Full Circle (22 page)

He gave her an awkward grin as he cleared his
throat. “No, I get it. I know what you’re saying, and trust me, I
definitely want to remain the giver in our relationship, not the
receiver. No need to worry about that.”

“Okay then, so what exactly are you
saying?”

Based on the way he glanced down and briefly
fidgeted his fingers around hers, this was obviously the part he’d
feared revealing. After taking another deep breath, he lifted his
face and looked her square in the eye. “Karma, just because I’m
the . . . ravag
er
 . . .” He
winked, and even though it was an uncomfortable, pale-faced wink,
it made her grin. “Well, that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy anal
stimulation.”

Okay, now she was confused. If he didn’t want
her to ravage his ass, but he enjoyed a little backdoor
stimulation, what exactly was he saying he wanted?

He apparently recognized her confusion and
shifted closer and wrapped his hands around hers. “Karma, a man’s
prostate is like a woman’s G-spot. And when it’s stimulated, it can
be very exciting and set off the most intense orgasms he’s ever
had. For some men, it doesn’t do much for them, kind of the way
some women don’t get much out of their G-spots being stimulated.
But for other men, it does. I’m one of those men. I really,
really
like it.”

“Okay.” She could definitely understand the
whole G-spot comparison, because hers was extremely responsive when
he went to work on it. So then, what did anal play have to do
with . . . ? Oooohhh, okay. She was beginning to
understand where this conversation was going. “And how do you
stimulate a man’s prostate?” she said suspiciously.

“Well, that’s the thing,
see . . .” He cleared his throat again and kinked
his neck to the side, making one of the vertebrae pop. Deep inhale,
harsh exhale. After a curt nod that came off like the punctuation
at the end of some you-can-do-it inner dialogue, he blurted, “The
best way to stimulate a man’s prostate is by inserting something
into his anus.” He turned his head to the side and rubbed his palm
up and down his face as if just saying the words made him itch.

“I see.” She pressed her lips together,
letting this new knowledge sink in. He wanted anal stimulation.
Okay. She got that. Hmmm.

He flexed his shoulders as if trying to get
comfortable in his skin again. “It could be a finger, or a butt
plug. Or there are dildos specially designed for this kind of
thing. Any of those would do the trick.”

“You mean . . . to
insert . . . inside . . . ?” She got
it. She really did. But, for some reason, she needed to hear the
words. Or at least an explanation to confirm the thoughts swirling
inside her head were on track.

“Yes.”

The idea of inserting something inside Mark’s
ass made for an odd image. Did he bend over on all fours? Lie on
his back? Did he want her finger up there? Was this during sex?
Before? How would that work? She’d never done anything like
this.

Then she suddenly remembered that he’d also
said he wanted to have anal sex
with
her.

“You want to have sex with me like that,
too?”

Lusty hunger instantly glowed in his eyes as
his mind made the mental shift. “God, yes.”

How did she feel about that? Would it hurt?
She liked when he fondled her ass, especially when he gripped her
cheeks like they were handles, and he churned her body hard on him
as he took her from underneath. Would allowing him entry to the
final orifice his penis had yet to be inside take those sensations
to the next level or completely turn her off? If the latter, would
that disappoint him? She didn’t want to let him down. She wanted to
please him. If she ended up not liking anal sex when he seemed to
want it so badly, it would be a major downer for them both.

“Oh.” It was all she could think of to
say.

He gently stroked her hands. “I would take my
time. I would prepare you. I wouldn’t do this without considering
how important preparation is.”

This was one time she was glad he was a
planner.

“What if I don’t like it?”

“Then you don’t like it.”

“But you want it.”

“Yes, I do. I can’t lie about that. But if
you don’t like it, I can live without it. I just want to know
you’re willing to at least try.”

She stared at him for a long time. Expectant
hope practically dripped from his face. This was important to
him.

“Okay.”

His eyebrows rose. “Okay?”

“Yes, I’ll try it. I trust you.” And if this
brought them closer and introduced her to something new she would
end up enjoying, pushing out of her comfort zone would be worth
it.

Hell, their whole relationship so far had
been about pushing her out of her comfort zone, and hadn’t she
enjoyed every bit of it? Why would this be any different?

Gratitude oozed from every pore as he closed
his eyes and bowed his head. “Thank you.”

Placing her hand under his chin, she brought
his face back up and searched his eyes. “Thank you for trusting me
enough to share that with me. I know it was hard.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

“Well, I do.” She placed a tender kiss on his
lips. “But I have to ask. Why were you so afraid to tell me
this?”

He let out a sigh that sounded like relief as
he rubbed his palms reassuringly up her thighs. “I didn’t want you
to think I’m gay.”

“What!” She laughed. “Really? You thought I’d
think you were gay?”

His eyebrows scrunched together briefly then
he let out a staccato chuckle and glanced away, shaking his head.
“Well . . . yeah.” He shrugged. “A lot of men are
afraid to admit they like this sort of thing because others will
think they’re secretly in the closet or have homoerotic fantasies.
So, yeah . . . I was worried your image of me would
change, and that you’d think I swing both ways or something.”

“Uh, no.” She pressed forward and kissed him
again. “I would never think that about you. You enjoy having sex
with me too much for me to think you’re gay.”

“Well, I could be bisexual.”

She shook her head curtly. “No.
Just . . . no. You would never convince me of that
even if you tried.”

He snapped his fingers. “Well, damn, there
goes my April Fool’s Day joke.”

“Ha. Funny.” She placed her hands on his.
This conversation had gone better than she anticipated. What a
relief to finally have everything out in the open. “So, is there
anything else you need to tell me? Anything left that you haven’t
said?”

She was ready for this whole sordid ordeal to
be behind them so they could get back to planning their future.

* * *

Mark’s mind shot to his list. There was still one
unrevealed item on it. One he’d crossed off but still haunted him
even more now than it had then.

I want to dance again.

Rather than push his luck and go for complete
disclosure, perhaps he should count himself lucky and call it a
day. Karma had handled his latest confession better than he’d
expected. She hadn’t completely freaked out or looked at him like
he was an alien. Didn’t that count for something? Could he live
with getting ninety percent through his list and leave it at
that?

Besides, dancing again wasn’t something he
could ask of her. That was something he’d shared with Carol.
Something intensely personal that would shatter Karma if she knew
he wanted it back. He’d already unloaded enough on her and couldn’t
expect her to take up ballroom dance just for him.

Plus, that item meant so much more than just
dancing. So much so he still couldn’t put it all into words.

“No. That’s it.” He lifted her hand and
kissed the backs of her fingers. “You’ve graciously handled
everything I’ve told you, both in Saint Lucia and now, and I
couldn’t want for anything more.”

It was the truth. So what if he had to
abandon the fantasy of ever dancing again, both metaphorically and
physically. He wasn’t even sure he could handle it, anyway. Carol’s
duplicity might have killed that part of his universe forever.
Dance was all about trusting your partner, and she’d killed that
for him.

But now, with Karma, he trusted again. And
he’d found that trust without dancing with her. There was no need
to open old doors, which could lead to a major backfire.

Relationships were about compromise. And this
was the compromise he would make for theirs. He would gladly give
up this fantasy to have the others. And to have his Karma.

He pulled her onto his lap. “So, I didn’t
scare you off? You’re not freaked out?”

“No. Surprised maybe. A little. But not
freaked out.” She brushed her fingertips across his forehead,
combing aside his hair. “And maybe I’m a little aroused.” She
grinned in that playful way that hinted at naughty thoughts and
secret fantasies.

“Aroused?” He lay back and pulled her down
with him. “Why’s that?”

“Because . . . what you said
about parading me in public . . .” Her lashes fell
over her eyes. “That sounds kind of sexy.”

Now it was his turn to be surprised. “Really
now?”

“Mm-hm.” She nodded dramatically.

He slipped his fingers up the back of her
shirt, finding her warm, bare skin. “And how sexy does it sound?
Sexy enough that you’d like to try it?”

She bit her bottom lip, her eyes twinkling
mischievously. “Maybe.” Then she froze and narrowed her eyes. “As
long as we start slow. I like the idea of secret touching in a
crowded room, but that whole sex party thing might be too
much.”

“Understood.” He rolled her over and pushed
her farther into the center of the bed before easing back down
between her legs. “You know, I’ve always suspected you had an
exhibitionist in you, too.” He pushed up her blouse, lowering his
head so he could leave a trail of kisses down her stomach. “You’ve
often said and done things that made me think you would get off on
being watched. That you enjoy the risk.”

Her fingers burrowed into his hair. “And you
never thought to bring this up before now?”

He tugged off her shirt then his own. “I was
afraid I might have misread you and turn you off if I did.”

She half-rolled her eyes, smiling. “When have
you ever misread someone?”

He’d misread Carol. Which had led to a level
of emotional anguish he never wanted to feel again, crippling him
to err on the side of caution every time he thought he knew someone
well enough to know what they wanted before they did. At least when
it came to the important stuff.

“Trust me, it’s happened.” He pulled the cup
of her bra down and gently closed his mouth over her nipple.

On the inside, he wanted to tear away the
rest of her clothes and ravage her to within a hair’s breadth of
maddening pleasure. To consume her so fully she wouldn’t be able to
feel where he ended and she began and would lose sight of
everything but burning euphoria. But on the outside, he maintained
control. As he’d done so many times before, in countless
relationships and situations, he quelled his own desires so he
didn’t upset the newfound balance that revealing his fantasies had
created.

There would be time enough to stretch her
outside her comfort zone into his later. For now, he just wanted to
love her. He wanted to be the safe place she had come to know and
trust with her own vulnerabilities.

“I love you,” he said, gliding slowly into
her after quickly nabbing a condom and slipping it on.

“I certainly hope so, Mr. Strong.” She
wrapped her legs around his hips and tilted her pelvis
welcomingly.

“Why’s that?” He rose up on his arms so he
could gaze down at her perfectly understated breasts, her pale pink
nipples forming tight peaks.

“Because we just bought a very big, very
sexy, very over-the-top house together.” She swiveled her hips then
unlocked her legs and threw them over his shoulders.

Jesus, but she was flexible.

“That we did. Are you ready for this?” He
gently rocked into her.

“Now that you’ve finally shared all your
secrets with me, I’m ready for anything.”

Not
all
his secrets. But enough of
them.

“Then hold on, Miss Mason.” He rocked more
forcefully into her, making her gasp.

Reaching low, she grasped his hips and dug
her blunt nails into his buttocks. An extra shot of arousal flashed
up and down his spine.

She grinned as her fingers played over his
ass, sending crackles of lightning up and down his back and legs as
his cock swelled.

Her gaze bore into his as she pulled him
forward. “Shut up and fuck me, Mr. Strong.”

Growling, he rose to his knees and grasped
one strong, slender leg, holding it to his chest as he kissed her
ankle. If she wanted fucked, he would oblige.

That he
could
do.

Chapter 13

Sometimes you don't need a goal in life. You don't
need to know the big picture. You just need to know what you're
going to do next.

-Sophie Kinsella, The Undomestic Goddess.

Karma loved these tender, peaceful moments after
sex, Mark’s arms holding her, his face nuzzled in her hair, his
warm breath heating her scalp.

Once again, all was well. Another intense
discussion that could have ended with shattered hope and broken
hearts had, instead, culminated in the two of them making love and
tightening one more notch in the cinch binding them together.
They’d made it one step further in this journey of them. An “us.” A
real couple.

She rolled over, facing him. “I think it’s
time we told my parents.”

His palm rested on her naked hip. “That we’re
engaged?”

“Yes.”

Rolling to his back, he let out a heavy
exhale as he stared up at the ceiling. Then he rolled his head and
looked at her. “This’ll be tricky. Your dad hates me.” His eyes
twinkled in the darkness as he grinned. “I’ve stolen his daughter
to the dark side.”