Fuzzy Logic (5 page)

Swoosie’s wasn’t the only performance at the wedding. The canine dance routine was just the beginning. Jan suffered through her mother’s sock puppet show for perhaps the 7,000th time and a skit parodying one of the old Toilet King ads. After all of the acts were over, she patiently stood next to Michael and Swoosie and watched as her mother promised to love yet another person for the rest of her life. On a positive note, the Toilet King had opted against wearing his blue jumpsuit and his hair was a distinguished salt-and-pepper, rather than purple spikes. He looked downright normal and even somewhat handsome in his jacket and tie.

After the bride and groom scuttled down the aisle, Jan followed Michael toward the tent where the reception was being held. Her heart had finally stopped racing and she was starting to feel almost normal again. At least it was over and no clothes had fallen off. Maybe she should thank Michael for getting her the costume, but she really wanted to get out of it so she could breathe again. The idea of eating and then having even less room in her precariously tight blouse didn’t hold much appeal.

The tent was filled with people milling around talking. The guests all seemed to know each other, except for Jan. That was the downside of moving around so much when she was young. Even though she had lived in San Diego for quite a while when her mother was doing local TV, they never stayed in one place for long, so she didn’t know anyone at the wedding.

Michael didn’t seem to be having the same problem. He had an infectious smile and as Jan followed him through the crowd, it seemed like everyone knew him and wanted to say hello. He stopped at the buffet table and was laughing with someone who appeared to be a long-lost friend. Swoosie was standing next to him also enjoying herself, surveying the vast array of food displayed on the table. As a waiter walked by, Swoosie followed his movements, her white muzzle pointed directly at the tray of prime rib he was carrying, much like a compass homing in on due north.

Michael turned away from his conversation to look back at her. “Jan, come meet my old buddy Bob.”

Bob was a slightly balding man with short legs. He looked like a former linebacker who had been tackled a few too many times. His hazel eyes were fixating on Jan’s blouse, never moving from her cleavage as she walked over to join them. Jan looked down hurriedly to verify that all of her body parts were still inside her blouse.

She reached out her hand to introduce herself. “Hi Bob. My name is Jan.”

“I liked the dance you did. So are you a stripper or something?”

Jan shook her head. It seemed Bob had already discovered the open bar and spent some serious time there. “No. I wasn’t really dancing. Just walking and clapping my hands. Swoosie and Michael were doing the dancing. It was a modified version of the merengue in fact, which is a type of music and dance from the Dominican Republic. Professionally speaking, I’m a librarian.”

“Wow, that’s a great shtick. Do you wear big horn-rimmed glasses and then take them off and let down your hair? I have fantasies like that all the time. Brainy chicks wearing glasses are hot.”

Jan pulled her hand away from his clammy grip. “No. I mean I really am a librarian. I have a master’s degree in library science and I work at the library in Alpine Grove. And I don’t wear glasses.”

Bob expression fell as his illusions of scantily clad librarians were shattered for the moment. Jan looked down at her ruffles. Did this guy ever actually look at the face of any woman, or was it just this outfit that made her bust line uniquely intriguing?

Bob looked over at Michael. “Hey man, I’m heading back to the bar. Do you want anything?”

Michael looked up from handing Swoosie a potato chip. “No thanks, Bob. It was good to see you again.”

He turned to Jan. “I didn’t know you were a librarian. That’s interesting. I mean what little kid thinks, ‘Hey, I wanna grow up to be a librarian’?”

Jan’s lips tightened. “I did. When I was in junior high school, my mom was married to a guy named Tony for a while. I didn’t like him and there was a library that I could walk to from our house. There was an ad on the bulletin board that said they were looking for people to shelve books, but you had to be fourteen. I was there almost every day anyway, and on my fourteenth birthday I asked about the job. Because of child labor laws, I could only work a certain number of hours per week, but I loved being there. It was much better than being at home.”

Michael shrugged and popped a potato chip into his mouth. “I guess I was out playing sports when I was that age. I don’t really remember anymore.” He looked around. “So are we supposed to be getting a dinner here or just the buffet? I’m hungry.”

Although Michael was certainly nice to look at, eye candy didn’t make up for the fact that he obviously had the sensitivity of a tree stump. Why had she even bothered explaining anything to him? It was well past time to be rid of him and his obnoxious dog whose nose was perilously close to the buffet tabletop. As Jan looked on, Swoosie silently and carefully slipped a piece of bread off a tray with her tongue and snuffled it down. It was hard to believe a dog could eat so quickly and quietly. Jan turned back to Michael. “I think I’ll skip the food. Do you know where my dress is?”

“Didn’t you leave it with your mom’s suitcase in the dressing area? I was watching Swoosie, so I wasn’t paying attention to what you were doing. But thanks for being in the routine. Bob sure liked it.”

“Yes, Bob is charming. How do you know him?”

“He was one of the kids I played sports with in junior high. In high school he was a football star, but we didn’t really hang out. After that, we lost track of each other.”

“What a shame.”

At her tone, Michael glanced up from his chip and the bowl of dip. “Hey, he’s a good guy. Or he was, anyway. He was there during some tough times.”

“I’m sure he is a fine human being. By the way, you might want to keep a closer eye on Swoosie. I think she has inhaled most of this side of the buffet table.”

Michael looked at the empty platters on the buffet and then down at the dog, who was sitting and slowly wagging her tail in a feeble attempt to look innocent. “Swoosie! We’ve talked about this. Counter surfing is bad. You’re a bad, bad girl!” He stepped away from the table, pulling the dog with him. “Thanks for letting me know. I wonder what was on those trays.” A look of concern crossed his face. “There wasn’t anything bad she could have eaten, was there?”

Jan shrugged. “I don’t know. I was entertaining Bob, remember? I do know chocolate is bad for dogs. But I don’t think this is the dessert section of the buffet.”

Michael sighed. “I know my veterinarian way too well. Swoosie eats everything. It’s better now that she’s older, but she’s eaten towels, a coffee table, part of a door, and any food she can get at. I can’t leave anything out in my kitchen at all. When a, um, friend brought me dinner one time, we put it on top of the refrigerator and somehow Swoosie got up there, knocked it down, and ate a bunch of it. Including some of the glass casserole dish. That was a bad one. She had surgery and everything.” He bent down and stroked the white fur on the dog’s head. “Are you okay, girl? I really can’t take you anywhere, can I?”

Swoosie looked pleased that Michael wasn’t angry at her anymore, then her brow furrowed and her expression changed to one of distress. She stood up quickly.

Michael jumped back, “Uh-oh. I know that look. Let’s go Swoosie!” Gathering up the leash, he ran away from the buffet table with Swoosie dragging behind him trying to stop. Her body was twisting and she finally was able to gain purchase and dig her paws into the grass, forcing Michael to a halt. The dog’s back arched as she retched. Jan and most of the other wedding guests looked on in wonder. It was hard to believe such a small animal could make so much noise while expelling the contents of its stomach.

Michael waved weakly back at the crowd, “Sorry! I think she ate something that disagreed with her.”

Jan shook her head. She’d had enough of this guy and this place. Any time she had anything to do with her mother, it was always filled with endless embarrassing scenes, drama, and mayhem. Why should today be any different than the legendary fire of 1977 when the lava lamp exploded? Or the various scandals that littered the newspaper and gossip rags in the 80s? It wasn’t like her mother didn’t have a bedroom. But no. Mom had to have her romantic interludes outside in odd places. Savvy photographers had learned to follow her around, leading to years of mortifying media coverage with headlines like, “Farm Lady and friend found in the buff on a bluff.”

Jan shook her head. Getting a scholarship and leaving San Diego had been the best thing that had ever happened to her. This place was filled with bad memories. And today, because of the open bar, the tone of the reception was likely to go even further downhill. Time to find her clothes and get out of here.

The library had always been her refuge and she was looking forward to returning to her books and her sweet dog Rosa, who didn’t eat things she wasn’t supposed to. The rotund black dog mostly just spent her day lazily sleeping on the floor of the library office. Jan turned away from the crowd and walked toward the head table to say goodbye to her mother.

After returning to her motel room and packing, Jan called to set up her return flight. She was pleased she’d planned ahead and left her schedule flexible, even if it was more expensive. It wasn’t the first time she’d wanted to escape an uncomfortable family situation, after all. Calling Kat was a little more worrisome, since she’d be picking Rosa up earlier than expected and it could be an inconvenience. Although Kat had seemed surprised about the change in plans, she didn’t seem to mind and said Jan could pick up Rosa that afternoon.

Chapter 3

B
ack in Alpine Grove, Jan drove out Forest Avenue to the outskirts of town where she lived. As her cheerful little yellow cottage came into view, she breathed a sigh of relief. She always felt a sense of calm when she returned to her tidy little house. The leaves on the huge tree out front were starting to change color, and although the summer flowers in her mini-garden were beginning to fade, the lawn hadn’t turned brown yet. Apparently there hadn’t been a frost, but she made a mental note to get out the rake this weekend and clean up some of those leaves.

Jan stopped by the bright kelly-green mailbox out front and collected her mail. Then she went inside and dropped her luggage in the hallway. It was odd not to have Rosa there to greet her or see Rosa’s wide body snoring away on the old multicolored rag rug in the living room.

Although it was good to be home after all the weirdness and travel, Jan couldn’t relax. The library was always a good antidote for anxiety, so she might as well go to work until it was time to pick up Rosa. After grabbing a snack, she locked the door and headed back into town.

The Alpine Grove library wasn’t particularly large, but it was crammed full of books. Years before, it had been the town post office, so it wasn’t ideally designed, but after many creative modifications, it was now a nice quiet space for people to enjoy reading and research time. Jan greeted a few regular patrons and noted that the other librarian, Jill, was helping an older man find a book back in the woodworking and crafts section. Jill was about twenty years older than Jan and had gray hair that she pulled back into a long braid that fell down to the middle of her back. Periodically, Jill complained about how much work it was to deal with her long hair and that she wanted to cut it. But Jan couldn’t imagine her actually doing it; the long braid was part of Jill’s identity.

Jill walked up to the desk and leaned forward, putting her elbows on the counter. “What are you doing here?”

Jan picked up a pencil and put it into the cup holder with the others. “I decided to leave early.”

“You’re not exactly Miss Spontaneity. You had this trip planned for weeks. What happened? And where’s Rosa? It was strange to not be tripping over her in the office.”

Jan smiled. Jill loved Rosa, but refused to admit it. “I’m picking up Rosa this afternoon. She’s staying with a friend of a friend.”

“And? Why aren’t you in San Diego? Did you ditch your mom’s wedding?”

“No, you know I would never do that. But I didn’t have a good time.” Jan waved her hand in the general direction of Southern California. “The whole thing was strange and stressful and awful. I was tackled by a dog and met a rude man. Oh, and that pretty dress I bought is completely destroyed. I loved that dress.”

“So was the rude man cute?” Any mention of a man and Jill wanted to know. No matter how many times Jan told her that she was engaged to her boyfriend Steve, Jill kept trying to find her another man. It was annoying.

“I suppose he was good-looking,” Jan said. “But he’s definitely not my type. He lived next door to us when I was little. I don’t want to go into that. What did I miss here?”

“Well, I thought Steve was going with you to the wedding, but then I saw him here. Do you want to know more?” Jill made no secret of the fact that she was not a big fan of Steve and delighted in sharing her low opinion of him at every opportunity. It had become a touchy subject between them, but Jan knew that Jill meant well in a kind of over-protective-mother type of way.