Fudge-A-Mania (8 page)

"Yeah, I think it's possible... if the guy ate something that didn't agree with him." Jimmy broke up laughing.

"Ha ha," I said, as I reached over and turned out the light.

"Ha ha..." a voice repeated. And it wasn't Jimmy.

I jumped out of bed and opened the door. Fudge was sitting on the floor right outside my room. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I
don't know."

"Didn't anybody ever tell you you're not supposed to listen to private conversations?"

"No."

I picked him up and turned him upside down. I held him that way until his face turned purple. "Put me down, Pete!"

"Not until you promise never to do that again!"

93

"Okay... I promise."

I didn't believe him for a second but I put him down anyway. "Now, go to bed!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid of the rollaway."

"The rollaway can't hurt you."

"Yes it can. It can mash me. So I'll sleep in here with you and Jimmy."

"No you won't!" I carried him down the hall and dropped him on the rollaway bed. Grandma and Tootsie were already asleep.

Fudge listened to Grandma, who was snoring softly. "No monsters tonight," he whispered, pointing in her direction.

"Right," I whispered back. "Now go to sleep."

"Tuck me in," he said. I tucked him in.

"Now kiss me goodnight."

I was about to drop a light one on his forehead when he reached up, grabbed me around the neck and pulled me down. Then he planted a big, wet smackeroo right in the middle of my face. "Sweet dreams, Pete!"

94

"Good morning, honey," Fudge said, kissing her other cheek.

95

"What is this... Camp Kissy Face?" Jimmy asked. "You wish!" Sheila said. "Oh yeah... I really wish..." Jimmy said. "Sheila's my baby-sitter," Fudge told Jimmy. "But maybe she's going to be my wife, too." "Wife?" Jimmy said to Sheila.
"Maybe,"
Sheila said. "Nothing's definite yet." "It all depends on Mitzi," Fudge said. "Mitzi?" Jimmy asked. "She's my friend. She has monster spray. She's trying to get some for me. Then I won't have to get married." Jimmy gave me a look, then sliced a banana into his cornflakes. "Buzzy Senior and Grandma are best friends," Fudge continued. "But they don't sleep in the same room."

"Why don't you save the morning report till after breakfast?" I said. "I can't." He nibbled on his Cheerios, eating one little circle at a time. "I might forget." "Pass the milk, please," Jimmy said. Grandma passed it to him and Jimmy poured some over his cereal. "Jake will roll over if you give her cheddar cheese," Fudge said, still going strong. "But if you give Tootsie cheese she spits it out."

96

"Okay..." I said, "that's it! Jimmy doesn't want to hear any more. Jimmy wants to have his breakfast in peace."

"Wait!" Fudge shouted. "I'm not finished!" "Oh, yes you are!" I told him.

But did he listen?
Does he ever listen?

"Libby works at Ickle's Ice Cream Parlor," he blabbed. "She puts extra sprinkles on my cone. Annnnnd..." He stretched out the word, making sure he had everyone's attention. "Pete got dizzy from Izzy at the library."

"Okay..." He went back to counting his Cheerios.

"What was that about Peter getting dizzy?" Sheila asked.

"That was a joke!" I told her.

"He felt like he was floating," Fudge said.

I shoved back my chair and raced around the table, ready to destroy him.

"Grandma..." Fudge cried. "Heeelp... !" Grandma shouted,
"Enough!"

"Eeee..." Tootsie shrieked. "Eeee... eee... eeee... "

This time Grandma stood up and banged a wooden spoon against a pot. We all quieted

97

down and ate our breakfasts, not that I was hungry anymore.

When we finished, we helped Grandma clean up. Then Sheila danced across the living room in her bunny slippers, singing,
"He got dizzy from Izzy at the library..."

Mr. Fargo, who'd been sleeping on the couch, suddenly sat up. He looked confused. "Where am I?" he asked.

"You're in Maine, Dad," Jimmy told him. "Remember? You're sleeping on the sofa in the Hatchers' living room."

"You mean the
Tubmans'
living room," Sheila said, as she danced out the door onto the porch. Jimmy followed her and I followed Jimmy. No way was I going to leave the two of them alone.

It was a warm, sunny morning, for a change. Everything smelled fresh and clean from last night's rain. Too bad Sheila had to spoil it with her musical act. She danced from one end of the porch to the other, singing.
"Dizzy from Izzy... la dee dah... maybe it's love...
la dee dah..."

"It has nothing to do with love!" I told Jimmy. "Fudge made the whole thing up!"

"Dizzy..." Sheila said, "floating? Sounds like love to me."

"Yeah, Peter," Jimmy said. "Sounds like love to me, too."

98

"I've seen Izzy," Sheila told Jimmy. "She's got curly hair and a fat behind." "It's not fat!" I shouted. "If it's not fat how come it wiggles when she walks?" Sheila asked, parading across the porch. She tried to imitate Isobel but wound up waddling like a duck instead. "So when do I get to meet this Izzy?" Jimmy asked. "I have an idea," Sheila said. "We can ride our bikes to the library this morning." "I thought you have a job," I said. "I thought you have to baby-sit Fudge." "Haven't you heard?" Sheila asked. "Fudge is invited to Mitzi's. All I have to do is walk him over and I'm free." "I hope my mother's not paying you for that!" "Business between your mother and me is private," Sheila said. Then Jimmy said, "I didn't bring a bike." "No problem," Sheila told him. "We have extras in the garage." "Jimmy's here to visit
me!"
I told Sheila. "And I'll decide what we're going to do." I went back inside, slamming the door as I did.
First he tells me he
can't stand Sheila. Next thing you know it's like they're best friends. Who needs this? I went up to my room, kicked yesterday's

99

clothes out of the way, and sat on the edge of my bed.

In a minute Jimmy joined me. He sat on the edge of his bed. "Sorry," he said. "I don't know what got into me. There's plenty of reasons for feeling dizzy besides love."

I didn't say anything.

"You're not mad, are you?" Jimmy asked.

"Why should I be mad?"

"Then you don't mind if we ride into town?"

"Why would I mind? I was just trying to help you out since I know you can't stand being around the Cootie Queen."

"Yeah... but I feel kind of sorry for her, since her friend got chicken pox and all."

"She told you about Mouse?"

"Yeah. And I know how disappointed you'd be if I'd come down with chicken pox."

"You had them in second grade." "I know, but just suppose..."

Dad adjusted the seat on one of the extra bikes for Jimmy. Then he handed him a bike helmet. "Safety first," he said. "The road to town is very busy."

"We'll be careful," Sheila promised. "I took a course in bicycle safety so I know all the rules."

"What don't you know?" I muttered.

100

"I don't know how to turn perfect cartwheels," Sheila said. "But with Muriel's help I'm improving."

I jumped on my bike and rode away from the house, leaving Jimmy and Sheila behind. At the end of the dirt road I turned right and pedaled as fast as I could. I pedaled harder and faster than I ever had before.

By the time I got to the big hill I was really huffing and puffing. My heart was racing. And with the wind blowing in my face, I was gulping air. By then I was way ahead of Jimmy and Sheila.
Who cares about the two of them anyway? Who cares that all of a sudden her stupid face doesn't make him feel sick

I struggled to make it to the top of the hill without slowing down. I was breathing as hard as I could when something flew into my mouth!

I coughed. I gagged. I swallowed.
I think it was a fly. I think I swallowed a fly.
I gagged again and braked so fast I flew off my bike. Lucky for me I was wearing a helmet and landed in the soft dirt on the side of the road.

In a couple of minutes Jimmy and Sheila pulled up next to me and jumped off their bikes.

"What happened?" Jimmy asked.

"I swallowed something! I think it was...
a
fly."

101

"A fly?" he said

"I was going really fast... breathing hard ... it flew right into my mouth."

"How do you know it was a fly?" Sheila asked.

"What else could it be?" I said.

"A bee... a moth... a small bird."

"It
wasn't a small bird!" I told her. "And a bee would have stung me. I'm almost sure it was a fly!"

"Eeeuuuw... that's so gross!" Sheila said.

I starting coughing and gagging again.

Jimmy whacked me on the back. "What should we do?" he asked Sheila.

"We'll take him to Bicycle Bob," Sheila said. "He'll know what to do."

"I think I'm going to puke," I said.

"No you're not!" Sheila said. "Just get back on your bike and keep your mouth shut!"

"Maybe he should keep it open," Jimmy said. "In case the fly wants to get out."

"It's too late for that," Sheila said.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"All right... fine," Sheila said. "Keep your mouth open if you want."

But I didn't want to. I was afraid if I did, something else would fly in.

The bike shop was just up the road. When we got there Sheila called, "Bob... we have an emergency!"

102

Bicycle Bob came out of his shop carrying a wrench. "Hey guys..." he said. "What's happening?"

"Nah!" Bicycle Bob said.
"He
needs ice cream." "Ice cream?" I said.

"Yeah... go next door to Ickle's and get yourself a vanilla cone."

"Why vanilla?" Sheila asked.

"It's the best cure for swallowing live insects," Bicycle Bob said. "Unless you don't like vanilla... in which case..."

103

"Vanilla's fine," I said.

"Good. You need money?"

"No. I've got enough."

"Then you're all set," he said. "Give me your name and address so I can notify you about our meetings."

"What meetings?"

"The I.S.A.F. Club meetings."

"Oh, right..." I wrote out my name and address for him.

Then the three of us went next door to Ickle's. I was glad Libby doesn't work mornings. She was the last person I wanted to see now. Tony Ickle, the owner's son, waited on us. I ordered a vanilla cone. Jimmy ordered a chocolate cone with sprinkles and Sheila ordered a strawberry.

"You're Libby's sister, aren't you?" Tony said to Sheila.

"Yes."

"Great girl, Libby..." he said.