Authors: Margaret Tanner
“There happens to be a drought; we need to conserve water as much as possible. I don't mind using his water. In fact…” He gave a devilish chuckle and his nostrils flared. “I think we’ll have to bathe together.”
“Of course.” Excitement swirled around in the pit of her stomach. “Anything to conserve water.”
She went to Jamie's room to pick out a fresh change of clothes for him then made her way to the bathroom. Adam, stripped to the waist, surveyed himself in the mirror. Several scratches crisscrossed his chest. She felt her cheeks turn red. Well brought up young women did not scratch their husband’s chests, even in the throes of passion.
“Where did you get the scratches from?” Jamie asked as he climbed out of the bath.
Adam hesitated. “I fell into a prickle bush the other day.”
“Ooh, they look sore. Tommy could put some ointment on them.”
“Yes, I’ll get her to do it later. Get dressed now, I want to bathe and shave before we eat.”
****
Dinner that evening comprised meat pie with vegetables, wine trifle topped with cream, and to go with their tea, they shared pieces of shortbread.
“Play something for me,” Adam surprised her by asking.
“How do you know I can play?”
“Jamie told me.”
Seating herself at the piano she played simple folk tunes, as she felt too nervous to try anything more difficult. David could play the piano, being naturally gifted, whereas her expertise had been acquired through numerous private music lessons.
“Time for bed, son,” Adam announced.
“Couldn't I stay up for a little while longer?”
“No, if you want to come out with me tomorrow you have to be up early. A man who’s half asleep can't do a proper day's work.”
“All right. Come on, Tommy, take me to bed. I don't want to be too tired for tomorrow.”
She slid off the stool as he tugged at her hand.
“Goodnight, Adam.” He trotted off with a smile on his face after Adam bid him good night. Once she tucked him up in bed he repeated his prayers of the previous night, adding as an afterthought: “God, make me strong like Adam.”
When Tommy returned to the drawing room, Adam had disappeared. She went over to the double doors leading onto the side verandah. About to step out, she stopped dead on hearing his voice.
“What brings you here? Couldn’t it wait until morning?”
“Just passing by.” The stranger’s voice sounded slurred. “I suppose you’re anxious to get to bed, but…” The man snickered suggestively. “I’d be going at her like a rutting bull if she were my woman.” He gave a drunken laugh.
Tommy put her hand over her mouth to suppress a gasp of horror. She waited for Adam to order the man away, or at least defend the blissful intimacy they’d shared on their wedding night.
“For the love of God.” Adam laughed. “You’re drunk, you incongruous rake. I’ll ride over and see you tomorrow and discuss things when you’re sober. Now, I’m going to walk you to your horse and send you home.”
They started to move off the verandah. “What about a drink for the road?” the stranger asked.
“No. You’ve had too many already.”
She heard the man mutter something else but couldn’t make out what he said.
Adam laughed again. She didn’t catch all of what he replied, but the last few words drifting into her on the gentle night breeze turned her heart to stone.
“A man’s got to do and say whatever’s necessary, to keep a woman in his bed.”
She didn’t want to believe she’d heard right, but there was no mistake. She staggered away from the doorway. Her legs trembled so much they could barely hold her weight. Her stomach started heaving and she wanted to be ill. The truth was out now. Adam had lied to her last night. It had all been an act, a despicable, terrible act. She confessed her love to him, while he secretly gloated over his victory. How easily she had fallen into his honeyed trap.
She felt defiled. Her heart lay shattered in a million pieces. Adam didn’t want a wife. Didn’t want love. He wanted an unblemished specimen. A once virginal broodmare. A suitable recipient for the fruit of his loins. She had fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.
Tommy staggered to the bedroom and changed into her nightgown. She barely had the strength to climb into bed, but she lay there weeping bitter tears. How could a decent man talk about his bride in such a foul manner to some drunken crony? She could almost have forgiven him that, but not the deceit, the cruel charade that had tricked her into confessing her love for him last night.
About twenty minutes later, Adam strolled in. “Anxious for me, my love?”
“Get out. If you touch me again I’ll-I’ll—”
“What’s wrong, my darling?”
“You liar.” She beat at his arms as he leaned over her. “I’ll never forgive you for this.”
“What the hell am I supposed to have done?”
“Done! I heard what you said to that drunken wretch out on the verandah.”
“Oh that.” He brushed it off with a contemptuous wave of one hand. “It was a joke.”
“A joke!” She pummeled his chest. “What other details did you tell him about our wedding night?”
“Nothing else. For God’s sake.”
“You lying, ill-bred oaf. Colonial riff-raff. I...I hate you.” She threw a pillow at him and sobbed with pain and anguish.
“Bloody hysterical women.” He stalked off into his dressing room and slammed the door, leaving her crying and distraught. Humiliated beyond belief. What kind of man would trick his bride into confessing her love, then laugh and snicker about it with a drunken stranger?
****
They had been married for a week and still he hadn’t bothered to make any effort to put things right between them. She should be glad he showed no inclination to consummate their marriage again. It proved he didn’t care enough to try and heal the rift, safe in the knowledge that because she loved him, he could pick her up and put her down on a whim. Such stupidity on her part had given him the weapon to hurt her and he wielded it fiercely.
He displayed no harshness to anyone else, treated his workers with respect and consideration, his animals’ well-being always paramount. Jamie received nothing but kindness and affection. It was like drinking from a poisoned chalice knowing he treated her worse than the lowliest creature on his vast estate.
Each day he went out early, taking Jamie with him, never returning until almost dinnertime. Tommy thoroughly explored the area within walking distance of the house, now she would venture farther afield. Not too far away, though. She was always careful where she went, after her terrifying ordeal with the feral mountain people. Her flesh crawled every time she thought about them.
One morning, she drove herself over to see David. What a waste of time. She shouldn’t have bothered. He coped well—very well, having most of his evening meals with Fiona and her parents. Their servant even did his washing. Rather deflating to realize he didn’t need her, either. Jamie certainly didn’t, as he and Adam were inseparable.
She drove home again.
I’ll do exactly as I please from now on
. She tossed her head.
I don’t need company
.
****
Tommy sat on the verandah reading a book. When she glanced up she saw Adam and Jamie coming back from the stable area. Adam held his body rigidly as he strode towards her, dragging a sobbing Jamie along by one arm.
“What's the matter, darling?” she asked. Jamie wriggled his way free and ran over to her. “What is it?”
“Adam hit me.” He sobbed inconsolably.
She picked him up and held him close, letting him burrow his wet face into her neck. “Did you hit him?” If she hadn’t been holding Jamie she would have leapt up and attacked Adam.
“Get to you room,” Adam ordered, but Jamie clung to Tommy. “Did you hear me, boy? Go to your room.”
“Leave him alone, you bully.” She glared at Adam, tensing herself, ready to fight to the death for her little brother.
In two strides he reached her. He jerked Jamie out of her arms. “Now, unless you want to feel the weight of my hand again, do as I say.”
A crying Jamie fled inside.
Tommy flew at Adam. “You despicable bully. Brave, aren't you, frightening a little boy. I hate you.”
“Too bad.” He glared at her with such ferocity she quaked.
“Did you hit him?” Anger overcame her fear.
“Yes; a couple of cracks around the legs with my hand, he's lucky I didn't thrash him.”
“You callous beast.”
“Stay out of this,” he said wearily, rubbing his hand across his jaw. “Just stay out of it.”
“He's my baby brother. I won't let you hurt him.”
“I caught him mistreating an animal. I won't stand for cruelty on my station.” Turning on his heel, he stalked off, leaving her alone on the verandah.
She ate a solitary dinner that evening. Jamie cried himself to sleep while Adam disappeared into his study. She toyed with the food on her plate, turning it over and over with her fork, putting very little into her mouth. With nothing better to do she trundled off to bed and lay there, wide awake.
Jamie had confessed to doing a shocking thing, whipping a dog because it had bitten him. There was no excuse for such cruelty, but Adam didn’t have to hit him. There were other ways of punishing the child. Jamie had lost his temper and lashed out in fear and anger. Adam had virtually done the same thing, and he was a grown man.
****
Next morning Tommy awoke to find the sun streaming through a crack where the curtain had not been fully drawn.
After bathing and dressing, she ate some toast washed down with tea. Mrs. Rogers informed her Adam and Jamie had breakfasted early and gone to Wangaratta for the day. She would have liked to accompany them as she had barely left the station since their marriage. Adam wouldn’t ask her to accompany him today; in fact, it seemed unlikely he would bother taking her anywhere at all. She wanted to break the stalemate between them but didn’t know how.
Why not go for a ride? It would be a good opportunity to explore the station more fully. After Mrs. Rogers cut her some sandwiches, she filled a water bottle and headed towards the stables.
One of the stable hands saddled the filly Adam had given her, and she rode out of the yard. Although hot, the heat didn’t feel quite as intense as before. She scanned the horizon for clouds. Not one speck of white, just blue sky for as far as the eye could see. The dry, barren paddocks shimmered in the sun, empty, devoid of life.
Each day Adam checked on various parts of his property to find and shoot any animal too weak to carry on. In one of his few expansive moments he told her he would rather put them down humanely than leave them to the mercy of the crows.
She came to a dried up riverbed, and the white pebbles gleamed in the sunlight. Kurrajong, wattle and gum trees struggled for survival along the banks. A straggling dog rose somehow still managed to bloom, its dainty pink flowers the only thing of beauty in a harsh, desolate landscape.
Crossing over to the other side she faced what could almost be termed an island. Tributaries from the river encircled the area on three sides. If the river ran at its height this low-lying land would flood.
Dismounting, she started exploring, pushing her way through the dense scrub. She gasped with pleasure on finding two hyacinth orchids hiding behind a pile of stones, the bright pink flowers poignantly beautiful in these harsh surroundings.