted some of that French toast too.

The baby liked it. The first time that I had felt the flutter of the new life growing inside of me, I was eating that French toast. I smiled when I thought of it and put my hand on my growing baby belly. When I had told Diego, when all my hopes for a happily ever after were shattered once and for all, the little life inside me had barely begun. At eighteen weeks pregnant I was beginning to feel the baby
move.

I loved being pregnant.
I loved it.
I loved every single minute of it. I hadn’t even minded the absolutely awful morning sickness. I just learned to avoid smells and kept crackers by my bedside to eat in the mornings before I put even one foot out of bed.

I was excited today for a few reasons. One was that I would be hearing the sound of my baby’s heartbeat on my next doctor’s visit. I couldn’t stop thinking about that.

The other reason was that my girl posse and I had just come back from my first shopping trip for maternity clothes. My waist was getting thick and my breast were getting bigger and heavier. I could no longer button my pants and my shirts were stretching across my chest. The first three months I had been so sick I had actually lost weight but that hadn’t stopped my body from ripening in all those places. My belly was hard to the touch and I could see a slight bump when I stood naked in front of the mirror.

I had a small frame so I was able to still buy my favorite tee shirts. I bought lots of them in pretty soft pastel colors. V necks, scoop necks, capped sleeved and long sleeved in increasingly large sizes. The jeans were maternity with thick soft elastic waist bands that had me sighing as they stretched over my belly. Then because they were all so pretty and I couldn’t resist I got myself five sundresses. One matched the exact color of my eyes and I couldn’t wait to wear it. I bought a couple of pairs of shoes that I could slip on rather than tie, and because I couldn’t help myself, a new pair of cowboy boots.

Dolly, Pinky, Claire and Glory came with. Between us we had a trunk load of clothes, shoes and accessories. I had never had friends to go shopping with and it had been such a fun day, I thought again of how many normal things Claire and I had missed out on. I promised myself that this baby would have that. Boy or girl, my child would have all those normal growing up experiences. I would make sure of it.

We were settling in. Claire and I and even Glory. We had the normal. It wasn’t the peanut butter and jelly on white, going to church on Sunday normal, but it was as close to normal as the three of us had ever had. It was our normal and we cherished it.

The lake house was a short drive away from Ruby Reds and I went in to work almost every day for a few hours. The club had really taken off. It was busy all the time and Claire had begun to come in with me. She waitressed, bartended and generally helped out wherever needed. Glory still stayed home unless it was absolutely necessary to go out. She was doing better but I know that she had trouble sleeping because I did too and sometimes we spent those sleepless nights drinking herbal tea together and wrapped in the silence of understanding.

Life had taken on a rhythm. A regular pulsing life affirming rhythm and mostly I was happy. Except for when I wasn’t. Except for when the bone crunching sadness sat so heavy on my chest that it had me wandering out to the edge of the dock in the stillness of the night. Sometimes Claire or Glory would join me and listen while I played long mournful songs on my little harp.

The days kept me busy and helped me to push it all away but the nights were different.

I missed him.

When I let myself, I missed him. I had learned to live with disappointment early on. I had learned to live with the heartbreak of loss, the worry of responsibility and the ache of loneliness.

You would have thought that all those experiences would have prepared me, hardened me, and even helped me deal with the fact that Diego did not want this baby.

Or me.

Anymore.

He did not want me anymore.

But there is no way to prepare for heartache. There is just the aftermath. There is just the picking up the pieces. For me it was that way anyway. I always seemed to get blindsided. Gino, Diego and even my own father.

Prosper had come to the lake house the night after Diego’s fists had punched a hole through my wall and his words had punched a hole through my heart. Prosper told my why he had felt it was important to share this very private and hurtful situation with the entire Hell’s Saints Crownsmount MC.

I told him that I felt humiliated and unhappy that he had done that.

Then he told me the rest of it.

He told me what had happened to Diego’s wife and tiny baby boy. As I sat with my hands around a hot cup of tea and my shoulders wrapped up in a warm quilt against the cool night air, Prosper talked for a long time and I listened. He told me not only about the death of Diego’s wife and son but what had happened to Diego as a result of it. He told me everything there was to tell. Prosper told me, he said, because he thought I deserved to know.

Prosper told me because he knew Diego would not tell me himself.

It was tragic.

It was sad, and unfair and unbearably heartbreaking.

It was.

My heart bled for the young man who had lost his wife and new baby boy. It was a horrible heart wrenching ending to a beautiful love story. My cheeks were wet with tears for Janey. Now that I was carrying a child of my own, I knew the unbearable sadness she must have suffered at the loss of their child.

Going through that, going through the birth process knowing that you would deliver a still born baby could take a woman to the edge of sanity.

Watching your woman go through that, could push a man over that edge

Then to lose both of them within hours of each other, to survive that, was not a life worth living.

I would have tried to kill myself too.

Then having been prevented from doing that, I would have left.

I would have.

I would have gone off by myself in complete and utter desolation and do whatever I had to do and take as long as I had to take to find the will to go on.

I would have done all the things Diego had done to survive that.

Except for one.

Except for what he had done to me.

I would not have done that. I would not have left a pregnant me. Once I had found the promise of love again I would have fought for it. I would have held it fast and protected it. I would have somehow found the strength to climb out of the crippling fear and build a life with that someone.

But he hadn’t done that. He had left me. He had left me and the promise of what our life together could be.

Even if it had meant following Janey to the world beyond this one, Diego could not leave her.

That’s the thought that haunted me. That’s what kept me awake at night, it’s what had me crying in the shower. It’s what prevented me from calling out his name when I felt his baby flutter deep inside me.

Diego couldn’t leave Janey.

But he could leave me.

It wasn’t jealousy. I wasn’t jealous of the love that Diego had felt for her. It was never that. The love between them, the love he felt for her stood as a testament to the kind of man he was. The love and commitment he was capable of.

The love he didn’t feel for me. The commitment he didn’t want to give to me.

Didn’t feel. Didn’t want. Not with me.

Not with me.

Well, she had taken him at his word

He had made his point.

He had made his fucking point alright.

Three months.

Twelve fucking weeks and she had not stepped foot on the compound. Not while he was there anyway. Not while he was in a fucking twenty mile radius.

Had not even once called the kitchen house. Not even once. Diego knew because he took to answering the phone so much that he had started practically jumping across the bar when it rang.

“Jesus, man. Just fucking call her.” Jules said.

“Don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.” Diego scowled.

“Talking about you growing a pair and going to get your fucking woman.” Jules was mopping up the bar.

“You don’t know nothing about it brother.” Diego moved to the bar and handed Jules his empty coffee cup for a refill.

“Know you got a woman with a belly full of your baby. Good woman. Fucking beautiful woman and you here every night shooting the shit with me and the rest of your sorry ass brothers. You and that fucking love sick puppy, Reno. Enough to make me puke.” Jules handed the coffee cup full and hot back to Diego.

“What’s going on with Reno?” Diego took a sip of his coffee.

“Got it bad for little sister, brother.” Jules poured himself a fresh cup and put his forearms on the bar.

“Claire?” Diego’s eyebrows were raised.

“One in the fucking same.” Jules sipped on his coffee and nodded at the brothers who had started streaming in.

“He up in that?” Diego nodded too.

“He wishes he was up in that. She won’t fucking give him the time of day. She comes in and grabs some shit for the lake house. When he isn’t fucking her with his eyes, he’s fucking following her around. Kinda pathetic actually man. She don’t look at him or talk to him unless she has to.” Jules shook his head.

“Jesus.” Diego was smirking.

“Yeah.” Jules was smirking back.

Then the phone rang and Diego leapt across the bar to answer it.

“Love sick fucking puppies. Both of them.” Jules muttered to himself then opened to the front page and finished his coffee.

Pinky was flittering around the room.

“So send him on a bullshit trip or something.” Pinky cracked some eggs and whipped them into a frothy sea in the bowl.

“Nope.” Prosper was reading his morning paper.

“Okay, then. Dolly told me the new club’s central air is leaking all over the place. You know how much that contractor cost us and he hasn’t returned her calls in two days. Put him on that.”

“Weekend honey. Fucking plumbers never return calls.” Prosper reached for the coffee that Pinky had poured for him.

“Send him up to Willows Point then. Check up on things.” She poured the mixture into hot pan.

“Nothing to check on in Willows Point.” Prosper replied. “Sweetheart, gimme some of that hard cheese and salami in those eggs.” Prosper was looking over his half-moon glasses.

“Not gonna happen.” Pinky was scrambling the eggs in the pan.

“Why the fuck not?” Prosper was not pleased.

“Because I don’t want to see your sorry self hobbling around with the gout for the next week.” Pinky flunk back over her shoulder.

“Ain’t the cheese, ain’t the sausage.” Prosper growled at her.

“No?” Pinky raised her eyebrows.

“And it ain’t the fucking gout makes me hobble around like that.” Prosper had a glint in his eye.

Pinky had finished dishing up the eggs and was walking towards Prosper.

“What is it then?” She asked, exasperated.

“Just like the attention it gets me from my old lady. Like leaning on you when I walk and like you buying me black cherries and waitin’ on me.” Prosper was grinning.

“Crazy old man.” Pinky smiled at him. Then worry took smile’s place in that pretty face of hers. The face that Prosper loved.

Pinky stood over him while he put a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

“Service is due on the new utility van. Diego can go up to Elmswood tonight and stay there. Then tomorrow he can get the van serviced and come home.”

“Reno got an appointment for that on Thursday.” Prosper was chewing.

Pinky let out a deep sigh and moved to cross the room. Prosper grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her on his lap. He put his big hand on the side of her face and forced her against him until he felt her relax.

“Honey, we gotta let them sort it out.” Prosper said to the top of her head.

“I’m afraid she won’t come if she knows he’s gonna be there.” Pinky sighed.

“Did she say that?” Prosper asked gently.

“No, honey. You know she wouldn’t say that. Raine wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world. She loves you.” Pinky answered and sunk deeper into Prosper. Feeling the relief of him taking her worries, knowing that he would stew on them, mix them all around and give them back in a way that made her feel better. In a way that would make everything better.

“Honey, it’s all gonna be okay.” Prosper smoothed her hair.

Pinky hoped with all her heart that he was right.

“No, over there.” Claire was pointing to a branch to the left of Reno.

“Here?” Reno asked.

“No, we need a little more of them to the left.” Claire answered him stretching to hand him another string of lights.

“Here?” Reno threw a few lights on lower branch.

“Reno. Is that your left?” Claire asked him exasperated.

“Honest to Christ woman. I don’t know where you are looking.” Reno feigned innocence.

“Geez. Get down. Get out of my way. You hand me the lights and I will put them up.” Claire positioned herself near the bottom of the ladder.

“Okee dokee.” Reno jumped.

As soon as Claire worked her way to the top of the tall step ladder, Reno was on it. Behind her. Very close behind her. His hard chest and long muscled thighs pushed against her back and ass. His arms outstretched, biceps bulging reaching past her long thin graceful ones.

“I got it.” Reno said against Claire’s ear.

Claire went very still. When she pulled her arm away Reno caught the string of lights before they fell and reached passed her to string them precisely where he knew Claire wanted them.

“Reno.” Claire whispered.

“Claire.” Reno whispered back.

Then he put his hands on either side of her waist.

“Step back, Reno.”

“Not this time, Claire.” Reno said against her ear.

“This ladder is unsteady. I’m afraid” Claire said breathlessly.

“My arms are here baby, tight around you. You take a minute and feel that. Feel how strong I am. Ain’t gonna let nothing happen to you, Claire. You’re safe with me. I fucking swear it. ”

It took a moment but then Claire relaxed into him. With his hands still on her waist he gently guided her down.