Full Circle (23 page)

That summer set the pattern for the months ahead. Of all of them the biggest changes were in Alicia: from taking her first tentative step and then landing back on her bottom to becoming a toddler firm on her feet was a steady progress, as steady as the changes in the seasons – autumn, winter, spring and then into the beginning of another summer.

Lexleigh was a village set in its ways and happy with itself. It wouldn't be true to say there were no teenagers there but their numbers were few, and if they wanted to kick their heels up they had little opportunity for it in the village. They tried to emulate their contemporaries in town, but the nearest they managed to get to being part of the new teenage world was a monthly dance in the village hall with no licence for alcohol. Soon they would be old enough to spread their wings and so they dreamed as they danced to music on a record player, the traditional quickstep giving way to the twist as they imagined themselves to be part of the modern age.

At the farm, Harold lived in his own private world. Physically he appeared less frustrated by his lapses than in the early days, for the further he withdrew into a world of his own the less he experienced the misery and humiliation of realizing what was happening to him. Bella looked after him almost as if he were a dependent child, always seeing he was as careful about how he was turned out as he had been all his life. She shaved him each morning, knotted his tie for him, tied his shoelaces, all the time talking to him as she would have in the days he had been capable of holding a conversation. She was quite touched to see a side of Leo's nature she hadn't known, for it was he who helped his father in and out of the bath and into his pyjamas each night. But there were nights when Leo wasn't there, and on those he had to skip a bath and Bella made sure he was snug in bed. He felt loved and protected. While they took care of him he slipped into a kind of contented stupor, forgetting his inner misery or, if not forgetting it, letting it lie dormant at the back of his mind. There was just one person who gave him real pleasure, which had nothing to do with his own personal comfort, and that person was Alicia. At two years old she was enchantingly pretty, something that appealed to Harold whatever the age, but more than her physical appearance what held him spellbound was the way she followed him like a shadow. Sometimes they would play with a ball together on the small grassy patch they called the garden; at other times he would carry her on his shoulders to find the men working in the fields for, despite his mental deterioration, physically he was still strong. Everyone loved Ali and she responded by being her most delightful. At two years old she knew without being taught how to use her eyes to advantage, whether her expression was one of shyness and she lowered her gaze in a demure way, or whether she opened her mouth, showing two rows of pearly white perfect teeth, threw back her head and laughed. To make her laugh the men would stop working amongst the rows of produce and come to speak to her as she sat high on either her father's shoulders or her grandfather's. She would enter into the spirit and laugh uproariously as they performed any antic, be it hopping, singing a snatch of a song accompanied by pulling a funny face – anything that would bring peals of mirth. Jo Marsh, a seasonal worker who spent his days gathering fruit or vegetables according to where he was needed, considered himself something of a comedian. He was Alicia's star turn and she would chuckle with anticipation and delight when he approached.

It was early in September, soon after Ali's second birthday when Leo called ‘casually' while Bella and Ali were in the garden at The Retreat and Harold half dozing on the bench. Nothing in either Leo's manner or Louisa's hinted that the scene had been pre-arranged so that he would be there when she told them about her forthcoming visit to her parents.

‘One night would be long enough, but it's a long way to go for such a short time, so I shall stay for a second,' she said, not looking at Leo and pleased with herself and with him too for playing their parts so well.

‘On Tuesday, you say?' Leo commented with no real interest in his voice. ‘That means there will be nowhere for you to retreat to on the Wednesday, Bella. That's the day I have arranged to go to Reading to chat up our main agents there. Then I thought I'd look in at the Cattle Market, remember? You and Dad will be on your own.'

‘I'm quite capable of looking after Dad,' Bella answered, her tone telling them that in her opinion it was usually
she
who looked after him.

So, following their plans, on the Tuesday afternoon Louisa headed towards Newquay where she would spend the night with her parents, and on the following morning Leo set off as if for Reading. Once he had travelled far enough to be free of being recognized he changed course as planned and they met on the seafront in Weymouth. It was a town neither of them knew, so it gave them a feeling of being cut off from everyday life and people. The place was quietening down for autumn now that the school term had started and they had no trouble in booking a room for the night for Mr and Mrs Harding.

There was no better way of putting distance between herself and the duty visit to Cornwall, and Louisa meant to enjoy every minute. Walking along the promenade with Leo, the thumb of her left hand almost caressed the cheap gold band she wore on her third finger. It was as make-believe as everything else in their relationship but into the few brief times they had together they had to cram enough to give them memories to keep forever. Like addicts puffing greedily on their drugged cigarettes, so they filled every moment day and night. The sun shone on them and they lay on the golden sand as though they hadn't a care in the world – she wearing the bathing costume she had remembered to pack, he in trunks he had had to buy. They swam in the sea. Their day was magic; there was a quality of unreality about it, for never had they spent what might be seen as typical seaside holiday time together. But if the day was magic, by night they were firmly on earth, two human beings hungry for every bodily pleasure, whether driven by love or lust.

At about the time Leo and Louisa were meeting in Weymouth, little Ali tugged hopefully on Harold's trouser leg, looking up at him appealingly. It was a morning of brilliant sunshine, very different from the storms of the previous two days.

‘Ball? We take the ball, Grandpa?'

‘The grass will still be wet – don't let her sit on it, Dad,' Bella called as she saw them making towards the grassy patch.

‘Right you are, my dear; I'll take care of her. We're going to have a game of football, eh, Ali?'

Drawn to the window, Bella watched them, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. In a minute she'd go up and tidy the bedrooms, but there was no hurry – Leo had set off early for his drive to Berkshire, where he'd told them he had an appointment to see a supplier. After that, as it was sale day in Reading Cattle Market, he was looking forward to going on there, sure to meet farmers of his acquaintance. Harold and Bella knew this was a part of his job he liked best. Mixing with the farmers was always good for business. He had said he would be home by tea time. With Louisa visiting her parents, Bella had nothing to hurry for. Without realizing it, the smile spread across her face as she watched the two playing on the postage stamp lawn, hearing the whoops of excitement from both of them as they kicked the ball. She took up her cleaning tools and went upstairs. Dad was a darling, she thought, and had a momentary feeling of shame at how often she was irritated when he seemed not to know what he was doing. She honestly tried her hardest not to let it show when she felt angry and frustrated; he couldn't help being the way he was, and she thought of how much he loved Ali. Really Ali was his salvation – when he was with her he forgot to be frightened that he couldn't remember things. Hearing them playing together, Bella smiled again as she started her daily bedroom tidying.

About an hour later she came back down, beds made and bedrooms tidied. She went to the pantry to start to assemble what she needed to cook for lunch. It was then that the silence was broken by the telephone bell.

‘Bella, it's me,' came Leo's voice. ‘This must be a quick call – I'm in a kiosk and haven't much change. I've just arrived at the Cattle Market and who should I bump into but Eric and Jane Gibbons—'

‘Who?' He spoke so enthusiastically about these friends, people she had never heard of. She felt shut out.

‘Gibbons, Eric and Jane Gibbons – you remember. I must have told you I was best man at their wedding. Haven't seen them for ages. Dreadful how we get swamped with daily living and forget to keep up with old friends. Anyway, we're going to make the most of it. They want to see how much they get for their cattle and then they're taking me home for the night. A thick head night unless I'm mistaken,' he added, laughing. ‘Is everything all right at home? Tell Dad who I'm with, although he probably won't remember.'

‘Of course I'll tell him. Have a good—' but before she could finish her sentence she heard the pips and they were cut off.

She went back to cutting what looked like being the last of the runner beans. After a few minutes it struck her that Harold and Ali were very quiet outside and curiosity took her to the window that had been her vantage point earlier, expecting to see that they had finished with the ball and found another, quieter game. There was no sign of them. He must have carried her to the fields. She smiled to herself as she dug in the sack of home-grown potatoes to count out enough to make a topping for the cottage pie. Ali loved cottage pie and she was such a neat little person, sitting in her highchair she could feed herself beautifully and seldom tipped her spoon upside down when she put it in her mouth.

With Leo out all day there were only the three of them for lunch and so, with everything ready to be put on the table, she started out to the field to fetch them back. The only person in the first field was Ted Johnson, busy collecting bean poles to be cleaned and stored for the following year.

‘I thought I'd find Dad and Ali here, Ted. Did they go on to the next field? That's a long way for him to carry her on his shoulders and she couldn't walk it on this uneven ground.' She started down the edge of that field towards the gate into the next.

‘You won't find them there. I'd know right enough if they'd crossed my patch. Perhaps he's taken her to see Miss Harding – more likely there than walked off down the lane by the wood.'

‘She's away. She went yesterday to stay with her parents. But still, Dad wouldn't think of that. I expect that's where they are. I'll go and fetch them back. Thanks, Ted.'

But she soon found there was no trace of them in the direction of The Retreat. If it had been just Harold she might have been vaguely concerned but not really worried; he had lived here for the best part of his life, and couldn't get lost even if he tried. But what was he doing with Ali? She wasn't a girl given to hysterical panic, but in that moment Bella's mind was filled with ghastly images: he wasn't normal, half the time he seemed not to know what he was doing. And he had Ali … he'd taken Ali … but where? Perhaps they were in the wood on the far side of the farm. She would be frightened – she'd never been there before. It wasn't a nice wood with space between the trees, it was dark and there were no tracks made by use. ‘Ali!' she shouted, not once but over and over again.

‘No sign?' she heard Ted calling after her. ‘We'll give you a hand looking.'

Seeing the three of them, Ted, Geoff and Jo Marsh, the only remaining seasonal worker who would be with them for another month or so, Bella's spirit lifted. With all four looking, in no time they would find where Harold had taken her. And in that same second, as her confidence took a boost from the sight of them, Jo shouted, ‘Look, there he is. He's seen us, he's waving.'

‘Good. You can help us. We've lost the ball, you see.' Harold's voice held a note of excitement, as if they had come to join in the game and now the fun would be in looking for the ball.

‘Where's Ali? What have you done with Ali?' Never in her life had Bella known such a sick feeling of fear, but Harold didn't recognize it.

‘Looking for the ball. Now you've all come we'll soon find—'

Terror destroyed all Bella's previous efforts to be gentle with him, to remember what he was like when first she met him.

‘Damn the ball!
Where have you left Ali?
'

Her shrill voice was so unlike anything he was used to that it at least turned his mind away from looking for the lost ball. Instead he looked first to the right and then the left, as if he would trigger a memory of where he had been.

Ted Johnson took command. ‘You three spread out and look. He may have taken her into the wood. I'll take the guv'nor home and leave him with Eva. She'll give him a bite to eat. Don't you worry, Bella, we'll find her. Soon as I've handed him over I'll come straight back.'

‘Dad, try and think. Try and remember, please.' Bella voice was no more than a croak, evidence of her battle to hold back her tears.

‘Did you go in the wood?' This from Jo Marsh. ‘You can get in just down further, there are planks cross the ditch. Did you do that? If she's in the wood we shall hear her screaming, she'll be getting scratched to bits. It's a right jungle in there and she's just a wee mite.'

‘Come on, Guv,' Ted took Harold's arm, ‘you and me'll get back home where Eva's waiting to give you a bit of lunch.' Then, to the others: ‘If you've found her before I get back, just make for home the way we came and I'll meet you.'

‘She can't be lost, Ted, not really
lost
– you know what I mean?' For recently they had all read a lot in the paper about a child who had gone missing, disappeared without trace while playing in her own back garden which backed on to common land, and the police could find no clues. The word ‘kidnapped' sent a chill of dread through Bella.