From This Moment On (22 page)

“Nope,” Jimmy confirmed. “He’s an older guy. Different from the usual type trying to get me to think he knows you. Looks like a businessman.”

Oh God, Marcus was out there. Did he know she’d been looking for him in the crowd the entire night? That every man with broad shoulders had stopped her cold, but none of them were ever him? Finally, she’d convinced herself that he wasn’t there. But now it turned out he’d seen her show and he wanted to come backstage to see her.

But having just given every last piece of her shattered soul over to the crowd, in this state, she knew exactly what she’d do the second she saw him: She’d beg him to take her back. Even just for one hour, if he’d have her that long. And when morning came, she’d hate herself for not being able to hold onto her pride where he was concerned
.

She shook her head, started to say, “I can’t—”

Jimmy nodded. “Don’t worry. I won’t let him back here. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t leave alone tonight, just in case he decides to wait around in the shadows outside for you. I’ll take you back to your hotel.”

She nodded. “Okay.” She tried to smile her thanks, but she couldn’t manage it. “I appreciate you letting me know about the situation.”

His smile was gentle. “You were great out there tonight. Blew us all away.”

Tears prickled too close to her eyelids. “Thanks. I’m glad you liked the show.” She gestured toward the dressing room. “I just need a few seconds and then I’ll come out and do the meet-and-greet.”

“I’ll let them know you’re on your way.”

She closed the door again with a soft click, holding her hand over her heart. Just thinking about Marcus out by the stage door had it beating so fast, too fast. He was so close...

No. She needed to stop thinking of him, needed to get on with her job.

She didn’t dare look in the mirror, didn’t want to see her own haunted eyes, as she grabbed a water bottle and headed out to say hello to her fans. Tonight was about them, about their generosity to a very deserving charity. Nicola wasn’t going to let a stupidly broken heart get in the way of that truth.

Thirty minutes later, her cheeks hurt from smiling so hard, but she wanted to hug each and every one of her fans, because for a little while she’d almost felt normal, like she had before Marcus had come into her life and held her so gently
.

Before he’d kissed her, touched her
.

Before he’d shown her something far more beautiful—and, ultimately, far more painful—than she ever could have imagined.

Before love
.

“Oh my God, you were amazing!” Lori pushed through the throngs of people surrounding Nicola to throw her arms around her.

She was glad to see Lori, of course she was, but the link to Marcus was way too close for comfort and Nicola had to work even harder than she already was to school her expression into a smile
.

“Thanks,” she said, wondering if Lori knew her brother was there. “I had a lot of fun out there tonight.”

“I wish Marcus had been able to come. You would have a new biggest fan.”

Nicola barely held onto her smile. If he were any other guy, maybe she would have let herself confide to Lori how she’d completely lost her heart. Girl talk was just what she needed, someone to drink too many glasses of wine with while they trash-talked men.

Instead, she said, “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you this week.”

Marcus’s sister grinned at her. “You’re not leaving until Monday, right?” At Nicola’s nod, Lori said, “Once a month, the whole clan gets together for Sunday lunch at my mother’s house. Please come and hang out with us. You already know Marcus, but I know how much everyone else would like to meet you after I’ve spent the last week talking their ears off about how amazing you are.”

“Wow, that’s really nice,” Nicola said, not wanting to be a bitch and ruin their budding friendship by turning down Lori’s friendly offer, “but I can’t intrude on a family event.”

Misunderstanding Nicola’s hesitation, Lori said, “We all get the fame thing with Smith. I promise everyone will be totally normal. Besides,” she said with an obvious matchmaking gleam in her eyes, “I can’t help but hope you’ll meet one of my brothers and the two of you will fall in love. Have I told you about Gabe? He’s a firefighter and my friends are always telling me how hot he is.”

Everything was spiraling out of control so quickly that Nicola could barely force out a joke. “Who could possibly resist a firefighter?”

Lori hugged her again. “I’ll text you the address. I know you’re busy, so I’ll let the rest of your adoring fans have some time with you. See you tomorrow!”

Maybe, Nicola thought as a group of excited young girls squealed at meeting her, this lunch was for the best. She’d already been brave enough to start changing her image, had taken that first step tonight to stop hiding behind her sex-kitten exterior
.

But not letting Marcus see her backstage just now hadn’t been very brave.

Tomorrow at Sunday brunch she’d face him one more time. She’d prove to both of them that she could handle it, that she was big enough, strong enough to stop hiding, and clear up any lingering hurt feelings. That would leave both of them free to move on with their lives, the few days they’d spent together in each other’s arms nothing but a distant memory.

Still, Nicola knew she wouldn’t sleep much that night. How could she when her brain would be busy looking at her relationship with Marcus from every possible angle, even though she already knew the final answer?

Ending it was the best thing for both of them. Yes, they could have done it in a cleaner, nicer way, but at least they weren’t fooling themselves into thinking they could actually have a relationship.

He would be so much happier without her.

And she’d eventually learn how to deal with being miserable without him.

Chapter Twenty

Marcus had a hell of a night. After driving back up to Napa after the concert, he’d sat on the porch and stared out into the darkness until the sun came up. There hadn’t been any point in trying to sleep, not when visions of Nicola were already haunting him.

All night long, he’d asked himself the same question: How could he fix the mistakes he’d made with her? Everything he’d done to hurt her, to push her away, to keep her at arm’s length, to guard his heart, came at him as the moon shifted to let the sun take its place.

That morning in Smith’s kitchen, when she’d asked him for another night and he’d hurt her by telling her no, that it had been a huge mistake to leave the club with her at all.

That night when he’d found out who she was, and had been not only angry with her for keeping her famous identity from him and making them use the private entrance, but he’d also decided both those things gave him license to selfishly force her body past the point of no return
.

The way he’d made her work like hell the next morning for the extra time together, when a real man would have owned up to his feelings and saved her the pain of another possible rejection.

The pain in her eyes out on the beach when she’d yelled at him about her being stupid enough to be falling in love with him…and he didn’t have the guts to admit he was falling in love with her, too.

Marcus’s entire body was tight and tense as he made himself own up to each and every one of his mistakes
.

For the first time in his life, the vines that stretched out over the hills held no beauty for him. Not after he’d held the most beautiful woman in the world in his arms...and had been too stupid to realize he needed to do anything and everything in his power to convince her to let him love her the way she should be loved.

Thank God Nicola’s bodyguard hadn’t let him in last night, had firmly told him, “Sorry, man, she’s busy. You’re not getting in to see her.” Marcus hadn’t been rational and would definitely have made things worse
.

Unfortunately, after a long night of thinking, he still hadn’t come up with a plan that had any chance of working. He knew he couldn’t heal what was broken between them with flowers or jewelry.

He didn’t have the will to do more than put on clean jeans and a T-shirt for his mother’s Sunday lunch, even though he knew someone was bound to comment on the fact that he clearly wasn’t at the top of his game. That was the thing about family—they were always there with you to celebrate the good stuff…and to point out when you were screwing up. If Lori knew what had gone down with Nicola, she would kick his ass so hard he’d feel the imprint of her foot for the next decade.

He opened his mother’s front door and walked inside. Smith was walking through the room with a couple of beers in his hand. “Hey, you look like shit.”

“Nice to see you, too.” Marcus replied. The closest in age of all the siblings, the two of them had spent plenty of time talking with their fists as kids. “Didn’t know you’d be in town.”

Smith handed him a beer. “We have to reshoot a couple of city scenes this week. Figured I’d get here a day early and see everyone.” He raised an eyebrow. “Was pretty surprised by your text earlier this week. So, Jill’s not in the picture anymore, I take it? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be needing my place.”

“Right, she’s gone.”

Smith grinned. “Good.” His grin widened. “So tell me about the new girl. After two years with the ice queen, I hope her replacement was seriously hot. Just as long as you changed the sheets when you were done.”

There was no reason for Marcus to want to knock a couple of Smith’s teeth out of his movie-star face. His brother couldn’t know he was inadvertently slamming Nicola.

“There were no sheets to change,” was all he was going to say about it
.

Before his brother came at him with more questions, he headed for the backyard, where in good weather the large table was always set up for brunch. Smith’s voice came at him again before he could make it to the French doors
.

“We’ve got a special guest outside. Lori said you’ve already met Nico. Gorgeous girl, isn’t she?”

Holy hell. The beer bottle slipped in Marcus’s grip and he had to fumble to keep from dropping it.

Marcus was torn between walking over to the table where Nicola was surrounded by his siblings and dragging her off to lock her in the nearest bedroom to do whatever it took to make her listen to him—or turning on his heel and getting the hell out of there.

He knew he needed to see her again, knew he needed to get down on his knees before her and grovel...but could he do those things in front of his entire family?

Marcus hadn’t made it any further than the threshold between the living room and the patio when his mother made a beeline for him
.

Her arms were warm as she hugged him and her voice was soft as she said, “She’s lovely.”

He didn’t have time to school his expression into anything but surprise
.

His mother’s smile was soft and understanding. “I’m glad to be able to have more than a few minutes to talk with Nicola today. That impromptu phone call the other night was much too short for me to get to know her.”

Oh fuck. How could he have forgotten about that call to his mother the night they’d left the club?

At his dumbfounded silence, his mother continued, “I’ll have to admit that I was surprised when she arrived with Lori rather than you.” She raised an eyebrow. “And I’m even more surprised that no one, not even your sister who’s been working with her, seems to know about you two.”

No one was better at getting information out of her kids than his mother. Among her specialties were questions that subtly pinned you in place, then forced you to spill your guts when you’d sworn to keep your silence on a subject forever.

“We’re not actually together right now.” It wasn’t hot out but he was sweating. “I blew it.”

His mother watched him carefully before her mouth curved up into a smile. “I’ve hoped for this for so many years, waited for someone to come along whom you could finally love more than your family, someone who would turn you inside-out and toss you off your path.” His mother looked positively gleeful in the face of his misery. “Someone just like Nicola for you to blow it with.”

Dumbfounded, Marcus could only watch his mother walk away with a smile on her face as Lori yelled out, “Marcus, you’re here!”

Finally, he got his feet working again and headed toward the group out in the middle of the backyard.

A half-dozen voices came at him, but all Marcus could see was that Gabe was sitting way too close to Nicola. He knew his youngest brother’s type. Nicola was exactly the kind of woman Gabe and the other guys at the fire station liked to take home for the night
.

“Gabe,” he said, “you’re needed in the kitchen.”

His brother looked doubtful. Gabe was notorious for leaving the kitchen looking like a tornado had hit it. Fortunately, he shifted his seat back and started to get up, but before he did, he leaned over to say something in Nicola’s ear. She laughed and Marcus’s hands started to curl into fists.

Hell, he’d practically raised Gabe from a baby. He shouldn’t want to kill him now just because he’d made Nicola laugh, and looked at her a little too long, with a little too much interest.